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  • Sex addition. Please please help me.



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    Old 04-30-2005, 08:44 AM   #1
    Lucy75
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    Join Date: Apr 2005
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    Lucy75 HB User
    Sex addition. Please please help me.

    Hi

    I really need some advice. My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He is constantly drunk etc... I coulnt deal with his behaviour any more so we broke up. I love him so so so much but it had to be this way. We broke up in November. Since then he has totally gone off the rails. He is sleeping with anyone and everything. Its like he just cant be alone. In February we ended up sleeping together and I fell pregnant. He now doesnt want to know as he just "seems" to want to sleep around.

    He is with a different woman each night. Some are awful. He is 30. Some are even 60 he even resorts to prostitution. He dosent care - they are just people to have sex with. Because most of the time he is drunk he doesnt use protection. I went for an STD test and thankfully was clear. I hate it all so so much. He is a very good looking guy so he has no problem attracting the women. However he has now taken to contact magazines and even calls women in the middle of the night to come around. A lot of these "night women" are married and are just looking to boost their esteem. Last night I was at his house (he lives with some of my friends) there were 3 women there waiting for him. I was there (not for him!) carrying his child. These women dont know about each other. I know about them because I have caught him red handed on the recieving end of both women.

    I really dont think he is happy. I have asked him if is slepeing with X or X and he just flatly denies it. I caught one women with her head between his legs and you know what he denied it!! He has even called my girl firends up at 3am asking them to go over to his!

    He is having sex with up to 4 times a day with these women. He cant stop. I love him so so so much but cant be with him. We had a great sex life, I loved him, supported him with the alcohol issues etc so why doesnt he want ot be with me? Why is he carrying on like this? Why does he lie and deny it all? Will he ever change?

    Please please help me. I am still in love with him and this behaviour is truly ripping me apart. I am pregnant with his child yet he doesnt care. All he sees is his vodka and women.

    Last edited by Lucy75; 04-30-2005 at 08:45 AM.

     
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    Old 04-30-2005, 09:09 AM   #2
    valleygurl
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    Join Date: Jul 2004
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    Re: Sex addition. Please please help me.

    Hi There, I know that you love him but you need to move on with your life. You are bringing a child into the world, regardless that it is his child, raising your child around him would not be a healthy evironment. Not to mention, you are going to be a mother, you need to be around and live a very long life to raise your child, if you were to be with this man there is no telling what kind of a disease he is capable of giving you.

    I know that you want to help him, you love him and he is the father of your child, however, when someone has an addiction there is nothing you can do to make them stop. They have to want that for themselves. As i have said on this board many times before, i know first hand how it feels to watch someone you love dearly self destruct and there not be anything you can do about it. To be basically powerless. It hurts so much.

    He must have some very deep underlying issues that he is trying mask, to deal with, but instead of seeking help in the right place he is covering it all up with his alcohol and sex. Thinking that it is making him feel better, when more than likely, deep down he probably is very sad and very disgusted with himself.

    Dont waste your precious life on him. You are going to have a baby and that is WONDERFUL!!!!! Focus all your attention on you and your unborn baby. Also, dont let his self destructive behavior stress you out, as that is not healthy for the baby!

    I wish you luck and just know that if you need support or just want to vent, we are all here for you. ok? Keep us all posted.

    ((((HUG)))) ValleyGurl

     
    Old 04-30-2005, 11:27 AM   #3
    KFld
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    Join Date: Apr 2005
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    Re: Sex addition. Please please help me.

    For yourself and for your baby especially, atleast take a break from this until, or if he ever gets himself some help. I realize you love him, but you cannot be happy with him, or raise a child around him in that kind of condition. Your child is so much better off not knowing his or her father, then being raised like that. Think of the child you are bringing into this world above all. Children come into this world so innocent, yet they absorb everything like a sponge, this is not want you want your child abosorbing!!!!If you love each other and you are meant to be together and raise your child together, then it will happen. If he doesn't get help and realize what a great life he could have with you, then it wasn't meant to be.

     
    Old 04-30-2005, 12:19 PM   #4
    Frynd1
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    Join Date: Nov 2004
    Location: New York
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    Re: Sex addition. Please please help me.

    Lucy - Leave this guy. If his unborn child isn't enough motivation for him to get his life together then he obviously needs to be left alone.

     
    Old 04-30-2005, 02:01 PM   #5
    Nervous Nellie
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    Join Date: May 2004
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    Re: Sex addition. Please please help me.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Lucy75
    Hi

    I really need some advice. My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He is constantly drunk etc... I coulnt deal with his behaviour any more so we broke up. I love him so so so much but it had to be this way. We broke up in November. Since then he has totally gone off the rails. He is sleeping with anyone and everything. Its like he just cant be alone. In February we ended up sleeping together and I fell pregnant. He now doesnt want to know as he just "seems" to want to sleep around.

    He is with a different woman each night. Some are awful. He is 30. Some are even 60 he even resorts to prostitution. He dosent care - they are just people to have sex with. Because most of the time he is drunk he doesnt use protection. I went for an STD test and thankfully was clear. I hate it all so so much. He is a very good looking guy so he has no problem attracting the women. However he has now taken to contact magazines and even calls women in the middle of the night to come around. A lot of these "night women" are married and are just looking to boost their esteem. Last night I was at his house (he lives with some of my friends) there were 3 women there waiting for him. I was there (not for him!) carrying his child. These women dont know about each other. I know about them because I have caught him red handed on the recieving end of both women.

    I really dont think he is happy. I have asked him if is slepeing with X or X and he just flatly denies it. I caught one women with her head between his legs and you know what he denied it!! He has even called my girl firends up at 3am asking them to go over to his!

    He is having sex with up to 4 times a day with these women. He cant stop. I love him so so so much but cant be with him. We had a great sex life, I loved him, supported him with the alcohol issues etc so why doesnt he want ot be with me? Why is he carrying on like this? Why does he lie and deny it all? Will he ever change?

    Please please help me. I am still in love with him and this behaviour is truly ripping me apart. I am pregnant with his child yet he doesnt care. All he sees is his vodka and women.
    Lucy, you also have an addiction...to him.

    You say that you love him but can't live with him. Okay, so be it. You are carrying his child, but it is also your child.

    He likely doesn't want to be with you because he can't handle responsibility and is in no position to be a father to anyone. Think of it...how could he be?
    He couldn't even be a fair partner to you.

    His own addiction to alcohol and sex is a bottomless pit that will never be satisified. He's self-medicating for whatever reason, and you weren't enough to change that in him. You have to let him go for several reasons.

    Unless you are financially tied to him, you need to be in the best place for yourself and your baby when he/she is born. When is your due date?

    You need to be independent. Are you? Can you make it without this ex-boyfriend's support, either financially or emotionally? Can you rely on that support elsewhere?

    Any man that tries to numb his feelings through excessive alcohol/drugs and/or sex is a man that is not quite a man yet. He has a lot of growing up to do, and is hardly father material, nor husband material.

    It's time for you to think independently about yourself. You need to rely on yourself. Not just for your sake, but for your baby's.

    Nellie

     
    Old 05-01-2005, 05:12 AM   #6
    Lucy75
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    Join Date: Apr 2005
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    Lucy75 HB User
    Re: Sex addition. Please please help me.

    Hi

    Thank you all so much. I realise what you are saying. I just feel so bad. I know I am powerless against the alcohol but I just cant deal with the sex. I am a woman, why does he choose to have sex with this horrid women as opposed to me?? He was even at it with another last night. I just feel so so rejected. Maybe jealous I dont know. Its not even the fact Im pregnant. He was doing it before. His addiction to alcohol I can deal with - I cant cope with this. I feel hurt, rejected and my self esteem is at rock bottom. Since he found out about the baby he doesnt want to know. He has made that very clear through both his words and his actions. Even to the point where he told me he is moving to Africa on a work contract in October (baby due November) I am all alone. So what does he do in Africa with this stupid addiction?? The HIV rate is incredible. He uses no protection at all as most of the time he is drunk. I hate it all so much. I feel useless, powerless and as I said even jealous. This is not like me.

    Thanks
    Lucy

     
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