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    Old 12-21-2005, 04:46 PM   #31
    LPierce
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    I read your post and wanted to say HI and talk to you about your problem, well OUR problem, I too am an addict, I however take 10 of the 10/500's a day, and I have been addicted for 9 years. My doc put me on Lexapro, I was like well my anti depressant is vicodin, it puts me in a good mood, makes me happy and people probably enjoy being around me more when I am on them cause I am easier to get along with. Its good that you came clean to your family, I had to do the same thing, because I was always conning pills out of my friends and family by making them think that I was in pain. Now they know that I was lying the whole time and are hip to my game, now they dont offer them to me and my parents lock their medications in a lock box, thats sad, but, they have to do it since I dont know how to quit taking them, and I have tried everything, rehab, rapid detox, detoxing by myself, naltrexone treatment, sub treatment, and now I am on methadone, but the methadone make me feel 10 times better than the vicodin and the high lasts longer, and it only takes two of those pills. I feel like a lost cause. I hope that things go well for you though, keep us updated
    Lyn
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    Old 12-21-2005, 09:15 PM   #32
    Paul2005
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Lyn,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you have been hooked on them for that long. You probably can't even remember what you felt like before you started taking them. I really do feel bad for you.

    I have to ask you a couple of questions, and forgive me if I they seem personal. Do you remember the reason that you started taking them 9 years ago in the first place? And do you REALLY want to quit?

    I cannot stress how important the answer to these two questions were for me as an addict and for anyone that is dependent. The reason being simply is that at some point in all our lives.... LIFE STINKS! Either due to an accident, an injury, a marriage gone bad, stressful job, being a single parent....etc.

    The impact that these situations can lead us to is a dependency on the one thing (the almighty pill) to be the one constant that makes everything alright and makes us feel as though we can cope and deal with all the everyday stresses that led us to taking them in the first place - there begins the vicious cycle that has lasted you almost a decade of your life.

    I'm sorry to be going into all of this, but I feel that my personal feelings and insight may be helpful not only to you but to a lot of people.

    Before I decided to try and quit I was on the Internet trying to find products to help me pass a drug test and I figured that finding out more about hydrocodone would help me figure out the best way to go. When I started researching Hydrocodone I found that it was an Opiate, and then I found out that it was related to Heroin. Well, that made me stop and think. Could I be nothing more than a heroin addict? Then I started thinking about all the shows that I had seen on TV about addicts and how there whole lives colapsed because of their addiction.

    For the first time since I had become addicted..... I was scared.

    I imagine that fear more than anything else motivated me to quit. It wasn't that I hadn't thought about the repurcusions of my addiction before, it's just that it had never hit home. So I knew I had to take action, so in my moment of fear I reached out and got the help I needed.

    It sounds like to me that you have had ample opportunity to quit, but, you just haven't found the right way for you. Tapering worked for me. It may or may not work for you, but may be worth a try. I know I've only been off for a week, but listen to me when I tell you that I can't remember the last time my head was this clear and how great it is not to look at your watch when you take your pills and add 4 hours so you know when you can take your next ones or how tired you feel all the time. Anyone on this board could give you endless reasons to quit, but only you can find the reason for yourself.

    Sorry I was a bit long winded but I hope it gave you something to think about. Please continue to post and check in regularly. We all need each others support. And just think how much you could help other people once you get through to the other side.

    Paul

     
    Old 12-22-2005, 06:00 AM   #33
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Beint addicted for 9 years has caused your brain to go through changes.You need to get on methadone or buprenorphene so that your brain can return to normal.Good luck ....Dave

     
    Old 12-22-2005, 07:57 AM   #34
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    LPierce - Did your doctor put you on methadone for the drug addiction? How many miligrams are you taking? You said two pills a day, are those the 10mg? If so, that is an extremely low dose of methadone when being used to treat opiate addiction. Is it stiopping you from wanting the opiates? Or are you still desiring them all the time?

     
    Old 12-23-2005, 01:20 PM   #35
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Paul I just read your first post. Me and my wife was in the same boat. Nothing
    mattered but having pills. Anyway anyhow we could get them. From reading
    in here I went to a head doctor and got Suboxone. One a day and we don't
    even think about a pain pill. Work all we want. It's unbelievable!
    Regular doc's can't write one for the sub.
    Good Luck man , Ben

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 09:53 PM   #36
    Paul2005
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    I don't know if anyone is still reading this thread, but I had to post some incredible news! In 5 more days I will be pill free for a WHOLE MONTH! That's right guys and gals, and if I can do it you can too! I took my last pill on December 14th right before I went to bed and that was all she wrote. And for the short period (and somewhat uncomfortable) w/d period, nothing can compare with how I feel now. I can really see now just how much control my addiction had over my life, and by how full or empty my pill bottle was.

    Please, please, please, try and quit. I don't know what your life was like before you started taking them and I don't know what your life will be like when you stop, but I can tell you that there will be no comparison to how much better you will feel - you can even take off your watch! And not worry about the time!!!

    I have said this before and I will say it again. I know people have tried to quit before, just like me and failed. And the reason I kept failing was because I had no reason to quit, until I found one. This is true with smokers, alcoholics, overeaters, practically all addiction can only be stopped when the user finds that one reason. That reason might scare you or give you warm fuzzies, but one thing is for sure - YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL KNOW AND UNDERSTAND THE REASON.

    I will be posting on this and other threads to try to help other people. Because I know that just like I did there is another person reading these posts for the very first time right now that feels all alone and is looking for help.

    Good Luck Everybody and Keep Posting!

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 10:04 PM   #37
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

    Excellent!

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 10:15 PM   #38
    Paul2005
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Thank you very much Constant!

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 10:37 PM   #39
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    I am in NJ addicted to coke & trying to wean off of that. May I join in the chat :-)

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 11:15 PM   #40
    Paul2005
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Hi CJ! How ya doin'?

     
    Old 01-10-2006, 11:28 PM   #41
    Paul2005
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Sorry seejay about getting your name wrong? How long have you been on coke?

     
    Old 01-11-2006, 03:57 PM   #42
    seejay
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Actually, it is CJ - hee hee. Been on now for 11 years. Like most...started out doing a line here & there. Now I do it daily - i don't even bother putting out lines. I just dip my nail in the bag. I don't do enough to get that MAJOR high (except when I go out drinking...like last night).

    I am 35 years old, work on computer programs for a living - M-F. Single, but have a guy I date. None of my friends know of this habit (only one knows I do it every now & then).

    I've been thinking lately more & more that its time to end this. I am just throwing money down the drain (or up my nose I should say). I am getting LOTS & LOTS of headaches which I am starting to think may be caused by this as the docs can't find any other reason for them.

    BUT - each time I think of stopping...I get more. I need to make the leap & thought by chatting with people, might be the way to do that.

     
    Old 01-12-2006, 11:25 PM   #43
    Paul2005
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Hey CJ,

    Listen to me, You have definately come to the right place. Whether you realize it or not, just by posting on here you have taken that very real first step to freedom. And I stand and applaud that you came here.

    I spent weeks going through these threads just soaking in what people's hearts were saying and trying to identify with someone that could relate with me without ever once posting on any of them, and then the more threads I read the more I realized that everyone is here is here for the same reasons.... to find help, encouragement, support and hopefully enough direction that you can climb your way back out of the rabbit's hole.

    I believe that you are beginning to have a strong understanding to just how serious things are for you. I strongly believe that you have a bigger problem then you think you do, but not so big that you can't beat it.

    There are a few undeniable recognizable facts that you have revealed about how serious your habit is.

    1. The Big One - You do it Everyday.
    2. You have been doing it for 11 years.
    3. You have managed to HIDE it for eleven years.
    4. You admit that you are so dependent that you can't
    accept not being without it.
    5. It most likely is the cause of your headaches.

    Step outside yourself for a moment and look at the 5 things above. Now pretend that your best friend since you were 5 years old just come to your house and told you that she/he had been living this way so long that they didn't know what to do or how to stop, and lately they were so scared that it was going to permenently mess up their minds or their brains either short term or long term...... what would you tell them? This exercise also works extremely well when used while sitting in front of a hanging mirror.

    CJ, You are the only one that knows if you are really ready to quit, but if you are becoming tired of blowing money, tired of looking for the stuff, tired of being dependent, tired of it interfering with your life .... then you are pretty close

    But be careful, because once you set yourself free some of the side effects will be:

    1. Restored FREE WILL.
    2. Chemically Free
    3. No Dependency
    4. More Money (Over a year think about rewarding youself with a big trip.)
    5 Closer Stronger Relationships
    6 No more mood swings (unless you were moody before)
    7 Motivation returns
    8 Clear Head - More rational

    I would strongly suggest two courses of action. Find and attend some NA meetings and keep posting as often as you can. The more support that you recruit for yourself the much easier the whole process will be.

    Best of luck CJ, I'll be Thinkin' about ya in West KY - stay in touch.

     
    Old 01-13-2006, 08:05 AM   #44
    halo1
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    hey paul, just read your post to cj. i've been helping her out on her thread.
    you sound really strong and wise. i'm completely convinced by your words that you can kick this habit.
    i got wrapped up in meth, still not sure how i managed to do that, but thank God i got out before i completely screwed up my life, looks, relationships, etc. going on 5 months clean now. that's a trip in itself.
    this board and hubby saved me. i'm convinced i couldn't have quit without all the wonderful, caring people right here. it's amazing how we're drawn to people in similar situations.
    you are so on your way to a healthy lifestyle. keep in touch and stay strong.

     
    Old 01-13-2006, 10:22 AM   #45
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    I Understand How you feel . i get confused on the net to I also Know How you feel when you want to stop doing somthing but you just can't seem to.
    I Have to give you guy's alot of credit giving up something you like for the better of your health is fery had to do

    Last edited by AddictionMod; 01-13-2006 at 12:37 PM.

     
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