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    Old 02-24-2005, 05:57 AM   #1
    ELYSIUM
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    Detox from Hydrocodone & Xanax in a Psych Ward

    Detox from Hyrdrocodone & Xanax in Psych Ward Experience

    Background:

    Started taking hydrocodone for an injury a year and a half ago. Somewhere a long the line I started to become dependant on them emotionally. I have always had a degree of depression and anxiety and have been on and off of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds for years. The depression never seemed to effect my ability to function and I was fortunately able to finish college, get a great job..etc. Tracing it back, the trouble really began after a very bad break up of a relationship. I was so angry and didn’t know how to deal with that so I took a pill. More specifically, a pain pill. Very quickly, I became numb. At first, I would only use them on weekends or maybe one night a week. Then it became all weekend. Then, after some time, it became every day. All the while, every time I popped a pill, my rational mind knew that this was not a good thing to be doing. But my brain and my desire to become numb overcame that. So, fast forward to last month. I found myself taking up to 6-8, 10mg tablets a day—sometimes a bit more. I found myself seeking other sources to get the pills as my prescription only allowed 2, 10mg a day.

    So, I took a good hard look at myself and knew without a doubt that I had to get help before it got worse. And I knew it was only a matter of time (whether weeks or months or years) before I was a full blown addict. It was already negatively affecting my life—although the part of me with the addiction really wanted to believe that I was somehow better on the pills. Better able to cope, stronger, calmer, more creative, more productive. And while some of those things seemed so true—I still could see that I was not taking care of myself any longer. I had started to loose my appetite, not caring what I wore, not caring if I had my makeup on or not. Also, I was making mistakes. Lots of mistakes. And I knew that I was no longer acting in my best interest.

    Last week began with my quest to get clean. I had convinced myself that I couldn’t do it alone and therefore, I began to actively seek out professional help. My first step was letting my prescribing Dr. know that I had a problem. I scheduled an appt. with him and laid it all out there. Unfortunately, he wasn’t much help. They just said to go to a local E.R. That same afternoon I went to the E.R. and waited about 4-6 hours to be seen. The particular hospital I went to had a Psych ward and I was hoping to be checked in. They did screen me but said that I didn’t belong there and that I should be able to do it myself on an out-patient program. The next day I called my insurance company and got several other numbers. One of those numbers was for a different Psychiatic in-patient hospital in the area. I called that hospital and was told that they had no beds. I was put on a waiting list. Much to my surprise, that hospital called me the next day and said they had a bed open. They said to get there within 4 hours. They are 20 minutes away from me—and I was there within the hour of receiving the call.

    Admissions:

    My first step was the admissions process. In order to be let in to the Psych hospital I pretty much had to say that I was some kind of danger to myself. Even though I was not suicidal, I knew what I had to do in order to get approved. I was so bad off that I actually took more pills as the admissions clerk went out of the office to get some paper work. I figured “may as well”. So, after a lengthy conversation with my insurance company, the admissions clerk said that I was “in”. She led me to the Psych ward.

    The Psych Ward

    Got into the Psych ward and had to do more paperwork and an interview. I began to notice all the other patients and the fear set in. The only other time I have ever been on a psych ward was to visit my mother during her frequent stays when I was a teenager (she’s bi-polar/schizophrenic). There were people from every walk of life in all kinds of conditions. Since it was late, and I was still feeling the effects of the hydro, I was able to get to bed and sleep soundly and was pretty much unaffected by all that was going on around me. Around 3:00 a.m. they brought a roommate into my room—a girl in her early 20’s who had tried to commit suicide by an overdose. I got back to sleep only to be awoken at 5:00 for blood and urine samples.

    Day 1

    After the testing, I spoke with my assigned psychiatrist. She said that they were putting me on a “detox protocol”. I learned that this would consist of a mild barbituate which they would taper me from over the course of a few days. In addition, I was put on anti-depressants. I also learned, much to my dismay, that they were going to not only detox me from the hydrocodone, but also the xanax. WHOA. I was very upset by this as I had been taking Xanax for years (via valid prescription) and felt that I really, really needed it.

    I found out pretty quicky that the pysch ward is a very scheduled place. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, Group Meetings (which were actually very good because they were facilitated by an ex-addict), scheduled “smoke breaks” (apparently just about everyone on the ward smoked—including me), “activity therapy”. This was a “lock-down” ward (I’m guessing most of them are). Even though there were many activities, it still felt cold, depressing and very scary that first day. I kept thinking “all these people here are out of their minds”….”I’m not crazy….why did I put myself here?”. Got my barbituate and around 3:00 that afternoon the crying spells started. Let me re-phrase that. The hysterics started. Every hour on the hour, I was a complete and total wreck. I kept thinking about all of the things that I had been avoiding thinking about this past year (mostly my dad being very ill). I was literally walking the floors crying. I kept asking staff “is this normal?” My fear was that I was losing my mind. Since I’ve always had this fear, it wasn’t too irrational. By 5:00 I was actually asking to go home. I felt my limbs tingling and my chest and stomach “clenching”….hard to describe. The ward had a “community area” where all of the patients could sit and watch T.V. I was a total zombie. I know part of that was the meds they had me on and part of it was withdrawal. By late that night, I didn’t even feel like I could form coherent sentences and my verbal abilities were dramatically reduced. I started realizing “hey….I look just like everyone else here”. The most profound thing I learned that day was that every single one of the patients there had a lot to teach me. Went to bed.

    Day 2

    By day two, I had become even worse than the day before. I was literally shuffling because I could not pick my feet up. I didn’t even change out of my pajamas that day. I did attend most activities and talked more with other patients and got to know their stories better. I broke down about every hour –just sobbing uncontrollably. All of the other patients were very supportive. I found myself being comforted and soothed by the same people that I had mis-judged as crazy the day before. Even through the withdrawals (which were not as bad as they were going to get) I was able to appreciate the companionship of these wonderful people. I was even able to get myself together enough a few times to reach out and help others who broke down or who were just coming in and needed “the tour”.

    My main withdrawals on day 2 were just the worst possible anxiety and depression I have ever felt. It was so bad that I can’t even describe it. I had to be given a mild sedative a few times due to this. At one point on that evening, a new man came in and I was in the middle of one of my “spells”. Well, he started fighting with another guys and I went WAY hysterical and was trying to get out of the door. The nurse got hold of me and gave me a pill and said that I had to calm down or I was going “over there” which is where they housed the people that needed intense supervision. That and the pill were enough incentive to get myself together. Went to bed early.

    Day 3
    Woke up feeling really awful. I was shaking, I felt so cold and my body hurt. My skin hurt to have anything touch it. I shuffled my way down to the “med door” to see if I could get something but it was too early. I soon learned that it was always “too early”. I was told I could get meds after breakfast. I did not go to breakfast. I couldn’t eat as I had absolutely no appetite. Finally got the meds and continued to “rapid cycle” throughout the day from feeling OK to feeling that worst possible anxiety. Arms, feet and limbs tingled. I felt like I had a huge, churning metal ball with spikes in the middle of my soul. Still mostly incoherent and dazed. We had a coffee pot in the community room and I couldn’t even figure out how to work it. One of the other patients made coffee for me. I have to say that looking back on it, I don’t know what I would have done without that support.

    To be continued…..Ann

    Last edited by ELYSIUM; 02-24-2005 at 06:25 AM.

     
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    Old 02-24-2005, 06:07 AM   #2
    windysan
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    I know what you've been through. They really need to separate patients by catagories. I know you have to be scarred from it but it gets better. I'll have to tell you my story one day (not now). It is painful but when you get through it....it makes you stronger. I am very interested in your story. I hope that the nightmare has ended for you.

     
    Old 02-24-2005, 08:47 AM   #3
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Ann,
    I am so happy for you that you got into a place after the set back you had last time you posted in here....I felt so bad that I told you to go and they turned you away still can't understand that........but thats the past..............I was put in the psych ward for the same thing ( detox from hyrocodene and xanax ) I too felt like what the hell am I doing here thinking I am not crazy..........but after meeting some people I found out people were there for all differnt reasons.....I not going to get into everything because you are living it.... but it does work..I am clean 72 days now
    I wish you all the luck in the world.....stay strong you can do it
    GOOD LUCK
    JCS

    Last edited by JCS; 02-24-2005 at 08:51 AM.

     
    Old 02-24-2005, 09:46 AM   #4
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Story Continued from First Post:

    By the middle of Day 3, I was starting to feel better emotionally. There were not a lot of activities during Day 2 and Day 3 since it was the weekend. I spent time talking to others and observing. My physical WDs started to kick in and I had a tummy ache and had to get meds for that, but to my surprise, I never got nauseas—just lost my appetite.

    Day 4

    Felt much better upon waking up and felt like “myself” again. Got dressed. Went to see the Dr. and she said I could go home. I was thrilled to hear that, but also kind of sad to leave the people on the ward. It’s amazing the kind of bond you can form in a day or two when your in extreme pain and forced to be together. Anyway, I went and packed—there wasn’t too much to pack as they had taken away most of my things (anything they deemed “dangerous”—i.e. belt, lip balms, many other things). Checked out. As I was walking out of the ward and nurse escorted me. She had been around so she knew my story. When I went in I had carried all my meds with me and in that bag had been some Hyrdocodone. On the way out the nurse retrieved my bag from their safe along with my wallet. She said “there is hydrocodone in here, do you want it?” I said *** NO!! I had thought they would have just taken them and destroyed them anyway—but, I guess not. Anyway, I said I would get them out of the bag for her. I took a look at the bottle and just handed them to her. Part of me was screaming NO, NO and part of me was like YES, GOOD. It felt like I was handing over a gold brick---yet, an evil gold brick—like that thing that opens up the gates of hell in that movie “Hellraiser”. (I know that was a puzzle, not a brick—but you get the idea). She actually smiled the biggest smile and said “good girl—you did the right thing and I know it was hard”.

    So, I drove myself home. Dad came by later that afternoon and asked for my “stash”. I went and got it for him. I couldn’t believe all the pills I had stock piled and I think he was a little blown away by it too. He said he was getting rid of them for me. I think he felt it was important for him to do something—anything…so, he took that role.

    That was Monday and today is Thursday. I’ve been cleaning house since I’ve been home. One thing I noticed right away is what a mess my house had become—not dirty—but so cluttered and unorganized—(like my life). I haven’t had a lot of energy at all the past few days and every task takes a lot of effort as does going up and down the stairs. But, I’m doing it. I haven’t gotten back to my at home job yet, I don’t want to put too much pressure on myself too soon—but I know I’ll have to get to it in the next couple days or I’ll have no money.

    I wish I could say that I am completely cured. However, I cannot. I think about those pills all the time. I remember how I felt on them and I want them. Then I remember the Psych ward and what they did to my life. I don’t know how long this will last.

    JCS---please don’t feel bad about telling me to go to the E.R.—you were only trying to help. After all, my Dr. told me the same thing. I’m not the kind to ever get upset about my peers advice when it is for my benefit. I appreciate your writing and helping me. And congratulations on your sobriety. You are so strong.

    I know that I will be around here a lot.

    Thanks for listening. Ann

     
    Old 02-24-2005, 12:30 PM   #5
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Great job, Ann. You did a very right thing by handing the dope over to your dad and the nurse.

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 05:04 AM   #6
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Ann, Just writing to see how you are doing....hope all is going good...........let us know

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 07:12 AM   #7
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Wow Ann. Quite an experience. It brought back memories of my own detox in a treatment hospital years ago. I walked around dazed and confused for at least a week. I wish you would have had the opportunity to get drug counseling but it sounds like you will start looking around for that soon. Have you been to any AA meetings? They really help me.

    Way to go on giving all your pills up. I know that had to be hard. I know I still might find a stray around my house the next time I clean or organize. Boy, can I relate to the disorganization!

    It sounds to me like you have a good attitude about your experience. It may not have been ideal, but it was doable and you are clean. I'm happy for you.

    Take care,
    Patty

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 09:36 AM   #8
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Thank you all for your words of encouragement. I am not doing so well at all. I can't seem to function. How long does this last? By function, I just can't seem to get off the couch or out of bed--and that is so no like me. I'm usually running all over the place doing many things at once.

    Right now I feel like my feet are made from huge cinder blocks and it takes so much effort to do anything--I have to force myself. It reminds me of the time I had mononucleous. When does the energy come back? Does it come back? I'm worried that I have damaged my brain now.

    I hope you all are having a great weekend. I love talking to you all. And I appreciate the time you take to talk to me.

    Peace and Hugs,
    Ann

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 10:25 AM   #9
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Ann, I know EXACTLY how you are feeling! Oh Lord do i know!!!! As i am sure you have read on here so many times before how everyone is different, I am sure within a few days you will be feeling much better. Just hang onto that thought, keep positive and that will see you through it.

    I have felt the same way you do so many times, and i cant think of any worse feeling in the world. Mentally and physically. You lay there and in your mind you are thinking of all the things you want and need to do and its almost like you forget how crappy you feel until you get up to do it and then it just hits you like a ton of bricks. It's like your body is just totally rebelling and refuses to cooperate with your brain. lol

    I know there have been times when i feel like that and i just get so darn frustrated. I will go somewhere in the house where it is quiet (i have so many darn kids it's hard to get away from them for a minute ), often i go and lock myself in my bathroom lol, I sit right down on the floor Indian Style, I close my eyes and calm down and get as focused as i can and then i pray to God to give me strength mentally and physically, to be able to achieve just what i need to, nothing more. If he gives me just enough strength to put a load of laundry in, then i am thankful and will be greatful and settle for that. If you dont pray to God then pray or talk to your higher power, whatever it takes for you.

    I have been following your story, I know that everyone here has all told you how very proud they are of you, well now i am telling you too! You have made some very wonderful, brave and strong choices. Way to go!!!!!!
    You are also very very lucky to have your father there for you and to be so concerned and want to do whatever he can to help you. LET HIM !!!! Draw strength and support from him, it will not only make you feel better but it will also make him feel good and proud that he is doing something to help his daughter, whom he obviously loves so very much.

    You have been through so much this past week, take things slow and easy, let your mind and body heal at its own pace. Things will be wonderful for you, trust me. As you already know, if you need someone to talk to or support you can get it here. Keep posting!

    Lots of Love and Hugs!!! Wendy

     
    Old 02-26-2005, 11:51 AM   #10
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Hi you do not have brain damage..........it took me a about 2 weeks to get back into my usual routine with out having to drag my self of the couch...as everyone says it gets easier every day ........I know that saying it getting old.......but it is true....chocolate helped me too........it also put on a few pounds......but I would rather be a few pounds heavier then a pill junkie..............OJ helps too...I did what I could......to be honest if it was to much for me to move I would just lay there and watch TV.............the first couple of weeks I watched more TV then all of last year.....but that changed.........I am much more active and taking care of the things that need to be done............... and remember that it has not been that long for you.......so hung tough, stay strong and you will be free
    BEST OF LUCK
    JCS

    Last edited by JCS; 02-26-2005 at 11:52 AM.

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 05:09 AM   #11
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    ELYSIUM----WOW what an experience, huh??? I had a similar experience in a state funded detox in the late 90's, i was in lock down more than i was able to circulate around. By the 5th day i got released. That experience stopped me dead in my tracks, i NEVER touched a drink or cocaine again from that day til now. I can still remember that place, sends shivers up my spine. So keep this experience as a reminder of where you will be if you pick up again....
    As for the energy level, this is what most of us call the "blahs" no energy, no drive to do anything. I always used to say "it feels like i have 1000lb weights on my legs"...LOL it did too! I would make a list at the beginning of each day and try to get to as many things as i could. I could do one thing, maybe throw a load of laundry in, then i would sit for an hour, do the dishes, then sit for an hour.
    Are you taking a multi-vitamin???? That is really important right now, your body just went thru hell. Just do what you can, and don't become over-whelmed, your sole job right now and for the next few months is to stay clean. Are you planning to attend meetings??? You can look up NA online and find meetings in your area.
    I hope you are hanging in there, and around the 2 week mark you will see some improvement in the energy area....don't get overwhelmed just do what you can....
    luv,
    LISA

     
    Old 02-27-2005, 09:54 AM   #12
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone in a Psych Ward

    Im at week one and one day and am wondering the same about the energy. Unfortunately I have to work during the week everyday (office job thank god) I went to get an oil change and could barely walk from my car to the waiting area. I do think every day is improving though, even though the leg aches are killer. I'm glad to here about the 2 week mark. It gives me something to shoot for.

    Good luck all.

     
    Old 02-28-2005, 07:05 AM   #13
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    Re: Detox from Hydrocodone & Xanax in a Psych Ward

    ann let me know how you did i went through 1 day and almost died is it just getting through the third day a whammy and i was trying to do it at home. it almost killed me and i have 3 children
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ELYSIUM
    Detox from Hyrdrocodone & Xanax in Psych Ward Experience

    Background:

    Started taking hydrocodone for an injury a year and a half ago. Somewhere a long the line I started to become dependant on them emotionally. I have always had a degree of depression and anxiety and have been on and off of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds for years. The depression never seemed to effect my ability to function and I was fortunately able to finish college, get a great job..etc. Tracing it back, the trouble really began after a very bad break up of a relationship. I was so angry and didn’t know how to deal with that so I took a pill. More specifically, a pain pill. Very quickly, I became numb. At first, I would only use them on weekends or maybe one night a week. Then it became all weekend. Then, after some time, it became every day. All the while, every time I popped a pill, my rational mind knew that this was not a good thing to be doing. But my brain and my desire to become numb overcame that. So, fast forward to last month. I found myself taking up to 6-8, 10mg tablets a day—sometimes a bit more. I found myself seeking other sources to get the pills as my prescription only allowed 2, 10mg a day.

    So, I took a good hard look at myself and knew without a doubt that I had to get help before it got worse. And I knew it was only a matter of time (whether weeks or months or years) before I was a full blown addict. It was already negatively affecting my life—although the part of me with the addiction really wanted to believe that I was somehow better on the pills. Better able to cope, stronger, calmer, more creative, more productive. And while some of those things seemed so true—I still could see that I was not taking care of myself any longer. I had started to loose my appetite, not caring what I wore, not caring if I had my makeup on or not. Also, I was making mistakes. Lots of mistakes. And I knew that I was no longer acting in my best interest.

    Last week began with my quest to get clean. I had convinced myself that I couldn’t do it alone and therefore, I began to actively seek out professional help. My first step was letting my prescribing Dr. know that I had a problem. I scheduled an appt. with him and laid it all out there. Unfortunately, he wasn’t much help. They just said to go to a local E.R. That same afternoon I went to the E.R. and waited about 4-6 hours to be seen. The particular hospital I went to had a Psych ward and I was hoping to be checked in. They did screen me but said that I didn’t belong there and that I should be able to do it myself on an out-patient program. The next day I called my insurance company and got several other numbers. One of those numbers was for a different Psychiatic in-patient hospital in the area. I called that hospital and was told that they had no beds. I was put on a waiting list. Much to my surprise, that hospital called me the next day and said they had a bed open. They said to get there within 4 hours. They are 20 minutes away from me—and I was there within the hour of receiving the call.

    Admissions:

    My first step was the admissions process. In order to be let in to the Psych hospital I pretty much had to say that I was some kind of danger to myself. Even though I was not suicidal, I knew what I had to do in order to get approved. I was so bad off that I actually took more pills as the admissions clerk went out of the office to get some paper work. I figured “may as well”. So, after a lengthy conversation with my insurance company, the admissions clerk said that I was “in”. She led me to the Psych ward.

    The Psych Ward

    Got into the Psych ward and had to do more paperwork and an interview. I began to notice all the other patients and the fear set in. The only other time I have ever been on a psych ward was to visit my mother during her frequent stays when I was a teenager (she’s bi-polar/schizophrenic). There were people from every walk of life in all kinds of conditions. Since it was late, and I was still feeling the effects of the hydro, I was able to get to bed and sleep soundly and was pretty much unaffected by all that was going on around me. Around 3:00 a.m. they brought a roommate into my room—a girl in her early 20’s who had tried to commit suicide by an overdose. I got back to sleep only to be awoken at 5:00 for blood and urine samples.

    Day 1

    After the testing, I spoke with my assigned psychiatrist. She said that they were putting me on a “detox protocol”. I learned that this would consist of a mild barbituate which they would taper me from over the course of a few days. In addition, I was put on anti-depressants. I also learned, much to my dismay, that they were going to not only detox me from the hydrocodone, but also the xanax. WHOA. I was very upset by this as I had been taking Xanax for years (via valid prescription) and felt that I really, really needed it.

    I found out pretty quicky that the pysch ward is a very scheduled place. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner, Group Meetings (which were actually very good because they were facilitated by an ex-addict), scheduled “smoke breaks” (apparently just about everyone on the ward smoked—including me), “activity therapy”. This was a “lock-down” ward (I’m guessing most of them are). Even though there were many activities, it still felt cold, depressing and very scary that first day. I kept thinking “all these people here are out of their minds”….”I’m not crazy….why did I put myself here?”. Got my barbituate and around 3:00 that afternoon the crying spells started. Let me re-phrase that. The hysterics started. Every hour on the hour, I was a complete and total wreck. I kept thinking about all of the things that I had been avoiding thinking about this past year (mostly my dad being very ill). I was literally walking the floors crying. I kept asking staff “is this normal?” My fear was that I was losing my mind. Since I’ve always had this fear, it wasn’t too irrational. By 5:00 I was actually asking to go home. I felt my limbs tingling and my chest and stomach “clenching”….hard to describe. The ward had a “community area” where all of the patients could sit and watch T.V. I was a total zombie. I know part of that was the meds they had me on and part of it was withdrawal. By late that night, I didn’t even feel like I could form coherent sentences and my verbal abilities were dramatically reduced. I started realizing “hey….I look just like everyone else here”. The most profound thing I learned that day was that every single one of the patients there had a lot to teach me. Went to bed.

    Day 2

    By day two, I had become even worse than the day before. I was literally shuffling because I could not pick my feet up. I didn’t even change out of my pajamas that day. I did attend most activities and talked more with other patients and got to know their stories better. I broke down about every hour –just sobbing uncontrollably. All of the other patients were very supportive. I found myself being comforted and soothed by the same people that I had mis-judged as crazy the day before. Even through the withdrawals (which were not as bad as they were going to get) I was able to appreciate the companionship of these wonderful people. I was even able to get myself together enough a few times to reach out and help others who broke down or who were just coming in and needed “the tour”.

    My main withdrawals on day 2 were just the worst possible anxiety and depression I have ever felt. It was so bad that I can’t even describe it. I had to be given a mild sedative a few times due to this. At one point on that evening, a new man came in and I was in the middle of one of my “spells”. Well, he started fighting with another guys and I went WAY hysterical and was trying to get out of the door. The nurse got hold of me and gave me a pill and said that I had to calm down or I was going “over there” which is where they housed the people that needed intense supervision. That and the pill were enough incentive to get myself together. Went to bed early.

    Day 3
    Woke up feeling really awful. I was shaking, I felt so cold and my body hurt. My skin hurt to have anything touch it. I shuffled my way down to the “med door” to see if I could get something but it was too early. I soon learned that it was always “too early”. I was told I could get meds after breakfast. I did not go to breakfast. I couldn’t eat as I had absolutely no appetite. Finally got the meds and continued to “rapid cycle” throughout the day from feeling OK to feeling that worst possible anxiety. Arms, feet and limbs tingled. I felt like I had a huge, churning metal ball with spikes in the middle of my soul. Still mostly incoherent and dazed. We had a coffee pot in the community room and I couldn’t even figure out how to work it. One of the other patients made coffee for me. I have to say that looking back on it, I don’t know what I would have done without that support.

    To be continued…..Ann

     
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