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Old 05-10-2004, 04:01 AM   #1
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: boston,mass.usa
Posts: 465
sadsister HB User
Hello banker!!!

Ms. Banker-
I read the other thread w/ all you are dealing w/-got your post on my sub question.
Just wanted to chat-haven't really done that w/ you in a while?
Whats going down?I read you've been really depressed and want to come down.
Well-you know what im dealing w/ so its no longer an option for me-but i got a good taper plan for ya.I did it and it was really no problem-im at 4 mgs- i will do 6 or 8 if im really hurting but thats on occassion.
So here goes-
You are on 12 mgs?
Go to 10 immediately for a week.
Next week go to 8-hang there for a month.
Then-go to 6 mgs-stay for about month.
Try 4 mgs-after that.
The 4 mgs-holds me pretty well-i don't feel any real differance from the 8 mgs.
Ill be going down to 2 mgs. shortly-summertime..and w/in 6 months should be off it.
Im dead scared-but getting used to the idea-that i gotta get off this sometime.
I know-we've both discussed the weight gain-ive been exercising again-its tough-i really have to push myself-i did the same as you-worked out for a month-stopped and just started up again-2 weeks ago-25 min of cardio 5 x a week and 30-60 min of walking a day.
Its not a ton-but its better than nothing..i haven't lost more than 3 lbs..and my diet is better but not great.
The trick is 5x a day eating to keep your metabolism up-thats hard cos i don't like breakfast-but cereal in morning/sandwich at lunch-granola bar snack-1/2 portion at dinner and snack like popcorn/fruit at nite.
I blew diet yesterday(mothers day-eating fest)...
Happy Mothers day to are the kids?We should start motivating each other-remember we were gonna do that?
Its hard losing on the sub-im going into summer feeling yuck..
Well-let me know whats up-miss talking to you...
Hang in there...

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Old 05-10-2004, 04:29 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,185
Banker HB User
Re: Hello banker!!!

Hey Heather - what a nice surprise. I've found that I can drop immediately to 8 mgs. I don't think I'm going to have a problem with it. It's sad that even at 4 mgs you are still having all of the side effects that I am. I'll go down to 8 and then after a month, do what you said about the rest of the plan...

Still scared that I can't handle the cravings without Sub. I've even thought - o.k., well - I'll just take the Sub if a crave so badly for a hydro and that will be my 'drug' but knowing me, I'll just be on Sub daily again if I do it like that (when/if I ever get off). I'm not scared of the wds anymore. Murphy and Trying have both done it and they are managing... Not great, but managing so we can do it too!

I know what you mean about the weight. Hopefully now that I'm on Wellbutrin, I'll lose a little because that's supposed to be a side effect and I can tell I have TONS more energy that before.

I'm extremely proud of you for excersising and doing so well. You've done great with that. If you can help me get motivated to start it again... that would be awesome. And then, when we are ready - we'll get off of Sub together and just see what happens. Gotta go get ready but thank you for writing to me and we'll talk soon. I have that court today so please pray for me. I'm VERY scared!!!

Old 05-12-2004, 04:33 AM   #3
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: boston,mass.usa
Posts: 465
sadsister HB User
Re: Hello banker!!!

Always here for you ms. Banker-
We can help each other-im hurtin' right now-so ill...
Lots of family craziness going on-kind of insane..trying to stay sane..
Im doing ok w/ the exercise-but not losing the way i used to-plus im still not eating really great-way better than before.No more carmel creams.
Plus-im perimenopausal..that keeps the weight on-oh..its a tad disheartening-but i gotta keep trying.
But i can motivate you-cos you are young-ready to do it-lets go-mama..summers coming..i got 30 damn lbs. to lose-its alot of weight-but i think the key is to cut down on the junk-right there gives you that calorie deficit-and exercise-makes you feel better no matter what happens-
I suggest the slim in 6 program..its really good my hub lost 35 lbs..hes been doing it since Feb.-there is alot of differant excersise plans-videos/so you pick the one that works for you-ultimately increasing the intensity-and i guess eventually you lose the weight-there is a very doable diet plan-alot of info-check in 6
Go mama-

Old 05-12-2004, 11:21 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,185
Banker HB User
Re: Hello banker!!!

Thank you - I'll check into that. I am one (and most addicts are) that need immediate gratification so when I work out, I want results right then... And I'm not getting them so I sort of dwindled down on the plan. However, I'm trying to pick it back up.
Oh, I've got about 25- 30 to lose too. It's going to be tough because for a few weeks, I really tried but only lost about 4 lbs... (4 real lbs - rest was water) so we will see. I'm going to have to bust my BUTT! I'm sorry you are hurting. What is going on? Also, are you taking an antidepressant? Talk w/you soon and thank you for the encouragement. Keep up the great work!

Old 05-13-2004, 04:45 AM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: boston,mass.usa
Posts: 465
sadsister HB User
Re: Hello banker!!!

just got some antibiotics-bad upper-resp..and had to finish my move out of our last home..Ive been trying to help a young family member-his family kicked him out of the house-got a restraining order/etc due to his drinking/drugging-hes 18..hes really isn't out of control-works a job/car etc..but his dad is a religious/hardcore AA guy-who is very abusive.
The mom won't take him in-(too selfish)-this poor kid was flung around his whole life-living w/ the grandparents/mom/dad/friends-horrible parents.
Im trying to convince him to check into rehab-get some info-its too early to say'hes got a problem"-cos many teens party-and grow out of that-of course-some don't /like us.
Basically-hes smokes weed and drinks-but i will say-this is a problem that runs rampant in our family(BTW-his mom still smokes pot-won't admit it)-along w/ depression/bi-polar-
Im just there to listen-give him a place to sleep(hes staying w/ other friends too)-but its always something.Last year his sister was taken out of my house-by the police..she had a breakdown and trashed her grandmothers house-a year later-shes doing well-(just had a child)..oops im blabbing.
I guess what im saying is that im the "cool auntie"-the one who offers tea and advice-and alot of love-so i have young troubled ones/and older friends that use me as there shrink-the sad thing is-im nuts myself.
But always a good listener.Got to be kind and helpful-in this life.
Yes-im still in therapy and take an antidepressant and a benzo for panic attacks-i got several issues of my own-but i
As far as addiction-the sub has given both of us-PERSPECTIVE!!!
I agree-i believe when its time to get off-WE can do it..i don't want to go back to being a ready to grow up.I got a responsibility to my son and myself
I am a big fan of instant gratification too-gimmee results NOW!
But w/ losing weight/exercise etc..its gonna take time-it took 8 months to put on the weight i figure its gonna take about the same to lose it-but im really want to make my life better on all levels-mentally/physically-i want to be that strong women who did go out there-i lived my dream-i got the record deal-i played all over the us/europe..i did it-and i also became the cliche screwed up rock chick..and lost everything cos getting high was more important.I really messed up-
I read one of your posts-that you dreamed of being a rock singer-what kind of stuff do you like?Fave bands?Whose your idea of the coolest rock women??
I love patti smith/chrissie hynde/Janis/kim deal/..just wondering..
Well i blabbed hope i didn't bore you-how is the family doing?Grandma?etc..
i hope you are well-and have a good day today..

Old 05-13-2004, 05:21 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,185
Banker HB User
Re: Hello banker!!!

Wow - what a responsibility to have him there but also.. you ARE doing him a favor. If he were on the streets... he would be 1,000 times worse. You being there for him may mean all the difference in the world.

Odd about you being sick - I just got sick yesterday... strep and fever... reminds me of withdrawals... it's awful. Anyway, found out that I CANNOT go to 8 mgs this fast. Yesterday, i wasn't feeling well and just did not feel like I needed my Sub - for whatever reason so I forgot to take it. By noon, my entire body was wet w/sweat and I just thought it was because I was sick. As soon as I took my first dose of sub, it went away. Pretty scary.
How are you handling food cravings? I am losing control on the food issue again... eating all of the time. The Welbutrin is supposed to make me LOSE weight - not gain more. UGH!

Yes, would have loved to be a singer... favorite women are of course Janis (and she is before my time but I love the 60's and 70's music) Now I love Natalie Merchant's voice.. it's more like mine than anyone else. Of course I love Norah Jones and the lead singer of the cranberries. I love Pink. I know... she's VERY pop but her voice just is so wonderful, forget the words she's singing... if you close your eyes and listen, she really believes in what she is singing. I love women that have such passion in their voice... Music is my own passion. It can make me feel absolutely wonderful. I find when I'm depressed... I cannot listen AT ALL to any music whatsoever. I just can't do it. This week is the first time I've listenend in listerally months and months. And that includes even when I was w/my boyfriend.

Grandma is w/the good aunt - we went to court and the bad aunt didn't even show up. She's leaving to go back to her home (about 2,000 miles away) but my grandmother is so sad. She doesn't understand why she cannot live at home. She asked my good aunt if she has had a stroke and/or if she's losing her mind. It breaks my heart. But now that she's not drinking, she's like a different person. The dementia is still there, but not as bad but she realizes it more. Does that make sense? I can't stand it. Meanwhile, the 'bad' aunt is still here and she can't even see my grandmother unsupervised so I was attemping to be the mediator yesterday... It was awful and extremely stressful. She's the reason why my grandmother ended up in detox anyway - and I truly mean this. My grandmother admitted that every time she turned around, there was a TALL drink in front of her. VERY SAD!

K - thinking about staying home today because I feel so awful. I don't have any meetings so I may just stay here... That awful fever is what gets me so badly. Anyway, while you're busy taking care of everyone else... don't forget about YOU! And I think that's awsome that you have traveled and been a successful singer. That's amazing!

Old 05-15-2004, 05:37 AM   #7
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: boston,mass.usa
Posts: 465
sadsister HB User
Re: Hello banker!!!

hope you are feeling better-strep/ must be your fever down?
We are ALL sick here-my hub has an ear infection-whats going on?change of season illness?I hope you got some antibiotics!
Cravings-in general-are a problem...drug/food..etc.Right now im just trying to bypass-all the candy/treats at the grocery really a sugar freak-so im treating these like drug cravings..'it will pass" not really losing yet-its a little disheartening-cos its been 3 solid weeks-a couple of flubs..with the food..but daily w/outs..i guess its gonna take time.
Wellbutrin-(my doc wants me on it) supposed to help w/ cravings.Ciggs/food/etc.But it hasn't helped you yet?How long have you been on it?
I do like all the singers you mentioned-partcularly-Natalie/Nora/Pink-pink does have a really cool quality to her voice/delivery-and i agree-passioniate voices-always hit me.i always loved the sort of androdynous voices-male or female..alto females-and male voices-like bowie/lou/dylan-leonard cohen.
I have stopped listening to music at times-too.going thru breakups-kicking drugs-anytime my emotions can't handle it.
BTW_how are you holding up w/ your recent breakup-i know you were very sad-how are you feeling now?
Such a sad story bout your grammy/aunts-i can the weird dynamics and mean spiritness-i have a wealth of it in my own family-and i don't get it.
I really care about 'family'-basically thats what landed me in therapy-and after close to 2 years-im just pieceing it together.
Im glad to hear shes doing better--and shes at least w/ good auntie..and cared for.
I went for a deep tissue massage-and got totally ill-(too many toxins according to the therapist) kidding i am toxic..I wonder what my body is made of now/??Boy-those years killed me-i hope i don't mess up when i get off the sub-i am scared of that.Like you said-you were really hurting..until you took it-its the first thing i do on waking-than cofee/smokes-TOXIC!
Husband outta town tonite-im feeling so lonely-he doesn't come near me anymore-i feel so unattractive/disgusting-he says its the sub-i say its my weight.Im not feeling too good about myself..whats to do????
God-im bored..and sick...
Take care my friend...

Old 05-15-2004, 09:25 PM   #8
John 808
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: MS, USA
Posts: 1,578
John 808 HB User
Re: Hello banker!!!

Hey Banker- wrote to you on another thread!

Just wanted to say HEY TO HEATHER! We haven't talked in ages!
Sorry you have been sick- that is the worst! I tried to get sick, but as soon as I felt the scratchy throat and all that good stuff, I loaded up on vitamin C and gatorade and echinacea and anything that would keep it away and luckily, it passed! If MOM sicks, the house fall apart! LOL!
Anyway, just wanted to drop you a quick hello and tell you that I have missed chatting with you. Don't get to the boards as much as I used to- my one year old has turned two (couple of weeks ago) and all of the sudden she went from this calm, complacent child to a WILD THING! I can't leave her alone for two minutes- hence, not alot of computer time for MOM.
Well, I'll just have to get up here before bedtime (which is almost midnight here...). It'll be no fun getting up for church early in the AM...LOL!

Well, you take care and know that I still think of you often!

Old 05-16-2004, 06:29 AM   #9
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: boston,mass.usa
Posts: 465
sadsister HB User
Re: Hello banker!!!

Miss you too, girl!Your lucky you didn't get ill-today-woke up w/ huge migraine-when will it end?Can barely type.
I haven't seen you as much-here-how the heck are you?
I know you were having a rough time-have things improved?
Its amazing how kids go from being the little ones-to wild ones-no more little ones for me-just big ones-with Big problems.
My son is 19-and boy-do these kids have issues.I mean-some have already been to detox-or have to go.
It seems like the world is on drugs/alcohol/or both.
my boy is basically doing well-he works full time/very talented musician-but hes got some issues(dont we all)?
But-i worry about him-thankfully-he seems anti-hard drugs..due to the fact he has lost some friends due to addiction-that was horrible.
Im glad you said Hi!I miss you too-i hope you are feeling better these days-please keep in touch and let me know whats always here-to listen.
much love-

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