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    Old 08-22-2004, 01:16 PM   #1
    fisherpard
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    [b]to All Suboxone Users Or Interested![/b]

    TO ALL SUBOXONE USERS OR INTERESTED! First let me say I am on day 4 off Suboxone and am totally about to die. I have screamed and cryed all day. My body and mind wants a fix so bad. Especially my mind and the problem is I have plenty. I just want to be free of the opiate addiction so bad because it has destroyed my life.

    About the Suboxone users or people thinking about it, don't go that route unless you are a real, real and I mean real bad user. You will be trading one addcition for one that is worse. I was a around 8 loratab user a day. When I started the Suboxone I started at 8mg a day. I first thought this was the best thing I had ever done but was I wrong. If it looks to good to be true it probably is. I would have been better off just biting the bullet on quiting before ever starting the Suboxone. I stayed on it about three months and done a taper over a period of about 8 weeks.

    The Suboxone gave me a addiction worse than the loratab. I felt so good on the 8mg with the exception of knowing I was a slave to the drug.

    I hope others have had a better result than mine. I can hardly stand not having the mental addiction to the drug. I have not had any phisical symptoms of withdrawals just the craving and the pschologocal addiction. Please excuse my sentences because I have hardly the thought pattern to type with this extreme craving.

    Can any offer any info after day four? If it gets any worse than today I will not be able to survive. I just can't go back to the drugs and am scared I will just put a end to all this pain.

    sorry for my rambling,
    but it just is really no easy way around this terrible problem,

    the fisherman

    ps The ironical funny part of this affair is I have Diabetes, Fibromyalgia,Chronic divierticulitus(which I have right now and am having terrible pain) High Blood pressure, Manier's Disiease and two hernated disk in my neck.

    Last edited by fisherpard; 08-22-2004 at 01:43 PM.

     
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    Old 08-22-2004, 01:46 PM   #2
    fisherpard
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    b/t Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

     
    Old 08-22-2004, 02:22 PM   #3
    sammi
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Fisherpad, WOW, I feel for you. I pray when I come off of Suboxone that I will not have your symptoms. From what I understand of your post, it's more mental than physical, is this correct? Have you thought about an anti-depressant, I mean I'm just wondering with all of your other health problems if your not somewhat depressed.

    Just keep going forward, things HAVE to get better, right? You've made it to day 4 so I would assume the worst is over physically. Whether it's Sub or whatever narcotic you're coming off of we all are going to have mental cravings.

    Please keep us posted as to your progress. I truly hope things will get better for you.

    Good luck,
    Sammi

     
    Old 08-22-2004, 02:27 PM   #4
    fisherpard
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Thanks Sammi,

    I am on 60mg Remoron and 150mg Effexxor. Yes it is a mental battle especially for me. It might not be that way for everyone. My depression gets worse and worse and I have been on every anti deppressant available. I guess I just miss my love affair with opiates. My doctor said that it could take a year for the mental cravings to get better, I hope she is wrong because if each day ia like today, life will be hard.

    thanks for responding,
    fisherman

     
    Old 08-22-2004, 02:35 PM   #5
    sammi
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Fisherman, I definitely agree with you about the depression. Thank God I have not had to deal with depression like most on this board. I know I do have bouts of it, but I feel so bad for those of you that have to deal with it on a daily basis. My aunt whom I am very close to is clinically depressed and it just breaks my heart.

    Do you do a lot of fishing? I love to fish!!

     
    Old 08-22-2004, 02:41 PM   #6
    chefob1
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    every one thinks suboxone/subutex and buprenex,all forms of bupenorphine,are miracle drugs....they have this false idea in their head that when it comes time to wean off very slow that there will be no withdrawals....all opiates,every single one of them carry the w/d factor.....for some certain symptoms are more pronounced than others...mine was the no sleepin bit...that is usually the last thing to return after you have done a complete detox off of opiates....diahrea used to kill me too and nothing,i mean nothing,immodium all that crap never worked for me...your not going to die but you are going to feel discomfort for some time....they are now putting people on clonidine and trazadone after they have completed the bupenorhine therapy.....another myth is how terrible methadone detox is...it is only as terrible as you make it....have to go very slow with suboxone and methadone cause of the half life of those drugs...now comes the real test...relapse...dont do it...your paying the piper now...can it done and over and seek some freindship/guidance at 12 step meetings...they will be very helpful to you right now.....trust me...chef

     
    Old 08-22-2004, 03:02 PM   #7
    fisherpard
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Sammi,

    I do love to fish but have not really done much in a long time. This name acually comes from something I used to be before this disease and me losing my faith. Some of the Apostles were :
    'Fishers of Men".

    Can you believe that this terrible disease can actually strip you of your life, faith and even in some cases your freedom??

    fisherman

     
    Old 08-22-2004, 10:06 PM   #8
    Banker
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Thank you for posting your experience. Please keep us posted and continue to come here for support. You're going to have to have some plans on what you can do when your cravings become overwhelming... I don't know of your age, employment, children but is there anything you can do to take your mind off of the cravings immediately when you feel them coming?

    And I honestly don't think your cravings will be like this for a year... I've heard from many doctors and people on this board from their own doctors that it takes about 90 days for your receptors to get back to normal. I would question as to why someone would put you on Sub when you were only taking maybe one or two more than the recommended daily amount of lortabs??? I agree with you. OF course, hindsight is 20/20 and I'm on it now... but I was up to over 20 pills a day and this med HAS saved my life... the hard part will not be the physical withdrawals for me (which by the way, you are extremely lucky to not be suffering the physical withdrawals along w/the mental) but just like Chef said... it will be fighting the cravings... Do you mind posting in and letting us know how you are and what your plan is to fight off these cravings? You've got to come up w/something... do you attend meetings? If not... are you going to?

     
    Old 08-23-2004, 06:34 AM   #9
    sammi
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Good morning Fisherman, how are you today? I agree with Banker in that you have to have a back up plan for when you start craving. My Dr reccommended that I write down on a card at least five reasons why I should not go back to abusing narcotics and when I start craving just pull it out and read it. It really does help.

    It is amazing how these little pills can destroy so much. I am still very angry at myself for allowing it to take over my life. I thought I was a strong person and had it all togetherI have been on Suboxone since March and feel that it saved my life. I truly hope things will get better for you and remember to take it one day at a time.

    Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

    Smile God Loves You and I'm sure so do many others.....
    Sammi

     
    Old 08-23-2004, 10:19 AM   #10
    fisherpard
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Thank you all for your comments and help! This is day five and it is far been the worse day yet. I started out so strong willed but am getting very weak. I just bet day 5-7 is where most crave in. All you on Suboxone please try to prepare yourself because coming off is going to be the worst battle you have ever had.

    I probably mis-lead you on my usage. Not only around 8 loratab but also add in about 15-20 ultram and about 60 mg of Ritilin and 4mg of Kolonipin. However, the opiates were always what my drug of chioce or real addiction is.

    I am a 42 year old man. I have a 13 year old daughter and a wonderful life before this terrible mess. I have a BS in Accounting with a minor in Economics. I also have a BS in Business Administration. I only like a couple of courses for my Masters in each. Two years ago I had a super nice job making very good money and now I am down to working about 20 hours a week. Over the last two years I have managed to go thru probably a $100,000 and really have nothing to show for it.

    I have fought many battles but none compares to this. I lost my father at age 15 on a family vacation. I had to put my mother on a airplane home while I drove the car 1000 miles home with no license. Then at 16 my mother married a awful man so I moved out on my on. Boy was I a scared young man acting so tough!! Then he killed my mother at my 18th birthday but there was never enough evidence to put him away. My father had a ton of money that was left to her but guess what my mother had no will. So he gets it all according to State law.

    I go to work at a steel foundry (a boy who never worked a day in his life) and saw the real world. Swinging a 16lb sledge hammer 16 hours a day will really get your attention. So I Worked my way thru College and once up on a time was pretty proud of myself.

    Now I wish I was never born...................

    fisherman

     
    Old 08-23-2004, 10:37 AM   #11
    chefob1
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    im 44....dad died when i was 16...sister had a brain tumor and died in 1989...mom died in 1994 ovarian cancer....proffessional chef...worked fine country clubs,been to the white house,60 gold,silver bronze medals for culinary arts...got married in 1990...have two girls 10 and 13...wife divorced me in 2001 due to addictions to opiates,lost my 300,ooo home to ex...i can relate to ya boss.....but am in a stage of recovery.....chef

     
    Old 08-23-2004, 11:15 AM   #12
    Twinlynn
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Fisherman - Nothing will ever take all that pain away (I was so startled by your post....it's been so horrific for you)--but....have you had ANY professional help? Just wondering, because although I'm not into heavy-duty analysis, I also believe that there are certain times we need psychological help in our lives. It sounds like you did not get it during those crisis periods--and heaven knows how you lived through all that and achieved what you did. But you should not be alone at a time like this.

    Are you still married? Living with your family? Are you getting any help? Do antidepressants help? You don't have to answer all these questions....but they are racing through my head, because you sound in such despair. I'm also confused at to whether you were taking the Suboxone ALONG with the opiates? I didn't think you could do that??

    You are dealing with much too much both physically and emotionally. Do you at least have someone to share all this with in your family...or any friends? I'm in my 50's--and I know that if, by age 42, I'd gone thru what you have, I'd need at least one person in my life I could talk with and trust.

    will check back later. going offline now. But you are worrying me. I wish there were some way I could help. Lynn

     
    Old 08-23-2004, 11:41 AM   #13
    fisherpard
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Lynn,

    Thank you for your reply. No I never received any kind of help when I went through those difficult times. You remember back in the late 70's that if you went to a shrink what everyone would think. The High School baseball short stop and Quarterback was way too strong for that kind of stuff. Boy was that a joke. I look back on it now and remember how scared I was. So guess what I learned the gifted art of self medication. A little beer here, a little pot there and maybe a valium or 714 on a real bad night was my counsuling. I was Homecoming King, I could not chance anyone knowing I was hurting inside. By the way , I did marry the Homecoming Queen and have been married for 22 years.

    I finally at around the age 24 gave up all the drugs and booze for 9 years was clean. Health problems hit and seemed to not stop but I still hung in. It was when my daughter was born that I really started to fall apart. At 6 weeks she was in the hospital for minnigitis, then 4 cases of phnewmonia (sp)
    and then what really got me going a little bit was at age four she was diagnosed with Juvinile Artritis. But I really got bad when she was diagnosed in the second grade with Tourettes. I would just keep on self medicating. Then a year a go she was diagnosed with polyositic ovarian desease and my using was getting more than my supply.

    We always wanted several children but decided on just one with all these medical problems. I just could not take the risk of bringing another child in the world to have my flawed genes. Probably too much drug use at 16.....

    I have seen several phsychologist over the past 4 years but it really does not help me much. It just re hashes old bad memories.

    I hope I have not bored you too much............

    take care,
    fisherman

     
    Old 08-23-2004, 02:31 PM   #14
    fisherpard
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Dear Banker,

    I am caving in on day 5. I have not used yet but I see it coming. I have a script for 40 8mg suboxone in my wallet and know that will give my pain a rest. I am hurting so much.............thought patterns are wild and even having tingling feelings. And these are not coming from the physical side...............alll mental withdrawel.

    I pray you don't have to go through this when they feel it is time to wean you off. Even when I was down to 1mg a day it was nothing close to what I am feeling right now. Are there any people on this forum who has successfully came off of Suboxone? Especially ones who has stayed on it over 3 months..............I am a very strong willed person. I had quit smoking 15 years ago but started back last fall. Decided I wanted to quit about two months ago and used the nic. patch for a couple of weeks and had no problem quiting. I quit using 3 20mg RitilanXR (that I had used regulary for two years) in a day.

    So what I am saying is those are real hard addictions to quit. Some people can never quit smoking.

    Why can't I have the same power with the suboxone? I thought it had saved my life but now feel I have created a monster. There is no hole to hide in, no one who can give you strength, no where on earth to escape it's hold on me. I read Chris's thread about his wife and pray that he has the strenght to survive a blow like that. We all seem to have crisis in our lives. Is that our common factor? Do we lack coping skills, The Lord knows I do!

    I am sorry for rambling...................I am losing the fight. Banker, please don't let my crying get you down because you might just wean off with no problems , just like I did with the Ritilan. just may be me.

    fisherman

     
    Old 08-23-2004, 03:19 PM   #15
    murphy65
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    Re: To all Suboxone users or interested !

    Fisherpard,
    I have been reading your posts and noticed that you added some drugs to your list. I believe I have c/t from all of those. I took ritalin,klonopin,ultram and hydro at the same time for a pretty good stretch but have had withdrawl symptoms from all of these seperately. Between the klonopin and the ultram I can Imagine the mental withdrawls you are going through. Klonopin is tough.
    Try to get some clonodine or something non addicting. I thought I was losing my mind trust me it was bad I thought I would never be normal but I stuck with it and trust me it does get better. You have to give it time. I know you have heard that a million times but you have too. Go to a doctor or call somebody and get some help if you have too, don't give in now. Trust me stick it out don't let what you have went through these last 5 days go to waste.

     
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