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banker0007 12-28-2012 08:40 AM

ADD and relationships or marriage
My husband and I have struggled on and off for years with our relationship. I am now starting to wonder how much is due to his ADD.

Anyone else have any thoughts/inputs/examples of what they have been through?


brenda193 03-08-2013 12:32 PM

Re: ADD and relationships or marriage
My hubby is undiagnosed ADD (but after struggling through a diagnosis with our son, I KNOW he has it). We have had a number of struggles in our relationship over the years, due to his inattentiveness and forgetful nature. For example, when we were dating, he borrowed my car, after dropping me off at a class. He was supposed to come back and get me an hour later. He came back to get me, but went to the wrong location to pick me up! This was in the days before cell phones, so I had no choice to walk the 3 miles home. He showed up at home an hour later. He had been sitting at the wrong location all that time, feeling very proud of himself for waiting so patiently, even though I was very late. He still has not lived that one down, even after 20 years!

It is usually little things though, like I can't give him too much information at one time, he just can't process it. Or, I can't rely on him to remember to pick things up for me, unless I write them down and remind him repeatedly. Or I'll ask him to do something and he will get distracted and forget. Things like that. I occasionally get frustrated, but have learned over the years (20) that he has limitations, so I have to adjust my expectations. He is in most ways a great husband and father, so I just have to appreciate the good and try to find work arounds for the bad.

Good luck!

banker0007 03-11-2013 05:51 PM

Re: ADD and relationships or marriage
How is he with his work? Does he work outside the house?

brenda193 03-12-2013 06:30 AM

Re: ADD and relationships or marriage
Yes, he does. He does very well. His job is very detail oriented, and he has had to learn some coping techniques like leaving things in his inbox until he completes them, only working on one project at a time, etc. But work has never been a problem. He comes home exhausted though, from having to concentrate so hard.

ladybud 03-12-2013 10:06 AM

Re: ADD and relationships or marriage
I have ADD and tend to be disorganized, start things and don't finish, go off in ten directions at once, forget where I put things etc. It has been somewhat humorous for us, as my husband is very organized and rather compulsive about neatness, etc., where I can be a slob and messy if I allow myself to let entropy take over. We have learned to cope and he tolerates my shortcomings pretty well. We used to share an office, now have separate ones at home, because he couldn't stand to look at my desk piled high with papers. You can do the same thing with closets, dressers, etc. I have also found medication to be very helpful with helping me focus and get things done. I tend to go in circles without it. I am on both Ritalin and Wellbutrin, both of which help a great deal. I write numerous lists to help me remember, use color coding a lot to keep papers from getting the best of me, as paper is my nemesis. You may be able to find a support group for ADD too, for the two of you to attend. The more you know, the more you can cope and make adjustments to work around his difficulty.

addprogrammer 03-13-2013 03:32 PM

Re: ADD and relationships or marriage
Hey Brenda,

I think this link health board compatiable. If so, check it out. Good stuff.


Keys to Loving a Partner with AND - Part II
PS The link is from psychotic central - :)

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