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    Old 06-26-2010, 04:26 AM   #16
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    ccmitche,

    When I was reading your post about your daughters, their problems, your problems and your financial problems, my wife was reading over my shoulder. She said, "Oh, the poor girl." She did not mean money poor. She meant you have far too much on your plate to take on the ADHD monster single handed.

    I tell you my dirty little secret. I don't think I've ever paid a bill during my married life. All our bills have always been paid and paid on time. My wife does that stuff. I know for a certainty I never opened any envelope that looked like it might contain a bill for fear I'd find a bill inside. I have no idea what to do with it.

    Another dirty little secret. Why is it that people write stuff all over their calendars? Beats me. Someone said "to keep appointments and stuff like that." Why would anyone write on a calendar designed to absorb my coffee spills and can't be read anyway?

    My wife is so smart. She puts her calendar on the wall like Jane does. She put it there so I could figure out my own appointments. I probably could if I could only learn how to write appointments in. I can't figure out what ain't there, can I? She tells me where to go (both ways) and when to go there. Works much better than any other method I'm aware of. I ain't about to fix what ain't broke.

    Some would say that my wife has enabled my bad habits. Both of us knew all along either she does it or it doesn't get done. Actually she enjoys her job managing our resources and scheduling my appointments. She hates me when I leave a mess for her to clean up. I learned how to clean up my own messes.

    I don't have kids.

    Put me in your situation. Could I follow the advise I gave you? Absolutely not. I couldn't possibly manage my own much less demanding circumstances without an ADHD coach of Jane's type. "A real ADD coach doesn't talk to you and send you out the door. She gives you instructions in writing, calls with reminders, especially for appointments, etc." My wife was and remains my ADHD coach.

    I'm sorry ccmitche for adding stress to your life. You don't need more of that. You do need an ADHD coach of type Jane.

    My wife said as much right into my right ear right over my shoulder. I didn't get it. She saw me in you and knows by experience the battles you face. You can do it. But not alone. I'd never get into a rink with a professional heavy weight boxer. I like my nose pointing out, not in. I couldn't possible win without a little help from, for example, a 44 magnum. Consider the 44 a coach metaphor.

    Forget everything else I wrote except, "You can do it. But not alone."

    Bob

    PS: An irrelevant tangent; Clint Eastwood's character, Dirty Harry Calahan, called his 44 revolver "the most powerful handgun in the world." That's a guy thing. Technically it was not true. Another Eastwood character quotable that is absolutely true: "A man has got to know his limitations." Guys don't do limitations well. I continue to have problems along those lines.

     
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    Old 06-26-2010, 05:55 AM   #17
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    You could try sticky notes or get 2 of everything I pretty much have had to get 2 of everything. I have a big purse! As you can tell, I haven't gotten very far with the whole organization part either! It gets old having to go back into the house because you forgot something you went in to get the first time!

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 06:14 AM   #18
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    ccmitche, sorry about the late reply to your earlier post. I just now read how you are reacting to adderall. You are exactly like I was when I first started it. I was a mess for about 2 weeks. I would cry all the time and feel just overall yuck. Everyday I would say...I'm not taking this crap anymore! But I stuck with it and it did get better. I can't promise it will for you but for me it did. It's like after week 2 it just clicked with me. It's been hard for me to get the dosage correct. I realized I was taking too much after talking to everyone on here My dr. prescribed me 70 mg daily and I take anywhere from 30-50mgs. Just depends on how I feel that day.

    I understand how you feel when you say "I know myself, and I know I wont do the steps". I'm exactly the same way.....it sounds negative but its true. Everything just seems overwhelming. We really aren't lazy but I feel like that is how people perceive us. Oh, she just wants someone to do everything for her. Not true! To even think about life in general is overwhelming. I'm the queen of procrastination.

    I know I'm young and don't have tons of life experiences but it feels the same to me either way. Out of control. For someone as young as me, I have been through quite a bit I suppose. Been married, divorced, enlisted in the military, got a medical discharge, ex husband ruined my credit, I'm swamped with bills, still live with my mom, trying to get through school, dad passed away. Just because I'm young doesn't mean I don't know what its like to be stressed and overwhelmed. I can't compare my situation to yours completely since I don't have kids. I'm just trying to help where I can because I DO know what it's like to feel out of control and overwhelmed!

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 06:28 AM   #19
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    1) It's not too soon to conclude your meds aren't working. Adderall should do it for you on the first dose, and I agree with the "lower dose" suggestion.

    2) I was going to save this suggestion for a later phase, but I think maybe you need it now.

    In 4 words: TECHNOLOGY IS YOUR FRIEND!

    Do you use a computer a lot at work? I've recently discovered that Outlook Explorer has this "calendar" function, and it is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

    You enter an event into it, complete with time.

    Then, at a designated number of minutes beforehand, I think the default is 10 and then 5, A REMINDER POPS UP ON YOUR SCREEN telling you exactly where you are supposed to go and what you should do when you get there.

    Your cellphone can probably do this also (or your PDA if you have one), but with an audible/vibrating alarm. This might work better for you if you do a lot of fieldwork. When you look at the screen, the message is there. Look for the "organizer" or "calendar" function. It's not quite as good as a human being following you around, but it's close.

    As Bob helpfully reminded me, a coach need not be a professional. There may be a friend or an extended family member who's willing to help you get on track in exchange for some non-monetary favor. You just need someone who understands where you are at. Also, there may be someone at work who can help you, say, set up that electronic calendar. Getting help may be easier than you think, you just have to ask.

    So, if finances are too distressing today, get out your cellphone and figure out how to work the calendar. Enter a sample appointment for later today, so you can see how the alarm works, then enter any other appointments or time obligations that you can remember. If you want to call your children at 3:30 every day, put in a reminder to do that.

    And the next time you make a checklist for your kid, post it up to her bedroom wall or door. I'm totally into this "wall" thing, because short of an earthquake, stuff on walls doesn't get mislaid.

    A lot of this will get easier once your medication is working for you. You will not magically turn into superwoman, but you should find it easier to start and complete tasks, stay focused on one thing, etc.

    There are still things I have trouble with. I cannot learn by sitting in a room and having someone talk at me, I just can't, so it's a good thing I'm done with school. And cleaning? Well, I've got this mental checklist:

    1) Pick up laundry and wash.

    2) Pick up garbage and take out.

    3) Gather dirty dishes and wash.

    4) Put away books on bookshelf.

    10) Clean floors.

    I'm not really sure what steps 5-9 are. You see, there always seems to be a lot of stuff laying around that isn't garbage, dishes, clothing or books, and I can never seem to figure out quite what to do with it!

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 08:30 AM   #20
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    I took my first dose of meds on Thurs. afternoon and then I took both my doses yesterday...which is a.m. and lunch time.
    Both Thursday and Friday night I only slept 5 hours. I don't know if it was really a full 5 hours because I tossed and turned a while before going to sleep.

    I think I read in my prescription not to break the tablets? Mine are pills and not capsules. They are IR too. I'm not sure if I should wait until I get a less mg. dosage before taking it again? Or keep taking taking it.
    If I can break a tablet that would be 10 mg.

    I am usually very sensitive to medication. I get nauseous from medicines that don't make anyone else nauseous. My doc would say that's not even a listed side effect. It doesn't matter...I feel nauseous with every prescription I've ever been given including antibiotics.
    I refuse to take any pain meds because that tipple time and I'm vomiting everytime no matter how much I eat with it. Prescription Aleve makes me too sick. I just do over the counter for my arthritis stuff.

    I always expect side effects. The problem with me is that I usually find I'd rather deal with whatever my problem or ailment or whatever is than I would deal with the side effects of the med to treat that problem.

    Therefore, I rarely go to the doctor because they will just give me some other prescription. I had knee pain, ankle pain, back pain, and shoulders etc. for quite awhile, but I felt it getting worse. It seemed like maybe I even had a kidney infection because of the pain in my low back. I went to the doc and tests were fine. She sent me for x-rays and then was told I have the early stages of degenerative joint disease. She said it's a progressive disease and will worsen over the years. I already know this as my mother has it too....hence her addiction to prescription pills.

    I don't want to take pain meds for this...especially if I'm in the early stages. And this disease is progressive...I don't want to get sucked into the pain pill trap. I would take a pain pill as the absolute last possible thing to try. I'd do acupuncture, yoga, physical therapy...anything put the pills.

    I know my mom has severe pain...don't doubt that. The problem is she never tried any other method of pain relief. She's been on pain pills now for 16-17 years. She's also type one diabetic and she swallows the pills with alcohol. I've called her docs and told them what she does...and she finds another doc. I don't care what she does anymore..it's her life. But I will not make her mistakes. The last time I called her doc was 12 years ago. Nowadays I stay away....but make a little visit.

    I sound bitter towards her because I am. This is irrelevant to ADHD...but 7 months ago A man broke into my mothers house and nearly beat her to death. Every bone from the waist up was broken or fractured..fore arm, shoulder, ribs, facial bones, skull fracture, vertebrate, and so on. She had ruptured lung. Plus black eyes..bruises from head to toe. Her teeth were even knocked out. She spent 2 months in ICU and Critical Care and almost died several times. She got pneumonia several times. She then spent some time in a rehabilitation center and then spent time in a brain rehabilitation center as she had some brain damage.
    I took 2 months off work using my sick time that I built up and I didn't mind at all. I wanted to be there and wanted to support my dad. My dad works nights and felt guilty cuz he worked over time that night. If he came home normal time he would have walked in on what happened or prevented it. He normally gets home around 11ish...but that night it was nearly 3 a.m. He came home to police cars and ambulance etc.

    My dad has been clean and sober for about 20 years.

    I was at the hospital every day. My dad and I took shifts so someone was always there. He and I are the only family in the state.

    Anyway, what did she do when she came home from all that???? she started on the booze once again after not having any alcohol for 3-4 months. She was on something to help the withdrawal while in ICU...but not the same thing.
    She quickly went back to criticizing me and just being a total b**** towards me as usual. Don't get me wrong I would have done that all over again even knowing how she will treat me in the end. The guy who did it came in through her garage because she leaves it open. I tell her to close that garage..hasn't she learned anything. She still keeps it open when my dad is gone. He gets really mad too....but I learned many many years ago to be there and help when she's sick and keep my distance in between.
    Due to being diabetic and she doesn't take care of herself she gets sick often.

    She tells me I cause my kids problems because of the way I am. She is mean and she says things that cut to the bone.

    I know that's irrelevant, to the topic here, but thought I'd share that since it was fairly recent.
    The problem is I get away from her and finally start to feel better about myself...and then some tragedy happens and I'm sucked back in.
    She's still my mother and I can't turn my back on her in those times of need.

    As the years go on it's much easier to turn off her criticism from my head.
    However, I still have this inadequate feeling about myself. I guess I would take her less seriously if my life weren't such a train wreck.
    My kids tell her that I get them to school late and all my issues. I can't hide anything from her because of the kids. I do let the kids visit her 1 to 2 times a month and they talk on the phone with her. I only let them spend the night if my dad is off work.

    Do any of you have a relative that is overly critical of you and just out right mean?
    Anyway, back to my point.
    This is the first time EVER that I am willing to suffer the side effects to get better.

    I did put my doct. appointment in my phone calendar and did mean to put more in just haven't.
    I have a work lap top that I am on a lot. I haven't figured out how to use that Outlook calendar yet. Other people in the agency that make appointments with me put in on there some how so that little reminder thing pops up...I didn't put in in though. Not sure how that works?

    I did apply for another job. The job opening just closed on Thursday. So I'm expecting them to call for interviews this next week or so. It's under the same agency but a different thing. It's a much less stressful job with much less of a workload. I was really hoping that I get this job. Now..I'm second guessing myself. I'm worried I'll get too bored since it's a much less exciting of a job...but my current workload is too much for me to keep up with.

    Right now I work for CPS. I investigate child deaths, or any severe abuse. Severe abuse is babies with broken bones, or older kids with bad injuries plus rapes etc. They also consider any referral regarding a child under the age of 5 to be severe. Those are the only cases I get.

    I've been doing this for 3 years now. The job I applied for is just ensuring residential facilities are up to code and in compliance. Sounds a little boring.

    Sometimes I think I need a boring job because it may help me get my stuff together. It's not as bad as an office job would be...I could never do that. At-least here I will still be out in the field and not tied down anywhere.

    Do you think a more boring job like that would do me better or should I stick with my current?
    I may not even get offered the job or an interview. But I need to decide if I really want it in case I do get called. They are both state jobs and my benefits are the same....I will not loose my time and leave either.

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 08:45 AM   #21
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    Adderall IR tablets are safe to break, and if you aren't sleeping, your dose is way too high. Cutting board and kitchen knife works well to break them. Adderall XR are NOT safe to break, or any other slow-release medicine.

    Trouble sleeping and eating could be part of why it's making you more emotional.

    Yes, there are people who just are not mentally good to be around. It sounds like you've found a way to deal with your mother, and I deeply admire your strength.

    Do you have some kind of support system? Friends or nontoxic relatives who live nearby?

    Outlook Express: On the left side of the screen, near the top, there's a little button that says, "Calendar." (I only know about this because my boss's boss's administrative assistant uses it. No one was more surprised than me when my computer ordered me to get up and go to the meeting.) If you have trouble, ask a colleague to show you. Generally people are glad to help with minor things if you are direct and polite about what you want.

    Last edited by janewhite1; 06-26-2010 at 08:48 AM. Reason: Add stuffs.

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 10:07 AM   #22
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ST22 View Post
    I understand how you feel when you say "I know myself, and I know I wont do the steps". I'm exactly the same way.....it sounds negative but its true. Everything just seems overwhelming.
    ST22,

    You are giving ccmitchie what she needs most - understanding and support. I'm impressed with how much life experience you packed into 22 years. It shows in your empathy.

    I felt the same way. The conclusion "I won't do the steps" is based on our life experience. Our history proves the conclusion correct. Every time we tried to do the steps we failed. Where is the basis to conclude that this time we'll succeed?

    New values, new factors are in place that have proven themselves effective in changing the tide for many in the same ADHD boat. It can be hard to see and even harder to believe because of our history.

    What's different? The meds, Adderall, in our case. That new value alone may make the diference. If not, the med gives us the ability to acquire new skills that will make the difference.

    Our becoming teachable doesn't eliminate the need for a teacher.

    I suggested a daily written action plan as first goal for ccmitchie. I failed to mention a small point: I use a method that took me several months to learn, and several more months to become habitual. No way could I have or would I have acquired that skill without Adderall's help. The newly acquired skill enables me to unfailingly write up an effective daily action plan. I've had it in place for at about two years now, enough time to prove it valid.

    What follows is part of the skills I've learned: How often does my daily action plan work out as planned. Never. Rarely do I get every item scheduled completed. Frankly on many days I may get one project started when I planned to start and complete five, maybe more. My action plan causes progressive forward motion that eventually gets far more accomplished than no plan at all.

    For me to accept that my plans will always be less than perfect was no small accomplishment. I had developed serious OCD traits in a futile effort to control the chaos. Perfectionism makes for more chaos. Not an easy for me to learn lesson.

    My simple daily action plan was in no way simple for me to master. I should not have suggested it to ccmitchie. Fortunately, cc saw the flaw and didn't try it. I failed to recognize the prerequisites required for the daily action plan course. My failure would have doomed cc to failure if she tried implementing my plan. More viciousness would have been added to the vicious "I won't do the steps" cycle. Not a good thing.

    Now, let me get things in order. Ccmithie needs a teacher, just like I need a teacher to acquire the often basic life skills that ADHD deprived us.

    Now I got it.

    Bob

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 11:51 AM   #23
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    Bob, thank you. You are right about the daily goals and lists. I often have things I want to accomplish in a day and things don't get done. I tend to do other things that are not as boring to me. Just make sure you recognize the things you do get done and be happy about that. Focus on the positive things you have accomplished. Not that you don't but that is something I had to work on. This is an ongoing battle for all of us. Like Bob said, the pill makes it easier for us to learn the life skills we need and think more rationally. We all have to have ongoing support. I have been living with my mom who has ADHD and she is a mess right now. She lost her job and has been in a depression you could say. The house is a mess and so on. My room there is a complete disaster. Since I've been staying with my boyfriend, I clean everyday! I get more things accomplished. My point with that is I agree with the toxic relationship comment. I was a mess when I was living with my mom....I still am a mess but it's getting better. I hope someone can make sense of what I was trying to say lol.

    ccmitche, you asked if anyone else had a family member be mean and not supportive. My parents got divorced when I was 5 and my dad was very bitter about it until he died. I couldn't stand being around him....he made me cry everytime I saw him. He used to tell me my mom was no good, she was disorganized, and blah blah. He was never supportive of me at all. He married a witch, so of course that made it 10x worse. They used to gang up on me (when I was younger) and say bad things about my mom and about myself. He even used to criticize me for not smiling! Anyway, when you were talking about how your mother tells your kids everything is your fault it really hit home with me. The week before my dad passed I got closure from the whole situation. I told him how I felt about everything....he still didn't feel like he did anything wrong. I have peace knowing that he is in a place of perfect understanding and he knows all of his wrongs now.

    But how do your kids react to her when she says those things? I'm sorry that my posts are so long, it takes me a while to explain what point I'm trying to make

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 02:14 PM   #24
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    Bob, thanks. I feel a little better know knowing that I need to do some prerequisites before doing the daily list.
    I did feel a bit overwhelmed with the list thing again. It seems everywhere I go I get told to make a list. No one but you guys seem to get the flaws with that.

    Sticky notes are my worst enemy. In fact my old secretary forbidded me from using them. She actually hid them so I wouldn't sneak a pack. lol I am not exaggerating when I say this, but over half of my desk was filled with piles of sticky notes with random phone numbers and such on them. I don't like throwing them away because I might need one of those numbers which sounds ridiculous because I didn't write names with the numbers. I scooped them up and put them in a big envelope and shoved it in a drawer. At least I feel better knowing I didn't throw something important away.

    I don't think I have the right dosage or medication or both. I took half of a 20mg tablet at 11 a.m. I waited that long because I didn't know if I even wanted to take one. I was in a lot of pain yesterday with my joints and stuff. I also stayed up for 22 hours straight. After staying up that long I only slept for about 3 1/2 hours. Yesterday I woke up on my own at 6 a.m. (very unusual for me as I am difficult to wake) and I didn't go to sleep til 4 a.m. and woke up at 7:30 this morning. I may have been able to sleep longer but my dog was standing on me and barking in my face. That's what woke me up...and she wouldn't leave me alone. I finally got up and let her outside. At that point I felt awake so I just stayed up.

    I do not notice anything with that half of a pill. I'm feeling frustrated and disappointed with this who medication thing. With 20 mg being too much and 10 doing nothing. It's been 3 1/2 hours since I took the half of a pill and I feel tired. I'm afraid to take a nap though because I don't want to stay up all night. Maybe 15 mg would be better? I don't think I can cut these pills in 3 parts to get 15 mg. They are small pills and crumbled a little when I cut it in half.

    My financial coach has a list of people that he endorses. They range from dentists to auto mechanics. I found a life coach on his list. I looked at the life coach's website and I can't afford his fees. I e-mailed him and told him who referred me and I am looking for someone to help me with organization, but can't afford his fees. I asked if he knew of something to help me.
    He responded and said he's going out of town for a family reunion and to call him on the 7th and he and I can talk about whats going on.

    I don't know what that means. Whether he will work out something that I can afford or if he can refer me to someone that would fit my budget...which isn't much. There really isn't room in my budget for this at all. However, I can't afford not to do it either. I can't follow my financial coach or any other plan without help.

    I fear my financial coach thinks I'm crazy. I sent him that e-mail telling him how I don't think I can manage following his budget. The truth is I haven't followed it yet and we developed it 3 months ago.

    I always worry what others think. So many people don't believe ADHD even exists and they think it's laziness and lack of will power. I don't know what his opinion is. I sent it to him in an e-mail...cuz i don't think I could face him or say it over the phone without knowing his opinion on this. The other problem is that I haven't paid him either. I paid him his down payment but then I'm supposed to pay him $50 a month.

    I have kept in contact with him though. I send him an e-mail every month and knowledge that I haven't paid him. I don't want him to think I'm being dishonest or not good on my word.

    I'm very embarrassed to admit this...but my account was $1000 over drawn in April and it carried over every month. I have direct deposit so that money was taken every month and I didn't even have enough for my bills and couldn't pay him. I did tell him that.

    Anyway, on the first of this month I went to my bank and asked for help because I see no end to getting out this mess. They gave me a loan for $1000. So my account went even and they took off overdraft protection so I can't go negative again until my loan is paid off. I have to pay them $180 a month for 6 months. That's pretty low interest. That's an extra bill that I can't afford, but I also couldn't continue being $1000 overdrawn every month. I signed a form that said I do not want overdraft protection put back on my account after loan is paid off. That overdraft gets me in too much trouble.
    What I had to do each month is quickly withdraw $1000 from my account and then hurry up and pay the important bills before the bank registered I didn't have money in it....that's how I continued to be negative. I had to do that to make through the month. I only get paid once a month.

    I explained all of that to my financial coach (FC) and I advised him when I got the loan. I told him I would ensure he got his pymt. in July. He told me that was okay and he didn't want me to not pay a bill to pay him. He is also frustrated that I'm not following the budget. I couldn't follow it when I was neg.
    Now I'm behind on stuff and have to catch up. don't know how to follow it now.

    Anyway, you can see I'm in a real financial mess and don't know if I can come up with the funds for a ADHD coach.

    I don't have any personal friends or family members that I would want to be my "coach". All but 2 of my friends do not understand my ways at all. Some of them cannot understand how my stuff gets so messy and cluttered. They are very anal and extremely structured and organized. I know if they were around me more I'd drive them too crazy.
    The 2 that do understand it are too much like me. I wouldn't be able to count on them. One of them irritates me too. I am closer to her than any of my other friends. In fact she and I live in the same neighborhood. She's less than a block away. As close as we are...she really gets on my nerves sometimes. She always thinks she has a solution and tries to give me suggestions when I'm confiding in her about stuff. That really irritates me because I don't like her solutions and I don't even want her to do that...I just want her to listen.

    She always talks about how much better she's doing and I don't see it. I know this is terrible but I find myself judging her. And the crazy part about it is I judge her for things she does and I do the exact same thing.

    I have 2 phases...one is working towards progress and wanting to change and the other is destructive. I go back and forth between these two.
    When I'm in my cleaning myself up phase I clean like crazy and get everything super organized and make all my lists and bla bla bla. When I'm in that phase and go to her house and it looks like Hurricane Katrina went in there...I find myself judging her and thinking "how can she live like this". LOL I just laugh because history shows Katrina will be back to my house within a week.

    I feel like a bad friend sometimes. She never judges me. When she comes to my house and it's a hot mess she offers to help me clean. She always says it in a nice way and says she understands and knows if we clean it I will feel better. I don't do that with her.

    Part of it is that in my house it's my mess and I don't feel as grossed out. For some reason when I'm in someone else's mess it grosses me out. I feel very uncomfortable and I want to leave.

    She really struggles too, but I don't know if she has ADHD or not. She doesn't think she does. She said she used to be very organized and this is all new to her. I don't know if that's really true. Don't think she's lying but she may see it that way. I've known her for 10 years and she's been a hot mess like me the entire time.

    She's a teacher and the other teachers judge her because she's always late turning in her grades. She also doesn't get papers graded and back to the kids. She ends up staying up all night the night before grades are due and grades them all...so the kids never know where they stand before report cards.
    She gets parent complaints and feels bad about herself. She stays at work late every night trying to get grades done but doesn't accomplish anything.

    She's stubborn and always thinks she's right so me suggesting that she see someone would not go over well.

    Our friendship is really not as toxic as it seems. I can depend on her...I just know she'll never be on time. Vise versa...she can count on me but I'm never on time and sometimes forget.

    My posts always end up really long too.

    My kids are a couple hours away with their paternal grandparents this week and then they go to their dads house and return home Thursday. I won't be posting this much when they are home.
    Anyway, my youngest daughter is already stressing over the school year starting at the end of August.

    She told me that she went into the 5th grade classes sometimes and saw stuff on the board that made no sense and one of the 5th grade teachers taught her class once and she didn't understand anything the teacher said.

    She's also afraid of failing her state tests next year. She failed them this year and in 3rd grade.

    I know when I was a kid and even in college I couldn't do the standardized tests either. I always failed them. I knew why...the tests were so long and boring. I would get headaches and was tired of reading those stupid questions. I lost all focus and half way through the test I no longer cared if I passed I just wanted to get the H*** out of there. I remember feeling like it was stuffy in the room and I needed fresh air. There were times I just started coloring in answers on the scantron and didn't even read the questions.

    I'm going to talk to her about when she gets home. I'm going to ask her how she feels when she's taking the test and if she reads all of it etc. I'll ask her all that without telling her what I did.
    I know that she knows the material. I also know they word things funky on those test and when my brain is tired I'm unable to figure out what they are trying to ask.

    I have a follow up appt. with my psychiatrist in 2 weeks. Do you recommend I continue with this and wait and see him then or should I call him on Mon?
    I really don't think the 10mg is doing anything for me. The 20mg gave so much side effects that I couldn't really see the benefits. Visually things looked so much clearer...as if I put on glasses. Is that weird?

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 03:30 PM   #25
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    Nice job figuring out the cellphone calendar! See if you can enter a few more items today. Keep doing this one-thing-at-a time. Not complicated stuff, like "make an organized to do list every day and stick to it." One simple task at a time.

    If you are that sleep deprived, the Adderall simply will not work. All it will do is fight your tiredness a little bit, there won't be any left over for the ADD.

    I wouldn't take any more today, just so you can hopefully sleep tonight. Maybe try the 10 mg again on Monday if you can manage to get caught up on sleep.

    See how the 10 mg gets you through a workday.

    About the joint pain thing--I have fibromyalgia, and, for complicated reasons, I can't take pills for it. I mainly rely on menthol based topical pain relievers, but I've recently discovered a prescription anti-inflammatory gel. It works great for my knees, it's called Voltaren gel. (Not to be confused with Voltaren in pill form.)

    Last edited by janewhite1; 06-26-2010 at 03:31 PM.

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 03:33 PM   #26
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ccmitche View Post
    1) Do any of you have a relative that is overly critical of you and just out right mean?
    2) Do you think a more boring job like that would do me better or should I stick with my current?
    1) The only thing positive my father did for me was (excuse the expression) have sex with my mother. I never saw him. I still don't know where he was. He did live in the same house with my mother and me. He died about a year ago. Up to but not including day of his death, he made sure I knew he viewed me as the biggest loser. I'd love to pull him out of his grave and, and, kiss him. Damn it anyway, he is my father. That last day, he was barely conscious, he opened his eyes and said "Bob!" I got it. He communicated why the hecks are you here for me when I was never there for you? The winner of most of our shouting matches was the one who could shout loudest. I won nearly all of them. I concluded one of our last of our matches with, "You are more sick in the head than I am." But it wasn't until after his death that I understood. Pop was more ADHD than me. I think. Maybe not. In his day there were no resources, no medications, no (as in zero) support networks. Now, how do I recall those loud mean words I hit him with? He couldn't help it. He did the best he could.

    Why, though, did he view me as the biggest loser? I was a pretty smart son-a-gun in grammar school and freshman year of HS. Then I turned bozo. I failled classes, skipped school and while out of school used my favorite ADHD medication - crank, speed, methamphetamine. My dose of 200 to 300 mg, (a a gram would last me a few days), was too high and so was I. I felt so good that I couldn't detect my judgment went from poor to manic with psychotic features. Eventually I got thrown out of the exclusive college prep high school Pop and Mom sent me too and attended lowly (that's a joke) public high still higher than hell. It was, afterall, 1969.

    Jemi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, and other extraordinary talents of the time, died too young from mixing booze and pills. That should tell your Mom something. But it won't. Neither Jemi or Jim could grasp the message. They paid the price.

    I cleaned up in my early 20's but never graduated from college. My father evidently was living his dream through me. His boy was going to do it. Graduate college. It never happened. I became his biggest loser.

    The irony of it all, I continue finding myself trying to win Pop's approval. He, is, dead. Ain't happening, Dude. Don't matter none to this dude. I keep trying anyway.

    2) Watch out for boring jobs. I was a private pilot and flew actively for over 20 years. My brain came alive in stimulant rich aviation enviroments. I loved flying into Teterboro, NJ airport and other high density corporate jet traffic areas. The action calmed me down better than any med I've tried. Boring jobs are jobs that lack stimulation. We get ourselves fired from boring jobs.

    It is why I loved flying. I'm alive. I'm alive. And I'm clam in situations where not ADHD pilots are white knuckled and sweating bullets. I felt in control. I was in control as long as I stayed in the cockpit and kept the plane in the air. We all know what I turn into on the ground.

    Watch out for boring jobs.

    I'm forced to do a tangent.

    Teterboro is the airport they wanted "Sully" (Captain Chesley Sullenberger) to land at when he lost both engines over NYC about a year ago. Captain Sullenberger ditched that American airline heavy Airbus A320 jet in the Hudson River saving everyone on board. No other pilot has ever ditched a heavy jet in water without flipping it over and killing most if not all on board. Sully coolly says "I was just doing my job." True. He did his job so well the news called it a miracle. The consummate pilot. A pilot's pilot. Captain Cool. Do you detect I admire the man?

    By the way, Thu, your freaking Canadian gooses brought Sully's A320 down. Please keep your overweight ducks north of St. Lawrence please. Thank you.

    Bob

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 05:52 PM   #27
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    I agree with staying away from boring jobs! There is no way I can do a boring job....I would get so fed up with it. I'm a surgical technologist and when I'm in surgery its like nothing else matters. You have to be 100% focused, it's addicting. That is a place where I can go and not think about anything for hours except keeping my patient alive and the surgeon happy. I love high pressure situations.

     
    Old 06-26-2010, 07:52 PM   #28
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    I guess that's why I had more W2's than anyone I knew for the longest time. Some I quit and some I got fired from.
    I worked at an ice cream shop in high school. I closed the store by myself and did all the closing duties including mopping the floor.

    The next day I came in after school and my manager was not so happy with me. He advised me that they just got the store opened for the day because when he arrived that morning the store was completely flooded. OOps...I left the faucet on when I mopped the floor.
    I worked at a drug store and got fired for sucking the helium machine and talking over the intercom. I also got rude with a customer. Customer service was not for me. I wasn't about to suck up to them because they were customers. lol
    The list goes on and on as far as my jobs go.

    My thing as a kid was smoking and some drinking...experimented with Marijuana. I was afraid to try anything else. My dad was a meth addict and used to inject it. I guess that kept me from trying that stuff. Although my friends did drugs. I went to parties with lots of drugs..I just didn't touch them. I guess the drug people were more fun and entertaining than the other groups. They were wild and crazy and we did wild and crazy stuff.

    I barely graduated high school. I had to take classes at the junior college and classes through the mail in addition to my high school classes to graduate. I was missing a lot of credits from skipping. My senior year I was told I wouldn't graduate and I should get my G.E.D. or I could come back another year. I sure as heck wasn't going back another year. And the fact that they told me my only other option was a G.E.D made me want to prove them wrong and I did. I worked at a fast food.

    I was given a hard time about job hopping that continued after high school. I didn't really work regularly when I was married. I took on jobs here and there as I wanted but never stayed long. I never liked any of the jobs. I did office clerical work and customer service jobs. I even got a job taking newborn photos at the hospital. My biggest struggle was getting to work on time and being nice to the customers. I didn't like waiting on people. I hated waiting tables. I was the waitress that was brave enough to tell people to get their own salt and pepper.

    I worked at Target once and I was so bad with the customers they put me in the back and had me answer phones. Their last straw was when this guy put this huge heavy item on the scanner belt. I scanned it and slid it down. I rang him up and handed him his receipt and moved on to the next one. He stood there staring at me and I ignored him for a minute. Then he asked if I was going to put his box in his cart. Are you kidding me? I told him that he can pick up that box a lot easier than I can and he's the one who put it on the counter in the first place. I preferred him to leave it in his cart in the first place. He complained and I was answering phones which was very boring so that didn't last long. He was a jerk and I didn't care if I got fired. I wasn't going to pick up that box.

    I guess after my divorce I had to work. I hated those jobs so much that I knew I would never hold a stable job. I couldn't raise kids like that. My only option was college. Knowing how much I hated my jobs kept me going to school even though I wanted to drop out many times. I didn't care about my G.P.A. I just wanted my degree so I could hopefully find something I could do longer than a month.
    Besides it was better sitting in class that waiting on someone. Part of that time I worked as a teacher's assistant.....thought I wanted to teach. I realized that I really don't like children other than my own.
    I also realized that teachers are required to suck up to parents and that wasn't me either.

    Now in my job I don't clock in and it doesn't matter if I'm late. I can say whatever I want to to my clients. If they are nice and respectful and good parents then I'm kind and polite and helpful. My clients that aren't those things hate me. I'm very intuitive so I know when my clients are full of s***. I let them know that I know they are liars.

    I can't stand rude and manipulative people. I really am a very nice person. I go out of my way to help those that deserve it and need it. I just will not cater to undeserving.

    I see what your saying about staying away from boring jobs as I know my history with that.

    My interaction with clients, police, attorneys, ME's office, doctors etc. is the fun part of my job. I go out in the field and meet lots of people. The worse of a child abuse case is the most interesting to me. The minor stuff bores me.

    The problem is that I have too much administrative work to do. I can't keep up with it. I hate it and it takes great effort for me to complete it. I'm always delinquent.

    I'm thinking that although this other job doesn't have the interesting cases...I also don't have the large amount of administrative work. This job is even more mobile than my current job. I would have an office somewhere but that's not a place I would go to daily. I love being out in the field. I don't feel like I'm really working. I also have the freedom to run errands too. I go home early if I want. I like the freedom. I will not stare at a clock and wait for 5 to roll around. I want to leave when I want to.
    Aside from having my own business this is the only job I can do that it..that I know of.
    I can also work from home sometimes. I have the flexibility to go to the kids school programs, teacher conferences, and eat lunch with them if I'm in the area. I don't have to ask permission to the stuff I want to do.

    ALthough I have the freedom to do all that I am always stressed about my administrative work. I know I should go to the office and get that done...but I don't want to. I struggle with making myself do those horrible tasks.

    In the new job I will not have that dilema. I can come home early to my kids a few days a week and not worry about all the stuff I'm behind on.

    The good thing about working for the state in this field is that there are so many agency's to bounce around and so many different jobs. So far I've worked in 3 different areas in almost 3 years. I will have worked for the state 3 years in Aug. I can't stay in one place for long. Here it doesn't look bad to move around though. I'm already considered a tenured employee.
    And 3 years is the longest I've ever worked anywhere. Even though I've been to 3 different areas....my employer has been the same.
    I did work at that school for 2 years...but I had summers off and all those breaks. I hated that job but liked getting off at 3 and having all those breaks. It was good to have while I was in school. I also worked with a teacher that knew I didn't like the kids and she allowed me to do things where I didn't have interact with them too much.

    I haven't even been called for an interview yet...but if I do and if they offer it to me I think I'll take it. Besides...in a year I can change again.

    Although when I was at court on Friday I found another job I'd like to have. Its a court social worker. I talked to one of them and they said they are out in the field a lot and they get off around 4. She said it's really flexible and has good benefits. It's working for the county. The only thing is they want licensed social workers. I'd have to go take that standardized test that I never got around to taking.
    I may consider that.
    That's my problem I am always thinking about what I'll do next. I never have the intention to say where I'm at long.
    I would love to and do social work over seas. There are so many jobs open to Americans to do that. I just can't do that with the kids. Maybe when they are older.

    I'm really not all that social worky and not into all that. But, the balance between field work and office work suits me well. I also like to interact with people that I don't have to suck up to.

    I've also thought about becoming a probation officer. I have my list of jobs that I'm sure I will get to them all before I retire. Not that I'm overly anxious to do them all....I just want the change and the chance to do something different.
    My goal is to stay with the state at least 5 years so I can be vested. I'd love to retire there cuz of the benefits...but not sure I can stay there that long.

    Anyway, I did not take any more meds today. I am not feeling well. I layed down for a 1 1/2 hours on the couch and dozed off some but didn't really sleep deeply. I'm very tired but can't sleep. My stomach feels sick too.

     
    Old 06-27-2010, 11:45 AM   #29
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    ccmitche,

    Try this: Get the meds straighten out before tackling anything more than Jane's type thing. Outlook Express type stuff that is quickly set up and online. And I see Jane got a few more tricks ready to role when you are. Do them.

    Focus on getting the meds rocking and rolling. That may take 6 months, maybe less, maybe more. The main thing, you can't more to the next phase until near end of the med phase process.

    I can when I have time, give you a few more type Jane remedial methods, if Jane doesn't beat me to it, and I hope she does.

    I'll comment on your last post:

    "I worked at a drug store and got fired for sucking the helium machine and talking over the intercom."

    That's too funny. It was worth getting fired over.

    There are two types of kids:

    Type 0: Learn what to do by observing their parents. An abused child learns to be an abusive parent.

    Type 1: Learn what NOT to do by observing their parents. "My dad was a meth addict and used to inject it. I guess that kept me from trying that stuff. "

    Type 1 is the superior and less common type. That's you. Put the feather in your cap and proudly display it.

    Now in my job I don't clock in and it doesn't matter if I'm late. I can say whatever I want to to my clients. If they are nice and respectful and good parents then I'm kind and polite and helpful. My clients that aren't those things hate me. I'm very intuitive so I know when my clients are full of s***. I let them know that I know they are liars.

    I can't say I'm intuitively correct, but for sure if feel someone is feeding me bull shoop, they get cut in half by an rapid fire ADHD mouth that jams and won't quit.

    Frankly, it is not as asset, it makes me an asset less the "et" more often not. I hate to being BSed by educated assets that think I can't see through their sophistry. Those types get cut in half with no regrets.

    The definition of "Bob" is:

    "I can't stand rude and manipulative people. I really am a very nice person. I go out of my way to help those that deserve it and need it. I just will not cater to undeserving."

    Next:

    My interaction with clients, police, attorneys, ME's office, doctors etc. is the fun part of my job. I go out in the field and meet lots of people. The worse of a child abuse case is the most interesting to me. The minor stuff bores me.

    You, ST22, me have, I don't now what to call it so let's define it: "We can't function without the bullets flying." Our strength, my strength, is we love interaction with people. I'm not intimadated easily. I can sell ice in Miami. I'm told I can "sell ice to an Eskimo." That is what stupid people try to do. I take mittens for sale to Nunavut in December, and ice for sale to Miami in July. I guess I have problems with logic.

    The problem is that I have too much administrative work to do. I can't keep up with it. I hate it and it takes great effort for me to complete it. I'm always delinquent.

    The greatest jobs have sucky parts. The sucky parts kill us. Remove the sucky parts if you can. Usually the sucky parts are clerical details. Clerks work. Not the work for the movers and shakers. That's us. Ok, sometimes we cause magnitude 9.2 earthquakes that cause a little damage. We are also capable of magnitude 10 constructive projects. Let's put that feather in our caps. Let's try to minimize our earthquakes to 5.0's or less, ok, 6.5's or less, maybe 7.5's

    Delegate out clerical work if can. If not, take your Adderall.

    A job with less clerical work and with less bullets flying is risky. I wouldn't consider it except for those extended benefits you mention. "I would have an office somewhere but that's not a place I would go to daily. I love being out in the field. I don't feel like I'm really working. I also have the freedom to run errands too. I go home early if I want. I like the freedom. I will not stare at a clock and wait for 5 to roll around. I want to leave when I want to."

    Consider it carefully. It may be for you, maybe not. If the job has severe enough LSD (Lack of Stimulation Disorder), it won't work for you.

    The decision may be made for you. And there is in out if you make a less than optimal choice.

    "I haven't even been called for an interview yet...but if I do and if they offer it to me I think I'll take it. Besides...in a year I can change again."

    Yep, if you get the interview, you got some thinking to do.

    I would love to and do social work over seas. There are so many jobs open to Americans to do that. I just can't do that with the kids. Maybe when they are older.

    I understand that kids grow up. Why didn't I?

    Keep your future options on the side board. Don't play them until they come into play. I learned if we try to play a piece before the piece comes into play, we lose. No other outcome is possible.

    Bob

     
    Old 06-27-2010, 02:44 PM   #30
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    Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

    I finally got sleep! Yeah! I slept for about 9 hours last night. I'm still a little tired, but managed to get house work done today.

    I'll have to think about the job thing. I do tend to act impulsively. Each of my other moves came about when I hated my job at that moment...so I transferred. I hated my job at those moments because I was so behind and couldn't catch up.

    I'm not liking my job right now either.

    When I get an idea in my head I can't focus on anything else until I do whatever my idea is. I focus on it so much that I don't think of any alternatives or negatives about my idea.

    I woke up during the night and thought of taking my kids on a trip in August. I've been looking up hotels and planning the trip today. Crazy? It's only crazy because I thought of it at 5 a.m. and now have it all planned out.
    We haven't gone anywhere in several years. I would love to get away.

    Last week I decided I wanted another dog. So I found one and pick her up this week.

    Sometimes I look back and wish I hadn't acted so quickly. My point is it's hard for me to tell if I really want this job, or if it was one of those ideas I got in my head and can't let go of.

    I moved to a different town back in January. I came up with the idea to move in January too. Then all I could focus on was finding a house. I drove around and looked at lots of houses. 2 weeks after my idea was moving day. Sounds crazy...but I think that was a good decision. I like it here.

    Although I officially came up with the idea in January it was something I had thought about before. I just didn't plan for it or anything. The kids school is closer to my current town. I had to drive farther and had a harder time getting them there on time.

    I do like to move though. I like moving to new places and new neighborhoods. I just don't plan well which I hope will change. This last move barely happened as I packed my entire house the night before and the day of. Luckily movers didn't come til 7 p.m. cuz they were running late. I had that day to finish up. I didn't know if I was really going to pull that off. I still had quite a bit not packed so I had to make a lot of trips for a couple days to load my car up with random items that didn't get packed anywhere.

     
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