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    Old 11-11-2005, 09:15 PM   #1
    Paul2005
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    Cool I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Hi everybody. My name is Paul and I'm 39. This is my first post on any type of discussion board or forum. I don't even know how to instant message someone. Sad Huh? Well the reason I'm here is that I'm addicted to Hydrocodone, and have been for over 4 years. At the worst of my addiction I would take about 12 of the 7.5/500 a day. My addiction has almost nearly ruined my life. I have been reading your guys posts for about 3 weeks. I even printed out a few of them and kept them with me last week. And I have finally come clean to my family doctor and my wife just today. I have been tapering now for about a month and I am now taking 4 of the 10/500 a day. It's been slightly uncomfortable up to this point, but now I'm afraid I'm going to be down right miserable. I have stocked up on Immodium, and my doc gave me a script for Wellbutrin XL 300mg and more Hydro's since I've severed my online connection to them. He is having me cut down a half a pill every week for the next six weaks. But, I've had a very bad day today and I know it's going to get worse and I just know that all I have to do is pop a couple more and I'll feel better. I hate myself for being so dependent on a chemical, and I'm sooo tired of being addicted. I realized I really really needed help when my last refill ran out and I just held the almost empty bottle in my hand and felt my heart beat faster as I started to panic, and then the rush of calmness that I felt when I received my next script. I'm tired of looking for it, I'm tired of paying for it, I'm tired of taking it and most of all I'm tired of hiding it. Until today absolutely nobody knew about my addiction until I told my doctor today. I follow up with him in two weeks, but for now I'm just going to have to take it 4 hours at a time. Thanks for any and all support. I know I'm going to need it.

     
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    Old 11-11-2005, 09:46 PM   #2
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    You made a huge step today by telling your doctor and wife what you have been going through.

    Please read the many threads on this addiction as there are a lot of great posts and suggestions based on personal experience.

    Have you thought about attending narcotic anonymous meetings?

    Just remember you are NOT alone.

     
    Old 11-11-2005, 10:08 PM   #3
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Hey Paul2005,

    Read your post and replied on the other thread. As I said there, Welcome to our family. Keep on posting. We'll tell you when you're good, we'll tell you when you're bad. And we'll always be here with you on your trip to sobriety.

     
    Old 11-11-2005, 11:45 PM   #4
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Thanks Guys, I really appreciate the support. It's about 1:30am and I just can't get to sleep. It's so weird how connected I feel to everyone that is in the same condition I am.

    To answer your question about attending NA meetings - I don't believe there are any that close to me. I live in a very small town in western KY. You know the kind of town where there is only one mailman for the entire community and only one stoplight...well actually we just have a flashing caution light. It's a miracle that we have broadband access here.

     
    Old 11-11-2005, 11:58 PM   #5
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Hey Paul,

    I can't sleep either. I'm new, too. And as far as finding a meeting place, those small town have plenty of alcoholics, too. I went to college in a very small town, it had two lights, and there was NOTHING to do but drink. Try to find an AA meeting. The steps are the same, and I think if you just think "drugs" when you hear "alcohol," you'll be fine. Most of my meetings are AA, but there are very few pure alcoholics anymore, even in KY.

    Or you can try the next town over. Look online for an AA intergroup in your county, or in the next largest city. If you make it to one meeting, you'll probably meet or hear about someone who lives in your town you can ride with.

    I am in South Florida, and this town was built on drug activity, although no one will admit it, so I am fortunate to have too many meetings to choose from. But you've taken the right step reaching out online. Good for you.
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    Old 11-12-2005, 06:45 AM   #6
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    hey paul i to am in ky,the pill capital of the usa ino.im more in south central part of the state but there are plenty of meetins around here.read my thread on the nutracleanse and do some research.this will greatly help you thru the worst of the w/ds and even after for the depression.good luck and if you can what county are ya in or one close to you-spark

     
    Old 11-12-2005, 09:54 AM   #7
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    There are also a ton of online AA, NA and CA meetings. I attended those long before going to face to face meetings due to the fact I had no transportation. What I didn't know then, was that if I had made a call to the folks, someone would have come and picked me up. Complete strangers will do this for you because they have been exactly where you're at right now. And some have even been in worse situations or places as you. Part of the premise of the 12 step prgram is that by helping some else, we are truly helping ourselves. I do feel good about myself when I help someone else, don't you? Let them be there for you. You've taken that first step by coming here, take the next step, make a call, you'll be glad you did.

     
    Old 11-12-2005, 12:00 PM   #8
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    I did find a NA meeting about 50 miles North of where I live so I'm going to go next week. I think I will also check for an online NA meeting. I've had a better day today, I think my 3 hour nap this morning has a lot to do with that. I also have gotten up and worked around the house some. I think staying busy will help me.

    Do any of you have any experience with the Wellbutrin XL 300mg? My doc gave them to me to help with w/d and depression. I've never taken anything for either of these symptoms since usually the hydro's kept me feeling pretty good.

    Well, tommorow I drop another half pill. I look at it as another step closer to sobriety. I calculated to the day when I am completely done and ironically enough it will be New Years day. Pretty funny huh?

     
    Old 11-12-2005, 02:08 PM   #9
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Hey Paul2005,

    Wellbutrin is an anti-depressant that's been around for awhile. It works well for some people. Physicians also use this med to assist with those who want to stop smoking. As with all anti-depressants, you will not get the full effects for a couple of weeks. When used to stop smoking, the doctors will say not to try to stop smoking until you've been on the med for two weeks. Did the doc tell you to go ahead and start taking the Wellbutrin now, while you're tapering?

    Bet that nap did help. I actually just got up from a 3 hour nap myself. Rest is very important when tapering, detoxing and in recovery in general. Sleep is also an issue with most during this time. Use the OTC i.e. Tylenol PM, Benadryl or Melatonin as needed for sleep.

    In NA/CA/AA there is a saying for successful recovery. Never get too tired, too hungry or too lonely. Staying busy is very important. When sit around, we tend to think too much and it can get us into trouble.

    Stick to your plan. Won't that be a wonderful way to begin a New Year? A new year and a new life without drugs. I'm sorry to hear about the meeting being 50 miles away. But for many of us addicts, we've driven further than that to buy our drug of choice. Absolutely find those online meetings, they are great.

     
    Old 11-12-2005, 06:53 PM   #10
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    yeah im very glad you've opened your eyes to see what the pills has done to you..your finally seeing how much they've messed up your life. i know how you feel and you can turn your life around right now. your strong enough to get through this, remember that! just believe in yourself OK?

    its been about 5 years now and i know that it's very hard to put the pills down and walk away. so much time has been sucked away from me because i took them and they left me restless. i felt like a zombie and i was tired of feeling that way. your family and your wife will help you through this, just remember they love you. you have people who care for you. i remember when id wake up in the morning and have to take hyrdro to boost my energy and it just started to drain me after all the years of taking so many.

    thanksfully you have come to terms to know that you have to stop.. i will pray for you t-nite and try to get some rest..tell me how your doing and keep us posted k?? g-bye!

    <3 shefalls

    Last edited by shefallsoftly; 11-12-2005 at 06:55 PM.

     
    Old 11-12-2005, 10:24 PM   #11
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Hey Paul

    I am so glad you found a meeting and even though it is a little ways away, it will be worth it. Get a sponsor, and get the literature too. That way you'll have the contact on a daily basis with another addict. That is so important. We don't think like others, so we need to bounce our thoughts off each other, especially someone who has been there before and survived wha tyou are going through. Even if you only find a temporary sponsor, it helps get you started.

    good luck, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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    Last edited by Mischeif; 11-12-2005 at 10:28 PM.

     
    Old 11-13-2005, 09:32 AM   #12
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    mischeif is right hi my name is kelleigh and im physically dependant on methadone have been for 6 or so years im recently trying to ween off and i know what youre going through i have these pills in my face and its so easy just to take and extra one addiction is hard the w/ds are brutal believe me i know and i will admit i have dipped into my bottle for extra so dont feel alone or mad at yourself if only there was an easier way i feel for you hang in there my thoughts are with you kelleigh
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    Last edited by no patience; 11-13-2005 at 09:34 AM. Reason: misspelling

     
    Old 11-13-2005, 08:50 PM   #13
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Proud of you both!! Addicts who recognize they have a problem and begin to do something about it. are the strongest people on Earth! You guys keep up the good work and the strength will follow. Know what you have to do and do it. Life can be soo good when we let it....and so bad when we don't. Just keep the faith...and keep coming to these boards...they are great!!!!!!!! You'll meet the nicest people here....and they truly care about you!!

     
    Old 11-13-2005, 11:30 PM   #14
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    Smile Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    I woke up today a half a pill closer to being done with these freakin' things! It wasn't quite as bad as I thought but I was very much prepared. I lined my day out yesterday to where I took my last dose about an hour before I went to bed. At the same time I took my Ambien 10mg and scooted off to sleep. I could only wish that I'll be able to sleep as well the rest of the nights as I did last night. Also as part of my rehab I am putting myself to bed at 9:30, but usually I'll usually only sleep for 3-5 hours and then you may see me on here....kinda like right now. (ha).

    You guys make me feel accepted for what I am - an addict. And that helps me accept myself and the responsibility I have to myself and others. So, for that I thank you all. Well tommorow is another day. Talk at ya later.

     
    Old 11-14-2005, 01:49 PM   #15
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    Re: I'm SO TIRED of being addicted!

    Hey Paul2005,

    It does make it easier to accept that you're an addict when you see how happy us recovering folks are. At meetings it's great to see everyone laughing and kidding around. There are times of course when I'm sad or feeling bad. That's the time when I really need to be with other addicts in recovery. I always feel better when I leave a meeting, no matter how I felt when I got there. Hope you day went well.

     
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