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Old 06-03-2005, 03:36 AM   #1
xalsc
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Quicksand

Well I am back it has been a long time. Maybe somebody remembers my old post, but I doubt it, it's ok though no big deal. Well a little background first. I played college lacrosse, and I had bad luck when it came to injuries. I had a few broken bones, surgeries, and other various injuries over a couple of years, and I was always given plenty of pain meds. I think when you are an athlete who needs to be on the field sooner than later you get them easier or in more qauntities then others might. Well to make a long story short I started to sniff them as I heard it made them more affective. I have taken everything from lortab to percocet. Well I did this sniffing on and off, but eventaully stopped. Well I hurt my shoulder again in a car accident and got the bright idea to try sniffing my pain pills again, because I got a weak dose to hold me over till I had surgery so I thought since it is weak it will be better to sniff. Well I got caught by my new wife, who is also part of the reason I stopped in the first place. She was so mad and threatend to leave me if she ever caught me again. Well I had surgery and I was doing good, and then my wife found an old cut down pen that I used at one point to sniff a pill once, but I had not used in several months it happend to be in pocket of a bag that I never really used and because of it's size I never really thought about it. Well she left me but once I explained she came back, but being the idiot I am I decided to sniff a pill one day when I was depressed and she caught me again. Lucky for me she did not leave me, and we talked about it and I felt like things were going to be good, and that my love for her would help me not screw up again. Well I did really good for a while, but I did blow it on a few occasions, and I sniffed a few pills. I wanted to tell my wife so bad, but I was so scared and ashamed and embarresed. Well I played with fire and got burned. I sniffed a pill for the stupid excuse that I was upset and my wife saw some powder in my nose and I told her because I knew I could not lie and I really wanted to tell her, but I was scared. Well to make a long story short my stupidity cost me my wife, and she left me and I don't know when or if she will come back. I knew this could happen, and I don't understand why my love for her could not stop me from doing something so stupid. I mean the pills don't really even do anything for me it is the routine I think that calms me down more than anything. I know I love her and I know I love so many other people who would be so disappointed in me if they knew, and I don't know why I did it. I need help, and I don't know what to do please help me.

 
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Old 06-03-2005, 04:40 AM   #2
rsrser
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Location: New jersey
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Wink Re: Quicksand

Hi thats a tough one. Its like you kinda betrayed her. I think you need to talk to her and explain how your sniffing pills is a routine and an....addiction. See if she would be willing to come back if you give her your meds and she physically watches you swallow one at the appropriate time. That really is my only suggestion and also....stop while its really under your control (from your post I can see it is). If you are not in dying need of the pills try a different root for your pain.... there are plenty of none opiate treatments.

Good Luck and I hope everything goes ok.

 
Old 06-03-2005, 05:35 AM   #3
toomany
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Re: Quicksand

xalsc,

I had a really tough time staying stopped/quit too. I quit many times and thought each time I really had it beat but after a few weeks or a month or 2, there I would be again. I wanted to quit and stay quit but could not manage to do it on my own.

I finally quit trying to do it all by myself and became willing to give counseling/treatment and meetings a try. I didn't have anything to lose by giving it a try. I enrolled in an outpatient treatment program and also started attending 12 step meetings. Doing these 2 things has made a huge difference, I'm clean and sober today 8mos!!

Have you considered going to AA or NA meetings and/or going to treatment? Look in your phone book or on the web to see what is available in your city, a phone call can't hurt.
I don't believe you will regret taking this action.

For most of us when our addiction is in remission, our personal life gets much much better. Your wife may need to see first that you are really serious about staying quit in order to make a decision on whether or not she wants to stay in the marriage. I'm not saying that she will come back to you if you get help but I doubt she will come back and stay if you don't. It sounds like she has had enough.

Take care of yourself first, the rest will follow.

Take care,
Patty
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