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Should I be concerned?

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Old 11-07-2004, 07:02 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 74
Goya123 HB User
Should I be concerned?

About ten years ago (I think maybe even longer), my dad was an alcoholic. I was very young and unaware, and was only told about it years later by my mom. As I understand it, he was pulled over for DUI and that was the last straw; he stopped cold turkey. For years after that, he never touched alcohol. Now, suddenly, within the past year or two, I've noticed him drinking. (My parents are divorced and I live with my mom. My dad comes over a couple times a week after school, so this is what I'm basing my observations on.) He doesn't drink hard liquor when he comes over, just a beer or a Zima, I've noticed. I don't remember him having more than one (large cans, but I'm not sure of the exact size) and he doesn't seem to be drinking to get drunk. I asked my mom about it and she wasn't really sure what to think either. So, one night, she casually brought it up--unfortunately, I was there, so I think perhaps my dad's answers could have been affected by my presence (they were at least more hurried). It went something like this:
"I noticed an empty beer can, and I thought it was one of our kid's friends! But then I was told that it was yours. So you're okay with that now?"
"Uh...yeah...its fine."
"Wow, that's good."
"Uh huh."
End of conversation.

So, should I be concerned?

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Old 11-07-2004, 07:45 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 616
Sarandipity HB User
Lightbulb Re: Should I be concerned?

In my experience w/ aa and rehab, people can go years without drugs or alcohol and still be addicts and alcoholics. It's the worst to be "craving" and not have anything in your life to get you through that such as God and AA.
They are such unfortunates. They are holding on by a thread. Craving is so painful.

From what you telling me is that your father quit on his own which is never a good thing unless he is active in AA, and has addmitted to himself and others he is an alcoholic, and powerless over alcohol.

Im not sure how much you know about alcoholism. It's a chronic and fatal disease unless it is treated. Although unless your father is ready to let go of his own will, and entirely ready to stop, you will not be able to do it for him. He will have to make that decision.

You can go online and pick up a copy of the "big book" If you read it you will understand what he is going through. Although if he is is denial, like I was, it's impossible for him to see it. You sound like you want to help your Dad. Find out about the disease, go to an Alanon meeting. And your needs will be met and you can find out what you can and cannot do to help your father.

My heart go's out to you! You can find alanon meetings online.


"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Old 11-07-2004, 03:18 PM   #3
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 236
marich101 HB User
Re: Should I be concerned?

Sorry for plunging in here, but wanted to check and see how you're doing. Haven't spoken with you since you got back, did catch a few of your posts a week or so ago but didn't have a chance to shout at you then. You seemed to be doing OK, maybe a little conflicted but all in all you sounded pretty good. Again, sorry to but in but have had you on my mind while you were gone and just wanted to see how you were.

Old 11-07-2004, 04:55 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 616
Sarandipity HB User
Re: Should I be concerned?

Hi Marilyn!
How are you? It's nice that you remembered me!
Yes, I made it back from rehab. What is going on w/ you?

I remember that sweet post you sent me before I left, thank you.

Going to make dinner, please write when you have a chance.

Ta Ta,

"I believe that friends lift us up when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly."

Old 11-07-2004, 07:05 PM   #5
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 133
Baseball65 HB User

I don't think you should be concerned.There was a post by a guy named Koufax63 the other day in another string,and he made a point about the "myths" of AA and that whole "fatal and progressive disease" stuff.
I was a stone cold blackout,DUI, falling down drunk.I went to AA but dropped out after a number of years.I eventually drank again,and despite what they told me,I have NEVER become a drunk again.I can absolutely drink responsibly and normally.
I researched the Drs from koufaxs' post,and I also found out that I am the rule,not the exception.That Dr. Stanton Peele guy has extensive research to back up his claim that Alcoholism and drug addiction are neither "disease" nor "inherited" a lot of the presumed gospel of AA.
The info I found even had a "cover-up" story on the guy who is the head of the national council on drug and alcoholism.They themselves found that out of 200 problem drinkers they studied in two control groups,the ones who got NO counseling did better than the ones who went into intensive rehab and than AA.However,the relapses of the AA control group were worse.....almost like a self fulfilling prophecy... REPORTED more dramatic and painful accounts of their relapses than the other group.

After reading that,I'd say,unless pops shows signs of a problem..leave him alone.

I'm actually going to do one of their 6 week programs.They have some things in common with AA,but insist it is a 6 week program,not a condemnation to a life of sitting thru meetings and the same one-upsmanship stories night after night.

I have "recovered" from alcoholism,so I know I can "recover" from addiction.I am not powerless.I can make choices.So can your dad.I wouldn't worry about him.1 or 2 Zimas does not an alcoholic make.

Oh yeah,,,the AA's will say we(your dad and I) are in "denial" or that our "disease" is in remission......

nuff said

Old 12-02-2004, 03:14 PM   #6
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 90
pearce28 HB User
Re: Should I be concerned?

Alot of the results end up the same....right back to alcholism from what I have noticed. But honestly I have seen it go both ways. I know it goes against the grain of most counselors and AA but I have seen those people that just made a decision to drink a beer here or there and that really is all they do.

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