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I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

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Old 05-15-2005, 10:29 AM   #1
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, LA
Posts: 4
heavenlyscorp HB User
Unhappy I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

My mother has been in the hospital for going on a week now. She was found unconcious last monday am, when I got to the hospital ,I was saying goodbye to her. They had no idea and still dont know what caused the collapse. She made it through the night, and her vitals started to go up. Her temp was appx 92 her bp was extemely low, ect, ect. They ran toxicology and found nothing out of the normal. She lives on medicines, for this ailment or that. I have lost track with all of them. Lortab, Xanax, Soma, Phenergan, Vistaril, Lexapro, Ambien, Lomotil, are just a few in the bags I have found. The doctors are aware of this, however, I just dont understand why she needs all of this junk.

I have a serious medical condition, and I dont even take this much medicine.

The night she was admitted she was able to say a few words. She told her close friend, who then told me later, that she took some morphine, on top of all of this other medicine. Now, just for clairifcation, she has never had a rx for morphine. She is a live in caregiver 7 days on 7 off, and had taken the morphine, because she claims she was in severe pain. The morphine she had taken was her clients husband who recently passed away. She claims she was throwing it out, but took it instead as well as some lortabs, and was very crafty about it.

Here is my problem. I dont know to tell the doctors, in fear that she could get in TONS of trouble. However it has been a week and they still dont know what caused the collapse. What if they treat her for the wrong thing, and she gets sicker. Her friends said not to tell, however I am changing my mind. How can I get her the proper help, if I dont. SHe was unconcious for anywhere from 3-12 hours. In that time, she had suffered muscle deterioration, (some enzyme was released and ate away at her muscles) her lungs filled with fluid. She has severe symptoms from being unconcious.

To top this off, I just found out her sister died in a very similar way 1 1/2 years ago.

SO, ANYONE PLEASE HELP ME. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO, AND TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE NOW. I am the only family here, my brother is in Iraq, and that is all we have as a family. I dont know how to make these decisions. I am 26, and feel all alone. I need help, but cannot afford a counselor, and I cannot afford to miss any more work. I feel like I am drowning. Any Ideas will be very welcome. Please email me at [ please carefully review the posting rules - no emails ]Thanks so much for you kindness in reading this.


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Old 05-15-2005, 10:44 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 715
TomsWife HB User
Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

I am only going to tell you one thing you should do right now and that is to tell the Dr. EVERYTHING you know. You want your mom to be around so she can yell and fight with you later. I have some other suggestions but you have a lot on your plate right now.
Your in a tough spot. I am in a bit of trouble right now, no where near what you and your mom are going through. I will tell you what someone else told me about a week ago. I am blessed right now to have the gift of desperation. I hope your mom is as lucky as I am right now. I've said a prayer for you and your mom. Please keep me posted. I'd like to chat more with you.

Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark.
A large group of professionals built the Titanic

Old 05-15-2005, 11:17 AM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,185
Banker HB User
Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

I would be honest as well with her docs. My mother died from an accidental lortab overdose so please tell them. Do you have to tell them exactly HOW she got it? Maybe she could have been confused and taken a med she thought was hers? But the doctors need to know everything. Her friends don't even have to know that you told the doctor. If something happened, you would NOT want to live with this... As there are so many things I regret as well. I would go today and tell them it's a possibility. However, I would imagine that if they knew she was taking all of those meds, they probably did blood work to see exactly what was in her system. Even still, just mention it and say it was newfound info that you weren't aware of. That's what I would do. I'll pray for you too and your mother. But pls keep us posted as to her progress.

Old 05-15-2005, 02:04 PM   #4
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Join Date: Apr 2005
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Ukonom HB User
Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

Yep, sounds like a bad interaction of meds. She is lucky to be alive, and yes, you need to tell the doctor everything. If she learns anything from this, it might be that it is time to straighten her life out. I'm sorry you are having the difficulties you are dealing with at such a young age. I do think by telling the doctor what you know, that he can help you and your mom, and offer suggestions about her follow-up care that may include detox (in-patient/out-patient). It will alleviate some of your anxiety to share this with a professional, and in the long-run your mom will thank you for it!

Old 05-16-2005, 05:55 AM   #5
Join Date: Apr 2005
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KFld HB User
Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

I'm sorry that you have to be dealing with all of this, but you have to tell the doctors this information if she is going to get the proper treatment. I know you feel you are betraying her, but wouldn't you feel worse if something happens that you could prevent

Old 05-16-2005, 06:51 AM   #6
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Posts: 161
bent_halo HB User
Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

I can only imagine, how scared you must be.....BUT, you seriously NEED to tell her Doctors everything you know, there may be much, that you aren't aware of, but if told, the Doctors, may be able to do some additional tests, which may lead to discovering problems she may not even be exhibiting symptoms of at the time.

The Doctors will probably also refer you to a hospital social worker, who along with you and her Doctors, can arrange some treatment options and if she is uninsured, can also help with state aid insurance.

But most important, you need to inform her employer too...consider, if she does have an addiction problem and if it was YOUR mother suffering from cancer etc and her care giver was pilfering her medication and leaving your loved one in pain?...I know your post mentioned, that the morphine she took, was from a deceased husband, but what if her addiction got to the point, where she was taking pain meds from a seriously ill person?...if you read some of the posts on here, you will see it is fairly common for an addict to get to the point of stealing meds from others.

I have a close friend with addictions to just about any pain meds and she too, managed to land her "dream job" as a home health care aid, not that she didn't want to honestly care for people, but her main motive for wanting the job, was easy access to pain meds...before that, it was going to real estate open houses and pilfering medicine cabinets, just to let you know, to what lengths, an addict might go...
I know your scared and she is your Mom and you want to help, but at the same time, do not want to get her into trouble, but maybe, at this point, "getting caught" is what she needs, to get herself on the road to recovery.

If you read alot of the posts on here, you will see, that a large amount of the people on here, knew they had a problem and wanted off these meds, long before they had the courage to stop....maybe she just doesn't have the courage?...maybe she has tried before and just couldn't do it, maybe this is what she has silently been crying for, for a long time...

Just my two cents...I will definatly keep you and your mom and your brother in Iraq, in my prayers, I hope all goes well for all of you...


Old 05-16-2005, 04:42 PM   #7
Done with Drugs
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Done with Drugs HB User
Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

Wow, this is a really tough one. I agree with the other people who posted opinions on your situation, but I would not be in a rush to tell the docs. or the employer, where she got the meds. I would, however, tell them that she took the morphine, because otherwise, they will be looking for a reason for the loss of consciousness. I would think though that the drug screen at the E.R. would have indicated morphine as they check for individual drugs, but I am not sure that it would show up as different from other opiates, maybe not. The first thing to do after you talk with one of her doctors (who you can trust) is to talk to your mother, tell her that you know she took the meds. and that you need to know she will never do this again or you WILL go to her employer. In fact, If she can do something else, I would encourage her to find a different job. A care giver is a lonely and highly stressfull way to make a living and perhaps it is too much for her.

I agree that this was probably a cry for help. You, as her daughter are the one who must help. It is your turn to "mother your mom" and make sure she gets all the help she needs. Find out, from her, what all the different drugs she is taking are for. Then, address the conditions and whether she really needs to take all of them. You have to be the strong one and use "tough love" or the next time, she may not wake up.

Old 05-17-2005, 08:45 AM   #8
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 96
2bclean HB User
Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

I am sorry I have not gotten to this board sooner. My Mother was an alcoholic and I was took the role of caretaker before she died. I had to tell the Doc's what I knew about her behaviour if I wanted them to be able to help her. That was an easy one as it could help them save or extend her life. Had she had an employer I doubt that I would have told them. Before doing that I would suggest that you go to an Alanon meeting as soon as you can and SHARE about your situation. I am sure people will reach out to you.

I am in the middle of moving so am not vert attentive to the boards this week, but you and your Mom are in my prayers!

Keep the Faith,

Last edited by 2bclean; 05-17-2005 at 08:47 AM.

Old 05-17-2005, 09:21 AM   #9
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4
lovetotravel HB User
Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

I am an addictions counselor. The very first thing you should do is tell her doctors what you know. I will say that the majority of Drs out there do not understand addiction. But you still need to talk to them. Next step would be to go to an alanon meeting. Someone had suggested that already and it is an excellent idea. Prescription drug addiction follows a little different path than most other addictions. The best thing you can do is educate yourself. Call up your County or Municipality and see if they have information they can send you. Good Luck!!

Old 05-17-2005, 07:36 PM   #10
Scared Wife
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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Re: I need some help with my mom... Please Respond

My heart goes out to you. You are in such a hard place right now. Please tell her doctor all that you know. As someone else mentioned, you do not have to tell him/her how your mom got the medications. At least they will be prompted to do more testing and to get her the treatment she needs. Someone else made an excellent point though about informing her employer. It should probably be done in the event that your mom's addiction progresses to stealing meds from patients who truly need them. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. Keep talking to the people here. They are wonderful and offer excellent advice and comfort.

Scared Wife

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