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Happy Father 01-26-2004 01:03 PM

my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
hi, i'm franks wife lisa and i realize my husband befriended some of you on this board. he passed away 1/21/04 in his sleep around 11:30 pm. he was a wonderfull loving husband and father to me and his 2 young children. we buried him sunday, it was an emotional ceromony with over 400 friends and family. this man i loved so much gave and gave, i have to stop for awhile and catch my breath. i knew of his addiction, he tried so hard to fight his hydrocodone issues, he was so close to going to a betty ford clinic for a month, i'm not sure how much he was taking, he would say 10-15 per day but looking on here it looked much worse. i won't have a cause of death for a month they say to know for sure what happened but i think it may have some impact on his life, he only used pain pills so maybe that wasn't the reason he died so young?. but his breathing was getting so bad and he was so lifeless and hurting in the mornings thats why he and i knew it was time to get real help. i don't understand all this and with counsling maybe someone can explain what and why. for now i just thought you people should know he is gone from us and our family. i hope he helped some here like he helped so many other people in his life, i only cry and wonder why he couldn't help himself?. he loved his kids so much, his son is 7 months and his daughter just turned 6, she is so sad and hurting, unfortunatly i have only seen her once since wednesday, the wake and funeral. well i need to go, if you have anything for my memory that he said or did for anyone i would really appricate it and maybe help me smile.

god bless and may you be safe and free from your disease.


Jeffie010603 01-26-2004 01:12 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry I don't log on enough to be able to share any antectdotes about your husband with you as I did not know him. But my thoughts and prayers are with you now. May God be with you and your family. Love, Jeffie

rosietee 01-26-2004 01:44 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Oh, Lisa, I am so sorry. I did not personally talk to your husband either, but I know helped people here. Let us know what you find out from the autopsy.

I lost my first husband to suicide, and I have never been the same since--it took my 4 years to be able to stop crying all the time, but I can't imagine having your young kids and going through this.

Someone wise shared this with me about his grief 10 years after losing his 19-year old son, though: at first you have a bad year (or years), then bad months, then bad weeks, and then just bad days. Ultimately, you have bad moments, and they turn out to not really be bad, because it is like he is with you. It took a few months, but eventually my husband did talk to me in my dreams and I knew where he was and it was a place of peace (still took me 4 years to process it, though). I know this is nothing that will help you now in your grief. I had full-fledged grief, with no numbing or denial period, and had lost all hope that I would ever feel better. So let yourself grieve, but try to keep a little spark of hope in your heart. You will still have a relationship with him, but it will be very different. He will always be a part of you and your children and the good things in him can continue to live through you and those who loved and knew him. You will develop you own understanding and wisdom through going through this. But my heart is just broken in two for you, and I hope the thoughts and prayers of your friends, family and people on this board will help you for a millisecond. God bless and be with you and your family.


John 808 01-26-2004 01:56 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Oh Lisa, I am so terribly sorry. I posted to Frank on occasions (not alot) but some comparing our addictions. He posted alot our friend on the board, Julie. My heart just breaks at this very minute for you and your children. I don't even know what to say.......

I don't know what your faith is and don't want to push anything unwanted on you, but please lean on God for support and strength. I firmly believe He feels your pain and wants to comfort you. He hurts for you and your family. Let Him guide you through this terrible time.

I am just devastated and again offer my sincerest apologies! Thank you for sharing this with us as we get concerned when we don't here from one another in a few days. Please take care and contact me through this board if you would like to talk.

God bless,

John 808 01-26-2004 02:06 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Since you asked, thought you may like to know his last post was on 1-17-04 under a thread called, "Started taking Tylenol with Codeine..."

You can find alot of his posts under threads started by bluejulie- they were of great support to one another. She is a fantastic person and will be so hurt to hear this.

Again, I am here if you would like to talk more,

rosietee 01-26-2004 02:26 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Also, you can do an advanced search for his posts by name. (I just did.) A real wake up call for us who keep getting ready to get better. Press on advanced search and search by poster and choose the option to view by post.

God Bless you,

rudder 01-26-2004 02:50 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Hello Lisa-

I'm very sad to hear about Frank. I hope that it comes back that pills are not the root cause, but I'm sorry to say that I think pills are the cause in one form or another. Again, I'm very sorry. This just sucks.


Several months back I spent alot of time on this board looking for, and offering support about pill addiction. I have not been here much latly because I managed to gain control, at least for now. It just happens that I stopped in and saw this post.

I remember when he 1st started posting that I did not like him much because I thought that he was bragging about pills, & making light of addiction, and the issues around it. What I now realize is that in reality w/o being in the "pill fog" is that he was signaling how badly he needed help. I guess that I'm most sorry that I only realized that now. I did a search on this site for all of his posts & re-read most of them. At the end of the day it is obvious that he offered more support than he accepted for himself. I wish that was different.

I will pray for his children, as they just will not be able to understand this. Also for his family which unfourtunatly see what they did not want to see.

I wish you the best in this awful time.

Best Regards,

BTW: you can use the search feature on this site to find all of his posts to us. If you need help just ask.

LaynesADDICTI0N 01-26-2004 03:23 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Im very sorry to hear about your husband, ive been here for a long time, just keep changing my nicknames, so im not sure if i talked to your husband or not. We lose a lot of people on the other methadone boards I post at, and to me it's feels just the same when we find we lost someone we talked face to face with at my treatment centers. Again I am very sorry and no matter what the cause turns out, I hope you NEVER feel any resentment toward him because of his addiction. I can never say I know how you feel, but I CAN relate and im sure most of the people here can too. Please stick around if you want to understand more. It really does hurt, and for some the pain is more than you could ever imagine, but he is free now under gods wing and he'll never hurt again.

Happy Father 01-26-2004 04:21 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
thank you so much, i'm going to rest and hopefully be able to sleep in our house for the first time since wednseday. you people are what he said you were "friends" i always asked him who he is writting to and he just would say people struggling babe, just trying to help a friend. talking to several friends he was more then likely doubling the amount he told me, i'm so scared right now and miss him. i'll always love him and i'm not going to judge him for not being completley honest cause he tried so hard. he played college football and his knees looked like a roadmap, thats how we met, i'm a PT and i treated him after his 3rd ACL surgery. the winters and seasons were so hard for him and he was just 36. thanks again everyone, i did read his posts and cried. rudder, oh he had an ego but was very embarresed about his addiction, its easy to misconect on his words, please knowing him i'm sure he didn't take offense if you said something mean to him. i owe you people an explantion for being so nice, i'll let you know what the doctors said when i get the results. but i'm pretty sure i know what they will be.
thanks lisa

lisaaahubb 01-26-2004 04:25 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Hi Lisa....I am more sorry than words can explain....
I can not imagine the pain you and your family are going thru...
As you read back on some of Frank's posts you can see that he wanted so badly to get straight, especially for you and his children, but those DAM pills just consumed him.
This is such a massive wake-up call to all of us, addicts or not...
I am just at a loss for words....i am very sad....and so, so sorry.

ddanna 01-26-2004 05:33 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Dear Lisa,

I am also very sorry to hear about your husbands passing! I haven't been here for very long and don't think we posted to each other at all but I am saddened just the same. To know that one of us was here & now he's not, is heartbreaking. I realize we all have to go at some point but death seems so eerie to me...I don't know how to explain it. I always feel so bad for those left behind...the one that gets to go be with God, is the lucky one!

I agree with Meredith; if this can help at least one of us, it would make Frank happy. Something like this should actually make us ALL stop the madness but we know better than that and I think it's pathetic (meant mostly for me). I don't want to die and leave my kids without a mother but why doesn't this thought alone make me just stop??? I can say "well, I have chronic pain issues" but when they began I didn't start out taking this many and I shouldn't be doing it now!! I will try even harder from here on out.

And Lisa, please let us all know once you get the autopsy report. I'm kind of worried if he had anything worse going on? When I read over some old posts of his, he had spoke of being really tired and something about his breathing. I don't know much about OD'ing and maybe those are symptoms but there very well could have been something else, right??

Well, please accept my sincere sympathy. I hope you can rest and get through all this. You know all of us here are praying for you and his children!!!


Banker 01-26-2004 06:01 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Lisa - I am very sorry to hear about what happened. I want you to know that I lost my mother to prescriptions pain pills. She accidentally overdosed when she was 52. She had the addiction for many years and she simply could not beat it. I can relate to how you are feeling, somewhat. Although I'm sure your pain is greater since she was my mother and Frank was your partner in life and love. You were supposed to grow old together. I can tell you that my mother suffered every day of my life with addiction and I know that she has peace now with God. She's no longer suffering and living in this hell we call addiction. Again, I'm really, really sorry. I do hope that people on this board see that pills will kill you. They are deadly. We all must take a look at this and see what will happen to any one of us, at any time, if we don't stop taking pills. I know we don't know for sure the cause of his death but it's still time that we all realize that addiction is no longer something we can 'fix tomorrow' or 'work on tomorrow'. We have to do it now! Addiction is deadly. Lisa - may God be with you and your family during this time.

samilam 01-26-2004 06:03 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
I am so very sorry for your loss, May God be with you and your family.

sadsister 01-26-2004 07:33 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
Im so sorry to hear about the death of your husband..ive seen his posts many times on the board-and posted to similar threads.
Just wanted to offer my condolances-
Sending a prayer to your family tonite...

BadAttitude 01-26-2004 09:23 PM

Re: my husband passed away wednesday night in his sleep.
I am so sorry to hear of your husbands death, I have read his posts and he seemed like a kind and caring man.
Please know that you and your children our in my thought's.


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