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Wondering whats next?

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Old 08-16-2003, 02:21 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 85
sassymomof2 HB User
Post Wondering whats next?

HI , I am the mom of 2 boys with adhd 9 and 12 , School is fixing to start here and my boys have been without meds all summer. They were taken off the last med right before school ended last yr Straterra cause they were so sick from it, All the others meds either quit working or dr would take them off cause of loss of weight, But I feel like were kinda at the end of the road , I was hoping it would work , It was pretty much our last hope, Has anyone ever had to take there kids off meds cause of these reasons, I am wondering how much trouble the school is going to give me about not haveing them on meds , I just dont know . Im sure come monday the calls are going to start. But one good thing that has happened this summer is my boys have gained alot of weight and look so good, THey had both quit growing the last few yrs maybe a lbs here and there . WEll i was just wondering , If anyone has any advise or info for me i would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance, Take care all. Sassy

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Old 08-16-2003, 06:13 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 50
McButter3 HB User

I sound like I am in the same place as you. My daughter is 11. We have tried, Adderal, Ritilan ER, Metadate and Concerta. None have worked for various reasons. Stopped working, worse behavior, stomach ache and couldn't swallow the pill. I took her off everything the past 2 weeks. She is eating. She also is acting like my 7 year old son, which is not good when you are an 11 year old girl. She also has to read two books this summer for school-IMPOSSIBLE. Money bribes, yelling and the stories that all her friends have to read them too! Of course none of them work. I like you, need to call the Dr on Monday.I think Strattera is next for us. After reading several posts it seems very common that several meds are tried. I feel like we are at the end of our rope. What do they do with kids who can't function normally and can't get through school? What do they do when all these Meds do not work?

I'm sorry I couldn't help you, you sound like me! Maybe I could pack my daughters suitcase, with her books and send her off to her doctors for the rest of summer! Just maybe he would get her to read those books!

Old 08-16-2003, 09:46 PM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: WA, USA
Posts: 106
SunnyDarkness HB User

Have they been tested for allergies? Maybe try some natural alternatives. They can be helpful for many. And most are safe.

Old 08-17-2003, 11:24 AM   #4
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 235
rainonwindow HB User

My daughter has ADHD. It was impossible for her to sit down on her own and do her homework. Her attention would get lost on a bit of dust, a strand of hair, her own thoughts. Sitting still was torture. I understood early on that she was doing the best she could. My homework solution when she was in elementary school was to sit down with her and to do every other math problem or homework question. She would do one, I would do one. This back and forth helped her to maintain her focus and helped change homework from being torture to simply being a task. Supposed 20 minute homework assignments that were not finished after 2 hours would now get done in a more reasonable amount of time. I also got my daughter a bell to ding everytime she completed something.

My daughter also had difficulties being teased by the other children. Her inability to focus in the classroom and the instructor's constant interventions to keep her on task made her 'stand out'. One of the best things I did for her when she got older was to place her in a small private all-girls high school. It was a supportive and tightly-knit school environment where she finally formed wonderful friendships, had no more difficulties with teasing and even met her boyfriend at a school dance.

I did try my daughter on ritalin when she was 10 years old and she responded beautifully to just 5 mg. It was amazing. She was able to relax and also focus without her brain turning to mud. She also got along with her peers much better. She was so much happier with herself. Unfortunately she also developed a tolerance to the dosage and it would need to be increased and then the tolerance would develope again. So the medication was stopped. There was no difficulty with suddenly stopping the medication - no rebound - just back to her previous difficulties. She then tried another medication and had a bad reaction to it. At that point we went back to the ritalin and used it on an as-needed basis (an exam, a particularily difficult assignment etc.) As long as she took it only occasionally, it kept its effectiveness. That meant of course that she struggled with her ADHD the majority of the time.

It did not do any good to get angry with her over her limitations. I needed to show tons of patience as a parent. Often empathy was the best thing I could give her during her difficulties. Long-term rewards did not work nor did long-term punishments. She had a very limited capacity to conceive of the future. For her more than other children her age, life consisted of the immediate here and now. Rewards that would come in the future had no meaning for her - even when it was just a few days away. Likewise punishments that were not immediate were ineffective because she rapidly lost the ability to associate the punishment with the event if it was at all delayed. Grounding and taking away privileges were out of the question because of that. If her behavior was out of control, I would send her to her room and tell her that she could come out once she had regained it. If I didn't like something she had done, I would voice my displeasure and then leave it at that. I made every effect to not yell at her. I made certain she knew that I thought she was trying her best, that I understood things were difficult for her and that I thought she was a wonderful person. The result was that she saw me as an aly and would come to me with her problems because she didn't expect me to judge her harshly. We formed and have maintained a close relationship.

My daughter is in college now. I wish I could say things are easier for her but in my family symptoms persist throughout life. She still struggles with her classes and other issues that result from having ADHD. I measure how she is doing however by her self-esteem. (It was of utmost importance to me when she was small that she survive what she had to deal with - with good self-esteem.) Socially my daughter is doing great, she has the ability to enjoy life and she has a healthy self-esteem despite her difficulties. Life's demands are always going to be especially challenging for her but I want her to know that I always think she is a terrific person.

What a challenge she has been to raise. She required that I use every ounce of my parenting skills, patience and imagination. I learned a heck of a lot just by trying to be the best parent I could be for her. I am so glad I had her. I love her with all my heart - my sweet, wonderful ADHD daughter.

Old 08-17-2003, 06:18 PM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 50
McButter3 HB User

Dear Rainonwindow,
I don't know if you will check back to this post, but I had to respond. Your daughter sounds exactly like mine. It is refreshing to hear your story. It is difficult to get stories about girls with ADHD.

I could have cried when I read how well she is doing now. I worry everyday about my daughters future. I feel bad that this was the cards she was given. My daughter too is a very sweet, kind and a good friend. She is a better friend than any she has.

The homework is torture. We have hired tudors and bought every item you can imagine to make her life easier. I have to sit with her every night and constantly help her. I have two other children so helping only her, is a problem. I just about do any big projects she has. She also stands out at school and hates it. I stopped all her out of class help. It was ruining her.

The other qualities my daughter has also is, lost on own thoughts, short and long-term rewards/goals have no meaning, no capacity to conceive of the future and many more. In all my research the boys don't seem to have these qualities when it comes to their ADHD.

Well, I wanted to thank you for your help. I am so happy for your daughter. I hope my daughter can someday be happy too!

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