Hey there Haly, big hugs!
My story sounds very very similar to yours and how my opiate addiction began. I was an opiate addict for roughly 8yrs and no one even knew. Am I ashamed of myself because of it? Yes, I can honestly say I am - but it made me feel normal! Made me function when I otherwise couldn't! Made me run a household, raise my children, care for my husband, without anyone so much as blinking an eyelid that I might have a problem. I also abused Xanax in large dosages daily, and Valium too just to add to the mix.
In the end, I admitted my addiction to my GP who helped me get into a detox centre and started on suboxone. It has been almost 2yrs now since then and my mind is so much clearer than it was the past decade! What I thought was me living "normally" with all the drug abuse certainly wasn't! It was all a facade that I made myself believe in
If I can give you any advice what so ever, it would be to stay away from it as best you can. Make sure it is not obtainable even if your family need to lock it away or hide it from you. Having it there is a temptation if you can easily get it.
I am an open book and am happy to answer any questions you might have if you'd like someone to talk to who understands how you are feeling.
I wish you all the best!
K.
