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question about alcoholism




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Old 05-16-2005, 08:36 PM   #1
Mstngfan
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question about alcoholism

My boyfriend is 21. His dad is an alcoholic, who drinks every night and is really quiet and mostly stays to himself. Hes a nice guy and holds up a job and doesnt seem to have any problems healthwise but Im there every day pretty much and he comes in the kitchen once or twice a night to get some of his drink.

When I met my boyfriend almost 2 years ago he wasnt into drinking at all. Once he turned 21 we were at the beach and he got drunk, drank a little too much and threw up. Since then hes had a bad habit of not knowing his limits and has thrown up about 8 times in the last year. To me this seems like somebody not learning their lesson but Im not sure if its more typical than it seems, I only have thrown up twice from drinking and I am 25, but I just cant enjoy it anymore. I hate the feeling of being too drunk. I also had a close family friend die of alcoholism and it worries me that my bf's dad has this problem even though it doesnt seem to be affecting him much.

So Im just a little confused as to whether Im overanalyzing this situation. I guess I have grown out of the drink till youre silly drunk thing, and he is only 21 so maybe it just doesnt bother him. We only drink 1 time a week at his sisters house we have Coronas and play cards. We used to do a thursday night 6 pack thing but he stopped wanting to do that. So he does turn down alcohol, and it has never interfered with his job or life in any way other than the fact that he throws up.

He always just says "I wasnt sick, I was just dehydrated" or "I think I ate the wrong thing today". Never trying to admit that he threw up because he drank too much. Thats bothersome to me, but I also know that he hates to be nagged about it.

Should I worry about this? I feel like if he were becoming an alcoholic he would want to drink more often...but I just dont get how he doesnt learn his limits with it. I guess alot of 21 year olds can be this way. But Im just not sure exactly what to think.

Any input would be appreciated.

Last edited by jensgt; 05-16-2005 at 08:37 PM.

 
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Old 05-17-2005, 02:02 AM   #2
TomsWife
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Re: question about alcoholism

Hi Jensgt,
Welcome to the boards and nice to meet you. I am going to add some thoughts to your post. Although I cant say for sure if my thought apply to your boyfriend and his father, I'm going to post them anyway.

[QUOTE=jensgt]
My boyfriend is 21. His dad is an alcoholic, who drinks every night and is really quiet and mostly stays to himself. Hes a nice guy and holds up a job and doesnt seem to have any problems healthwise but Im there every day pretty much and he comes in the kitchen once or twice a night to get some of his drink.

You say your BF's dad is an alcoholic. Is this self proclaimed or said by his son, your boyfriend? Some alcholics are very quiet and we stay by ourselves in active drinking. During my active drinking, I was somewhat a "funtioning alcoholic". I went to work everday and hid my secret pretty darn well ! I'm a nice "guy" (woman) as well.

When I met my boyfriend almost 2 years ago he wasnt into drinking at all. Once he turned 21 we were at the beach and he got drunk, drank a little too much and threw up. Since then hes had a bad habit of not knowing his limits and has thrown up about 8 times in the last year. To me this seems like somebody not learning their lesson but Im not sure if its more typical than it seems, I only have thrown up twice from drinking and I am 25, but I just cant enjoy it anymore. I hate the feeling of being too drunk. I also had a close family friend die of alcoholism and it worries me that my bf's dad has this problem even though it doesnt seem to be affecting him much.

Not knowing our limits when drinking is a big sign of alcoholism. Sure, teenagers while experimenting will go overboard and throw up, but doing this over and over again and not taking "ownership" is not a good sign.


So Im just a little confused as to whether Im overanalyzing this situation. I guess I have grown out of the drink till youre silly drunk thing, and he is only 21 so maybe it just doesnt bother him. We only drink 1 time a week at his sisters house we have Coronas and play cards. We used to do a thursday night 6 pack thing but he stopped wanting to do that. So he does turn down alcohol, and it has never interfered with his job or life in any way other than the fact that he throws up.

Some alcoholics can go days, weeks, months and not pick up. There called binge drinkers. I knew a woman that would drink every 6 weeks or so and when she did , watch out.

He always just says "I wasnt sick, I was just dehydrated" or "I think I ate the wrong thing today". Never trying to admit that he threw up because he drank too much. Thats bothersome to me, but I also know that he hates to be nagged about it.

Denial as to why he is throwning up and the white elephant syndrome, its there, but I dont want to talk about it.

Should I worry about this? I feel like if he were becoming an alcoholic he would want to drink more often...but I just dont get how he doesnt learn his limits with it. I guess alot of 21 year olds can be this way. But Im just not sure exactly what to think.

Again, some alcoholics dont drink everyday and can go awile between drunks. I cant tell you whether you should worry about this or not because I dont know your BF personally. Even then, an alcoholic in early stages is pretty darn good at covering up and denial. The fact that there is concern that his dad is an alcoholic, is a major strike against your BF. I forgotten the odds but if one parent is an alcoholic, the chance that the offspring is or can become one is much, much greater. Stick around these boards for a while, and ask some more questions if you like. Again, nice to meet you.

Marilyn

Edited to add, I am an alcoholic.
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Last edited by TomsWife; 05-17-2005 at 02:19 AM.

 
Old 05-17-2005, 07:04 AM   #3
Mstngfan
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Re: question about alcoholism

thanks for the input. The observation about his dad has been made by pretty much everyone in the family. His health checks out so it isnt as immediate a concern as I would expect it to be when somebody has an alcoholism problem...but he is a loner and functioning alcoholic.

Im hoping to see my boyfriend grow out of this stage, if it is one. We are moving in together in a few weeks and that will give us both more freedom to do alot of things. If i see him having more of a problem drinking more often than he does now and during weekdays I will have to confront him about it or talk to his sister. She knows how her dad is and she knows how her brother has a tendency to have 1 drink too many. Maybe like 8 or 9 beers in a long night of poker. And he hasnt learned his limits too well. But she doesnt seem too concerned about this because in her younger years she partied a bit also.

 
Old 05-17-2005, 05:23 PM   #4
greeneyes100
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Re: question about alcoholism

Quote:
Originally Posted by jensgt
thanks for the input. The observation about his dad has been made by pretty much everyone in the family. His health checks out so it isnt as immediate a concern as I would expect it to be when somebody has an alcoholism problem...but he is a loner and functioning alcoholic.

Im hoping to see my boyfriend grow out of this stage, if it is one. We are moving in together in a few weeks and that will give us both more freedom to do alot of things. If i see him having more of a problem drinking more often than he does now and during weekdays I will have to confront him about it or talk to his sister. She knows how her dad is and she knows how her brother has a tendency to have 1 drink too many. Maybe like 8 or 9 beers in a long night of poker. And he hasnt learned his limits too well. But she doesnt seem too concerned about this because in her younger years she partied a bit also.
It is true that alcoholism tends to run in families, but usually it's every other generation. In other words, if your boyfriend's grandfather was a severe alcoholic, then your boyfriend "could be". The gene will predispose someone to alcoholism. It doesn't necessarily mean your boyfriend is an alcoholic if he only drinks once per week, and, especially if he throws up afterward. My Mother used to throw up when she drank too much, but she was never an alcoholic. I hate to use the word "alcoholic" because it puts labels on people. Some people can be very heavy drinkers and yet not be true alcoholics. I'm sorry, but I disagree with the other poster. Just because he drinks too much "on occasion" does not mean he is a true alcoholic. I still think more studies need to be done on the true meaning of what an "alcoholic" truly is. I'm not saying drinking in excess is healthy, I"m just saying because one drinks a lot on occasion does not necessarily label him "alcoholic".

 
Old 05-18-2005, 08:24 AM   #5
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Re: question about alcoholism

I've never heard that the "addictive gene" skips generations. I wish it did, our family has 3 generations of alocholics/addicts. Of course there's the myth about twins skipping generations also, and my dh is a twin and our son had twins. So we're lucky, I guess, disproved 2 myths in one family.

Aside from the predisposition to addictive behavior through a "gene", a home with alocholic/addicted parents is not the most healthy environment for a child. Not only may they mimic the addicted person, but they may also learn the behavior of an "enabler," which has negative traits of it's own.

So overall, I think the environment contributes as much to perpetuating the "addictive behaviors," as the "gene" itself, no matter which generation you fall into.

Just a thought. I like 7-UP. But, I can guarantee you, if it made me throw-up when I had too much, I would not drink that much again!

Sandy
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Old 05-18-2005, 12:14 PM   #6
Mstngfan
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Re: question about alcoholism

well yeah but 7-up doesnt impair your ability to make good judgments either. lol. I do know alot of people who take 1 drink too many and get sick, and they dont have problems. I guess Im just over that stage of drinking, and it usually took ALOT for me to get very sick. So now I dont even try to get past the stage of buzzed. I guess to me its just a difference in maturity when it comes to drinking that aggrivates me at times, Im always the designated driver which doesnt bother me. And its annoying to have to drive all the way home worrying about having to pull over at any point in case the car ride makes him sick. He doesnt seem to care though how it affects me he just wants to enjoy his 1 day a week thing.

I just know when we move in in 2 weeks it will be my place also and I dont want him puking in the bed or something if he cant make it so Im going to put my foot down that he learn his limits and have fun like a normal person. If he still wont respect that maybe I do have a problem on my hands and have to take it that extra step and talk to his sister about it. She seems like the most logical person to ask for help since we are always at her house when he drinks.

Last edited by jensgt; 05-18-2005 at 12:14 PM.

 
Old 05-19-2005, 07:41 AM   #7
justme40
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Re: question about alcoholism

Sounds like a true alcoholic, can make up an excuse for anything and everything, especially when it comes to their drinking. I am a recovering alcoholic and have learned a lot at the AA meetings I go to. Your best help dealing with alcohol is thru AA or Alanon which every you feel best in. If you can go to an AA meeting and just listen or ask some questions, those who truely want to recover will help you. Hope this helps some.

 
Old 05-19-2005, 09:03 AM   #8
Mstngfan
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Re: question about alcoholism

Im just not so sure from what ive said he can be labeled a "true alcoholic" so quickly. One thing I didnt mention is that hes a definate creature of habit. He likes to do certain things like go to lunch with his mom on Saturday and he has to do that every Saturday, he has certain little TV shows he watches and he never deviates from that. So its pretty fitting that he has his beers every Saturday night when we play cards. We all drink. He probably drinks about the same as his sister, but she has alot more tolerance than him. Hes pretty new to drinking so thats normal.

I just know he is bothered by the way his dad is and somewhat embarassed by it. Like his dad came was eating dinner at the table last night and we were watching tv and is dad looked like he was falling asleep. he said "dad what are you doing??" and his dad said i drank too much. He told his dad to go to his room. So its like he knows what his dads problem is and he doesnt like it. His sisters are both fine, both drank in their younger days like normal, his sister says she used to get sick alot also, but now they live normal lives with no addictions. So the only real sign he shows is not paying attention to his limits. Although he has gotten a little better and decided not to drink anymore last week because I think he started to feel pretty drunk, so he stopped and drank water.

I guess I just wanted to put it out there to see what peopel said but at the same time I dont see any reason to say definately an alcoholic, if I felt that way id be doing more to try to help him. At this point its just an annoyance, and a possible concern because of his father.

 
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