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    Old 09-29-2005, 08:43 PM   #16
    Arememom
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey Sydney,

    Glad you are feeling better. I was worried about you last night. You will do fine and I'll talk to ya tomorrow.

    hugs
    arememom

     
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    Old 09-30-2005, 12:28 AM   #17
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey Arememom,

    I saw my favorite topic pop up again and couldn't miss the chance to tell you what a great impact you're having on this board. I've seen you everywhere helping all kinds and them respond gratefully to your vigilant and sincere efforts not to let anyone feel alone on this board.

    I totally relate to those horrible mental & emotional aspects of crack addiction. I had hallucinated on acid a few times before but the crack paranoia and hallucinations were almost real and plenty scary. I saw black phantoms zipping around as I was going down for the count once. I used to have speed dial set to 911 on a cordless that was on in my pocket everytime I smoked crack just in case I could push the last button as my face hit the carpet. My fanactically religious ex-sister (that's another story for another board) had given me some religious songs on a tape. When I'd start seeing things, I'd turn on that tape and I could see, smell, and just sense the forces of good and evil doing battle.

    If I was in a motel when the crack ran out, I'd eventually grab the gideons bible and was blown away by some of the stuff I randomly encountered. Like "Don't be troubled my son for I am with you."

    So I'm certain my HP never left me even though I had taken the steering wheel.

    Looks like no need for any comic relief tonight, but the list is builiding up anyway so if someone is out of sorts...

    Anyway, thanks Arememom for keeping the recoverig crack addicts idle hands busy with some positive things.

    Peace,

    sumtimes slowly

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 12:57 AM   #18
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey Sometimes Slowly,

    It's good to hear from you. You know we are really helping ourselves when we help others. I love this message board. I spend a great deal of time on the internet searching for everything I can to help me with my addiction. But this is home. I've never found any site that can match this one. I've been pretty much house bound and I truely would have lost my mind if not for the internet. It's the part of me that made me become a health care professional over 23 yrs ago that enjoys helping people. And if I can help one person or a hundred people a day then it makes me feel good. I don't want anyone here who truely seeks help to be left out. I tried and tried for many months to beat addiction alone. For me it just wasn't possible. And I know it's true for most all addicts (99% probably). Thank you for your support and it's good to hear from you. Hope you have a wonderful day.

    I'm ready for a wonderful laughing fit. So bring that list on. I copied the last one and sent it to some friends who can relate.

    Hugs, Hugs, Hugs Arememom

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 08:07 AM   #19
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    arememom. Hi hon, Just checking in to see about you, How are you? I hope fine. I just wont you to know that I have been praying for you, and You have really helped alot of people here, Here is something I found the other day on the internet, AND it touched my heart and I would like to share it with you, and Others............................AS children bring there broken toys with tears for us to mend............I brought my broken dreams to GOD because he was my friend...............But instead of leaving him in peace to work alone.................I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own................. AT last (I stached it back and cryed,HOW COULD YOU BE SO SLOW................... MY CHILD, HE SAID, what could I do? .........You never did let go...... I hope you feel what i felt when I saw that, It is the truth that God has more power than any human could, Because he made us....... Yet we always seem to still bet our head into the wall trying to fix things...................Just wonted to say hi, and a big hug to you FElicia

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 10:18 AM   #20
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Thanks Felicia. I'm doing good today. I loved the saying you found. I have seen it before. Think I'll copy it and save it. I do have to be reminded to turn everything over to God quite frequently. lol Hope you have a good day.

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 12:05 PM   #21
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    I am so glad to hear ya doing good mom!
    Thats is so cool!
    Sounds like alot of us that started around the same time are starting to be able to cope a little more with the w/d's or anything and its really all from this board for me and Jesus!
    Thanks for keeping me going and always posting to make me happy!
    LUV YA,
    SYDNEY

     
    Old 09-30-2005, 02:37 PM   #22
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey Syd,

    Glad your better and thanks for the encouragement. Hope you have a great weekend. And I'll see ya back here real soon.

    Your friend
    Arememom

     
    Old 10-02-2005, 01:55 AM   #23
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Big hugs back at you Arememom!

    Another pathetic attempt to elicit a wonderful laughing fit:

    I no longer:

    --have to wonder where oh WHERE to put the confounded crack-pipe
    --have Superman-hearing and therefore no longer (think I) hear people comment, "My dog keeps it's a** cleaner than that guy."
    --freak out when people use their vacuum cleaners
    --endlessly adjust the little pieces of hardware in the back of my old radio so as to obtain better (heh-heh) "reception"
    --am able to string together half-second voice snippets from 35 different channels on a police scanner into an obvious plot to get me
    --think (or care) that the police are interested in and could possibly catch what I flush down the toilet (perish the thought!)
    --notice that how wide a cheap motel back-window opens is directly proportional to the height of the VCR in the room
    --am the one pacing the floor as I call the motel front desk at 3 in the morning complaining about all the noise from neighboring rooms
    --have to concoct a street-corner sales pitch for the less interesting items in a motel mini-bar
    --have to hide little pieces of crack on an acoustic ceiling with stick pins to have hope for the future

    Whooaah! Thank God I don't have to live like that today!! Instead, I trudge the road of happy destiny, and in good company.

    sumtimes slowly
    ________________________________________ ___________
    "Grateful people are happy people. Those that aren't, aren't"
    --(on the wall of the First Step House, Charlie Street)

     
    Old 10-02-2005, 02:31 PM   #24
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Sometimesslowly,

    Thanks for the laugh. I've done everyone one of those things myself. God we crack addicts are the craziest of all drug users I think The drug makes you so paranoid. And the hallucinations we're a trip. Funny to begin with and then turned evil and scared the hell out of me. I never realized that crack caused hallucinations until I had my first one. Now as I research and talk to other recovering crack addicts, I find that the evil hallucinations always come along. Have a great Sunday.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

     
    Old 10-03-2005, 12:13 AM   #25
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    It sure nice to hear you've experienced those things too. It reminds me that I wasn't the only one. I'm glad I can joke about them now. I can laugh at myself a little--that's progress. I mean that was me but yet I'm not that person anymore. I've really been transformed.

    I've spent a long time now working on me and will continue to do so. The change has been so great that I'll say that I'm more than a grateful recovering addict--I'm actually glad I went through that hell then. The tools that I needed to recover are great tools for life too. I would have never discovered them or friends like you had I never become an addict.

    I hope you had a good weekend.
    Take care,
    sumtimes slowly

     
    Old 10-03-2005, 11:13 AM   #26
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey Sometimes Slowly,

    Glad to hear you can laugh at yourself. So do I, most everyday. I have to watch it though around my family members who don't understand recovery and don't want to understand. Sometimes I get dirty looks. But you know what I just say "sorry" and start laughing at that. If they can't handle it then they can go own their merry way. Not worrying about them, only my recovery. My best (non-addict) friend and her family (they are the one's keeping my daughter) listen, laugh and cry with me. I spent Sunday of last week with them. And they asked alot of questions and listened to me about my addiction, crazy life I was living and the road I must take and live forever to continue to recover.

    You're right, about the friends I've made on this board. It's amazing. There is no other group that I know of that can come together and truely care for each other as addicts trying to recover and stay clean. Also the family/friends who love them that also give us such love and support.

     
    Old 10-03-2005, 08:55 PM   #27
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey Armemom... this is tj. This was the first time I read about you and how it all began. Everybody hits their own idea of rock bottom. The difference between substance abuse and addiction is very slight. Addiction begins as abuse, or using a substance like marijuana or cocaine. You can abuse a drug (or alcohol) without having an addiction. Nobody plans on being addicted, it just happens. For example, just because you smoked weed a few times doesn't mean that your addicted, but it does mean that you are abusing a drug - and that could lead to an addiction.

    People can get addicted to all sorts of substances. When we think of addiction, we usually think of alcohol or illegal drugs. But people become addicted to medications, cigarettes, whatever! And some substances are more addictive than others: Drugs like crack or oxycontin, aka heroin are so addictive that they may only be used once or twice before the user loses control.

    Addiction means a person has no control over whether he or she uses a drug or drinks. A person who's addicted to crack has grown so used to the drug that he or she has to have it. Addiction can be physical, psychological, or both. Seems like you having more of a psychological dependence

    It also means that a person builds tolerance to that substance, so that person needs a larger dose than ever before to get the same effects. When a person who is physically addicted stops using a substance like drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes, he or she may experience withdrawal symptoms. Psychological addiction happens when the cravings for a drug are psychological or emotional. People who are psychologically addicted feel overcome by the desire to have a drug. They may lie or steal to get it.

    A person crosses the line between abuse and addiction when he or she is no longer trying the drug to have fun or get high, but because he or she has come to depend on it. His or her whole life centers around the need for the drug. An addicted person - whether it's a physical or psychological addiction or both - no longer has a choice in taking a substance. I'm going through the same thing with oxycontin. It just sucks and we have to do what we got to do so we don't die. Its the cold hard facts. Let's keep helping eachother.

     
    Old 10-03-2005, 10:04 PM   #28
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey TJ and Sometimes Slowly,

    Hope your first day of the week is going well. Mine was good. Spent the afternoon/night at my daughters football game watching her (cheerleader). It's the first game I've been able to go to in six weeks. For my daughters sake we have told everyone that I was in the hospital and had back surgery. My child doesn't need to suffer anymore for my addiction. It was good to be able to see her cheer (she plans on cheering her way right through College at Alabama - I better get back to work, it's gonna cost a fortune. ).

    TJ you are absolutely right about the difference between abuse and addiction. I'm not minimizing anyone's addiction, they are all torture. Unfortunately from what I've learned - crack is a totally different drug than any other including prescriptions, alcohol, pot, etc. With one hit, you're addicted. I had always been told that and thought, "yeah right". I thought that's not possible. But it was true for me. I've never heard anyone who smokes crack say they can smoke occasionally for fun. And if anyone ever tells me they can, I wouldn't believe them. Crack is a psychological addiction, not physical. That's why I didn't have withdrawals physically. It has physical components over long term but thank God I was about 55 lb overweight when I started using. So my weight loss of about 28 lbs. didn't hurt me. I do think my lungs are damaged and will have them checked out after I get insurance/job. Crack can cause sudden death, stroke and heart attacks. Statistics also show that the probability of a crack addict staying clean are very low like 5% or less. I will be one of those 5% with the help of God (My Higher Power). We will do it together.

    Have a good week guys.

    Your friend
    Arememom

    Last edited by Arememom; 10-03-2005 at 10:12 PM.

     
    Old 10-05-2005, 12:04 AM   #29
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Armemom,

    Your going to be just fine. Believe in yourself. I just hit rock bottom today, more power to you,


    your friends

     
    Old 10-05-2005, 02:43 AM   #30
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hi Arememom,

    Wow, going to a football game and watching your daughter as cheerleader--it just doesn't get much better than that. I've got a high school age daughter and though she didn't make the cheer squad, we love watching our Mission Viejo Diablos (they've become pretty renown). It takes me right back to my own high school years. And regarding anonymity, my sponsor always told me to tell people what I was comfortable saying, not what people might be comfortable hearing. Back surgery or whatever, it's your business not theirs. I would have (and have) used similar covers. Our anonymity is important.

    Crack addiction is extremely powerful. I crossed lines I never dreamed I would cross. I never met any who had their crack use under control. And out of the fiends like me that remained, I've never met a long-term crack abuser. They just OD, get busted, get killed, or wear out like me. Somehow I survived with my body intact (and I went thru the whole regimen of tests so I'd know). I'm lucky to not have permanent physical effects.

    Those success numbers are poor but anyone can succeed if they give themselves to the 12-steps. I can't but we can and do. Look at the promises.

    best to you,

    sumtimes (really) slowly

    Last edited by sumtimes slowly; 10-05-2005 at 11:19 PM.

     
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