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  • Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???



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    Old 01-23-2004, 12:22 AM   #151
    BadAttitude
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kindaunwell
    Hey BadAttitude,

    You should know better than that. I've come to admire you for what you have overcome and how now, you are giving back to other people who are now going through your prior "ordeal". Also, because of your heavy class load , I've lost you from my midnight shift. Actually there really isn't anyone left that will "shoot the breeze" with me after 1 AM. So I am mostly just Web Surfing.....

    Hey, if you are stiil awake, and have the time, there is a difference of opinions going around the Board that you might have better knowledge of, than most of us....

    Are you still awake, Autumn. ???

    Kinda-Unwell
    Hi, Kinda
    Guess I missed you again, thanks for the kind words. Yes, sometimes class work does overwhelm me but then again it will all be worth it when I get these next two degree's that I am working on right know.

    Read in another post that you were going to quit putting any kind of drugs in you body, I am so glad to hear that.

    Hey, what's this difference of opinion that is going around on the boards that you are talking about that I might have an opinion on?

    Well it's 3:19 a.m. here and since you are not online I hope that means that you are getting some sleep, me I will probably hit the hay in a few hours since I have no classes tomorrow I am all nighting it and will sleep in the a.m.
    Talk to you later, my friend.

    Love & Happiness
    ~Autumn~
    __________________
    "A journey of a thousand miles begins w/ a single step."


    "THE ONLY LIMITATIONS WE HAVE ARE THE ONES WE IMPOSE ON OURSELVES."

    ~AUTUMN~

    Last edited by BadAttitude; 01-23-2004 at 12:24 AM.

     
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    Old 01-23-2004, 01:24 AM   #152
    kindaunwell
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Well,BadAttitude, I was glad to get your post just now. I thought I might have blown our little relationship... I know the last 2 posts of yours, I couldn't get right back to you, because when my wife says her shows are on, she gets to dominate the T. V. And since I am a WEBTV user, all posting stops until she goes to sleep. I know its a poor excuse, but it is true...

    I've read your post on your drinking history, and it amazes me how well you deal with it, have overcome it, and now devote yourself to helping other people. I don't know if I have that good a trait in my personality. I believe you said you read my drug history from a very young age. I have a real hard time dealing with it myself, so I just figure other people will think very poorly of me when they hear of it. Its not just all the hard drugs I am ashamed of, but the criminality I was involved in really sickens me. Its not like I did one or two bad things that could be blamed on a wild youth. These were big time felonies that I was involved in for many years. And they were mosly done to innocent people. How can I ever forgive myself, or make up for what was done to these people. Besides some of them are dead (mostly when we were ripping off other dealers ) and like I said ,I used my gun to commit armed roberies. But I never took another life with it. But I did set up some people who were killed...

    Like you said once before, there was a thin line between you and the inmates you were counciling. Well, without the luck of the Irish, and the fact no one ever squealed on each other ( that would have been certain death whenever you made it back out to the streets ), I could of easily been one of your inmates. Alot of the guys did streches for years at a time. My older brother was always in and out of Rikers Island, and Greenhaven State prison. Until He finally O D'ed...
    Although most of the guys were Irish (with some Westies connections), we were diversified in that we had Blacks, Spanish And even a crazy Chinese guy. Even the other local and school gangs backed off if we were around. I was never jumped or beat up in all my teenage years. Even my straight friends were kinda afraid to be with me. And when I went into the Army (to get away from the cops, and hoping I could exscape what I was into,), I still just naturely ended up with the bad drug crowd. And when I got stationed over to Germany, the crimes and drugs just seemed to follow me....

    So now you know Autumn, I didn't just hurt myself, but other innocent people. How can I ever forgive myself for that. So I mainly just drank and did every drug I could get my hands on just to put it out of my mind. I even took some extra heavy hits of Heroin hoping I would just O D and end it all forever..... It wasn't until I met my wife and we had a son that I was able to surpress everything. Although up until recently, I would still get F***- up, whenever those memories came back. I still write to some of my closer friends who are doing 25 to life in Greenhaven, but we only talk about other things. I know the mail gets monitered by the prison officals.

    Well, you wanted to know about me, and thats the "Brutal Truth"
    How could anyone really expect me to get over that. ???. I am a different person now, who sometimes go out of my way to help people. And I've never Hurted another person in many years. But i'll have that with me until the day I die. Sometimes I feel I know exactly where I'm going when i do finally die. Hell, Satan probally will make me a lieutenant.....

    I know this was a long and shocking post to you Autumn. Thats why I always feel that no matter what, once people really know me and my past, they will drop me in a flash.....

    If you don't return me a post, i'll understand.....

    (triing to change but always remembering...)

    Kinda- Unwell ( and deserving to )

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 01:32 AM   #153
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BadAttitude
    Hi, Kinda
    Guess I missed you again, thanks for the kind words. Yes, sometimes class work does overwhelm me but then again it will all be worth it when I get these next two degree's that I am working on right know.

    Read in another post that you were going to quit putting any kind of drugs in you body, I am so glad to hear that.

    Hey, what's this difference of opinion that is going around on the boards that you are talking about that I might have an opinion on?

    Well it's 3:19 a.m. here and since you are not online I hope that means that you are getting some sleep, me I will probably hit the hay in a few hours since I have no classes tomorrow I am all nighting it and will sleep in the a.m.
    Talk to you later, my friend.

    Love & Happiness
    ~Autumn~


    Sorry, Autumn ,I was still posting to you when you last posted to me. I really don't know what to say to you ,unless I hear back from you again....

    ( Just me)

    Kinda nothing right now..

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 02:57 AM   #154
    BadAttitude
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kindaunwell
    Sorry, Autumn ,I was still posting to you when you last posted to me. I really don't know what to say to you ,unless I hear back from you again....

    ( Just me)

    Kinda nothing right now..
    Hi, Kinda
    Well I ment to be in bed by know but that is not how things worked out, it turns out that because of a commitment that my daughter has I will be up till about 10 a.m. before I get to go to bed, so I thought that I would write you back.

    Kinda, the things that you have done in the past do not affect how I feel about you as a person. Yes, you have done some bad things but you can't go back and change the past, you can only move forward into the future. You can't make amends to those that you hurt in the past that are gone, but you can make amends in a different way by getting your life on track and helping other's, and by being a good husband and a good father and teaching your son how to be a good husband and father. You have to learn to forgive yourself for the things that you did in the past and taking drugs will not make the past disappear it will still be there waiting for you, beleive me I know. Kinda you need to learn to forgive yourself, and put the past behind you and live for the future.

    Hey, I worked with murders, drug dealers, and rapists in prison I didn't let there offense's get in the way of me helping them and I wouldn't let the things that you have done in your past get in the way of me helping you and being there for you to help you deal with the drug abuse. Kinda, we are all speacial in our own way and we all have something to give, just think someday when you have you life on track you might deceide to help people with addictions or something, that would be a good way for you to make restitution for your past.

    Kinda, really seriously think about getting off all drugs and give your self a break we are all valuable in our own way, and you do have value as a person and as a friend. I do consider you my friend we share the common bond of addiction and hopefully we can help and encourage each other on this journey.

    Well I am going to get some strong columbian coffee so I can stay wake and take my daughter where she needs to be at 9 a.m. and I will talk to you later, I will probably sleep throught the day and be on tonight (Friday).

    Take care my friend,
    Love & Happiness
    ~Autumn~
    __________________
    "A journey of a thousand miles begins w/ a single step."


    "THE ONLY LIMITATIONS WE HAVE ARE THE ONES WE IMPOSE ON OURSELVES."

    ~AUTUMN~

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 03:10 AM   #155
    kindaunwell
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    You are a good person,Autumn, I won't forget that.......

    Thanks

    ( still) kinda-unwell (though)

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 03:30 AM   #156
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kindaunwell
    You are a good person,Autumn, I won't forget that.......

    Thanks

    ( still) kinda-unwell (though)

    Thank you, Kinda.

    So you still online, are you getting any sleep, are you still taking stuff to make you sleep or did you quit all of that?

    Will still be on for a while if you want to talk.

    Take care my friend,
    Love & Happiness
    ~Autumn~
    __________________
    "A journey of a thousand miles begins w/ a single step."


    "THE ONLY LIMITATIONS WE HAVE ARE THE ONES WE IMPOSE ON OURSELVES."

    ~AUTUMN~

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 05:29 AM   #157
    kindaunwell
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BadAttitude
    Thank you, Kinda.

    So you still online, are you getting any sleep, are you still taking stuff to make you sleep or did you quit all of that?

    Will still be on for a while if you want to talk.

    Take care my friend,
    Love & Happiness
    ~Autumn~



    Good Morning, BadAttitude

    Yes I am still awake and will be for quite awhile longer. I have a doctors appt. at around 11:30. They are gonna give me a blood test to check on my thyroids and liver and whatever else they check for. The Pain Doc wants this done. He doesn't understand why my body creates so fast a tolerence to all the medications I have taken. After 2 or 3 days the medications seem to lose affect on me, and either they have to be raised or completely changed.

    But I decieded last night not to take any medication at all. Includings the Ativan or any thing else. I will let my insomnia cure itself naturally. So I guess I won't be doing much sleeping for quite awhile...

    Don't you have an appt. (FOR your daughter), at around 9:00 today. ??? If I don't hear right back from you , I guess thats where you are. If so, Buzz me when you get back....

    Take Good Care, Autumn

    KInda-Unwell

    OH yea, the posts I thought you might have better knowledge of than most of us are---"Confiding in your doctor about your addiction" by John 3:16...... And also "Could use some advise on how to tell my doctor" by Creeky.

    They are not too far down the Board... Tell me what you think,okay ???.

    see ya.....

    Last edited by kindaunwell; 01-23-2004 at 06:28 AM.

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 05:42 AM   #158
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kindaunwell
    Hey, yinksy, I figured It would be nice to tell you as you are a-rising outta bed (a good nights sleep ,I bet !! ) Top of the morning to yer Lass, and I think you will be happy to know, That I am finally going to try your ADVISE ( Irish nagging ,so to speak !! )

    I have deceided from last night on, I will no longer put any type of Drug into my body, and just let this insomnia heal itself naturally. I spoke with me Pain Doc. and he said ,"WHY NOT", because all the bensos so far only helped me the first 2 or 3 days and then they did nothing for me. My next step would of been Halcion (sp. ) and I already knew from buying them off from the street that they might worke, but the addiction possibillity was very high.

    So, when you get on the computer ,tell me what you think.. And I really did believe your advice ( No Doubting TOMMY this time ), but it just took awhile to make its way into this thick Irish head of mine. But I am "secretly" glad you never gave up on me....

    Hope to hear from you soon....

    ( A changing Me )

    Kinda-Unwell
    I LOVE YOU, big man!

    Seriously though, Kinda - why not? You have absolutely nothing to lose? (And everything to gain?) I assume you checked with your "pain doctor" about cutting the benzos? But - I think you reckoned you were not yet hooked on them? But - for goodness sake - dont just stop if you have been using long term - or you may have seizures and other dreadful withdrawal symptoms. But - if you get the all clear from your doc - then great! Go for it!
    Took me 7 months to taper off benzos and then I c/t off the opiates. It is not a wonderful experience - but a magnificent one to get behind you! You will have to be prepared for a few rugged days with little or absolutely no sleep (I know you will feel hellish) ............ but then - just when you think you cant take anymore (I found it almost intolerable) and will just try "something" again to ease the pain................ sleep starts to come. (When you feel like this - just tell yourself you will give it one more night) A couple of tortuous hours the first night or two - then you get hope and confidence that the old brain is actually healing............. suddenly one morning you wake up and realise you have slept for 4 or 5 hours................ and then you are away............the sky is the limit!
    I just cannot tell you how "high" you can get on sleep and feeling good! Its unlike anything else!! Do you remember that feeling of waking in the morning - fresh, clear headed, ready to face the day and all its challenges....... and more? Again - a "master of the Universe"?

    Keep focused on the task in hand, my blue eyed hero!

    Looking forward to hearing how you are getting on! Dont give up - the prize is yours for the taking now.

    yer Lass

    ps - the most unhelpful phrase ever said to me during my battle for sleep was "no-one ever died of lack of sleep!" LOL.

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 06:16 AM   #159
    kindaunwell
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    HI ya, Me Lass... I didn't think I was gonna hear from you today. You usually post to me much earlier. I bet you probably over-slept (Like 10 or 11 hours), just to rub it in my face, huh. LOL !!! Well It began yesterday, not one type of pill entered my body. Of course that also means I haven't slept either.... I figured what the heck, the Ativan wasn't working for me anymore, no matter what the dose or even when I over-medicated, I didn't like how I felt the next day. The next step would have been to go on to Halcion (SP.), and I know that is really heavy-duty stuff. And besides, like you said, I just want to get back to "normal" . Athough I haven't been normal most of my life.....

    So you see ,all that persistent "advice" (Irish woman's nagging ! LOL!!) you have been giving me finally paid off. I'll always be grateful to you yinksy for constantly being there for me.... But like you said ,I guess I should give the Pain Doc a call and make sure I can just plain stop taking everything.

    Did you read my good morning post to you. ??? I'm due to have a blood test in alittle while, to see if my thyroid and other thing are alright. The Pain Doc just doesn't understand why I develope such a quick tolerance to all these pills. Opiates and Benzos.???

    If you are still about give me a buzz back,okay.??? Hey, by the way, you never made any mention of that quote from Perry French about those Mournes mountain you once mentioned to me.(????)

    Kinda-Unwell

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 06:41 AM   #160
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Hello Kinda

    No - didnt oversleep this morning - but I did have a wonderful 7 hours straight (LOL) - but I have 2 of my kids here today - staying over - so I am doing all those motherly things - ie - mostly cooking!
    Glad to hear you are on course.
    A little warning about the thyroid etc - apparently it is very common to be diagnosced with thyroid problems while on benzos. Might be worth your reading up on it online in the Ashton Manual (just type Ashton Manual into google - tis available online)? I refused to have any tests carried out (my doc was mad!) while tapering -and now that I am off and clear - I dont now seem to have any symptoms that merit my having tests.
    Good on you Kinda - stick with this? Its going to be tough for a wee while - but sooner that you think it will all start to come right. But only now that you have decided to do without all the chemicals (incl all suggestions of other sleep aids like remeron or trazodone etc. Halcion is now banned in the UK!) - taking any chemical will just put off your recovery I am totally sure.

    Hah - those Mountains of Mourne - or as a friend once put it - those "bum shaped hills of Antrim"

    yer Lass

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 11:22 AM   #161
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by kindaunwell
    Hey, Rosie, How are you doing in that nice So. Cal. weather ???. I hate the cold with a terrible passion. And it seems this NYC cold spell is never going to end... Whenever I go out , I have so many layers on me,hats and gloves, long johns, 800 gram insulated boots,and a scarf , I must look like "NaNook" from the north of Alaska. LOL!!!. But I don't care as long as it keeps me warm....

    Anyway,I just wanted to see if you were awake and on the Board. If so , give me back a buzz, and let me know whats new with you, okay.....

    ( A change in medication !!!)

    Kinda-Unwell
    Hey, sorry I didn't get back to you last night--I lucked out and my doc approved my ambien refill! But that was kind of bad, because I slept through my taper schedule and now I am off. I need to get some immodium for those mornings; I was tearing through the medicine cabinet and couldn't find any, so I had to take extra meds. I will make up for it today, though. I was talking on another post about a party I am throwing tonight (one of those monthly things where you take turns and now it's mine, egads) so I am going to go and try to get ready for that and not take extra (I always think I'll be extra fun if I do, but eventually, it doesn't work out that way). When I was getting through my eating disorder, which involved changing my way of thinking and living entirely, I would ask myself, "Where has this ever gotten me in the long run?" The answer was nowhere but down.

    thinking of you, luv ya,
    gotta go
    rosie

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 02:18 PM   #162
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Tommy,

    I am just about to go off for an early night now - but just want to wish you all the best. Have you managed to stear clear of all temptations today? Well - at least the chemical ones? That would be wonderful to hear.
    Let me know how its going - no matter what?
    I have a busy morning tomorrow - I am selling several windsurfing/surfing rigs/boards - someone travelling a long way to buy - so wont be on the board in the morning. But if you would leave a note as to how its all going?

    Well - I was inspired by you tonight! Had several members of the family to dinner this evening - couldnt think what to cook - so - decided on a wee bit of Irish stew and dumplings! Oh boy - was very very good - everyone raved about it! Can you imagine - the melting lamb, chunks of spuds, carrots, leeks......... topped by crispy herby dumplings?
    For dessert - the boys (my sons + their father!!) got out their guitars and sang Clancy Bros songs........ from Carrickfergus to the Irish Rover. ha ha ha ha
    wot a laugh we all had! All your fault!

    Eyes on the prize, Kinda................. you will get there......... and sooner than you think

    yer Lass

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 04:02 PM   #163
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    well, yinksy, me Lass I guess you can call tonight, day 2, of no benzos. My mind feels like I can do Calculus in my head, Thats how wide awake I feel. I called the Pain doc, and he told me I could just stop taking everything (Including the Ativan ). I then went to my primary care doc, and he did a blood test for various things like thyroid, liver, whatever. He did a ekg for my heart,and it came out fine (although I was quite surprised I still had one),chest x-ray was good, blood pressure was slightly below normal, but he said that was good,saying I was a very calm man. He wished me luck ,and said the insomnia should only last afew weeks, as long as I don't take anything else, which I am not. !!!

    He also wrote me another script for afew more weeks of physical therapy. I am an Irish pessimist, so I won't slap myself on my back ,until I am sleeping normally again.

    So you sell surf boards for a living, huh ???. Now don't try and tell me you are known around town as "The Big Kahoona", while you are riding the the waves, and "Hanging Ten".LOL!!! You must of been a big fan of Hawaii five-o !!

    If those Buyers of yours are English, make sure you sell them the boards with the holes in them. LOL!!! Really though, I hope your deal goes well for you.....


    Take Good Care, yinksy

    (A different side of me)

    kinda-unwell

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 04:33 PM   #164
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Kinda,
    I am really busy right now, but dropped into to read the latest, and had to tell you your post made me really really happy (for you) and inspired. You are doing great. We have to remember the bad stuff to get somewhere good. (Kind of like learning history so that it won't repeat itself?)

    As always, Yinsky, you inspire me too. You should get paid for writing.

    outta here,
    rose

     
    Old 01-23-2004, 09:15 PM   #165
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    Re: Who's awake on this Graveyard Shift???

    Well, its Midnight again. Time for me and the "Grave-Yard" shift to begin....

    In the words of Pink Floyd "Is there anybody out there""...
    It gonna be another no-sleep night for me, so I would appreciate the company.... This is day 2 of absolutely no pills of any kind for me....The insomnia will last about 3 or 4 weeks, according to both my doctors. !!!

    So, come on, lets get some new people on this shift. You name the subject ,and I'll either listen to yer, or do the talking.. I know I can't be the only one awake at this time, so post back people......

    (A different kind of me...)

    Kinda-Unwell

     
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