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janewhite1 06-27-2010 03:43 PM

Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.
Chasing novel experiences, another classic ADD self-medication technique.

Do you find that you perform better the first few weeks on a job, or in a new home or town? You might really do that. The excitement and mental stimulation of a new environment improves your brain function.

Then it gets to be "same old, same old."

And now I have like 6 different huge projects, all with distant deadlines, so I really need to get off the internet and chain myself to a desk with steel cables.

ccmitche 06-27-2010 04:54 PM

Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.
I do find it more exciting when I first start stuff. I never thought of that before.

I know it sounds dumb for me to look at a trip when I'm in financial ruins. However, the places that we plan to go to are free. Except for a couple which are under $10 for each of us.
The hotel will be the most I'll spend and it's only for one night. I found some good rates. The city we are going to is only 4 1/2 hours away.
I will pay for the hotel in July and then save for spending money and gas money.
We will spend 2 days there and 1 night. I really can't spend money on a hotel for 2 nights.
I will bring food with us to eat on the way there and back. The hotel provides free breakfast. We can eat at a nice place once and then eat frugally.
I think I can pull this off without making my finances too much worse.

I didn't take any meds today. I thought I'd get another nights sleep. Tomorrow morning I will take take half a pill again and see if it works after getting sleep.

ccmitche 06-28-2010 09:46 AM

Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.
I mentioned my trip to a friend and she said she might want to come too with her child.
I don't know if I want them to come. I know I'd have fun with them, but I like to do things my own way. I do not want compromise on anything. I also think she will want to take her car because it has less miles and has more storage space than mine. However, she does not have any more seating room than me. I can't stand to ride with her. I would go crazy if I had to ride with her for 5 hours!

She drives way too slow and when she's talking and driving she drives even slower and misses exits and turns etc. She also never leaves on time and is never ready on time. I know I'm also late often too. However, I do tend to leave on time for trips.
I also want to stay in the hotel that I want to stay in. She's throwing ideas of other hotels etc. She has a friend that works for the Hilton and thinks we can get a discount. That may not be a bad idea....but I only get to take the girls on the trip for one night. This is not something we ever do so I'd like it to be special. There is a really cool hotel that was built in 1859 and it's right next door to the main tourist attaction we are going for. That hotel is $15 less than the other hotels. I don't care about that $15 and she does. I don't even want to share a hotel with them.
I don't think I could tell her all that though.

When I do things I like to do them the right way. To me if I'm going to take the kids on a trip we should stay in a unique hotel that is nice and go to a nice unique resaurant and do things we don't normally do. Isn't that what a vacations is about?
There are Hiltons and Holiday Inn's everywhere. It's not like there is a huge price difference.

I can be controlling because I do like things my way. That's why I know I'll probally never re-marry. Very few could tolerate my odd ways and there are very few people I can live with anyway.
I always think I'm right and my stuff makes sense. To others I make no sense and they try to discuss it and I don't want to discuss it.

My ex used to move so slowly. Everything he did was in slow motion and I could not tolerate that. Then he drove like a maniac and could of killed us many times. We'd fight about that....he said I wanted him to drive fast and I did but not wreckles. I was usually the one driving because when he drove we fought.

I hated the way he did things. And I find that I feel that with a lot of people. I know some of that was my issues....but don't get me wrong he was a jerk. He left me and our 2 kids with an emptied bank account. I had no food to feed our 6 mo. old baby. My car got repoed and house foreclosed on etc.

Is this a normal ADHD thing...or is this something else? He used to even think slowly. I'd ask him a question and he wouldn't respond...that would make me mad. Then he'd say he's thinking. Thinking??? He should tell me he's thinking then and not ignore me and why does it take that long to think?

I find myself feeling that way when I'm around people too much. By this I mean I can't tolerate talking to someone on the phone daily for too long or being under the same roof as them for long.

I don't want to be like that but I can't help it.

I got a response from my financial advisor and he said he can't respond to all that over e-mail. He said I can call him to discuss it.
I'm nervous about calling him.

ccmitche 06-29-2010 01:21 PM

Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.
I feel really uneasy about all this treatment stuff. I spoke to my financial coach today and had my counseling appointment last night. My counselor has told me all along that I lack internal structure and have to find outside structure. She dx me in Feb or March with ADD. I wanted to try treatment w/o meds first and that didn't work.

My financial coach is changing some things in the budget to help me be more sucessful with it. He also advised me to on how to make it work etc.

My counselor has given me some homework...which is complete some tasks that I've put off for too long.

I have wanted structure and organization my entire life, but was too ashamed and embarrased really tell anyone the truth. I put on my facade like I had myself together and knew what I was doing. Then I'd screw up something and ppl would giggle. I felt like I just wanted to hide somewhere.

Anyway, this is the first time I have ever really opened up and told people what was going on with me. I reached a point where I knew if I wasn't honest I would never get help.

I've gone to counseling before, but put on my facade and didn't really tell them what a train wreck my life was.

I was up front with my counselor day 1...I knew if I waited to be up front it would be harder and I may not actually do it. I just threw my crazy life out there on my first session.

Now I've waited 4 months to come clean with my financial coach..but I did. Now I feel like I'm clear and people can see through me. I feel very vulnerable and it's very uncomftorable.

Now I imagine myself doing things to progress towards being structured and organized and I feel very uncomftorable. This is the most discomfort I think I've ever felt.

I'm also afraid that this is just another one of my great ideas that doesn't pan out.

I knwo telling people the truth holds me more accountable though. I do want to change, but didn't realize how uncomftorable and scary the process would be.

I do feel like once I get there my whole dimener will change. I will look more in control and look more confident and respectable.

I'm really afraid that I will not be able to do it. My counselor said it could take a year when I asked her. That sounds like a really long time.

janewhite1 06-29-2010 04:26 PM

Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.
It's not going to be an easy fix. There will be backsliding, there will be bad days, but for some simple long term goals, like:

1) Be on time for meetings and appointments most of the time

2) Usually pay bills on time

(I didn't say all the time. No one can do that!)

That's doable. And being able to talk to the people whose job it is to help you, putting it right out there what you need, is a good first step.

How did the meds treat you today? Were you more productive? Did you remember more things that needed remembering?

ccmitche 06-29-2010 06:38 PM

Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.
Today I took 1 20mg pill this a.m. and skipped the lunch dose. I did not feel dizzy this time. I did feel more focused and much more alert. However, late this afternoon I stared getting an upset stomach and the depression came back. I felt very depressed. I'm not quite as depressed now but do feel down.

It seems like the depression comes as the 20 mg. dose wears off.

2 doses of 20 mg. a day made me not sleep at all and caused bad muscle soreness and stiffness and upset stomach.

taking 2 doses of 10 mg. did not help me focus much and made me very sleepy and didn't want to talk to people.

I haven't slept well with any of these doses. I woke up every hour last night.

ST22 06-29-2010 08:29 PM

Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.
It can make you depressed....especially in the first few weeks you start taking it. It is key to take it regularly. It changes the chemicals in your brain, so just expect that you will feel differently as your body adjusts to it. Nothing you are experiencing sounds dangerous or abnormal so I would just stick with it. I went through a lot of the same things, especially being depressed and emotionally unstable. It went away but of course I still have bouts of it but that is a whole different issue not having anything to do with the meds.

addprogrammer 07-02-2010 03:47 PM

Re: New to ADD. Questions about Adderall.

I had to turn off my computer this past week. My pedal has been to the metal and my nose to the grind stone. IT SUCKS. But no other way there.

Do like Jane and ST22 says. Just do it. It SUCKS. But you'll get there. Know what I mean?

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