It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Addiction & Recovery Message Board

  • Philosophical views on freedom after an early life drug addiction - all views welcome

  • Post New Thread   Reply Reply
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 12-03-2016, 07:03 PM   #1
    pmmerritt's Avatar
    Join Date: Dec 2016
    Posts: 1
    pmmerritt HB User
    Philosophical views on freedom after an early life drug addiction - all views welcome

    All my life I have gone through multiple weeklong phases of incomprehensible stagnation, followed by smooth sailing until the morning that I wake up and am faced with the same emotions I just felt like I had begun to let go of. I've been to rehab 3 times, diagnosed manic depressive with anxiety disorder but unmedicated due to personal choice (mostly side effects to the medications).

    I am in one of those stagnant phases now. On January 7, 2017 I will have been clean from dope (H) for 2 years. LSD and ketamine therapy helped a lot in my ultimate recovery and dealing with the phenomenon of craving, as well as confronting the parts of myself that contributed to my need for a crutch to begin with. This anniversary should fill my heart with unmeasurable, unimaginable, divine freedom... but instead I want to inhale barbecue sauce through a straw. Every single ******* day, (although I never act on it) I question the viability of a previously reliable vein on the top of my right foot.

    The reason freedom from dope is divine is because the strength to do so came directly from the user, because any human making a decision IS the deity with the power over their path. In summation, it is divine because I forced the room for freedom to flourish all by myself. But I struggle...
    If the freedom that people have taught me to push for (from a substance, unhealthy relationships, societal influence, or other crutches) is really the same type of freedom that all "love n light" types blather on about, why the **** do they make it sound so freeing? Do people really live like this? Most importantly, if trying to accept freedom by its definition in my current life is impossible and painful to others, does that mean I have to choose between a dulled existence or an unconventional one? Sometimes I have a hard time understanding people and their failure to acknowledge inherent biases about what life "should be", so I'm reaching out to some unfamiliar souls for insight.

    I know this is dramatic and lengthy. But I'm asking those of you who also feel confused or let down by societal standards to help me draw some conclusions here.
    Thank you friends.

    Reply With Quote
    The following user gives a hug of support to pmmerritt:
    Phoenix (12-04-2016)
    Sponsors Lightbulb
    Old 12-04-2016, 01:42 AM   #2
    Senior Veteran
    Join Date: Nov 2006
    Posts: 3,898
    Phoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB UserPhoenix HB User
    Re: Philosophical views on freedom after an early life drug addiction - all views wel

    Hello pmmerritt and welcome

    Congrats on being clean as long as you have....

    I have learned long ago to stop overly-concerning myself with what others will or won't say about me and my actions.

    In the battle that is drug addiction, we are all provided with one ultimate weapon; our mind.

    The decisions we make today will help pave the way for the next and so on.


    When in doubt, post it out.

    Reply With Quote
    Reply Reply

    Related Topics
    Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
    ex left me for cocaine.Tell parents about his drug addiction? Help!? BobbyV Family & Friends of Addicts and Alcoholics 2 03-16-2013 05:30 PM
    Severe Drug Addiction spooked Addiction & Recovery 1 03-12-2012 06:38 AM

    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is On
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off

    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:26 PM.

    © 2022 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!