Suzanna-I go through exactly the same thing! It IS like you cannot turn your mind off! Last night was soooo much better. I worked out with a trainer yesterday and she kicked my *** ! I fell asleep around 5:00 in the evening, woke back up at 10:30 for about 20 minutes and miraculously I was able to go back to sleep all the way until 6:30.
I'm on day 11 and I keep feeling better every day. Of course I can barely walk today but it "hurts good!"
I remember planning my entire life around taking my pills. You and I are a lot alike. Pill popping was interfering in my life in so many ways. I never wanted to "waste" my high either. I was constantly calculating when I was going to take a pill so I would feel a certain way at a certain time. The crazy thing is that I didn't ALWAYS feel that great even when I did pop a pill. It was kind of like a gamble...will this make me feel good or am I going to puke? I thought they made me more social, but really they had the opposite effect. If I didn't have the right amount of drugs in me I didn't want to be around anyone. Talk about being flaky!
My daughter is invited to a birthday party this Sunday. If I were still using I would be stressed out about "what if I run out and I have to be around people while I'm jonesing." Guess who would suffer there if I did run out...my daughter, because I would have been so self involved in my pill popping I wouldn't have taken her.
if I was out. Now I am actually looking forward to it.
You are going to keep feeling better I PROMISE. You sound like you are doing all the right things. Baby steps is great advice. I am learning to say no to people and take the time I need for myself. For instance, I never used to spend this much time on the computer, but this board has been a huge part of my recovery so I choose to do this...the floor will still be dirty when I'm done (unfortunately
) I am choosing to not talk to people who stress me out or don't support me...I highly recommend this.
I hope you are right about the endorphins. I think you are because I can't believe how well I feel and I attribute a lot of that to excersize. I walk my dog every morning now on top of going to the gym (another bonus of quitting...my lovely dog gets more attention now that I am not in a drug haze all the time.) I am hoping that with excersize I can speed up the process of endorphin production. I agree with drinking lots of water too. I had also pretty much quit eating except for maybe one time a day, so proper nutrition has been key for me. Especially when it comes to having energy...hmmmmm what a novel concept, eat food for energy instead of popping a pill
. My trainer told me that if I don't gain 2 lbs. by the end of next week she won't work with me...WAKE UP CALL!
It sounds like you have your head in the right place. Even if just getting up to walk around is all you can do that's better than doing nothing. Keep up the good work, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
meddguy-I am right there with you. It feels so great doesn't it? Keep up the good work!
Was anyone else like that or am I just wierd. I didn't think I was stable enough to have a job because what a mess I would be without my pills. (missing work, getting fired, mood swings, EEKKKK) What a horrible way to live. I am looking back now that my head is getting pretty clear and kicking myself in the butt. I'm like oh my gosh, did I really do that. How embarrasing. I have medicated myself for so long I forgot what it was like to feel pain. I'm ending day 5 now and am having pains I didn't even know existed. 
