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  • meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?



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    Old 06-02-2005, 07:43 AM   #1
    babygirl20
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    meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    I am an 18 yr. old girl... about a year and a half ago, i jumped from hardly ever drinking or smoking weed into smoking and snorting meth every day about 5-10 times daily. I did that for about 7 months straight... lost my job, my family, my friends, and all of my money. I lost so much weight and was "out of it" every day (with paranoia and seeing things). One of the guys I used to get high with tweeked out one day and hit one of his friends over the head with a baseball bat, putting him in jail for a long time for attempted murder. I quit doing meth for about 2 months (which was one of the hardest things i have ever done) but i moved back to my parents house. I then moved in with my cousin and her baby daddy was coming over all the time while she was at work and so we started kickin it and he was gettin me meth. my cousin found out and kicked me out her house and so i was left with nowhere to go... i ended up living with her baby daddy until about 2 months ago when he got arrested. Anyway... i have been clean for about 8 months and it's been extrememely hard with the cravings and everything. i hear of people relapsing after like a year or two years and things...so im scared. i feel like i am staying clean for my family...not for myself, and am nervous for when i move out on my own again whats gonna happen? also, is it normal to feel depressed and i feel like my head is all messed up... can't think clearly or remember things easily? i've heard it's normal but i wanna talk to someone who's experienced it and knows exactly what im talking about. thanks.

     
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    Old 06-02-2005, 08:19 PM   #2
    tony_b
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    Hey Babygirl,

    I have a friend that smokes "ice/glass" and he has been doing so for years! I have tried it several times and I can tell you this, it is very dangerous as you never know what kind of stuff it is mixed with. It is very damaging to your heart and can kill you instantly if you get a bad batch! When I did it, all it did was wake me up and I felt jittery all day. I heard all they are doing is cooking those ephedrin pills to make speed! You know that that literally sucks all of the fluids out of your muscles including your heart! PLEASE IF YOU NEED TO TALK, ANYONE HERE WILL TALK TO YOU! I will pray for you and if you feel depressed, why don't you go to see a psychiatrist and attend some 12 step meetings?! I PROMISE it will make you feel better about yourself! It sounds like you are trying to turn to drugs to make you happy and that is NOT the right mindset to have. I am here for you if you need to talk!

    Tony B.

     
    Old 06-02-2005, 09:22 PM   #3
    babygirl20
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    tony_b: Thanks so much for your reply to my post. It really helps knowing that there's people out there going through similar situations as mine. I am attending some counseling and I feel as if I am too far clean (8 months) to go to treatment or meetings. I dont' know... what do you think?

     
    Old 06-02-2005, 10:15 PM   #4
    Suz123
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    Talking Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    hello, i just wrote a pretty good size reply and went to post it and it messed up. so i lost the whole thing. i am 24 years old and havent touched meth in 3 years but from age of 14 to 21 it was my drug of choice. i have so many friends that are addicts and am so thankful i have put that drug down. it messes your teeth up horribly, not to mention what it does to your body and brain. i know all about withdrawals, cravings, etc. i am now on day 5 of quitting a 2 year narcotic addiction. i wish my reply would have posted because there was some good info in it but computers do wierd things.

    oh yeah, CONGRATS on 8 months of being clean. hard, hard thing to accomplish. keep up the good work. its all worth it in the long run.

    take care & hope to hear from you, suzannah

    Last edited by Administrator; 06-02-2005 at 10:40 PM. Reason: No off-board contact allowed

     
    Old 06-02-2005, 10:37 PM   #5
    tony_b
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    Baby,

    I honestly don't think that 10 years of sobriety can constitute not going to meetings if you are having thoughts of it! Meetings or just talking to somebody about; knowing there are other people that will support you in your time of need! If I ever felt the need to use, I hop in the truck and go straight to the nearest NA/AA meeting! I am older now, and really don't drink that much but I have a problem w/painkillers. Anyway, talk to me if you need to, I'm here for ya!

    Tony B.

     
    Old 06-03-2005, 03:46 PM   #6
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    Hey babygirl...it sounds like you have a lot of innner strength to have come as far as you have . Never underestimate how awesome you are for quitting meth! I get the feeling from your post that you might be teetering on a scary ledge right now. Are you really doing it for your family? Could you really have come this far if you weren't doing it for your own well being on some level? As tony b mentioned you were addicted to a very powerful and scary drug that was messing with your whole system big time! It will take your body a long time to heal from that but IT WILL. Please be patient because you have come so far. Consider the alternative (I have seen this first hand as my mother was a meth addict for years) you could relapse and that will eventually land you in one of two places: the big house or 6 feet under. May sound harsh but that's our reality as addicts. I'm sending some positive strong energy your way!

     
    Old 06-03-2005, 04:05 PM   #7
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    Just get into a rehab program, and do NOT kick it with users, or you will relapse!

     
    Old 06-03-2005, 07:47 PM   #8
    CarGuy232
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    I've heard it takes up to a year for the brain to start producing dopamine after long/hard meth useage. This could easily be why you feel depressed and 'mentally cloudy'

    hope that helps, keep fighting you'll make it.

     
    Old 06-05-2005, 10:27 AM   #9
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    I can relate to you too. It is true that when you do meth, it effects the dopamine levels in your brain. These dopamine levels make you feel things, such as happiness, saddness, anger, and all of our other emotions. When you do meth it increases these levels, so that is why you feel such strong emotions when you use meth. When you are comming down though, you ever notice how depressed you get, this too is from these dopamine levels. long time users of meth suffer permenant damage to their dopamine levels, understand what I'm saying? Well, enough about that, I too am a meth user. I am a recovering pain pill addict, but am still a meth user. Where I come from, hillbilly south dakota, meth isn't readily available, that is unless you want to get busted. I use about 1 time every month or two. My 'one time' is a 2-3 day binge. The last time I used was 1 week ago. I came to work, and my boss was all geeked out. He gave me some glass, and I tweeked out for 3 days. I lied to my husband about it. After all my lies I've told him, he is finally starting to trust me, and I lied again, but he still doesn't know, and I don't intend in letting him know. My whole point to all of this is, if it is around you, and you hang out with people that do it, you will be a junkie again, like me. Even though I am clean when it comes to pain pills, I am still a junkie because I still do meth. That is my downfall. I guess I shouldn't be preaching to you about quitting, when I still use it, but do yourself a favor, don't follow that road again that you are just leaving behind. Stay clean and do YOURSELF a favor.

     
    Old 06-06-2005, 07:38 PM   #10
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    I'm 20, and basically fell in the same way you did...started at 19 after having never been a big substance abuser in high school...I was in college when I started using meth. It has been over a year since I last smoked it, and I still have severe, vivid, nightmares about doing it. I still supplement myself with those stupid energy drinks and stuff, trying to keep my mind occupied. It took a very very bad comedown for me to decide that I was going to quit cold turkey...I never went to any meetings or joined a rehab program. I did however do alot of talking with my loved one and therapist(s)...and still do. Sometimes renting a really baaaaaad drug movie like Spun or Requiem for a Dream kicks me back into my survival mode when I start to crave it...those movies make me realize how I am really not missing anything. It also took for me to stop talking and associating with anyone who did it or reminded me of that lifestyle and relocating to make them subside even more.
    People don't call meth the hillbilly heroin for no reason...
    I still have really, really bad days, but the way I see it now, is that, I've come soo far, why throw such a solid year and a half away? With every passing day, it gets better, but still, expect yourself to get depressed and exhausted...personally I'd rather drink plenty of caffeine and guarana drinks anyday than ever get to the brink of buying gak again. best of luck, prepare yourself mentally for some not so good times, I am here to talk if you need me.

     
    Old 06-06-2005, 07:40 PM   #11
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    one more thing, what you said about relapse is very true, last time I checked, 96% of meth users relapse. Can you believe that statistic??? I was shocked to read that...just think of how proud you will be to be that teeny little 4% after some time away!!!

     
    Old 06-06-2005, 08:09 PM   #12
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    I feel that an addict will always be an addict. They are never "cured". Each day they must tell themselves that they will stay clean. You should be going to meetings and getting a sponsor so that if you feel the urge to use again, you can call them for help in not doing it.

    Please get the help that you need. DO IT FOR YOU!

     
    Old 06-07-2005, 12:29 PM   #13
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    How do you get past that first few weeks of meth? I am attempting TO DO THIS

     
    Old 06-07-2005, 01:07 PM   #14
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    Thumbs up Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    hey there,

    meth is a very hard drug habit to kick. not going to lie there. im from arkansas and to most drug users there it is their drug of choice. when i go home the conversation is basically who is using still, who is in jail for cooking or selling it, who is dead, and finally who straightened up their lives. it was my drug of choice for many years. i havent touched it in 3 years but everynow and then i think about how i feel when i use. BUT then i think about how i feel when i come down. man, worst feeling in the world. on top of feeling horrible you have intense drug cravings and severe anxiety.

    the first time i kicked the habit i was 16. i went to rehab for meth and cocaine. rehab was the place i needed to be because they were able to moniter me and give me medication to make the detox a lot easier. (i'm not saying rehab is for everyone) it taught me a lot but i did not want help at the time and relapsed the day i got out. the last time i kicked my meth habit i did it CT and yep it was horrible. at the time, i was best friends with a dealer and we lived out of hotel rooms. that is when i hit rock bottom. i wasn't staying in touch with my family or friends & hadn't been home in 3 months. that was literally the LOWEST point in my life.

    anyway kinda got off subject, sorry, i have a tendency to ramble lol. i just got a call yesterday from a friend saying that this guy my husband and I use to be close friends with blew himself up while cooking meth. I have so many people I went to school with, that I would have never though would touch drugs, who are now shooting up meth. HOW SAD!!! point is, try and try hard to kick this habit if you havent and if you have then try really hard to stay clean. i know easier said than done...but there is so much more out there than drugs. im just now learning this myself too. meth screws up your body & brain etc...i actually think i am somewhat brain damaged from using so much drugs. i made a's & b's in school and college, now i cannot concentrate on anything. i get really nervous to be around people and studder sometimes.

    anyways, everyone is here for the same reason in some way or another. i know that posting on these boards, for me, has been a major part of going through w/d's, staying clean, & not losing my mind. Please keep in touch and let us know how everything is going. it will get better. just take it day by day.

    ~Suz~

     
    Old 06-08-2005, 10:33 AM   #15
    babygirl20
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    Re: meth...am i crazy for still feeling it?

    thanks everyone for replying to my post. without people who understand exactly where i am coming from... I DONT KNOW WHAT I WOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW! though i have not been clean for that long i am still extremely scared to relapse. the statistics are VERY high for meth users to relapse. i think i said this in an earlier post, i feel like i am staying clean for my family. when i came home to them, it was more out of guilt for making them hurt so bad over me rather than for my own purposes. also, the reason i got sort of "thrown" into sobering up was because i ran out of money and i ran out of a place to live. i was living with my boyfriend at his mother's house and then he got arrested and so i moved in with my boyfriends nephew and his friends. i was out in the worst part of the state of minnesota... i saw drugs and prostitution EVERYWHERE I WENT. the drug that seems to be the most popular in the BIG CITIES isn't meth, its crack (and anywhere you go you can find weed)... so it was really hard to find MY 'drug of choice' out there. i just started smoking weed everyday (ALL DAY LONG) and that i feel is what kept me clean while i was out there. i wasn't around any of my old 'friends' that i used to get high with and a lot of them i had heard were getting arrested or trying to get away from the drug scene. my parents were constantly asking me how i got money to survive, and the truth is... i had no money at all. i was surviving off of my boyfriends nephews as long as i could give them rides to sell there weed and make more money. i wasn't eating out there for they had 3 kids to take care of and could barely even buy their kids food. it was really sad to see that. my parents were constantly telling me i HAD to be prostituting...there was no other explanation on why i was surviving. i NEVER did that, though i was around a lot of people who were into that so i had hit my low points and actually considered it. it sickens me to think that i didn't care if i did it or not. when i moved back home, my parents had set rules... NO WEED...NO METH! and i am still respecting that to the fullest. so i feel that smoking weed when i got off meth made me stay clean and set my focus on that high instead of my 'high of choice'..and then it all ended when i moved to my parents house. i'm scared for when i get out of my parents house and into my own crib for i dont know what will happen. i told my parents the first time i tried to clean up that about 25% of my brain is telling me not to do the drug but probably 75% was tempting me to do it. so soon after i relapsed...and now, i have been clean for around 8 months and probably 75% of my brain is saying to stay clean and 25% is tempting me still. it's helping a lot to stay away from the people i used to get high with, but it's still a huge struggle everyday. i can't sleep... i'll try to fall asleep at like 10pm and not actually fall asleep till around 1 or 2am. i'll lay there thinking about it for long periods of time EVERY NIGHT. im just trying to take it day by day...but i am nervous to work or have any responsibilities for i get nervous around people now too. i also feel as if a part of my brain isn't working properly or at all...can't concentrate or focus and have a really hard time remembering a lot of things about my past. im only 18 years old and am ****** off i got myself into all this at this young of an age. i just found out my younger cousin is into it now too and his older brother is doing it again too (after being clean for almost 4 years). it's all around me, yet im choosing not to go and find it anymore. but what happens that day when i run into again? im sure theres going to be another time when i see it and am tempted by it for it's growing so popular all over the place. right now and forever i will try to run the other way and hide for the temptation will be too hard, but what happens when it's there and i can't do anything about it being there? relapse after so long? please keep replying... it's helping me so much. thanks.

     
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