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    Old 10-18-2005, 12:15 PM   #46
    BeginAgain
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    GinaMia? You out there? I'm sorry I haven't posted to you in a couple of days. Been feeling pretty down. (see still feeling blah posted today) Anyway, I hope you are okay and still considering giving this a shot. Even though I'm struggling some right now I hold out hope that someday I'll be me again. I can't give up!! Let me know how you are.

     
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    Old 10-19-2005, 12:35 AM   #47
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BeginAgain
    GinaMia? You out there? I'm sorry I haven't posted to you in a couple of days. Been feeling pretty down. (see still feeling blah posted today) Anyway, I hope you are okay and still considering giving this a shot. Even though I'm struggling some right now I hold out hope that someday I'll be me again. I can't give up!! Let me know how you are.
    I'm so sorry I haven't posted in a while. I went to the gyno today due to some female probs, which resulted in more Vic. The thing is, I have legitimate pain that requires pain meds but unfortunately I'm hooked. I take them for bladder spasms, female probs and back pain. I just have back spasms, not a back injury.

    I have severe IBS and depression/anxiety also. When I'm on Vic, I don't need my IBS, depression or anxiety medications. Vic seems to take care of all of it! This is another attraction for abuse. This really freaking sucks!!! I must admit that I am so tired of making sure I have plenty. My heart aches because of this crap. One day, I wont have enough and I'll be forced to stop. I think that day is coming very soon. I wish there was free help. At this time, I get my prescriptions cheap so help is far more expensive than using is.

    I've been praying a lot because to tell you the truth, I want to be happy and Vic seems to do that for me. The downfall is that when I run out, the happiness is gone and it's an emotional roller coaster, not to mention the horrible WD's. I'll be praying for you too BeginAgain. Quitting and staying quit are equally hard in my opinion. Be strong, friend.

    Last edited by GinaMia; 10-19-2005 at 12:37 AM.

     
    Old 10-19-2005, 12:42 AM   #48
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by TCHRIS
    Sorry to butt in on your thread, I have been reading and reading and reading and I am in the same boat, want to get of sooooooo bad....have already tapered down from about 700-800mg of OCs A DAY and now I am down to about 80mg, it has or should I say is kicking my butt, I have a intake appt somewhere tomorrow at a clinic for the other thing you can use to get off opitaes, not sure if i am allowed to say the M word on here and I am scared to get on that stuff in fear it will put me back in a worse boat then I am sinking in already, the Sub is very costlty where I am at also and I just lost evrything I have too and the up front money is what I cant come up with either..any advice on anything would be great....these boards are awsome, they really keep me going at home..thanks to all
    FYI, the sub detox center I spoke to said it was easier to quit/detox from Heroin than it is to quit/detox from Methadone. They said Methadone is much more of a messy WD than Heroin. I hope that helps. Good luck!

    Last edited by GinaMia; 10-19-2005 at 12:47 AM.

     
    Old 10-19-2005, 05:11 AM   #49
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Hi There, I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE FOR YOU!!!!!!!! I dont know what state you live in but each state has funding available for those with addiction issues who either has no insurance or cant afford it. If you call your local Children/Social Services Department they have an Alcohol and Drug Abuse intake worker. They will set up an appointment for you to meet with the intake worker, you then will give the intake worker all the information about you and your addiction. The worker will then make arrangements for you to go into rehab. If the rehab is quite a distance from your home they will even provide transportation for you to and from the rehab. It doesnt matter if you insurance, state medicaid, or no insurance at all because if you are not covered they have state funding that they can access that will cover it all at no expense to you!!!!!!!!

    Hope this helps you or anyone else out there who needs help!
    Good Luck with whatever you decide to do!

    Valley

     
    Old 10-19-2005, 05:20 AM   #50
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by valleygurl
    Hi There, I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT THERE IS HELP AVAILABLE FOR YOU!!!!!!!! I dont know what state you live in but each state has funding available for those with addiction issues who either has no insurance or cant afford it. If you call your local Children/Social Services Department they have an Alcohol and Drug Abuse intake worker. They will set up an appointment for you to meet with the intake worker, you then will give the intake worker all the information about you and your addiction. The worker will then make arrangements for you to go into rehab. If the rehab is quite a distance from your home they will even provide transportation for you to and from the rehab. It doesnt matter if you insurance, state medicaid, or no insurance at all because if you are not covered they have state funding that they can access that will cover it all at no expense to you!!!!!!!!

    Hope this helps you or anyone else out there who needs help!
    Good Luck with whatever you decide to do!


    Yes! This is so true. There were many many indigent people at the rehab where I was at recently, and their stay was mostly state funded, and we're talking about people that were there for a good 28 days!!

    I really would check into a rehab, I believe it saved my life.

    Ask yourself this question: Do you want to live or die? Once you come up with the answer, make your logical choice.

    Valley

     
    Old 10-21-2005, 02:40 PM   #51
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Welp, this is day 1. I wont get my hands on any pills for at least 5 days.
    I feel like *****. I'm taking 500 mg Naproxen for the body aches, Xanax for the anxiety, Zoloft, (I wouldn't take it when on Vic because I felt happy on Vic) for my already existing depression and I'm eyeing the Imodium A-D right now. A heating pad or a hot bath sounds good right now too. Please say a prayer for me guys. I'm gonna need it because this sucks!

     
    Old 10-21-2005, 03:12 PM   #52
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Hang in there Gina. You CAN do this. Don't give in in 5 days when your supply is available. Cut off those sources. If you can make it 5 days you can do this. I have faith in you. I know I don't know you but from what I've read here you are just like the rest of us and I think on some level you really want to do this. Stay strong!!! Fight!!! We are here for you. Whatever you do don't quit. Post, post, post....we will do our best to talk you down. Really consider giving NA a try, it's a hard step but it's a lifesaver to have that support and guidance from people who have been there. Let us know how you are. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

     
    Old 10-21-2005, 04:10 PM   #53
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    by any chance are you in ky gina?-spark

     
    Old 10-22-2005, 04:52 AM   #54
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    GinaMia

    How are you doing today? By the 5th day you will be on your way. Don't give in! Try suckers. Every time I wanted a Vic I ate a tootsie roll pop. Also hot baths. I always thought I felt great on Vic's, but now that I am on day 20 I realize that I really felt like crap! I isolated myself from everyone. Keep going and remember we are here for you.

    your friend,
    Vickyuser

     
    Old 10-22-2005, 11:02 AM   #55
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Hey GinaMia,

    You've taken that first step on the road to recovery. You know what to expect. Use all the over the counter meds you need. Aleve also works well for those aches and pains. Remember that your anti-depressant must build up in your system. It takes up to two weeks to get the full effect. Continue to take your meds for anxiety, depression, IBS as prescribed.

    Vickyuser, OMG you reminded me of the suckers. I used Jolly Rancher suckers during my first month clean. You are so right about it helping. I had never heard of Jolly Rancher having suckers until my friend got some. If you love pink lemonade or sour apples - those flavors in Jolly Ranchers are wonderful. I think I'll have to go get some.

    GinaMia we'll be right here with you all along the way. Post, post, post when you feel like it. Tell us how you are and maybe we can think of other things that will help.

     
    Old 10-22-2005, 01:57 PM   #56
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by BeginAgain
    Hang in there Gina. You CAN do this. Don't give in in 5 days when your supply is available. Cut off those sources. If you can make it 5 days you can do this. I have faith in you. I know I don't know you but from what I've read here you are just like the rest of us and I think on some level you really want to do this. Stay strong!!! Fight!!! We are here for you. Whatever you do don't quit. Post, post, post....we will do our best to talk you down. Really consider giving NA a try, it's a hard step but it's a lifesaver to have that support and guidance from people who have been there. Let us know how you are. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    OMG!!! I can't imagine how hard it must be for people downing 20 pills a day to go CT!! I am so freakin sick! I almost admitted myself last night. I took the Imodium, Zoloft, Naproxen, Xanax and some left over Phenergan I had.
    You guys, I'm so sorry but I had to get 5 pills to get me through this. I took one in halves yesterday and I've already taken one today. This is good because I would take up to 10 depending on the strength of Tylenol in them. When I start hurting intensely again, I will take Naproxen or Ibuprofen instead. I'll have 3 pills remaining then I'll go down to halves a day.
    The sad part is, I'm detoxing for the wrong reason, I think. It's not because I 100% want to, it's because I ran out. I'm so sorry. It hurts so much. My stomach is cramping so badly. Please keep praying for me.
    I keep telling myself, "Oh, when I get my script in 5 days, I can control it." Why do I freakin doubt that?!?!?!? I need to go to N/A. My hubby doesn’t want me to because he's afraid I'll run into someone who understands me better and I'll leave him. Stupid, I know but I understand what he means. He wants me to get through this with him. He doesn't understand that a NON ADDICT can't help as much as the addict. Talk to me please.

     
    Old 10-22-2005, 05:31 PM   #57
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Gina,
    Don't beat yourself up. Do what you have to do to get through the withdrawls, but don't renew that script in 5 days...just don't do it. You are getting through the worst of the physical symptoms right now. I'd highly recommend you cut off that source whatever it is before the 5 day mark gets here so you won't be tempted then or in the future.

    I think it's great your husband wants to support you, but if he really loves you he'll also support your decision to go to NA. His fears are truly unfounded. NA is not about meeting someone to start a relationship with..it's about meeting people who can talk you through the withdrawls, the cravings and all the stuff to come. In 99% of cases you are going to connect with other women who understand & want to help. In fact this is the recommendation of the program anyway..if you get a sponsor they want it to be a same sex sponsor. Your hubby might want to look into Naranon or Alanon meetings. Here he can learn how to best help you and how to help himself. Again, the fellowship of people who are where you are, have been where you are or are working toward where you are is unmeasurable. Also, going to an open NA meeting might be an option. In an open meeting your husband could attend with you and maybe he'd see there is nothing to fear. But, don't make it all open meetings...it's important to go on your own sometimes too. Your husband is going to have to trust you if he want's you to get better...fear and jealousy are two things you do not need on your plate right now. Do what is best for you Gina. Does he realize that if you don't do whatever it takes to get well you won't need anyones support because you could die of an overdose? That is the reality of this...jails, institutions and death. There are no other options. Your use will escalate over time.

    You are right...you do need to want this. I can't understand why you wouldn't judging from your posts & the desperation you've felt. I know the physical pain is horrible right now, but if you wait it will get worse..every time it gets harder and harder...and I believe the withdrawls get worse if you wait. The longer you use and the more you use..the worse it will be. Ask yourself if you ever want to be this sick again. Ask yourself if you want to continue using a few more years only to end up having to try this again. Also remember, all you can think about right now is how sick you feel and wanting relief...it's hard to remember all the reasons you should stop or that you wanted to stop a few days ago.

    Maybe going inpatient wouldn't be a bad idea. They can certainly manage your symptoms more effectively inpatient. The choice is up to you. These symptoms will begin to subside in a day or two. The worst will be over, but every time you think about picking up again...tthink about what will happen the next time you run out. You will go through this all over again...maybe worse.

    I promise. If you stick with this your life will get better. Things come true beyond your wildest dreams. There will be bad times..but there will be lots of good ones too.

    Hang in there Gina. If you need to go to the ER and tell them what you are trying to do..they will help you. There are other meds they could try to help alleivate your symptoms. Don't give up...I'm really pulling for you. I wish there was more I could do. I wish I could sit with you and talk you through this..I know how hard it is to do when you don't have anyone who truly undertstands how hard it is & how bad you feel right now. I am with you in spirit and I'll be checking in later tonight and again in the morning.

    Keep talking to us. Vent!! Get it out!! Take some deep breaths, try to stay calm. Look at this like it's a bad case of the flu. Try to drink some gatorade, broth, ginger ale..anything to keep from getting dehydrated.

    Only one thing is certain... this too shall pass. It really will.

     
    Old 10-22-2005, 09:29 PM   #58
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Hey GinaMia,

    I agree with BeginAgain totally. Your husband can give you good support, but not what you need totally. You must take care of yourself. Your recovery must come first, before your husband, your family or friends.

    My hope in talking to you is NOT to get you through until you can get your script filled. My hope is that something that someone writes to you will help you along the way to recovery. The physical sh.. will be over in a matter of days or week, but the mental stuff last much longer.

    I also encourage you to get to a NA meeting and take hubby along. Even if he has to go with you alot for a while that's ok. Then once you're comfortable, it is also imperative that you go alone. Get your sponsor. Call her everyday. Even on good days when nothings going on. Getting and staying clean is hard work. But for me getting high and getting the money to get high was hard work too. Just like all of us, I would run out of my doc and my entire day/night was spent trying to get more. What kind of life was that? It wasn't much. If you get that script filled the cycle will begin ag.

    (Hey BeginAgain I love when I say that. It always makes me think of you and smile my friend. ).

    Seriously, you will continue to use/abuse, you will end up right back in the same position you are in now or worse. At some point you will find a dealer who will sell you all you want and more. You will do whatever is necessary to get the drug. It will ruin your relationships with husband/family/friends. The nightmare will not end until you end it. No one can do it for you. We will be behind you every step of the way. Tell us what you want and how you plan to get there.

     
    Old 10-23-2005, 03:25 AM   #59
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GinaMia
    OMG!!! I can't imagine how hard it must be for people downing 20 pills a day to go CT!! I am so freakin sick! I almost admitted myself last night. I took the Imodium, Zoloft, Naproxen, Xanax and some left over Phenergan I had.
    You guys, I'm so sorry but I had to get 5 pills to get me through this. I took one in halves yesterday and I've already taken one today. This is good because I would take up to 10 depending on the strength of Tylenol in them. When I start hurting intensely again, I will take Naproxen or Ibuprofen instead. I'll have 3 pills remaining then I'll go down to halves a day.
    The sad part is, I'm detoxing for the wrong reason, I think. It's not because I 100% want to, it's because I ran out. I'm so sorry. It hurts so much. My stomach is cramping so badly. Please keep praying for me.
    I keep telling myself, "Oh, when I get my script in 5 days, I can control it." Why do I freakin doubt that?!?!?!? I need to go to N/A. My hubby doesn’t want me to because he's afraid I'll run into someone who understands me better and I'll leave him. Stupid, I know but I understand what he means. He wants me to get through this with him. He doesn't understand that a NON ADDICT can't help as much as the addict. Talk to me please.

    Gina,

    When we make the decision to get clean of whatever drug(s) we were dependant on, it changes the dynamics of the relationship with our spouse to some degree, depending on the people and the situation. I'm going through the same thing with my wife right now, she has some health issues herself, (weight and "female" type issues), and she's used to me just hanging around the house chilling out with her during all my spare time, but now I feel the need to get out of the house quite a bit and just take time for myself. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my wife dearly, but I can't just lay around the house being a sloth any more, because that's what I did when I used, that's all I wanted to do. Now, that my body and spirit are healing, I feel this tremendous amount of energy within me both emotionally and especially physically. If I started to do this again, this would be a trigger for me, because I would want to have that "chilling' feeling again, and using again is the last thing I ever want to do. So, I sometimes leave and go to the library, putz around border's book store, best buy, etc; these are the things I used to do before I started using, it was, and now is again, a way of emotionally taking care of myself. This week, I'm about to begin my workouts again, I used to be really into bodybuilding, but that was put on the back-burner, along with other things, 4 years ago, when I picked up my opiate habit. I went out alone and did these things alone for the first time in years (when my wife was home) and I came home a couple hours later, only to get the third degree from my wife for not staying home and spending time with her! In my opinion, she was trying to project her own selfishness onto myself, and I told her in so many words that I won't have that. But hopefully, that will pass after she gets her gastric bypass surgery done and drops a considerable amount of weight, as her self-esteem is really negatively affected by her obesity. I hope you can work things out with your husband, because getting clean, and I thing you realize this now, is something you have to do, or you're simply going to die a premature and needless death some years down the line. Take care.

     
    Old 10-23-2005, 05:08 AM   #60
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    Re: I'm new here and I need some help...

    Gina how are you today?

     
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