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Old 05-27-2017, 11:38 AM   #1
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1
SpaceDaisyLA HB User

sooo, I had a small stint with opiates, in which I am now clean for ~2 months. My real reason for ever using was bc my husband of nearly a decade, has fought to beat this demon for sometime now. It was more or less starting out as "can't beat it so join it" type of mentality; I have no idea how I went so long without ever touching it bc I despised it, to somehow allowing it freely into my own body. Needless to say, my experiment with my own boundaries as it relates to opiates has now been tested and the results are shocking (extreme sarcasm)...I neither can handle or maintain a grip on life/reality whilst using Opiates. Shocker! I know, and I'm quite embarrassed about it as I am a mental health counselor~sigh. I no longer take ANY opiates, or ANY drug/prescriptions at this time and have not for a few months...I'm fine. I don't want it, nor do I need it. Cravings come here and there, but no real temptations here (so far at least). All of this being said, simply to say. My other half is now on the "sober wagon". Going off "cold" with my assistance of love, support, and lots of Gatorade & re-assurance. Only on week one, and I'm losing my mind. I say that in the sense that it's like I'm the one withdrawing and fighting this battle all over again...some resentment there, but I feel badly about it? Part of me says, you signed up, so finish what you started, while the other part of me worries "what if he doesn't stay clean"? Will I always be able to turn the other cheek when it comes to my own past addiction?" I considered my addiction as "dabbling" while his seems much more deep rooted and more difficult to overcome. Is it my strong will and dedication to a "clean" life that will ultimately decide my own future, or am I always going to be "in the fire" so to speak, IF he doesn't maintain sobriety. Keep in mind, I love this man with every ounce of my being. We have been through it all and still, we love each other day in and day out, going on a decade... Any thoughts?

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