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sk777 11-20-2005 11:29 AM

Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Why did I say the w/d was going so well, I should know better than to say it out loud or type it. Massive, massive anxiety. Help, I can't do this!! I'm not strong enough!!!! Not now, I have to leave in 2 days for stressfull Tgiving holiday w/ family. House is vile pit of filth, have nothing to wear, now my back hurts and I said never, never, no hydro, no sleeping pills, no benzos. Never. I can't do this!!! Weak, weak, depressed, anxious, head hurts, back hurts, too much for one person. And have huge career-breaking deadline ahead of me, in a little over a week, help, help, what was I thinking quitting this week??? There's never a good time, but, dude, there are also really bad times!!!!!!!!

Anxiety, I feel like a chainsaw. :dizzy:

agentalias 11-20-2005 11:40 AM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Do you have anything at home you can take for now? So you can get through this week and then stop after your deadlines? Or did you flush everything away?
Tell me what meds OTC or RX you have available right now?

Take care. :cool:

sk777 11-20-2005 12:10 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Thanks for the response. I flushed it all. It's the only way I could do this. I had to take advantage of that one impulsive moment and flush.

Just talked to my on-call person and feeling a little better. This will pass. I think. I hope. Please oh please.

I'm taking buspar, in prep for this, and will go off that once I'm done with the w/d. Taking 10 mg x 2 per day. Taking zoloft for the usual, nortriptyline for nerve pain, metoprolol for migraine (and also helps a little w/ the anxiety), allegra for allergies :), have melatonin, vitamins, imitrex (migraines) and tylenol PM, what else, advil? cold-eez?

Short of upping the buspar which won't help for a few days, it's all gone. Going to go to work, maybe keeping busy will help.

Arememom 11-20-2005 01:25 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Hey sk7777,

You are right, it will pass. You have a lot of meds to help. Also, praying helps me. I also learned a meditation technique in class this week. Look online and find a site that will have mediation steps on it. If you can't find, let me know and I'll try to post the one I learned.

I can't remember if you have been to any NA meetings. If not go and get some phone numbers. You did good by calling the on-call person. Just venting and talking things through takes alot of the power out of the negative stuff.

Remember long soothing hot baths and sleeping with a heating pad. Even if I'm not hurting the warmth of the heating pad is soothing and helps me to relax.

Talk to your doctor about upping some of the other meds also if your not already on max does.

All the feelings/anxiety/pain is absolutely normal and it sucks. We know exactly were you are right now, because we've been there. Hang on and let us know how you are. I'll keep you in my prayers.

agentalias 11-20-2005 01:32 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Hi Sky....

Ok.....here is a list of your meds:

Buspar = treatment for anxiety- should not be used with MAO inhibitors

Nortirptyline AKA Pamelor = treatment for depression/hives/PMS/ADD- AKA as tricyclic antidepressant

Zoloft- SSRI anti depressant

Metoprolol AKA Lopressor = beta blocker for high blood pressure

just wanted to give you the clarification of meds you are taking. I'm not a doctor or do I even want to give you any advice whatsoever, but just clarification on your meds.

Take care and I hope your anxiety will pass very soon. I know how hard it can be. Can you go for a walk? I forget do you have kids?

Take care. :cool:

sk777 11-20-2005 08:26 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Update... cycling just like last time, starts with intense anxiety then shortly leads into depression. Then starts over.

Funny, one of my chief complaints about being drug-addled was that the days were melting together, and time was going by so quickly. Jeez if going through w/d isn't enough to slow time down to nearly a standstill!! Can't believe I'm only on Day 2. Yeehaw.

Thanks again for the support.

Arememom 11-20-2005 08:39 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Hey sk7777, :wave:

I promise it will pass. How about a hot bath, sleep meds and try to rest? You absolutely can do this. The first 5-7 days are the worst. If it's 5 for you, then your almost half way through. The anxiety and depression do come in waves. Hope you have a restful night. As always I'll be up late posting and reading on all the sites tonight.

sk777 11-21-2005 10:23 AM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Okay, anyone who has been reading my posts or does a search on them at some later date, taking ativan to help w/ ambien withdrawal was a bad, bad idea. All it did was delay everything by a few days.

Sleepless guinea pig.

Arememom 11-21-2005 09:31 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Hey sk7777, :wave:

How are you today? Drop us a line when you are up to it.

sk777 11-22-2005 05:21 AM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
5 AM. Still haven't slept. Desperate. I don't know how anybody could detox and still have meds in the house. I'd have taken them all days ago...

pdoc even gave me something to sleep, non-addictive. Do the anxiety thing now, the sleeping part later. Felt like I was cheating or something, like with the melatonin + antihistamines last night that didn't work. Anyway, suffice it to say, the sleep aid did nothing.

The best thing I did for myself was to be selfish and cancel my family "vacation" which is anything but. I have a family member who must work for the halcion manufacturer or get a commission or something because if he senses you aren't sleeping, there he is with the halcion, let him talk me into it last time I had just gone through this nightmare and was back on the ambien and ativan within a few weeks. Because what's one pill, right?

Of course the grass is always greener, right, if I was back to the days of just hydro I could take some ativan or ambien to get through the detox. Oh, yeah, did that. Now am abuser of all three.

Thank you so much arememom. I have no idea what your screenname means but I'll take the mom part right now :).

BeginAgain 11-22-2005 06:37 AM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Hang tough Sk777. We have been through the same hell - or something close to it. Taking care of you is the absloute most important thing. One thing you can be sure of - nothing lasts forever - the sleeplessness will pass. Nobody can say how long since we are all so different - but it will pass. One day you'll wake up and be so so grateful that you got a decent period of rest. Keep it simple...you're doing fine. VENT VENT VENT!! We're here to listen.

sk777 11-22-2005 02:22 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Please, lie to me, tell me lies, I don't care, tell me it's not going to get worse. I don't care if it doesn't get better, but please, please, please, please not worse.

I'm the world's biggest baby. My on-call person is leaving tomorrow. No longer cycling from anxiety to depression. Miss depression. Want depression to come back. Hello, depression? I know, I know I don't write, I don't call, but this anxiety thing? It's worse. Please, come back to me.

Totally delirious. Please ignore me.

Arememom 11-22-2005 02:28 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
hey sk7777, :wave:

Continue to take the sleep meds, they will eventually help. It's so important to rest during this period of time. Unfortunately, most can't sleep either. Sorta a double edged sword. Did you try hot bath, hot decaf drinks, sleeping with a heating pad.

I post usually until around 2:00am so if you need, maybe you can catch me. I go to CA meetings at 7:30-9:30 and sometimes a little later if we go out to eat or for coffee after the meeting. But I'm usually on the boards from at lest 11:00pm-2:00am. Sometimes it helps just to know someone else is up.

Arememom stands for Army Mom. I have twin sons who were in the Army and in Iraq at the same time for awhile. Drove me literally insane for awhile. Both are home now. One is out of the Army and is a Fireman, working on his Paramedic degree. The other just called, he is being Med Boarded out of the Army (against his will) due to a shoulder injury that has required 4 surgeries since high school (three while in the Army). He wanted to retire with 20 years. He is at almost 9 years. But it's a good thing I think. He has really started missing his wife alot, suffers with some PTSD and my situation is also hard for him since he's so far away.

I hope your night is better and I'll be watching for your post tonight.

BeginAgain 11-22-2005 03:12 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Tell me lies tell me sweet little lies..tell me lies....wait that's a song!! LOL

Yes it sucks, sucks, sucks. That is the hard cold truth. When will it get better? I'm not sure..but it will. Remind me..what day are you on? Usually 4 -7 days is the worst physically....but the anxiety hangs in there. It did for me. I was begging for valium but thankfully my dear friend and PA had the good sense not to give it to me. Within 3 weeks it passed completely - but it was better before that..maybe a week to a week and a half it became manageable.

It sounds nutty but I talked to myself - ALOT. "You can do this, hang on..one more minute..okay one more half hour". Those kinds of things... round and round in my head over and over. I read, I watched movies, I wrote my feelings down on paper...I called people...I read these boards and others. I cried. I threw things..like soft things..but things. Made me feel better a a minute. Threw a few I can't take it anymore hissy fits....finally broke down and cried..really sobbed. I hit my knees and begged for relief and the next morning I woke up and it was gone.

That's all I can tell you. Its my experience. I pray it gives you hope..it will pass. I promise.

sk777 11-22-2005 04:47 PM

Re: Aaaahhhhhh, help anyone ativan or ambien
 
Technically, I'm on day 5. But really it's day 4. And sort of also day 3. A little bit day 2. Okay, 3, let's say 3. Seems like months ago but think just 1.5 weeks, decided, here's an idea, let's c/t from Ambien with ativan. Thursday night I took my last dose of ativan, party-down, took 5 mg. So Friday, hey, it's AM, am strong person, totally calm, just nearly missed a car accident, but no problem, not even an extra heartbeat, numb and sedated still, hey, here's an idea, let's flush it. Been on Ambien nearly every night since March, up to 5 per night in July, down to 2 per night, with copious sprinkling of ativan, but hey, let's c/t 'cuz we're stoned. Saturday, hey, look at me, happy girl. This is easy, no problem. Sunday, okay, starting to feel a really anxious and depressed and nauseated. Monday, OMG somebody kill me. Today, OMG somebody kill me, no really, really, really. I feel like such a baby. Three days. pdoc thinks I'm really withdrawing from three things at once. Got hooked on ambien & ativan trying to withdraw from hydro. Took hydro trying to withdraw from ambien & ativan. Stupid, who is this person who is so stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trying to remember am addict, not stupid. Addict, not weak. Addict, not loser. And if my back wasn't on fire and didn't feel homicidal might think go to first meeting.

So, lies want to hear/read lies!!! Tomorrow I will wake up (and by wake up I mean I actually slept, not still awake and yippee it's getting light out and I hear birds!) and feel better. Want to eat something other than coke (a-cola, not drug).

Thank you for the one more hour suggestion BeginAgain. Talk to self. Do it a lot these days. And manic journal-keeping suddenly. Last time wrote in journal was mid-1990s. Talk to cat. He's thrilled I'm "home sick". Glad to be pleasing somebody.

Thank you for helping me stay sane.


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