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    Old 10-10-2005, 09:39 PM   #46
    Arememom
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey Everyone,

    This has been the best day. I went to my daughters homecoming game and our team won. Yeah!!! I just sat there an watched her cheer (cheerleader), how happy she is, laughing, jumping and when they introduced the cheerleaders individually. The did a cartwheel and five back handsprings (I think that's what they are called). That's not new, she's really into gymnastics for a few years. But only about 3 out of 13 can do lots of stuff. I also got my car today. Yeah!!! And went to my first CA meeting. I loved the group and don't feel the need to go to other places, although I may just to be sure that's where I want to make home. I got a temporary sponsor. At that meeting site, they want you to have a temp. (if you want one), until you've been there awhile and decide who you want. Makes sense to me.
    We talked about acceptance tonight, which was good for me. I have no problem accepting that I'm an addict, but some of my family are having a hard time accepting it. And I have a hard time accepting the fact that they don't get it/accept it. We talked about that (more so after the meeting). I hope everyone had a good day.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

    Hey, wut2do - good to hear from you and glad your doing well.

     
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    Old 10-10-2005, 11:23 PM   #47
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hi Arememom,

    Glad you had a great day. I'm jazzed to hear you went to CA. Was it a pretty good size meeting? Locally, they seem to be getting populated again.

    I really relate to the relative thing. I've come to feel pretty guilt-free about this program that saved my life. Pride in this regard is a temptation for me, especially with self-righteous relatives, but a dangerous and avoidable one. I always hated when I found out that they found-out about me from someone other than me. But then every so often one of them comes over to our side, usually one of the more judgmental of them. I tell you it's tough not to say, "oh look who's cryin' now." In reality, we just get closer. Too bad sometimes it has to happen that way for them to understand.

    Acceptance is always nice to hear about. My serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance of things that I can't or shouldn't change. This is an ongoing challenge because long-term sobriety tries to tempt me to think that I might have power to accept less and change more--HAH!

    Looking forward to a new day--hope you have a good one.

    your friend,
    sumtimes slowly

     
    Old 10-11-2005, 03:49 PM   #48
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey 2ndtimeround,


    Yes, brag all you want. You have a right to brag, your daughter accomplished so much and I know it took a lot of hard work. If you're like me, I think my daughter (and sons 27 yrs. old twins) are the best things I done in my life. I swear I don't know how they turned out so good. All of my kids are great. Not to say that they don't have their moments. Don't we all. But none have ever been in any kind of trouble. I thank God for that. As screwed up as I am, my higher power watched over us all.

    I definitely will have to work daily on the "things I can not change" part throughout the rest of my life. I have been a total control freak my entire life. A "Virgo" to the hilt, if you believe in that sorta thing. It's always been right on track for me. And when so many life events beyond my control hit over the period of a year, is when I spun out of control. Hope you had a good day.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

     
    Old 10-11-2005, 09:50 PM   #49
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey guys and gals,

    Made my second CA meeting tonight. It was great! Last night there were about 15 people there and tonight there about 60 (at the same meeting site). Two of the oldtimers talked for a long time (especially for the newcomers) about their experience when they came face to face with old using buddies who insisted they do a hit with them. And the old buddies didn't take the first "NO" for an answer. They both had been in rehab and in CA. One of them actually ended up getting ugly with the old buddy. The other finally convienced his old buddy without any problems. The point they made was, is it will happen and you need to be prepared. I've thought about this before but having been without my car until yesterday it's not something I've worried about. But driving around yesterday and today, I made a point not to drive in the areas or past old places where I used or met my dealer.

    The group is having a haunted house and I signed up to be part of it. Years ago I was a member of the Jaycees and had a blast working in the haunted house. Can't wait to make new friends and have fun again. I haven't had FUN in so long, I honestly don't remember when the last time was... But today and tonight I'm happy and that's all we can ask for - One Day At A Time.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

    Last edited by Arememom; 10-11-2005 at 09:57 PM.

     
    Old 10-12-2005, 12:11 AM   #50
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Wow, 60 people--that's a good sized CA meeting. Like the old days.

    Yeah, I had to learn the hard way to stay away from bad-memory lane. It's a type of romancing-the-drug. Used to be that I couldn't control the car--it would drive itself to those old haunts it seemed.

    That was right up there with keeping my wallet at home, having the wife hide the jewelry, etc.--none of it worked. Later I saw that I had been trying to stay sober from the outside in instead of the inside out. It's an inside job.

    I was brought up to value self-reliance. This has served me well in many other areas of my life but failed me miserably with regard to addiction. That may be why it took me so long to get AA & CA, and hence quality sobriety.

    Re: kids. I guess addicts are blessed--I sure am. (2) straight-A students with seemingly "normal" dispositions. How the heck did that happen?!

    Very busy just now--trying to post as often as I can. Got my monthly H&I panel that I chair coming up soon. Sure like talking about sobriety and thanks for mine.

    Gaday to all,

    s. slowly

    Last edited by sumtimes slowly; 10-12-2005 at 12:14 AM.

     
    Old 10-12-2005, 07:25 PM   #51
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey guys,

    Missed my darn meeting tonight because I thought one was at the same place and time I had been going. When I looked again, tonight is the only night we don't meet there and too late to get anywhere else. Our meetings are at 8:00 & 8:30 and most all others are at 7pm. So, here I am having my session on the board. lol Hell, it's been working for me before I get my car fixed. There was an online meeting that I got in on as soon as I got home. It was ok tonight, but folks weren't as talkative tonight for some reason.

    2ndtimearound, One of my twin sons is a fireman and EMT (starting Paramedic school in January). Interesting that we have children that are so alike between 1 of yours and 2 of mine. I tend to agree with you about NOT going to NA with your daughter. There are things about my addiction and actions while using, feelings that my kids don't need to ever know. And I bet there are things she will never want you to know also. It actually could impede either one of your recoveries. But you could go to conventions, special events together at some point if you feel comfortable with that. That's something your higher power will lead you to if and when it's time.

    Sumtimes slowly - I was raised to be self reliant also. My father died when I was 20 years old of cancer. He was the one person in my life who I knew loved me unconditionally. He could see the writing on the wall regarding my ex-husband. And some advice he gave me before I died has stuck with me, my entire life. Never have to depend on a "man" (sorry guys lol) to take care of you. He was talking about financially. I was in Nursing School, my twin boys were 18 months old and my mother thought I should either be working or at home with the children. She was a stay home mom but not the kind who kept the clean house and ran me everywhere. Quite the opposite. Lots of issues there, can you tell. lol Nothing I did was ever right to her for many, many years. But about 6-8 years after my fathers death, she admitted to me that those things I had done in my life to make it better (ie college, etc) was a good thing and she was proud of me. I went through therapy for depression issues 18 years ago. Thought I had all the tools to cope with it. Boy was I wrong. I was a total control freak until this stuff kicked my butt. I thank God everyday for all three of my wonderful children. I think God blessed me with these children, especially my daughter (who I adopted when she was 18 months old). But that's another long story. lol

    Hope you both have a good day tomorrow. I know I plan to have a wonderful day.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

     
    Old 10-13-2005, 10:28 AM   #52
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey 2ndtimeround,

    My son is 27 yrs. old. Both my boys are so kind hearted and that didn't mix too well when they had to do the things they had to do in Iraq. The one who is a fireman/EMT, goal was not to have to kill anyone while there. I talked to him about how unrealistic that goal was. And he did have to kill or be killed many times. Both are having to deal with it. And it is really difficult for them. I guess it is a "man - military" thing, but they made pictures of kills, etc and brought home. Alot of the guys did. I made both boys let me see them so I could understand where their mind is at. Being an emergency room nurse for years sorta prepared me for what I saw. But I've never seen anything close to what these pictures show. The son still in the army, is having a recurrent dream about the worst thing he had to do. He hasn't shared exactly what it is and I won't ask. If he ever wants to share it, he will. And we are so close, someday he will, I think. His wife calls him a "momma's boy" lol. He and I both agree with her and both say he always will be. She also has thanked me for raising such a wonderful, kind man. Makes me feel good. Sorry for going on and on. I have to run. I wanted to say more and will post again tonight.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

     
    Old 10-14-2005, 10:52 PM   #53
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey 2ndtimeround, sumtimes slowly and everyone out there,

    Went to a meeting tonight. It was great. It is called a candlelight meeting. Once the reading of items are done, the lights are turned out and candles light the room. I loved it. As I sat there and listened to story after story of grateful addicts with much longer time than me clean. I could close my eyes and really listen. It was amazing how much more I heard and how serene it really was. As I listened in the dim light room to one young woman speak, I knew I had found the person who I wanted to be my sponsor. And after the meeting, I was talking to a young man who I met my first night there and she walked up. She introduced herself to me and the young man said something like she's the person that would be a good sponsor for you. (He and I had been discussing the fact that I didn't have a permanent sponsor just before she walked up). So I asked her to be my sponsor and she graciously accepted. She said she would like to be my sponsor. And having learned to be humble added, but she didn't how good she would be but she would do her best. The young man left us to talk and came back by later to tell us good night. We talked for about 35 minutes and made my plan for tomorrow. Between now and then I'm to list 10 things/people... that I have no control over. Then I need to call her tomorrow. And she said she'd meet me at the meeting tomorrow night and I'll get a Big Book and then we'll proceed. Goodnight and I'll be back tomorrow.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

     
    Old 10-15-2005, 12:55 AM   #54
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hi gang,

    Ah, a candlelight meeting, Arememom--my favorite!! I've always liked them because in the dim light you can see the principles better than the personalities.

    I'm so glad to read you got a sponsor too. Oh, this was so critical for me. With 11 years, I still have a sponsor (a retired lawyer) and plan to continue that. This is my 2nd sponsor. He is ill (diabetes) but getting along and has about 30 years of sobriety. I am not allowed to use the word "stress" around him because to him stress is a response to trying control people, places and things.

    My first one, whom I outlived, was a psychiatrist with 30 years. I still have the alkie shrink's card (which I keep in my wallet) instructing his sponsees to do the following every day:

    Today is the Day
    --I Don't Drink
    --I Call my Sponsor
    --I Study the Big Book
    --I Go to a Meeting
    --I Improve my Conscious Contact with God
    --Expect a Miracle

    His sponsor was Chuck C., author of "A New Pair of Glasses"

    It was and is in working with good sponsors that sets my sobriety today apart from my previous attempts to "get" the program.

    I did my H&I panel for the mental hospital lockdown yesterday. When the meeting finishes and they let me through the doors, I get reminded of the time I spent there years before when it was a Charter, and I am grateful.

    Have a great weekend,

    s. slowly

     
    Old 10-15-2005, 09:17 AM   #55
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey sumtimes slowly and everyone,

    Last night when I started my list of 10 things/people that I had no control over I only could write down 6. Thought well I'll finish the other four this morning. Well when I started to finish my list this morning, my list is much longer than 10.

    Hope everyone had a good night and wonderful day. Sunshine here today and just a little cool. Nice to sit on the deck and enjoy the morning.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

    2ndtimeround, I'll get back to you later this weekend. We do sound alot alike. Home your doing well today.

     
    Old 10-15-2005, 09:40 AM   #56
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    2nd time around. Your ex husband sounds like the worst dad in the world. I can't believe he was ignoring the fact your daughter was using drugs and all this bad and crazy stuff was going on in your house yet "he didn't believe it." The worst part is he didn't even want to let you get her some help. And yes I believe allowing her to get arrested is part of the helping process. You can't ignore stuff like that and expect it to get better. If it was me I would have booted her out and called the police. Getting arrested is step one of helping her understand where her life is going. Maybe if your husband was a good husband or even cared the least bit about his daughter then you wouldn't have gotten in this mess!!!

     
    Old 10-16-2005, 10:33 PM   #57
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey guys,

    Sunday was my daughters birthday (14 yo). Got to spend the day with her. I usually spend a ton on her for her birthday, but I don't have a job or much money. But I did buy a mood ring for about $1.99 and a card. You would have thought I'd spent a fortune on her from the way she acted about the ring all day. She's such a blessing in my life. I tried not to cry when I had to leave, but the cry baby that I am, I didn't make it. It's really hard not to be with her everyday and night. She is out of school for fall break this week. We've already made plans for most of the week and I'll get to see her most every day.

    Well, as of 12:01am I'm 60 days clean. Yeah!!!!

     
    Old 10-17-2005, 01:05 AM   #58
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Congrats on 60 days, Arememom!!!

    And happy belly-button b-day to your daughter. Gosh, I have a son who just turned 14 himself.

    My family was gone for a year when I first got sober--it was tough. I'd get a little misty after visiting them too. I took solace in knowing that I was heading in the right direction. Where I'm headed is more important than where I'm at.

    I liked hearing about the list you're working on. I was powerless over many things when I got sober. I'm still largely powerless over persons, places and things but I've learned to accept much of it. Nonetheless, such lists continue to be part of my step work. It's almost like doing the books for a business (let alone doing inventory). In a way I guess I'm keeping my sobriety business in order (and I suppose a sponsor would be a principle shareholder!).

    My life was plenty unmanageable because of drugs and alcohol. Even after years of sobriety my life is still unmanageable--by me that is. I need HP to steer. My sponsor used to say that there was nothing wrong with my life, that it was a perfectly good one. It was the "lives" I had lead that were the problem.

    Congrats again--you're a miracle (true blue, technicolor)

    sumtimes slowly

     
    Old 10-17-2005, 03:48 PM   #59
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey friends,

    2ndtimeround, I'm so sorry for the life that you endure. I can't imagine my spouse/significant other laying a hand on me or not letting me do things (ie making that call). Your husband makes his choice to ignore everything, including issues within his family. It directly effects you and I'm sure has added to your addiction issues. I could tell you to do this or that. But who am I to tell anyone how to manage thier life, I can't even manage mine at time.

    I truely have turned over my life to God and finally got out of his way to take care of me. Good things are happening everyday. I hadn't heard from the job that I thought I had. I called them today and Sara said she was off all of last week and that's why I hadn't heard from her. She had left her planner at home and will call me tomorrow. I guess that means we'll set up my orientation, even though no one has said "You have the job". Sara is the only person who is at this facility who can train me and she will be my direct supervisior. I also hadn't filed my taxes for last year until about a month ago. They didn't care because the irs owed me money. Checked online today and my check will be mailed on Friday. I also, finally got in touch with a supervisor from DHR about my child counseling (calling them for a month without anyone calling me back). She started to make excuses and I stopped her and said all I need is the name and number of who to call. She finally found the information. I called the counselor today and left a message. Things are looking up and I truely believe it's because I've turned it over to my higher power.

    Thanks for all your support and I hope everyone is having a good day.

    Your friend,
    Arememom

     
    Old 10-18-2005, 07:11 AM   #60
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Arememom, Hello, it has been awhile since I have been around, looks like things are going well. You are right, God is the only one , he is an on time god too never a min late or a min early. we dont always understand why things happen But God does, and if we put our faith in him, we can not fell. He loves us so much, always remember that! ......... While I am going to old mexico in 7 weeks I sent off for my passport yesterday, I really do not know if this is what I wont to do. But oh well I have never seen mexico. I will be gone for 3 weeks, then back to the USA. I have been so busy talking with my two friends that are boyh having a hard time, One is seperated from her husband, and still wonts him back.... the other is living in a stay lodge with two children after her husband walked off and left with another women, she has no job. just lost her car. It is so sad.and no money............ While I am off to the eye doctor to see about some colored contacts, Please dont ask me why, Something is wrong with me. I am wonting to change everything, my hair , my eyes. Maybe it is because my husband is going back home, and I am going to be left here by my self....... Not really sure? while talk to you later................ Your friend Felicia

     
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