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Ativan-how do I get off-should I?




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Old 10-05-2018, 03:32 PM   #1
Dodger14
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
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Dodger14 HB User
Ativan-how do I get off-should I?

Brief history. 48 years old. Male. Married w/teen children.
Have had severe depression and anxiety most of my life, if not all of my life.
Had a very successful career thus far until recently. Achieved a lot, but my depression and especially anxiety just kept getting worse. Have taken several anti-depressants that supposedly help with anxiety as well. 15 years ago Serzone and Wellbutrin, then more recently Cymbalta.

About 6 years ago, I had a very prestigious job, but also a high pressure job that made my anxiety go through the roof. Went to a Psychiatrist and was hysterical in his office. He said I needed to quit the job, and he put me on Cybalta and Xanax. Desperate and basically having a breakdown, I did quit the job. After about three months; I was feeling mostly better,started my own biz, went well. I had a food addiction and decided on having Gastric Bypass and lost 160 pounds.

I then, unrelated, was diagnosed with kidney cancer. Had surgery to remove tumors which also inadvertently punctured my lung. Very painful. Was put on Oxycodone and Morphine. Long story short, I started to spiral downwards. I became addicted to the drugs, and I overused them, and overused the Xanax a lot culminating in me running out of Xanax and very quickly going Into insane withdrawals, I was in the ER for2 Days having horrible halucinations, that are still very traumatic to me. I then Blacked out for5 days, my heart rate dropped below 20 during this period, and I almost died. Somehow, I pulled out of it as the hospital and ICU built up Xanax back in my system. They then over a 6 week period titrated me off, using Attivan. Eventually they titrated me off the Ativan, and sent me home. The first two days at home I was a mess. Scared of my own home and shadow. I was overwhelmed by a flood of memories I had suppressed. Feeling like I could not keep people’s confidences or secrets they had shared, long forgotten. Could not sleep at all (too scared) could not feed myself. More hallucinations at home, things I thought I was seeing peering through my window that likely did not occur. My brother took me back to the hospital, where they put me back on Attivan. 5 MGs a day,

Immediately within hours of my first dosage, normalized. Still on the Opiods. 80 days ago, I ODed on the Opiods, plus a large amount of Tylenol I was taking, and overusing the Ativan. Back in the ICU, almost lost my liver and died. Somehow survived. I was just out if it,not thinking straight.

Now I have been in NA and”clean” from the Opiods and any over the counter pain med for 69 days. However, I am still out of it. Just exhausted, and my brain is just not functioning right. Everything is exhausted. I cannot work, and going broke.

I have felt that perhaps the Ativan which I still take albeit at 3Mgs a day now,may be a contributing factor to this condition. I have thought about quitting and seeing. I have tried to get in detox and rehab, but the two places that will take Medical seem to be giving me the run around. Basically just cannot get them to admit me.

Speaking to people in NA and friends in the “recovery Industry” they point to the Ativan as something that is extremely hard to detox from, and in a10 day detoxit usually does not work. They may not want to take it on. I know from the 6 week try last year in the hospital, that did not work, as I was left as a non functioning, sub human, until I was put back on the medication. I certainly do not want to be in that spot again.

I also don’t think it’s wise for me to ween myself off with me controlling my drugs.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Thoughts? Just cannot assimilate back into life at all.

Thanks

Last edited by Administrator; 10-05-2018 at 03:46 PM.

 
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