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Need to tell boyfriend...

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Old 11-17-2009, 04:34 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 32
karalm23 HB User
Need to tell boyfriend...

I am 23, and I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 15. I am no longer taking any medication or undergoing any kind of treatment...just trying to cope on my own.
I have been dating a wonderful guy for 3 years, and I feel horrible about this, but I have never told him about my diagnosis.

I didn't tell him initially because he seemed to like me just the way I am, with all of my quirks and flaws, and I didn't want him to think of me differently, or start attributing all of my personality traits to ADD. Plus, he has made some comments that make me think he might be one of those people who thinks that ADD is just a fad diagnosis that isn't really real, or something like that.

That was my initial reason for not telling him, but now my reason is basically just that I am afraid he will be mad that I never told him before, like I was keeping a big secret or something. He constantly jokes "you could get medication for ADD, I bet" or "you should be tested for ADD", so he wouldn't be surprised, and everytime he says something like that, I think "this would be the perfect opportunity to tell him," but then I clam up and get worried about how he will react, and I don't tell him.

It's not like there is anything about me that he doesn't know, personality-wise. He knows I am distractible, forgetful, disorganized, etc. And the diagnosis itself was 8 years ago, so I don't even know if it is that big of a deal that I haven't told him. At the same time, I love him so much, and I hate having any kind of secret from him. I am not the type to hide things from my loved ones, but I am just so embarrassed/worried to tell him, and afraid of how he will react.

Any thoughts, similar experiences, advice? I know I should just tell him, and it probably seems stupid that I'm overthinking it so much. But now I have built it up to this huge thing in my mind, and I am hoping someone on here can give me some perspective

Thanks in advance!

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Old 12-22-2009, 06:40 AM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Eaton Rapids, MI
Posts: 9
azuka48827 HB User
Re: Need to tell boyfriend...

There is no reason to keep this from him. Whether he believes that ADD is a legitimate condition or not, you can still tell him at an appropriate moment, 'You know, when I was 16, my doctor diagnosed me with ADD. Do you think I might have it since I do have these symptoms?'

At one time, I was of the opinion that ADD was mostly a made-up diagnosis by over-zealous liberal teachers who wanted the problem kids medicated to make their work easier. That changed long ago. Several of my natural children have been diagnosed with it and it has been very challenging. It wasn't until I was 48 and taking my 16 year old son to a therapist that it hit me that his symptoms of ADD were nearly identical to my own idiosyncrasies.

The thing is that it doesn't really matter if your symptoms have a name put to them or not. You are the same person. I do take medication, strattera, for my symptoms. I am still disorganized and all, but if I forget to take meds for awhile, my wife and my daughter both start grilling me and ask if I've taken my meds today. They never ask me this on the days I do take them.... so I'm betting it helps enough to continue taking them.

Recently, I've been doing a lot of internet searching and research for alternative approaches to my wife's medical issues, which are rather considerable and off this topic. But, one of the things I have run into is an interesting series of claims for the benefits of colloidal gold. Supposedly people have had remarkable success improving their focus and attention by taking this supplement. I have ordered a bottle of this to see if it will have any benefit for me. If it does as well as some proclaim, it will be well worth the money.

Best of luck.

Old 01-13-2010, 07:03 PM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 6
raymondj HB User
Re: Need to tell boyfriend...

I'm in the same boat. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was in school and went through the medications galore to help manage my ADD but I had test anxiety (still do!) where I had to be in a quiet room to take a test as I couldn't concentrate with others around me. I am no longer on any medication (haven't been for many years) and I've been doing fine for the most part. I've noticed a few times at work and at home where I lose interest/concentration in something and move onto something else, etc. I haven't told my husband that I have ADD either... we have been together for just under 3.5 years and he doesn't know. I've just never really had to bring it up to him I guess!

Old 01-14-2010, 11:49 AM   #4
Ms Canada
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
Ms Canada HB User
Re: Need to tell boyfriend...

He loves you for who you are. You are not telling him anything about your character and or behavior that he does not already know about it. He has lived with you for three years. Does it matter if some doctor has put a label on your behavior. I suspect a psychologist or psychiatrist could label just about any kind of behavior any of us have. Labels mean nothing. What matters is how your behavior affects your relationship. Frankly, if your relationship is great a label means nothing. If ADHD is impacting your relationship then you both need to seek help in overcoming the problems. Don't get up tight over some professional labeling you. Just enjoy the relationship you have with your great guy!

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