It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Addiction & Recovery Message Board

  • Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!



  • Post New Thread   Closed Thread
    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Old 09-21-2005, 08:59 AM   #1
    siren1024
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    siren1024's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2003
    Location: Jacksonville, AL USA
    Posts: 997
    siren1024 HB User
    Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!

    I'm a 24 year old christian mother of 2 young children military wife with a college degree. I love my husband and my kids, and I should be happy. However, when he joined the military, I started battling depression. I am a stay at home mom and I have the "Alcoholic functioning housewife syndrome." I actually get more done, and a better mother, keep my house cleaner, have more effeciency, and am easier to get along with when I've had a drink.

    The problem is my tolerance is just getting outrageous, I already have an ulcer from drinking straight vodka on an empty stomach, and though I've only been drinking this way for 5 months, I've recently began to experience sleep disturbances, panic attacks, and slight shakes 6-8 hours after my last drink. I refuse to take another one to get me past it, and I often get sick of drinking and go 48 hours without a drink.

    Then my lack of energy and depression starts to set in and I have a mad craving early afternoon. Usually by the time my husband gets home I make up excuses to go out without him and end up stopping to by liqour. I never get trashed, never pass out, never neglect responsibilities. I stop drinking when I feel like I'm crossing the line from "buzzed" to "smashed" and don't feel the need to drink anymore. Unfortunately, I can now drink half a fifth of vodka before I get there.

    My DH worries about me and I hate dissapointing him. I hate that I'm sneaking around (I've even started buying sample bottles to I can slam 3 shots and toss them in the dumpster right after I get back home so DH won't know I've bought anymore) I hate the idea of causing myself health problems that will affect my kids, and I know this could get totally out of hand if I don't watch it. I know alot of this is me self medicating my depression. My entire existance revolves around someone else's life right now and I have no identity as a military wife. I've tried prozac and it didn't work. When we were on a 2 week vacation back to my hometown, I only drank socially twice, and didn't even really think about needing a drink other times.

    My DH is willing to do anything to help. How to I get past that major craving in the early afternoon? I feel like I need a "pick me up" drink to start my chores and all that.

    Please help me. I know I have a problem and I'm realizing it fairly early after 5 months and I want to stop, I just don't know how to get the willpower.
    __________________
    --Kellie
    Married 09/28/2002
    DS born 07/05/2003
    DD born 3/24/2005

     
    Sponsors Lightbulb
       
    Old 09-21-2005, 11:46 AM   #2
    tbelle
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    tbelle's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Jul 2005
    Posts: 10
    tbelle HB User
    Re: Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!

    What does DH, DS and DD stand for?

     
    Old 09-21-2005, 12:06 PM   #3
    WRONGPATH
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    WRONGPATH's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Posts: 11
    WRONGPATH HB User
    Re: Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!

    DH is Dear Husband
    DD is Dear Daughter
    DS is Dear Son

     
    Old 09-21-2005, 01:25 PM   #4
    mabent
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Location: Connecticut
    Posts: 377
    mabent HB Usermabent HB Usermabent HB Usermabent HB User
    Smile Re: Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!

    Hi - I'm sorry to hear about your dilemma! I do know how you feel, I think, having been in the same situation when my 3 children were young and I was a "house-frau". I also had a problem, but mine was with taking dexadrene! My sister gave me some of her pills (they were easily obtained from doctors then), and they gave me the energy to do my housework, etc. My husband was not in the military, but he did travel all the time and I was left alone much of the year. The pills lifted my spirits and also made me actually enjoy cleaning and keeping the house organized while still playing with my children (the oldest was 5). I had no idea that I had become addicted to these pills - I only knew that when my prescription began to get low, I would make a special effort to hurry to the pharmacy to get it refilled even if it meant getting a baby-sitter. Then, we moved to another state, and my new doctor refused to write me a prescription. You can imagine how I felt! It isn't the same as being addicted to pain medications or things like cocaine, etc., but it's still an addiction! I could manage without the pills but felt as if I couldn't function well and lost my desire to clean and felt as if I had no energy at all. That lasted for a few weeks, and even after that, I missed having those pills! If I could have purchased them over-the counter as we can alcohol, I surely would have given in, even though I realized finally that I definitely was addicted and should get off the pills. Fortunately for me I was forced to stop.
    Your situation is much the same in my opinion, but you can easily purchase the Vodka.
    My solution for you would be to not have ANY vodka in the house for a few weeks. You said that you were able to go without alcohol for 2 weeks when on vacation, so it seems that you do not get serious withdrawal symptoms.
    during that time you should pamper yourself and not try to do all the housework you have been doing - just concentrate on your children. And keep repeating to yourself that you truly want to stop this and that there is no reason why you can't stop - just for the two weeks. Then, gradually lengthen the time you go without your daily drinks. Do you think this could work for you? I remember feeling so relieved to be rid of that terrible habit of needing those pills to function! And I think you'll feel so good about yourself and not having those cravings each day! Best of luck to you.

     
    Old 09-21-2005, 05:02 PM   #5
    JJKoala
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    JJKoala's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Location: Australia
    Posts: 33
    JJKoala HB User
    Re: Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!

    Hi siren1024,
    I know how you feel. I have two kids. I manage fine all day, keep the place sparkling and stay in a fairly happy mood until the sun starts to set- then if I can't go get a little 'pick me up' I get really unhappy. I convince myself I 'deserve' it for all I do. My DH is here but has some anxiety probs and barely ever leaves his room. I get so lonely. And depressed. For me, it's only at night but just like you, it is what I count on to keep going. I see it as a 'reward' for all I do. I don't have your answers (obviously) as I'm in the same boat but would love to share our paths. I very much want to be a good role model for my kids and am attempting to study (which is diverted whether I drink or get depressed about not drinking)... I know it can be a slippery slope... Anyway, I'm on day 3 (again) and hold out the hand of mutual support if you want it.
    Best of luck to you!
    JJKoala

     
    Old 09-22-2005, 09:26 AM   #6
    siren1024
    Senior Veteran
    (female)
     
    siren1024's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Feb 2003
    Location: Jacksonville, AL USA
    Posts: 997
    siren1024 HB User
    Re: Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!

    Thanks so much for your replies and support. This evening I will be 48 hours with no liquor, though I did have a glass of wine yesterday. My DH doesn't have a problem with wine, and I don't either. Too much wine makes me sluggish and sleepy, exactly what I drink liquor to avoid, so I don't think I'll ever have a problem with wine. (Evidenced by the fact that I still have half a bottle in my fridge!) The wine was wonderful though. It took the edge off that early afternoon craving and calmed my nerves. It's unbelievable to me, the old cliche that Alcohol is a medicine and a poison is SOOO true. LOL.

    I've actually suprised myself with the lack of desire to drink I've had in the last 24 hours. I think just admitting my problem and posting it has helped alot. I also prayed the other night and asked God to "fix me" and give me strength and willpower, because I can't beat this on my own.

    Mabent- I know what you are saying about pills! After the birth of my son I had a herniated disk and was off and on pain meds for 8 or 9 months. The pills became what a drink is now. An anti-depressant, an energy giver, a "feel good." Never did I really abuse them, but I looked forward to every dose and got in a hurry to pick up my prescriptions when I ran out. When I realized I was on a slippery slope, I flushed them. I knew that as bad as I wanted them, I wouldn't be able to get anymore since I had flushed 3/4 of a prescription. That was the saving factor their. With this alcohol thing, it's just SOOOO accessable. I live on a military base with a 24 hour liqour store that has tax free alcohol. I can get a pint of vodka for 6.45 or a pint of bourbon (my other favorite) for 8.00. It's just like smoking. It's the accesability that makes it hard to have willpower.

    JJKoala- I'd love to be "sober buddies" since we are on similar paths. Give me an update as to what's going on with you.

    If any of you haven't noticed, I've often wondered if my problems have to do with Post Partum Depression. I've never had any negative feelings towards the kids, but the pill thing started right after my son was born. I kicked it, felt better, and got PG with my daughter. Then right after she was born, the drinking started. However, after my DS's birth my DH was gone for 6 months, then immediately after we moved 1,000 miles away from any friends, family, or support to a city that is practically another country in language, culture, and location. I never got to pursue my dreams of singing on stage or use my degree. I cried every night for the first couple of months here, but I felt so guilty for what I was putting my DH through. All he's ever done was try to do the best for us. So that's why I turned to the pills to numb the pain and not hurt him anymore. I think I saw my pregnancy with my daughter as my "salvation" from addiction and depression. As long as she was inside me, I refused to do anything that might harm her. I was even on Tylenol 3 for severe back pain while pregnant with her, and I took them SO sparingly. Then after she was born it all came crashing back down around me.

    Whew. Sorry this is so long. But you wouldn't believe how good it feels to be completely honest with someone about all this.
    __________________
    --Kellie
    Married 09/28/2002
    DS born 07/05/2003
    DD born 3/24/2005

     
    Old 09-22-2005, 03:52 PM   #7
    JJKoala
    Junior Member
    (female)
     
    JJKoala's Avatar
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Location: Australia
    Posts: 33
    JJKoala HB User
    Re: Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!

    hey siren1024,
    I think you have a lot of insight into yourself! It doesn't mean you don't love your kids if you have dreams of your own! In fact, you'll be a BETTER Mom even than you are now if you can find some way to still follow your dreams whilst caring for your family. If Momma aint happy...aint nobody happy...
    What was your degree in, if you don't mind me asking?
    JJK

     
    Old 09-22-2005, 05:26 PM   #8
    mabent
    Veteran
    (female)
     
    Join Date: Sep 2005
    Location: Connecticut
    Posts: 377
    mabent HB Usermabent HB Usermabent HB Usermabent HB User
    Re: Functioning alcoholic, sick of drinking!!!

    Siren -
    It's amazing how much alike we are, and I'm sure JJK feels the same way. I was once a heavy smoker but gave it up because I had a terrible cough, and my doctor told me that I would certainly end up in a wheelchair with emphysema if I didn't stop. I knew that my husband and children would make my life miserable if that ever happened and "I brought it on myself!" We are very fortunate to have realized that our habits had to be stopped. Some people never do and continue to ruin their health and relationships. Sounds as if you have everything under control!!

     
    Closed Thread




    Thread Tools Search this Thread
    Search this Thread:

    Advanced Search

    Posting Rules
    You may not post new threads
    You may not post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is Off
    HTML code is On
    Trackbacks are Off
    Pingbacks are Off
    Refbacks are Off




    Sign Up Today!

    Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

    I want my free account

    All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:55 AM.





    © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved.
    Do not copy or redistribute in any form!