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DISCOSTU 10-18-2004 02:11 PM

first test passed barely
I have been clean for about 1 1/2 months I think. I have not been keeping a close count, but it is at least that long. I had a 30 10mg hydrocodone a day habit.
Well I have been feeling great for the most part. Sleeping is still a little iffy, and I crave sometimes, but for the most part I feel great. I had for the most part forgot all about them.
Yesterday I was cleaning out one of my drawers, and there was a little blue lortab staring back at me(I never would have found it if I needed it though). I had thought I was cured and could handle any of this kind of thing. I thought if this kind of situation was ever going to come up I could easily flush it.

But I was shaken. I find it very interesting how quickly my mind began to justify taking it, without my even trying.
"Go ahead its only one, you don't have anymore, you might as well enjoy it"
"Break it in half, you cant get addicted again, a normal person would take it for a headache and your normal now"

And so on.
I did eventually flush it, but I thought I was cured and strong enough to resist anything now, but it was really hard.
Just wanted to remind people no matter how good you feel you have to stay vigilant.

Good luck.

vamp36 10-18-2004 03:57 PM

Re: first test passed barley
Thank you for sharing that with us. It is amazing how the craving can creep up on us in a second flat!! I was driving yesterday and had to go past an old hangout, the craving for cocaine swept over in a second!! It would have beeen so easy to stop the car and make a visit!!! But I kept on driving. In a few minutes it was over, thankfully.

goddessgrl65 10-19-2004 06:32 AM

Re: first test passed barley
You know how it works..recall..the tape loop-
You did a huge thing-you flushed it-thats amazing!
You are on the road to good recovery-
Goddess bless..

opiateskill000 10-19-2004 02:47 PM

Re: first test passed barley

Congratulations man, that's pretty amazing. You should definately feel good about yourself for doing that, it would have been very easy to screw things up for yourself.

Word of advice, though: don't look for "tests." I've read that an opportunity that you can pass up one day may be too overwhelming the next, so the best bet is always to just stay away from those lil blue guys (M361's if I remember correctly). I don't think you'd look for trouble anyway, but just puttin in my 2 cents.

Congratulations again, you should definately feel good about not succumbing to the silly voice in your head that says it's okay.

DISCOSTU 10-20-2004 08:42 AM

Re: first test passed barley
Thanks for the encouragement. I am not looking for tests.
I am well aware that if I had somehow found 20 instead of just 1 I would be in the midst of a relapse right now. It was sobering, I truly felt like I could take on the world again, and 1 little pill makes you re-evalute everything.
Anyway good luck to everyone and GO SOX!!!
I think I have had three mini heart attacks watching the last three games.

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