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  • 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

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    Old 02-23-2005, 03:30 AM   #16
    hanelo4
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

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    Originally Posted by index.html
    Chantel,

    By virtue of our having relocated to Europe, my kids are in a private school for the first time in their lives. Socially, it has been a godsend for my 14yo severely ADHD son. It's wonderful how much easier it is for him to make friends in a school of 550 (grades K-12) than it was in a school of 2500 junior high kids. My 11yo ADD-inattentive son has done fine socially in either environment.

    Honestly, though, I can't say that they are doing any better academically. One caveat that you need to be aware of in considering the switch to private schools is that private schools, unlike public schools, are not legally bound to make accomodations for disabled students (like those with ADD). So, if your daughter has been receiving any special services or accomodations, be aware that a private school may not be willing to offer that. Just something for you to check into before making the change.

    Good luck to you and your daughter!

    Hi Index

    Thank you for your suggestions. My daughter was actually in this private school last year and they did give her a few accomodations because of her ADHD. It also was a little harder for her too, but I think it kept her on her toes. It gave her more to do. I'm going to talk with her again today and see what she says about it all. Of course it will be my decision, but I want her to want to go back there too. Last year when she went there, she had a lot of marks for forgetting, so if she does go back we will have to work on that. She needs to be on some type of schedual. Anyone here know of anything that can help children with this not forget so much?

    Chantel

     
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    Old 02-23-2005, 07:34 AM   #17
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    What exactly does she have trouble with forgetting?

     
    Old 02-23-2005, 07:51 AM   #18
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

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    Originally Posted by index.html
    What exactly does she have trouble with forgetting?

    I guess I was not experienced enough to know that I should have had her on some type of schedual. At home, if I tell her to do like 3 things, she basically forgets the last thing. At school, she was forgetting to turn in extra point papers that her teacher made them do every month. I don't know, maybe I can write a note and stick it somewhere for her? I have two children and they are both bad at forgetting and it is hard for me to remember what I have to do let alone both of them too, lol. Sometimes I feel like my head is spinning.

    For my youngest daughter, she gets reminder notes from school because she is only 10, so that helps me out a little. I usually just tack them on the icebox or on my mirror in my bathroom where I know I will see them.

    Oh another thing I forgot. She has to wear an ID to school and she sometimes forgets to bring it or put it on. They get marks for that too and sometimes detention I know she should be a responsible adult.....BUT, sometimes these rules just drive me crazy. I wish the teachers were more into teaching her then worrying about these little things.

    Chantel

    Last edited by hanelo4; 02-23-2005 at 07:52 AM.

     
    Old 02-25-2005, 12:53 AM   #19
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    Oh, I can sooo relate to what you are going through! At the age of 14, my son still can't follow sequential directions (at home or school). Seldom does he get 2 out of 3 directions; it's usually only the first that he successfully completes. It's frustrating for everyone involved.

    We "live better with post-it notes" at our house. I quite often have reminders of things to take to school on the front door and I've put them on the inside of my son's binder to remind him of things to turn in. That's usually done when it's something that's already a day late. I've even encouraged him to write it on his hand if it's something *really* important!

    "Z's Mom" has written some excellent posts about the importance of kids taking the responsibility for things like this. She encourages us-Moms to back off and I think she makes some very valid points. So, I guess we should give our kids the post-it notes and encourage them to write them for themselves & put them where THEY will see them.

    Last edited by index.html; 02-25-2005 at 12:54 AM. Reason: typo

     
    Old 02-25-2005, 01:02 AM   #20
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    Chantel, I broke this into 2 posts so it wouldn't be so long.

    Does your daughter have an IEP or a 504 plan at her school? If so, I would be up at that school raising *holy hell*about sending her to detention for forgetting her ID! I would use the words that "she is being punished for her disability". That gets their attention because it reeks of lawsuit. Because the school knows of my son's ADD (it wouldn't be possible for them not to know, unfortunately), there is no way in hell that I'd let them send him to detention for something as insignificant as that!

    Yes, they have to learn responsibility but sending them to detention for their forgetfulness isn't going to help, IMHO.

    Last edited by index.html; 02-25-2005 at 01:05 AM.

     
    Old 02-25-2005, 12:18 PM   #21
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by index.html
    Oh, I can sooo relate to what you are going through! At the age of 14, my son still can't follow sequential directions (at home or school). Seldom does he get 2 out of 3 directions; it's usually only the first that he successfully completes. It's frustrating for everyone involved.

    We "live better with post-it notes" at our house. I quite often have reminders of things to take to school on the front door and I've put them on the inside of my son's binder to remind him of things to turn in. That's usually done when it's something that's already a day late. I've even encouraged him to write it on his hand if it's something *really* important!

    "Z's Mom" has written some excellent posts about the importance of kids taking the responsibility for things like this. She encourages us-Moms to back off and I think she makes some very valid points. So, I guess we should give our kids the post-it notes and encourage them to write them for themselves & put them where THEY will see them.
    My son and I both can live thanks to post it notes and dry erase boards...

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 05:52 PM   #22
    hanelo4
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by index.html
    Oh, I can sooo relate to what you are going through! At the age of 14, my son still can't follow sequential directions (at home or school). Seldom does he get 2 out of 3 directions; it's usually only the first that he successfully completes. It's frustrating for everyone involved.

    We "live better with post-it notes" at our house. I quite often have reminders of things to take to school on the front door and I've put them on the inside of my son's binder to remind him of things to turn in. That's usually done when it's something that's already a day late. I've even encouraged him to write it on his hand if it's something *really* important!

    "Z's Mom" has written some excellent posts about the importance of kids taking the responsibility for things like this. She encourages us-Moms to back off and I think she makes some very valid points. So, I guess we should give our kids the post-it notes and encourage them to write them for themselves & put them where THEY will see them.

    Hi again

    Your son sounds a lot like my daughter. I forget myself and I don't have ADHD/ADD. Can you imagine what they go through?

    Post-it-notes is a great idea! I think I will start doing that from now on.....if I remember myself, LOL. I tell you, it can be so overwhelming at times.

    I don't think I've read Z's posts, but I will surely look for them. Any help would be very much appreciated.

    Chantel

     
    Old 03-02-2005, 05:58 PM   #23
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by index.html
    Chantel, I broke this into 2 posts so it wouldn't be so long.

    Does your daughter have an IEP or a 504 plan at her school? If so, I would be up at that school raising *holy hell*about sending her to detention for forgetting her ID! I would use the words that "she is being punished for her disability". That gets their attention because it reeks of lawsuit. Because the school knows of my son's ADD (it wouldn't be possible for them not to know, unfortunately), there is no way in hell that I'd let them send him to detention for something as insignificant as that!

    Yes, they have to learn responsibility but sending them to detention for their forgetfulness isn't going to help, IMHO.

    My daughter is on the 504 plan at school, but I don't think most of the teachers follow it. It's like battling with a wall. I do try as hard as I can, but I'm fighting right now with my thyroid and some other conditions, so sometimes it's a little hard for me. I did hollar and scream at the vice principle(which I shouldn't have done), and they did let her go in her Geometry class so that she wouldn't get behind, but she still missed other classes. They said that the teacher told her to put in on and a few minutes later she didn't have it on so they figured she was doing it on purpose. I don't think she would have done it on purpose because I know how much my daughter forgets. Most of the teachers at her school just blow me off when I tell them she has ADHD. I'm just so tired of having to fight you know? I am trying to put her back in private school next year. I'm hoping it helps her a little. She can have more of a one on one with the teachers since there isn't that many children.

    Does your son have problems making and keeping friends?

    Chantel

     
    Old 03-17-2005, 10:55 AM   #24
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    Gosh, I felt like I was reading something I posted. I have a 12 yr old son who gets teased all the time too. He is always being called gay, etc...He has been on ritulin for years off and on and just started Concerta. The last couple yrs though, he has gotten really moody and mean. I feel like he hates me too. So the doctor put him on Prozac. The Prozac is great. He seems more mellow and happy. He actually wants to talk and doesnt bite my head off if I ask him a question. I dont know about the Concerta cause we just started. But hopefully its a good combo.

     
    Old 03-17-2005, 01:01 PM   #25
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Chantel2003
    Sawbuck

    What a great story I'm glad your son is doing so much better. Kids can be very cruel these days. I too sit down with my daughter and tell her different ways to handle the teasing. I've also had to contact her principle too. We are talking about putting her back in private school again because she didn't have any of these issues there. They don't tolerate any of this at this private school. I told her that I would do whatever it took to make her feel better. This teasing has such a tole on her self asteem. She did so much better in private school. The only reason I put her back in public school was because she missed her friends. I'm not sure what to do now.

    Anyway, thanks again for the information. I will definitely look into some counseling.

    Chantel
    I was telling my oldest son (15) how bad I felt that his brother was still dealing with kids who were mean. Example, at the lunch table in school one kid said that my son and one other kid had to leave the table so two others could sit there. Then the person who said this actually took 4 other kids from that table and sat at a new table leaving my son and friend. Well, my oldest told me that his brother needed to learn how to 'cope' with it. I never put that word to the situation before. I always told him how to deal with it and actually the night before I told him that he needed to get his own table going and act like nothing was wrong - still be friends with the kids who left the table too. A means of 'coping.'

    Well, he got home from school that day and couldn't wait to tell me what happened. He said to his friend 'we need to get more guys sitting here.' So they got 5 more kids and one of them was from the 'group' that had been teasing my son! The next thing my son knows is the kid who initially told him to leave - invited him to his birthday party! I had to say it to my son, but I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I asked him 'are you sure he wants you to go or does he just want you there so they can all pick on you?' He said that everybody was doing okay and he wasn't worried. He did decide not to go though because it is a sleepover and he has another party to go to the next day (paintball - yea). The last birthday sleepover he went to (the week before) the boys stayed up all night! My son said he went to sleep at 4am and woke up at 7:30am! He fell asleep almost immediately when he got home and sat down at about 2pm the next day! Oh, I'm going on and on. Tired, sick and chatty.

    Guess my main point is in dealing with bullying, you have to have a few quick 'maneuvers' and try acting like it doesn't bother you. I'll shut up now. This isn't the place to rattle on. sorry
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    Last edited by sawbuck44; 03-17-2005 at 01:27 PM.

     
    Old 03-18-2005, 06:21 AM   #26
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    Re: 11 year-old son with depression and ADHD

    Hi hun

    I'm glad that those mean kids are now getting along with your son. Lately, my daughter hasn't been hearing anything either, but she did tell me that she got fed up and actually told a few of them off. I try to keep her from doing that, but I guess for her, enough was enough. I think they were all shocked by her reaction because they have been leaving her alone.

    It's really sad too because my daughter is so outgoing. She is really fun to be around and makes me laugh so much. She can come up with some crazy stuff sometimes. When we go somewhere together, you can bet we will have a good time. I guess those kids are just missing out on having a good friend.

    Chantel

     
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