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    Old 11-03-2005, 10:00 AM   #76
    Arememom
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey sumtimes slowly,

    Today is a good day. The sun is shining and I sat out on the deck, drank coffee, smoked cigarettes (lol) and prayed this morning. That's my morning ritual. I also read my Big Book, Twelve and Twelve during that time somedays. It's the most peaceful time of day and it's a great way to start the day. Sure will hate when cold, cold weather comes.

    I finally reached my social workers supervisor, who I proceeded to chew upon nicely, but sternly. She was very meek and said she would speak to my MSW, who had just come in the office. Interesting!!!! I told her that I expected a phone call back asap letting me know when they faxed the information to TASK. I also told her how unprofessional I felt that they were, regarding every issue I've had to hound them about since this process started. Two months ago, I would have never said a word. Beaten down, but now I'm well on my way back up. I will not go before the judge the end of January and not have everything done due to DHR incompetence. And when we are finally out of the system (probably a year from the beginning - Aug.), I don't ever plan to do anything to get back in the system.

    Hey, if 8 hours of self improvement each day is all I needed, I'm way ahead of the game. During my early days (Aug-mid Oct), all I did every waking moment was post on this board and work on myself. But, I guess that doesn't mean I can rest now, huh.... lol

    I was looking at my post today. OMG, I've posted 521 post. So that should tell folks where I've spent my last few months. And I thank God for it. This board has truly been a life saver for me. And look at the wonderful friends I have made.

    I didn't realize until recently how many people come here and read and read and read, but not post. Some take many months before getting the courage to post. And I'm sure there are some who never do. I encourage those of you who aren't posting yet to reach out here and join this great family in recovery. We may tell you things you don't want to hear, but we'll give you our humble opinions and stand beside you all the way our your road to this wonderul life of sobriety.

    I met with my sponsor last Saturday and worked my first step. I really didn't know what to expect. Hell, I thought I had already done 1-3. But it takes just a little more work than reading it and saying "Oh yeah, I'm done". We plan to work step two in a few weeks. I was reading another board last night and a person was 18 months clean and just on step four. What's up with that? Not working the program hard I guess?

    sumtimes slowly, now look what you started. Now I can't shut up. lol Thank you my friend. Sometimes it just takes a slight nudge to get us back where we need to be. Hey, do you live by the Beverly Hillbillies? lol You know they say, "You can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl... lol

    Hope you have a great day and hope to hear from you again soon.

     
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    Old 11-03-2005, 10:28 AM   #77
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey arememom...just real quickly involving step work. I was 2 years clean before I finished my 5th step. You might find that you get stuck or need to focus for a little while in one of the steps before you get very far. That's what happened to me. I thought I was supposed to move move and work them as fast as I could...but it didn't happen that way. My sponsor put the brakes on and forced me to really really analyze my reactions and responses.

    I think it's different for everyone. Work at your own comfortable speed. Some fly through the first time and work back through more completely later...some take it slow and struggle through the first time. One thing is for certain you'll be working them the rest of your life. I've found they apply to so so much more than drug addiction. One of my newest assignments is to look at every different challenge through the week and as it appears ask myself what step applies to this. I'm doing tons of writing. My own journals have saved my butt more times than I can count. I get to feeling crappy, like saying to hell with it...and if I flip to a page in my journal and read I'm like..oh yeah I don't want to go back through that!!! Yuck! No thanks.

    Hang in there girl. You're doing fine!

    Sumtimes slowly...I love your posts...please come back often.

    Arememom...Yikes I'm catching you on the posting thing..but I get so much out of it!! Who cares right?

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 12:28 PM   #78
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey BeginAgain,

    I've heard people in the rooms talk about having to go back and do steps over (especially 4th and 5th) because they only did the major dumping of major crap the first time. My sponsor definitely has to slow me down. I just want to get the major dumping over with. What is your opinion on working the step all in order. Is that how it's suppose to work? I know somethings have to come in order, but I question others. Also, it's hard for me right now to separate 1-3. They all fit and happen sorta together to me. I guess as I progress, I'll understand more. Also, I'm getting the workbook. I need that visualization, so I can go back over and over until I get it into my thick head. lol

    Hope your having a good day. You're right about the posting. One day I'll get to a thousand and then set another goal.

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 01:47 PM   #79
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Arememom -

    I have kept up with your story,and I never realized that you are in Birmingham. We are practically next door neighbors, I live in Hoover. It's a small world (but I wouldn't want to paint it

    walkersma/robin

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 01:54 PM   #80
    Arememom
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    hey walkersma,

    I lived in Hoover for years and actually plan to move back in that area, as soon as my house is sold. It is a great place to live. I go to meetings in Vestavia and Mtn. Brook (The Hut). Who knows maybe we'll be in a meeting together someday (that is if you're into the 12 step program).

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 02:27 PM   #81
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Arememom

    I am praying for you, actually for the job thing on Friday. I haven't been reading all the posts as I had to be with hubby in a different state for treatment. So I am back and finally caught up with this thread. Glad all is well with everyone.

    32 days

    Yours,
    Vickyuser

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 02:30 PM   #82
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    walkersma..LOL..you must listen to country music...now that song is playing in my head..thanks

    I was always told they were in order for a reason. Getting out of order..well I was taught that fit with old patterns. The whole trying to jump ahead, too much too soon, over analyze, move too fast, take control pattern we're all familiar with. That being said, once I worked through them the first time (which took about 30-36 months) I was able to see how different steps applied to different problems and was able to apply them. I don't think it hurts to read and have an understanding of them all early on, but I'm not sure there's value in getting ahead. I'd always start thinking about making amends for instance..but was only on the 3rd step or 4th step and my sponsor would say..hey you aren't there yet. I found when I got there..some of the things I felt I needed to address through amends weren't really issues after all or the "injure self or others" applied when before I didn't recognize it. After some time I got more perspective. Each step prepared me in some way for the next. I personally think jumping ahead or jumping around is not really a good idea. However, going back to a step you thought you already worked is common...or finding out it applies to things you didn't first consider and applying it to the new issue. I work the 1st & 2nd step on a daily basis for one reason or another.

    Hope this helps some. Again, just my opinion...I'm sure there will be others.

    Last edited by BeginAgain; 11-03-2005 at 02:31 PM.

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 03:41 PM   #83
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Hey vickyuser, Yeah day 32!!
    Glad you're back with us.

    BeginAgain,

    Thanks for your opinion. I value the friendship we have begun and I need all the direction I can get. Yeah, I wanna do that ammends thing quick, but who doesn't. I do know I'm a long ways from that. I'm doing everything the folks with experience in the 12 step program tell me. Opinions do vary related to many things within the program. But basics are all the same. And the goal is the same - to stay clean/healthy/recovering one day at a time.

    No one has talked to me much about journaling, except to do it. What's your opinion on it. Someday's I have a hard time writing anything (if it's a good uneventful day). But on those bad days I could write a novel. I'm going to talk to my sponsor about it tonight after the meeting also. Have a good night guys and I know I'll be back on after my meeting.

    Last edited by Arememom; 11-03-2005 at 03:42 PM.

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 05:25 PM   #84
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Journal anything and everything. Even if they're uneventful days...you'll find looking back those uneventful days are comforting in the face of chaos..just to know there was such a thing. Sometimes I write no more than a line or two...sometimes I write a freaking book. I've been journaling on and off for 11 years...I have quite a few volumes on the shelf. It is such a hoot sometimes to go back to the beginning...the very beginning and see who and where you were. Talk about seeing growth. Sometimes you just can't see the progress..but it's there...and if it's in black and white you can't deny it exists.
    I went back and read my treatment journal from 1993. Talk about interesting...my head was so far up my *** ...well you get the picture. But to look back and have that record..it is priceless.

    One more thing..putting in on paper really helps me work through things. I am much better at expressing myself in writing..and somehow it helps me work out the kinks in my flawed thinking.

    Last edited by BeginAgain; 11-03-2005 at 05:27 PM.

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 07:37 PM   #85
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    arememom, Hi trying to read up on this post, I will pray that god will open that door for you on that job tomorrow,i wont you to know that even thou I only know you though this sight, I can tell you have a lot of will power, and thats what it takes, Your day will come when all your prayers are answered. always keep God close to you and the rest will fall in to place......I have had a bad day today I woke up to my phone ringing only to hear my ex husbands wife on the other line, My youngest son is acting up and tomorrow the probation offcer is going to pick him up from school to take him for a hair sample, To see if he has been doing meth too again. He has been hanging with my oldest son which lives next door from him, at the grandmothers house. They also are talking about sending him to a wildreness camp for a year, and ask if I would agree. What can I say? if it will help him to say clear of drugs I would do any thing. I am really not sure when this is going to happen. I guess I will know more late in the week.I know god has a plan, I just wish it would fall in to play fast!!!! like in yesterday.... I have two boys both in trouble........ I just dont understand, any of this, Both my babys gone bad....... wasteing there life away..........I really hate this for Adam, But he has done it to him self....... He just wonts to do what ever he wonts to.......... But LIke I told him if I cant stop you I will find someone who can? I would like to send him to miltary bootcamp, then on into the army, I wish there was away. But I am not rich and that takes alot of money just to keep them there from a month... Well I will stop for now, You take care let us know about that Job....... Felicia

     
    Old 11-03-2005, 09:12 PM   #86
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    Felicia,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your youngest. But maybe this will be the beginning of a way for him to find his way back. I know it's so hard to see our children go down paths that are wrong for them. Especially being an addict I pray everyday that God watches over my three kids and keeps them far away from addiction. I hope that they can learn from my mistakes, unfortunately it doesn't always work that way. I have had some friends and acquaintances whose children were sent to Millitary schools due to bad behavior. And guess what, not one of them turned out worth a crap. It didn't change any of their behaviors. I'm sure there are those it does help, but that's just my personal knowledge. Also, I can tell you putting kids in the military as a way to straighten them up doesn't always work either. Remember both my sons were in the Army and one still is. I hear stories from them all the time about alcohol/cocaine/meth and pills that so many soldiers are doing. It's a scarey thought to think that these kids are protecting us. And I say kids because so many, many, many are 18-23 yrs. But on the other hand my boys have told me many stories of their time in Iraq, when things got tough and it was a life or death situation, these young men really came through. My boys talk of situations where each one would be dead if not for that young soldier doing the things that we can't even imagine. I thank God for our soldiers everyday. I have heard different stories about different wilderness programs. Some good and some bad. That's true with everything. I have always been an outdoorsy person and personally would choose this for my child. But then we all love the outdoors life. The wilderness programs are tough, but the ones I've seen that I liked taught the kids, self reliance, increased esteem, exhausted them physically and mentally. Bootcamp and wilderness programs break the kids down and try to build them back up a healthy way. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you have some good news soon.

     
    Old 11-04-2005, 01:53 AM   #87
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    It's 3:43am and I'm still not asleep. Nothing wrong just the night owl thing. More news on the DHR front. I spoke with my attorney today. He is fed up with DHR the social worker not doing her job. He is filing a motion for contempt of court for DHR because they are not following the court order for all the things required of me and my case. That should **** them off and maybe get something done. Hopefully the judge will do something. The social worker nor her supervisor have called me back about TASK. I'll continue to call them everyday until I get results. My attorney told me today that he will be running for a Judge seat in Family Court during the next term elections. He works in Family Court daily and is totally fed up with the system of DHR. He plans to do what he can to make changes for the better within this system if he becomes a judge. Hope you guys are sleeping as I post and I'll be sleeping later this morning when you post. Have a good day guys.

     
    Old 11-04-2005, 05:05 AM   #88
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    Re: Any Crack Addicts Out There Like Me?

    That great news maybe they will get there butts in gear now, that he puts a little fire under it. talk at you later .........felicia

     
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