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    Old 04-12-2005, 05:58 AM   #1
    becky157
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    Hydrocodone arrest

    Please, please, I need all the help I can get. I am a 47 year old, smart, long term employed medical assistant who was arrested yesterday for forging a prescription for Lortab. This was probably the wake up call I needed, can't believe it came down to this. I truly want to quit, but don't know if I can. Right now I have no pills, don't know what cold turkey will do. My parents posted $13,000 to get me out. I have a loving family, and we are smart educated people, so what happened to me? I am so scared, don't know about my employment. I also have a terminally ill child which is the main reason I started this stuff to help me "cope" and not feel so bad about her future. She is my only child, and this is slowly killing me. I really do not feel there is much to live for. The pills were definately controlling my life, taking maybe 15 a day, and now have none. Please give me some words of encouragement, believe me I will need all the help I can get.
    Becky

     
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    Old 04-12-2005, 07:13 AM   #2
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Becky....you are at a good point right now....believe it or not. Clarity comes from being sober and without pills to reach for. What happened to you could happen to any one of us if we were desperate enough and in the same situation, so please don't think that you are below any kind of bar. Do you have faith in a higher power? If so....cling to it with all your being. He is walking right there beside you and wants you to lean on him....he wants to take away all of your pain...if you let him. I am by no means a "holy roller" but my faith in God has gotten me out of some pretty tough situations in life and so if I can guide someone else out of a jam by guiding them through him....then I will. Don't give up on life....because there is so much to live for. When we take these pills and let them numb our problems....it really puts us in a jam. We don't want to face them any other way but high. When we are sober and face the everyday turmoils of life...its often too hard to bare alone. But you aren't alone...we are all here with you to help you and to help eachother. You have a mom and dad that care enough about you to bail you out of jail and a child that needs your love and attention for however long the good Lord lets her live life on earth. It's in our darkest times in life where we find light....hope and understanding. I pray that you find all of this today and each day after....and if you need me...I'm here. Don't be scared....face your problems head on and don't let the pills win....you are in control...not them! God Bless you and keep you strong through this difficult time in your life.
    Diva~

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 07:30 AM   #3
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    This is true you are NOT alone. I was arrested last week for the same thing. Went to court for it and they looked at me gave a me another date to come back and told me to get a lawyer. You and I are going through the same situation right now. What I've done is I've taken time for myself to withdraw from the pills. I was taking up to 10-12 vicodin es a day and the last one I took was last Thursday and so far I'm doing pretty well. I started going to NA meetings, which are a god send. Please if you need to talk, come talk to me because we are in the same exact situation and it will get better. I know it's probably hard to see that right now but it will. Each day gets better for me. I think that if you get clean and stay clean you won't face as much punishment. After I sought out legal advice I was assured that because this is my first offense and I don't have a record of this that the judge will court order me to fines and to get help which is exactly what we need.

    Hang in there and you know where we are if you need to talk...each day will get better!!!

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 07:38 AM   #4
    mrgrateful
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Becky157 I am very sorry to hear your problem. My advice would be to try and find a Doctor who can prescribe suboxone. You will not suffer withdrawal, you will be clear headed and you will be able to sort things out. There are professionals out there whose job it is to help people like us. You will find that the people here are all willing to lend support. Don't feel bad, painkiller addiction is a growing epidemic among white-collar folks, its way to easy to get and way to easy to abuse.........please keep us posted as to your progress..........JT

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 07:53 AM   #5
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Sorry to hear about it also. Addiction happens to people in every level. I would say try now to just face it, sike yourself up for just getting through it. Have you ever had a bad flu where your legs hurt and you have no energy? Well that is what cold turkey is like. And like the flu it also goes away. I was on opiates for 6 years and I also come from a semi- wealthy family, good neighborhood, and good and loving parents that are highly educated and succeesful. It just happened. Just put it in your head that you have the flu and will have to wait to get better. then afterwards you have to deal with cravings and just not do it. It sounds so simple now and back then when i was going through all of that it was anything but that simple. i came up with illaborate plan after plan to get off of it except the easy plan. Just get sick and be done.

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 07:59 AM   #6
    Twinlynn
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Becky -

    I'm reading this...and I can just feel your anguish. But, I want you to know that everyone on this board has either been there--or been very close. Being smart, successful, raised in a loving home, etc. just doesn't count with addiction. It is waiting in the wings for all of us who have wished to feel less stress.....more joy in life....an escape from hopelessness.....and have, for whatever reasons, crossed paths with opiates.

    It start with such innocence..then overtakes us, as we realize that somewhere along the way, we've lost all control over it. I, too, was like "I can't believe what's happened." And, I was very, very lucky in two incidents: once, when the pharmacist noticed I'd changed the "refill" section....but just handed the Rx back to me. And the other...when my doctor did not notice that a blank Rx had stuck to the back of the actual Rx for 30 Vic. ES he had written--so you can imagine what I did when I ran out.... :-( And all along...I kept thinking "this isn't ME." But it WAS me...me ADDICTED. So--please, please do not judge yourself so harshly....your addiction has caused you to lose control....and, if this arrest is the first step towards your finding help, it may have a positive outcome.

    As soon as I could, I would definitely talk with a lawyer who knows drug rules and regulations and can guide you on how best to proceed. Others on the board here may have more knowledge of state laws (each state is different, I believe.) I am sure that some sort of rehab, NA, etc. will be part of the outcome.

    Your suffering from have a terminally ill child must just be overwhelming. And, right or wrong.....I can so understand that the drugs gave you some respite for awhile. Unfortunately, they start to feed off you more and more...until they do nothing but demand you take enough to ward off withdrawals. And the sadness you are coping with needs REAL support from others...whether it's family, friends or outside psychological help.

    I know that you probably know all the above.....but such a severe wake-up call, even if ultimately a life-saving one, may leave you feeling so wildly depressed, anxious, guilty, etc. And I just want you to know that you will find people here who understand, care about you...and want to help support you through this.

    Re. the withdrawal--can you get your doctor to prescribe enough Lortab to do a supervised taper with her/him? If not, there are things you can do to lessen the effects. (I'll let others who have more knowledge give you more details), but I know that three prescribed drugs can help: Clonodine (for blood pressure), Klonipin (a benzo-type drug--used sparingly--to stop the panic) and Ambien (to aid sleep.) Of course, if you're in the medical field, you must know all this, but just thought I'd mention them.

    NON-prescribed help can be Immodium, for crampy stomach, several vitamins (I can't remember which? "L-something"? B6?), lots and lots of fluids, many hot baths....and exercise (something I was NOT able to manage!!!) You need time off to deal with this, depending on how severe the symptoms are. But you will hear from many people on this Board how they made it through--and how their lives are so much happier now.

    I can just imagine all the jumbled, agonizing thoughts going through your head right now. And all this on top of caring for your sick child. But--please--don't let guilt be one of them. You have a sickness--addiction--and need help--not punishment.
    The most important thing you can do for yourself right now is to try to get the best possible help: legally, physically--and emotionally. We'll all be here for you.

    And keep writing to us--we care. Lynn :-)

    PS I am on a drug called Subutex, which stopped my oxycontin addiction. There are many courses of help you can seek.

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 08:32 AM   #7
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    Talking Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Becky - I am so sorry for what you are going through. I very well know your dilema, I myself was ordering Norco via Fed-ex, sometimes recieving up to 3 deliveries a week. I was so paranoid at the end, I thought I was being watched by the fed's, of course that was all in my head. I am also on suboxone and have made leaps and bounds. I have a wonderful family and a strong faith in god. Both of these have kept me going. I know it's hard to believe but you will get through this. Be thankful so many of us are out there to share your feelings.My two grown daughter's have stuck by my side and yours will also.

    Prayers,
    Suz

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 10:24 AM   #8
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Hi Becky, sorry to hear of your situation. Addiction controls us, we don't control it, but you are at a great point to begin your battle to sobriety. I know thats not whats on your mind right now but in the long run, this will turn out to be a good thing. Get ahold of a doctor that works with addiction and go see him immediately, he can help ease your withdrawl symptoms, thats number one.

    Regarding your legal issues, I'm not a lawyer and of course this is just my personal opinion. You need to throw yourself on the mercy of the court. You need to admit you were addicted to the judge, and perhaps he will sentence you to mandatory rehab and maybe some community service or something like that, wouldn't that be nice? I truly think it would. If you have no prior criminal record, the odds are the judge will feel sympathy for you IF you attempt to take control of your situation, by seeking professional help for your addiction. So, after you find a doctor, and you get some help with your addiction, then, find a lawyer, many of them will give you your first consultation for free. If you can't afford a lawyer, get a public defender, because you do need legal advice as well. But I'll put money on it that the outcome, if you do what I said, take charge of getting yourself clean, admit what you did and show sincere regret for it and apologize, seek legal assistance and you have no priors, I think your going to come out of this smelling like a rose and be on your way to kicking this addiction, which is still much more important than your legal issue right now.

    So, hang in there, I know this is stressfull, I've been dragged through the legal grindstone myself, but most of the time your doomsday scenario does not come to pass. Stay strong, get started on what I've suggested, and let the system take its course (it always takes too long) and keep us informed.

    Can you tell us a little more about how you got busted? How did it happen? How did it all go down?

    Sending prayers for your child and to you, peaceful thoughts, and the power to quit!

    Last edited by DCV; 04-12-2005 at 10:27 AM. Reason: spelling

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 10:43 AM   #9
    Gangstar
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Sorry to hear about your getting arrested...I've had a few arrests myself, it always seems worst then it is. Once you get a lawyer, he can help you! Try to see as many lawyers as you can though, you might meet the wrong one for you-or right one! As everyone else here said, getting thru your addiction is the most important. Even if you bring proof to court, that you've been in such and such programs, etc. they'll sympathize with you. I hope all goes well, I'm sure it will... it'll take a few days to get everything in order, but dont reach for more pills -- only ones a doctor prescribes you!
    It's easier said then done, believe me, I'm struggling to get off of Oxycontin right now!
    Good luck!

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 02:19 PM   #10
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    becky, First let me tell you how sorry i am for your situation. I really understand what you are saying about the "pills" and why you were taking them. Your story is my story as well. I am addicted to the pills just as you are. I too, have a child that the doctors view as "terminal". It is one of the hardest things that anyone ever has to deal with. My little boy is 8 1/2 and has severe brain damage. For years now the doctors have been telling me to not be surprised to wake up and find that my child had expired in the night!!!! I know that you know how that makes you feel to have the doctors telling you those things and to have that thought in your mind all the time, let alone be the last thing you think about right before you fall asleep at night.

    Those darn pills doesnt make reality go away but its as if they relax you and make things a little easier to deal with. Like i have heard alot of other people on here put it, its almost like you are "wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket" of sorts that protects us from the total true reality of the pain and suffering that we have to address head on every single day of our lives.

    I have been addicted to the pills on and off for the last 3 years. I have been suffering chronic pain issues because i herniated a disc in my neck from lifting my child and then a year later herniated the one directly below it from an auto accident. I also want to tell you that i, too, work in the medical profession and i know the temptation that it can bring. There is so many others out there who has done the very same thing as you. I have never done anything illegal or taken any scripts or pills while on duty, as i never had the nerve to do it. But i also know as addiction grows that we are all capable of anything. So while i am on duty i just make sure to focus on my patients health and well being and to never let the opportunity of doing something illegal that i shouldnt, be even a remote possibility.

    I am always here if you want to talk. We have alot in common so i am sure that we would be a great source of support for each other. Stay strong, you can beat this and you can get through it.

    (((((HUGS))))) ValleyGurl

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 02:52 PM   #11
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Hi Becky,

    You are not alone. I'm a 48 year old pill addict and have been clean & sober a little over 6 months. I didn't forge a script only because I didn't have the opportunity. I stole pills from anyone I could, even my son when he had surgery on his ankle. I understand the shame.

    I think DCV had some great advice. I would try to find a dr specializing in addiction (addictionologist, maybe a pychiatrist) or a treatment facility first. Then I would start looking for legal representation. Get some help for yourself first. If it turns out you have to w/d on your own, know that it will pass, you will get through it but you still need help in my opinion. Give everything a try, stay open minded, let others help you. Have you ever tried AA/NA? It's a great program and really works if you want it.

    My heart goes out to you. Hang in there and tell us what route you are going to try. We'll be here for you.

    Take care,
    Patty

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 05:53 PM   #12
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Becky I am a father and a professional college educated man. The last thing in the world I thought I would have ever done was to fake illnesses and doctor shop to get these pills. And yes doctor shopping is against the law so I could have been arrested too. With doctor shopping it is much harder to prove then prescription forgery. None the less it is illegal and I did it time and time again to get my little friends. Believe it or not this maybe the best thing that could happen to you. Give your heart to God all the way and He will get you through this by comforting you. That is what I am doing.

    God loves you and He will help. Sometimes like myself we need a solid wakeup call to get our attention. I don't mean to sound cliche but this could be a very positive turning point for you. These boards help they have gotten me through the last 7 days.

    God's peace

    Andrew

     
    Old 04-12-2005, 07:18 PM   #13
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Becky
    I can only offer my support. I think everyone else has given you wonderful advice.

    This is your wake up call. Seek medical help for the WDs. and getting in control of your addiction. You have to understand this is a disease, we didn't ask to get addicted to pills, it happened. If you had any illness you would get help, this is no different.

    Please don't be ashamed, I have too faked illinesses, stolen pills from just about everyone, doctor shopped, injured myself on purpose, and even had my Gallbladder removed, all for Pills. When I look back on the madness, I can't even believe it. (I can't believe I just confessed this to you all...Please don't think any less of me)

    So don't beat yourself up, just take one day at a time, and know that we are ALL here for you. Your family is there for you too!

    Sending Huggs your way
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    Old 04-13-2005, 05:27 AM   #14
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Becky,

    I feel and understand the sound of your written fear. Things are not making sense right now. I cannt imagine having an ill child, for I have 3 children, and I am 38yrs old. But, I have been arrested TWO times. My story is back in 8/03 I believe. I live in a suburban neighborhood, I was a PTA MOM. I am telling you this, b/c I NEVER thought it could ever happen to me. I was scared, withdrawing (20-30 10mgs of vikes daily) and confused. The first time it happpen, I was not aware of Suboxone. The second time 12/02, I w/d again, only to be on probation....to start up again. This is sooooooooooooooooooo powerful. I am hear to tell you. BUT, YOU CAN HELP YOURSELF.

    I went on suboxone. Find a lawyer! The court will want to see you help yourself. I actually filled somone elses script. The court is understanding if you show a willingness to help yourself. Go to counseling, get on suboxone. Your job, explain what happened, why it happened, get help, and maybe they will put you on probation. your job I am not sure of. Becky, it will get better, it you get help. I am proof of that. Subox has helped me turn my life around. I have written many on this board. Please, ask anything you want. I understand your humiliation (sp?) Time will heal that wound. PLEASE PLEASE HELP YOURSELF...GET ON SUBOXONE, GO TO COUNSELING...IT WILL HELP YOU BE ABLE TO HELP YOUR PRECIOUS CHILD...

    SHELL

    Last edited by Wakeupcall; 04-13-2005 at 05:32 AM.

     
    Old 04-13-2005, 02:14 PM   #15
    DCV
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    Re: Hydrocodone arrest

    Becky, still waiting to hear details of how you ended up getting busted.

     
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