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  • In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family



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    Old 12-24-2005, 12:24 AM   #1
    bujo007
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    In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family

    My lover has been addicted to crack for about 6years. Its gotten really bad and I cant believe he hasnt hit rock bottom. He has been out of contact with his family( father- university proffesor, brother - nuclear physicist)for about6 years. I left him 10 months ago after he stole everything from my house and stole $7000 out of my bank account which was all I had saved. I moved away from Vancouver BC where he was living on the street when I left. About three days ago I couldnt shake him from my mind, I kept thinking about all the talks about his family and how much it hurt him to be "kicked out of the family". I found his father in the states online and sent him a very respectful email and gently told him about his son. He lives on the opposite side of the continent and being Christmastime and all that.... I went to Vancouver right away(last night) to find his son and one of the greatest loves of my life. Right away I made contact with a user on the street that knew where he was staying. I went there and they told me that he was no longer welcome there because h'd ripped them off so much, that he'd been ripping off all the crack dealers and was wanted face down in an alley. That he was also now using heroin, sleeping with toothless crazy hep c women with out protection on and on... I looked for him all night and couldnt find him untill by fluke this morning. Some cops ran his name for me and I went to the hospital on thier tip. He had been there for 3 days, the exact time he entered my mind and couldnt shake him. He had been attacked and stabbed in the back 6 inches in and severedpart of his kidney and almost died alone. He was one of the most beautiful people ive ever seen and he had abcesses all over. He's been through so much with this addiction, brutal beatings, giant infected abcesses, self torture and self hatred. He will die very soon if he doesnt do something, hes totally delusional telling crazy stories about his millions that are on the way etc. Anyhow one of his major underlying problems that I believe has pushed him down this road is that he was molested by a close family friend and never said anything to try to protect his brother from getting it too. Now that Ive spilled the beans to his Dad I want to tell his Dad that part too. His family are not getting it. They think that thier tough love approach will work when he really needs thier love and support. That someone is still on his team if hes ready to fightit. his Dad said he would come out here withhis brother only if he agrees to go into a rehab before they get here. He will get booted out of the hospital in about 4 days have nowhere to go but back to the mean streets and to, failure again. How do I get these people to get it? I could overhear his naive brother getting all heavy with him on the phone telling him how he had to use his strenght to beat this , he has no strength left, they need to come here and walk around with me and see where hes at. They need to help him to make the right choice to go to get help , if they mput conditions on it it wont work. How can I spell this out for them Plus they have no idea how bad the west coast is for drugs. Vancouver is a port city witha crack dealer on every corner everywhere not just in certain neighborhoods. They need to take him outta here, I heard him tell them they needed to get him far away and he even said to the yukon or NWt. Theres crack there too, its everywhere now. The world will **** when they come here for the Olympics and see how heinous it is in Vancouver. At this point how can I further help my lost love. How can I really get his family to understand everything about what hes going thru and been thru and find the right approach to truely maybe having a chance to help him save his life. I dont want to meet them at his funeral. Theres no icon for crying rivers of tears and there should be on this site. Any help from people that have beaten the drug and family members would be really good to hear right now.

     
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    Old 12-24-2005, 01:00 AM   #2
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    Re: In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family

    My experience. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING you can do but run like the devil is chasing you, because quite frankly, IMO, he is.

    Save yourself and get out NOW.

     
    Old 12-24-2005, 01:10 AM   #3
    jojotigerlily
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    Re: In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family

    There comes a time when we as non addicts need to let go and give the situation to our Higher Power. I am sure you heard that before, but its really the only way. I am too having a VERY hard time - my brother has been involved with a crack addict for 7 months now, I think he using too. Dont get me wrong, its very hard to walk away from someone you love, but addicts can not get the help they need to recovery unless they want it themselves.

    If you cant walk away, can you just tell the father what happened to his son, that he was molested?
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    Old 12-24-2005, 04:16 PM   #4
    bujo007
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    Re: In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family

    I sent his Dad an email today telling him the whole truth. I just got off the phone with M in the hospital. We cried alot and I told him that I told his Dad. He really wants to beat it and keeps mentioning the Yukon or NWT but he recognizes that his family are so surrounded by thier bubble of acadeimia that they may never get it and he desperately wants thier love and help. I also told his Dad that I though he should consider helping M get into a rehab closer to where he lives on the east coast but on the canadian side of the border. Apparently M's dad spoke to an addiction counsellor who told him that its not a good idea to have M recover in a community that he wont stay in afterwards. I say no matter if he goes through recovery In BC, once he is on his way he's going to want to get the hell outta BC, get closer to his family and get on with his life. M sounded so good on the phone 4 days no crack 4 days no heroin, 3 days left till hes booted out of the hospital and on the street again. Its been so long since I even heard him sound like himself. I hope and pray he makes it.

     
    Old 12-25-2005, 10:37 AM   #5
    Arememom
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    Re: In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family

    I am a recovery crack addict. Recovering in a facility in one area has nothing to do with moving home or where ever after you come out of the facility. In my humble opinion that's a load of crap. Sorry!! Just my opinion. However, the tough love thing is something I am an advocate of in those hard core cases. Just ask some of our friends here who I have been with through their trials with their addicts. For many of the members of Cocaine Anonymous of which I am a member, the families are letting/making the folks do it own their own. It's tough, but they are doing it. And with doing things for themselves, standing on their own two feet, there is a sense of pride/accomplishment coming back.

    But my advice for you is don't try to rescue him. Do not let him back into your life or home for now. He can live in a half-way house....etc. The facilities, counselors, social workers will work with him to help. They don't usually just sit you out on the street. Remember crack addicts will use and abuse those around them until they've used them up. I'm not saying don't talk to him or be supportive in that way. Just don't give him a place to live or money.

    I hope things go well for him and for you. We'll be here if you need any more information, advice or support. Merry Christmas.

     
    Old 12-25-2005, 11:03 AM   #6
    anton botha
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    Re: In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family

    I used crack, coke ect for 7years and found a way out and that was Jesus. Pray for him and understand that he probably has no emotions left. You become cold and don't care. I am clean and have no desire for any drug now. But it takes time, and help him to always stay bussy , as soon as you become board the craving comes.

    good luck

     
    Old 12-28-2005, 08:35 PM   #7
    glwood
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    Re: In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family

    my husband was a crack addict. i was faced with the same problem you have right now. i searched in a community also for a Christ-centered rehab and found one 30 miles from here. i never gave him the option of comming home and i only offered to take him to the rehab. he went only when he knew there was no chance of conning me to take him back out of pity.....

    i would agree with the person above me, Jesus is way out.....i hope he finds Him.

    good luck and i will pray for you.

    G

     
    Old 01-04-2006, 12:35 AM   #8
    now&then
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    Re: In desperate need of advice and knowledge from recovered crack addicts and family

    I am a recovering cocaine addict and alcoholic with 11 years of sobriety and an intact marriage (miracles do happen). My wife strongly advises that you free yourself of the bondage of codependency.

    If need be find a Co-Anon or Narc-Anon or Al-Anon meeting locally and go to it, not for him but for you. You will learn the meaning and the value of what they call "detachment." You will benefit greatly from this. The addict will therefore indirectly benefit somewhat because you will not be codependent to the addiction. Detachment does not mean stop loving him or start being mean but these often happen incidentally. The addict must not be supported in the problem, period. The addict should be encouraged in the solution but by qualified professionals and other addicts also in the solution.

    Do not be charmed or have false hope. Talk is cheap. You wouldn't believe the scams I worked. I would not think to do such things in my right mind. These drugs hijack the addict's mind and makes the addict "need" the drug like you need water or oxygen.

    When I got sober, my wife didn't come back until I showed her a one-year chip with my sponsor present while at a meeting (she didn't want to take any chances that I was lying to her again!). She didn't want to hear anything I had to say (and she was quite right to take this position). By that time I was finally resigned to take the necessary actions.

    Yeah, intuitively, you want to help but you can't. This is a surprising reality at first. Even as a recovering crackhead, there's nothing I could say or do while a practicing addict is in the midst of the problem.

    Go to a codependency meeting and pray to God!

     
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