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Scared..and confused...




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Old 05-17-2005, 08:20 AM   #1
tooty
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Scared..and confused...

It has been a while since I last posted, and I think I am more scared now than ever. My DH was taking hydro that he did not get from a doctor. He lied about it, but then said that he took them because he hurt. He threw them out and promised not to take more...that he would go to the doctor to find the real cause of his pain. He was diagnosed with kidney stones and given oxyc. He put them up and said he only wanted those if he was having an attack. There were 20 pills and now it is down to 10, and it is a mixture of hydro and oxyco. He denies that he has taken any. I have seen him several times taking something, but he is always at his vehicle. He denies it, tells me to check the vehicle...I truly think I am going crazy. Am I paranoid and seeing things that are not there? He is such a wonderful husband and parent....am I losing my mind? Is my worry overtaking me and I am just seeing things....he tells me over and over that he hasn't taken anything and that he is fine. I don't want this to be such an issue between us. I can tell that it is wearing thin with him. He keeps saying, I don't know what else to do. I told him that I feel like I am going crazy, I must be seeing things, and he agreed. He said, I'm glad that you care so much, nobody has ever cared. Am I making too much of things...I think I am going crazy! We have some good friends who are going through an addiction problem with their son, and my DH has talked so much about how horrible it is...I am so confused and I'm sure I'm not making any sense. Any advise on how I can trust again and get past this? I don't want to nag him about it, but I don't want anything to happen to him. I've told him that I will love him no matter what. Any advice to this crazy wife?????

 
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Old 05-17-2005, 01:17 PM   #2
NoMore4Me
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Re: Scared..and confused...

Your not losing your mind, your just so concerend about your husband that it's making you worried..
As long as he doesn't open up to you there isn't much that can be done right now, watch him close but please don't spy on him because that would make things worst.
Is he an addict?, if so there is a good chance he is taking them if they are in the house and that there were 20 in the bottle now there are only 10, who else would be taking them if it's not him?
Addiction is such a terrible thing, what a waste, i know I was addicited to Lortab for 12 years but have been clean for 24 days now, I feel so much better now and so happy that I quit them.
Take care and come here everyday to let us know how it is going with you.

 
Old 05-18-2005, 09:58 AM   #3
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Re: Scared..and confused...

Thank you for your reply. To answer "is he an addict"...in my heart, yes I believe he is. Last year, I found many empty Hydro bottles in his medicine cabinet. He said they were from a long time ago. But he had also taken a bottle that I had from when I had dental surgery. I found more in his truck a week ago. He claims that he is not taking them...He is such a wonderful husband. I've tried not to stress over this. I agree, until he opens up, there is nothing I can do. I am just worried....if I mention it, he gets very defensive. Unlike I have ever seen him before. I know I sound like a horrible person, and I don't want to not trust him. I think I need something to calm my paranoia!

 
Old 05-20-2005, 12:36 AM   #4
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Re: Scared..and confused...

Tooty....My only advice is to continue and continue to assure him that you are there for him no matter what...and that you won't be upset if he is using....and that you will love him no matter what... I think all the time I should tell my mom (the person I'm closest to) but my biggest fear is if I'm honest she'll be mad, judge or nag and thats the last thing I could deal with right now. I bet your husband just keeps telling himself he'll do it on his own or how mad you will be if he is honest about the degree of his problem.....Just reassure him that your not ANGRY your Worried.
Also, just a heads up, my mom use to count the OXy's too and they would go down from 25 to 15 in a day when she confronted me on it... I always had some excuse..when the truth is I was just taking them...sound similar? The BEst advice? Just love him and let him know its unconditional.

 
Old 05-20-2005, 06:08 AM   #5
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Re: Scared..and confused...

Tooty,
I don't think you are being paranoid, I think you have discovered something that he isn't ready to admit yet.
I know what you are going through though as far as the watching his every move because you are suspecting him. Right now we have my son in counseling and his girlfriend is a recovering drug addict, well not quite sure if she's recovering or just talking a good game and we suspected my son was playing around with stuff which we think he has stopped before it became a problem???, but I still find myself watching everything he does. We think he was snorting heroin and everytime I hear him sniffle in his room, or the bathroom I get parnoid and try listening closer to the door to see if I can tell if he may be doing something besides just sniffling because he has a stuffy nose.
It's not a good feeling being so suspiscious and it really makes him angry, but I will continue to do it as I don't want to miss anything. I hope one day I can feel at ease that he isn't doing anything, but it's to soon for me to let my guard down yet. I don't want to do this and regret it. Yesterday he went into the bathroom next to the waiting room at the counselors and I heard him sniffleing and when he came out I was watching every move he made until he went in for his session and then when he came out for signs that he was on something. He seemed perfectly normal and I'm sure if he was did something I would have seen him acting differently in the 1 1/2 hours I spent with him after he came out. I think I'm being really paranoid at this point, but you on the other hand seem to definatley have reasons to be suspiscious.

 
Old 05-20-2005, 07:01 AM   #6
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Re: Scared..and confused...

A very familiar story. You have the beginnings here of an addict struggeling to admit he has a problem. Keep on him using concern and postitive emotional support.

 
Old 05-20-2005, 09:50 AM   #7
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Re: Scared..and confused...

Thank you for your responses. When I discovered the missing pills, of course, he denied it. He jumped out of bed and said, "I'm going to flush them...all they do is cause trouble in this house." The next day he told me to gt rid of them, that he didn't want them in the house. We are planning a vacation in a few weeks. We know that he has a kidney stone and my fear is that the stone will move while on vacation. I put the pills in my purse just in case the attack came on. But it bothered me that I was keeping something from him. I finally told him that I had to learn to trust again. I put the pills on the counter. He said, "I don't want them in this house." But I left it up to him. He said, "They will sit there and rot, I'm not touching them." They stayed there for 2 days. He came in the next afternoon, picked them up and flushed them. I see this an encouraging sign, but could it also be just a diversion for me? He has been so wonderful to me. And we have a great relationship. I guess that's what hurts the most is the lies. If I see other things happening, should I confront him? I told him that I wouldn't interfere anymore. This is such a hard thing, but I know I can't do it for him. If he is not ready to receive help, I'm afraid all my efforts will only make things worse.....

 
Old 05-20-2005, 10:38 AM   #8
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Re: Scared..and confused...

Maybe his flushing them himself is a sign that if he does have a problem he's ready to try and fight it. He's blaming it on the fact that you are nagging him about it, but it's probably easier for him to blame you then admit that he may have a problem. They sat there for a few days, and he could have used that as a way to have them stay around. You were giving him the perfect excuse not to flush them, but he did it himself. I don't really know, but it looks like a good sign to me. Maybe you caught him and gave him something to think about before it got to the point that he couldn't do it on his own. I hope for your sake that is the case. I think that was the case with my son, atleast I hope it is

 
Old 05-23-2005, 05:58 AM   #9
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Re: Scared..and confused...

We made it through the weekend without much trouble. Saturday night, I didn't sleep well. (back trouble) I noticed that he flipped and flopped alot. He rested reasonbly well. Sunday when he got up he complained of a headache. We went to lunch at a relatives house and he laid around most of the day. When we came home, he was still complaining of a headache, and had an upset stomach. When we went to bed, he went right to sleep. But was very jerky and restless. I was having trouble resting due to my back, but he really had trouble getting settled. He got up once with an upset stomach and then went to the couch. I went to get him...thought he might rest better. He came back to bed but was very restless. I know these are all symptoms of withdrawal. He hasn't said anything about it, but I am certain that is what it is. How long before the onset of withdrawals from that last dose of pills? How long do the side effects continue. How can I help him without him knowing that I am helping him. (He hasn't admitted anything...I think he may be trying to do this on his own.) He did leave the house of couple of times without me this weekend, which is unusal, but I tried to brush it off. I still catch myself be very suspicious, but I am trying to overcome that. Thanks so much for the support...it helps to just have a sounding board!

 
Old 05-23-2005, 08:33 AM   #10
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Re: Scared..and confused...

You should be suspicious. Whenever I flushed pills, it was normally because I had another stash of pills I could still get to without my wife knowing. Or, I would replace the opiates with regular aspirin and I'd flush the aspirin and hide the pain pills. Sorry to sound like a downer, but you do need to be very aware of whats going on. I also remember my wife telling me that I used to jerk and twitch so much in my sleep that it kept her awake. It is common of someone coming off pain pills, so that could be a good sign. Sounds to me like he is salvagable at this stage, just need to keep communicating, and you need to keep supporting in a positive manner.

 
Old 05-23-2005, 08:43 AM   #11
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Re: Scared..and confused...

What else should I look for if he is coming off the pills? I feel like I am skating on thin ice, because I don't want to upset him. I don't want him to feel that I am badgering him. I am very concerned. I know that he doesn't have anything in the house, or in his truck. Did your withdrawals start immediately or did it take several days. I just wonder if he is withdrawing from the day he flushed the ones he had. Would it take that long for his symptoms to start. I know that he doesn't want to put this family in jeopardy, but I also know that this may have had a hold on him since before we met. (Probably was able to hide it from me while we were dating.) He is having kidney stone problems again. It worries me that they may give him more for the pain, but I can't say anything about it. If he is truly trying to come clean, the frustration that I feel can't begin to compare to what he must be going through. I want to help, but I realize he's got to do it on his own.

 
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