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togomo 03-02-2006 01:05 AM

Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
I was prescribed 25mg. Fentanyl patches today to apply for pain management. I'm wondering if they're anywhere strong enough to help with these terrible oxycontin withdrawal symptoms?
I'm about to give up on giving up oxycontin... I've lost everything to it yet the symptoms upon quitting are devastating and I just cannot work while withdrawing... calling in sick just isn't an option; I have no paid sick days and am paid in tips. I'm spending $75. a day for oxy (one 80mg, one 40) which leaves me barely enough money for gas... my bills are a nightmare.
I just wondered if the fentanyl patch might help with the withdrawls enough so that I can go to work while getting off the oxycontin, anyone know?
Thanks so much for any advice you can give me; I'm really sinking here.

digmusic 03-02-2006 02:19 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Well, let me tell you, on November 3rd of last year, one of my best friends died from an overdose of the fentanyl patch which his doctor prescribed for heroin withdrawal. I believe he didnīt take them correctly and used more than the recommended dose, but that shows that yes it is strong and be careful with it. Most people have never heard of using this drug to ease withdrawal symptoms. There is actually a law suit involved between the doctor and my friendīs parents because of this.

slipperyslope 03-02-2006 05:15 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Tonnie its been a long time since I have seen you on the board. I always wonder what's up with you when I don't see you around for months at a time. I didn't know you had pain issue's is this something new for you how did that happen you ended up there? I know your story but I don't ever recall you going to a pain management Dr I new you got your oxy's off the street... I have never used the patch myself so I don't know anything about it, hopefully others can help you, but PLEASE be careful with it. it can be deadly if you abuse it people die from it. That should be a huge concern for you. UGH!!!! Okay my honest opinion for you is to either go back on Suboxone, even though it didn't work out last time try and find another Dr that will help you and stick with it you did so good for awhile on it, remember?!!!!! it worked for awhile for you and I remember how pleased you were with it. Another option for you is a methadone clinic. Lots of people take it for Narcotic abuse and I think you need to give it a shot you could go every morning before you go to work. you have to go in every day for your dose so you can't abuse it... and your spending a fortune on oxy's so its probably cheaper than if you go to the clinic every day.. Please consider one of these routes I think they both would be a good option for you vs the patch it would be to easy for you to abuse those...

Take care,

togomo 03-02-2006 10:24 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Thanks so much for replying.
You know, I've been getting oxys (40 & 80mg) off the street ($25 & $50) for better than two years. Last summer, I awakened with a numb left arm and hand (which went away after about a month) and an MRI showed it was caused by a herniated disc. So I was sent to a doctor who prescribes me 90 percocet (10/325 oxycodone) a month. I trade these at $4 each and I get 7 80mg oxys, which last a few days. It's the one break in the month I get from not having to worry if I'll make enough tips not to have withdrawals the next day.
In trying to get my doctor to give me oxycontin, I told him the percocet (three a day) and Soma (two a night) he prescribes wasn't lasting long enough. He said he no longer prescribes oxycontin because too many folks abuse it, and he gave me this fentanyl patch (25mg, one every three days.)
All I know is I have to get off these oxys before I follow in my brother's footsteps and take my life over them. The suboxone was the best thing I ever found, and I ruined that, of course. I wasn't ready to get off the oxys and I only took them when I couldn't get anything else. Of course I missed my next appointment with the sub doctor so he dropped me and won't take me again. He was an hour and a half away, and I can't find one now within a two hours drive. You don't know how much I wish I hadn't blown that chance I had.
My husband pays all the bills for the family including the upkeep of our (6 bedroom, 4 bath) home and four children. He does a beautiful job. And now he of course wants a divorce, as I can't appreciate any of this without my friggin dope. I don't know how this happened to me, I swear I don't. All my husband asks is that I pay for my own personal things, cigarettes and whatever - makeup, etc. I can't even do that. If I make, say, $60. in tips a night, I drive to my dealers and dump it all out and we see how much (oxy) I can get, and that's it for another day. On my two days off, I do the same but use my $75./week paycheck (it's terrible having those days off; I really have to taper) unless I can get someone to let me work for them.
This is not living at all; this is existing and quite miserably.
I can't even think about what I would have if I'd kept all the money I spend on oxys. I haven't bought so much as a pair of socks in two years, and when I need like toothpaste or shampoo, it's a real crisis for me. My gastank is always on Empty and my savings account consists of a half-full-of-pennis milk jar sitting on my desk (my husband has long ago taken my name off the checking and savings accounts, of course.) My daughters (twins 16, one 15) know I do "something wrong" with my money, my husband says as much in front of them. My son, though, (he's eight) thinks I hang the moon and I want to do this for him so badly. I just, I love that child so much it hurts. Every month or so when I decide I have to quit, I'll tell him that I'm going to start saving so he and I can go to Universal Studios this summer - we used to take the girls every year before my brother killed himself but my son's never been; I don't do vacations anymore. I can't even take him and me to the movies or for an ice cream and it hurts so bad. He loves me, though, and says it doesn't matter. When we got our income tax refund (we split it) I used it all to buy oxys and didn't save enough to take him to buy this skateboard ramp ($20) he wanted. When it came time to go get it, he must've known I didn't have it, as he told me he'd just as soon us take the dog to the park for a walk than to go to WalMart for the ramp. I wanted to cry. I snorted an 80, we took Gracie to Imagination Station for a walk, and I didn't have to give up any of my precious drug money.... impressive, huh? Impressive like a corpse, maybe. Nobody'd want to "live" like this, noone should have to.
My husband gave me several chances after Steven died; it's not like he's throwing me out on my ear. But you can only trust a drug addict's lies so many times, I realize. I never take the twins to their events (and there are so many) or the younger daughter to ball practice or school functions. I do take Andrew, or volunteer to take him, places but my husband is wary of letting me drive him around since I'm such a doper. He built himself a bedroom on the other side of the house a few years ago and I guess I should've known the divorce demand was coming, but still it's surprising, somehow... just can't believe I really threw it all away.
I'm always trying new (stupid) ways to get off this stuff (cold turkey is - well you know what it is.) It's hard for me to have withdrawls and do my job; waiting tables takes a little patience and wit and I have lots of neither when I'm detoxing. Last month I deduced that from oxycontin I derive (a) energy and (b) a buzz. So I got some Didrex (diet pills, uppers) and some good marijuana and reasoned that I could just take the pills for the energy and the pot for the high and viola, no more addiction to oxy! Needless to say, I then found myself popping a dridrex, toking a joint, and snorting an oxy all at once. Good, Tonnie..... perhaps I should've sniffed a little glue to've made it a grand slam.
I'm sorry for the what-a-loser-I-am post, really. I just, I thought it was nice that someone remembered me and I wanted to let you know how things are for me (in case anyone's keeping score, I'm losing big time.) I wish all of you continued success in your individual journeys; believe that I've prayed for us one and all so many times. If anyone can see anything I'm doing wrong, do let me know; God knows I need some help.
Thanks so much for listening, guys, that really is nice.
Your Friend,
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"God bless us every one."

mpvt 03-02-2006 10:42 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
I would check into buprenorphene because the fentynal patches aren't going to do the job for you.If you go to google and put in suboxone you will find lots of info....Dave

slipperyslope 03-02-2006 10:52 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Hi Tonnie, I really do feel bad for you... I think you need to quit your watressing job right away. all he money your making is spent on the drugs so what is the point? Perhaps if you quit the job and focused on getting sober it might help you. we all know the withdrawls are horrible BUT living the life your living now isn't any better, so you might as well quit the job, and detox at home. you have done it before and can do it again.... at least your husband and kids are gone during the day so you could sleep it off..... and than get yourself to an NA meeting for support. Maybe if your husband sees you trying to get sober you can also work on your marraige. NA has helped a lot of people I do believe in it.

I do no that the patch is also hard to get off of, and it might be worse than oxy, not sure as I have never tried either one. but I have heard its pretty brutal when you stop so your going to run out of those to, than what?.

another idea is the methadone clinic, to me that also might be an option for you.... think of your kids if nothing else for that in itself will keep you going and on the right track, Can't you find another sub Dr and take a bus there or ask a friend for a ride or instead of snoring an 80 fill your tank up and make the drive at least get your first RX for the Sub so you can avoid the W/D'S but you can't screw it up this time.. what about going into a drug treatment center? could you also look into that??? there are options out there for you.
good luck, I know this sucks but I don't think the job is helping you any but allowing you to buy your drugs and keep repeating the same vicious cylce over and over and over again................ your smarter than that I know it:) you can do this, you just have to really WANT to be off these pills, pls you have to try something and I don't think the patch is a good choice given your history.....

Constant 03-02-2006 11:09 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
I think you need to check yourself into rehab, STAT. Since you can't seem to do it for you, do it for the children.

togomo 03-02-2006 01:45 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Thanks for your reply, really.
You know, I just spent an hour at that site that gives you all the sub doctors in your state... know the one? I called and called but still no openings. I'm going to have to perhaps go to Nashville, which is I think a few hours away.
I have no argument that a long drive would be well worth the benefits of getting of this terrible ride, and I'm going to keep calling until I have an appointment with someone somewhere... I will post as soon as I have that.
There is a methadone clinic in Georgia, only 45 minutes from me (I'm in Chattanooga; if anyone can tell me of a suboxone doctor within an hour or so of me I would be SO grateful!) I drive about half hour a day to my dealer anyway, so methadone would be "doable." I'm not so worried about "trading one drug for another" in this case; au contraire; I'm very worried about mixing and doing what I'm doing right now... I know that's so bad for me.
I believe the suboxone will work for me this time because it worked last time, only I wasn't ready. I've never wanted anything so badly in my life. I have a terrible fear of being at work and withdrawing.... having that awful sense of "I-just-wanna-climb-outta-my-skin" while some truck driver is telling me how he wants his omelet (I work at a Waffle House... yep, it DOES get worse... lol) I want off this ride and out of this park SO bad I can taste it.
I've thought a lot about quitting the job. My husband told me he would pay for my cigarettes (not ready to get off THAT ride yet) and gas to go about if I quit (he knows everyone who works there is on something... meth is the doc among waitresses although I dont do that.) I didn't work for the first 16 years of our marriage; this is a first for me and it's destroying everything, really... a good tip night only means an extra oxy or two, which only means a higher tolerance.... it's a viscious and terrible ride that I'm afraid to jump off of completely but one that I will never ever go near if I can find my way out of it now. Perhaps everyone says that but it makes me sick that I'm doing this. Man, my parents have only one child left (me) and I'm doing just what their son did... unbelievable. The shame alone is tearing me up... that and the fear of withdrawal. It was SO bad last time, and I wasn't doing half what I'm doing now... I have nightmares about what it's going to be like.
I'm going to get in touch with a sub doctor somewhere and take it from there. Perhaps I can pay someone to drive me (I own a car but am terrible with directions and such and would likely have a very hard time finding something in, say, Nashville.) Even if I had to buy $30. in gas and pay them $50. it would still only be as costly as one day's oxycontin money! And our insurance (TVA) is very good and will cover the doctor and the prescription will only be $12. I'm typing this and getting my nerve up to get that appointment. I'm not a stupid person, but this drug has me doing things that don't make any logical sense at all and I'm ashamed of who I've become since climbing on the oxy ride years ago. I just, I can't give up like Steven did; my parents would be destroyed not to mention my family (my brother's little girl, now 6, still sleeps with his photo under her pillow. When I imagine my little one, Andrew, doing that with me it makes me need to scream.)
Please lend me some support... you don't know how helpful that would be... I had just intended on asking your advice on the fentanyl patches, but you've given me a little hope that maybe there is help for me still... I knew in my heart that the fentanyl was a poor idea. God, please let this work; let me find a doctor who will help... just a little and I'll do the rest. I just, I know it seems like if I wanted it badly enough I'd just quit, but god knows I try - every day I try! It's just not like that... it's not like when I was on hydrocodone, taking like 8-12 10/500's a day. That was bad, but I wasn't in hell (I was in the neighborhood, but not there, not yet.) Withdrawing from oxycontin is getting an invitation to hell, the only bright side being it's a temporary stay, unlike life on oxy which is a life sentence there.
Thank you so much for your input and please give me your hand while I take this step. I know I'm just somebody down south who's serving waffles and snorting oxy for a life, but still I'm somebody, and the pain is very real. The loneliness is nearly as bad as the pain itself, for there is virtually nobody I can talk to like this anywhere. My parents are disgusted as is my husband, and the girls at work say they want to help but only tell me that I'm on "the wrong drug" - and no offense to myself intended but I'm not sure I want to use a Waffle House waitress as my life-guide.... especially one who tells me "meth's your answer" (one really did put it that way... said crystal meth would give me the energy and cost half as much, yada yada yada... can you believe that?) It's like being in a veritable house of mirrors... knowing there's a way out but damifino where, do you know what I mean?
I will post as soon as I get an appointment somewhere.... if I just cannot find a sub doctor I will call the methadone clinic, then.... I'm going to do SOMEthing, anyway, while I still am legally married and haven't lost it all. Thank you again; I am truly grateful for your words.
Very Truly Yours,
Your Friend,

oandesmama 03-02-2006 02:22 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Oh Tonnie,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. Big hugs to you. Is there any way you could go to rehab? It sounds like that might be what you need. Your husband knows what you are doing, right? Do your parents know? Wouldn't they be destroyed if something were to happen to you? Wouldn't you rather them be upset with the fact that you are doing drugs, but getting help, than being devastated and destroyed if something were to happen to you? I'm not one to dole out advice - I'm working on tapering myself off Vicodin and I'm scared to death as well. But you sound like you're in a very desperate situation and I'm scared for you. I want to help you somehow - if the only way I can help is to say that I'm here for you and willing to listen without judgement, then please take my offer to help and keep us posted on what you are doing. I don't know you but I don't want to see you get hurt in any way. You definitely sound like you're in over your head and need some help. If you can't get into a rehab, then please try to get into a methadone clinic asap or find a sub doctor. You've found a way to get your hands on the drugs that you use, even when it's hard, so I'm sure if you really want to do this, you could find a way to either type of doctor. Good luck and hold on tight - your story can and WILL have a happy ending - you just have to believe that for yourself and take one step at a time!!


tina76 03-02-2006 03:07 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
hey tonnie! I remember talking to you awhile back... I would second the methadone recommendation. Especially if you are actually using some of these meds for a pain issue. I had a major problem taking my vic's as prescribed (for chronic pain) and after I told them they switched me to 40mg of methadone a day and it has been working GREAT for me. I'm almost to month 4 right now at that dose. It's great for my pain and I don't have any desire for any hydro or oxy or anything like I did before. Also, it doesn't get me high. That is the best part. I just feel "okay" and "normal" for the first time in YEARS. Just my opinion. :)


slipperyslope 03-02-2006 03:13 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Hi Tonnie great start. your headed in the right direction. First you need help getting off the oxy, but than you need a support system. I think NA would be a big help to you can you get to a meeting and find your self a good sponsor to lean on??. You know, there is a type of Dr called an " ADDICTIONALOGIST" and there kind of like a phychatrist but they specialize in addiction and they can subscribe SUBOXONE. I have heard people mention that they go, I know Twinlynn does and she loves her Dr. maybe you can look around for someone locally and than you won't have to drive to far. I am the same way with directions, girl I would get lost in a paper bag. I relocated from Cali last year to NC and I am always getting lost. and I panick and get real nervous so I can sooo relate to you there.

anyhow I like the idea of you seeing an addiction Dr who can help you with the sub and get the root of your problems as to why you use...... we aren't allowed to post Dr's names on here but do a search and see if you can find someone. also you could call your insurance company and see if they can reccomend an addictionologsit for you to see that is covered under your health plan.... you did so good on sub and I remember how happy you were its the longest you were sober in a long time. if you can just stick with it and than do either a very very slow taper or get on a maintance program that would be so great for you, your such a sweet girl and I know you want the monkey off your back. I think it might be a good idea for you to find a new job where people aren't spun out on drugs, it would so much healthier for you and you might even make some friends along the way, maybe you can find a fun job doing something you like. It sounds like a downer debbie job and you certainly don't need that right now. ( you got me wanting an omlet for dinner now) anyhow hugs to you and I know you can get your act together because you want it badly this time and your a sharpe smart girl. Have you been doing any writting lately? I know you love to write and you do it so well... I always like hearing fomr you and I do care.

your friend, Slippery Slope:)

hoapfloats 03-02-2006 03:38 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Please do not use the fetanyl patch, if you google it, it says it is 1,000 times stronger then heroin. I put a 25 mg patch on my arm a year a go and nearly overdosed, my boyfriend found me passed out with my lips turning blue he ripped that patch right off just in time, also the warmer you or your home gets the more powerful the patch becomes, and usually people get hot when they do opiates. You can fight this oxy addiction without the fetanyl, there are safer solutions like suboxin, detox, or rehab or even methadone, whatever you need. You are smart to want to give up the oxys, I lost a very special person to oxys and then heroin, now he is in jail, and trust me he never thought that would happen. You can do this, throw away the patch dude, they are bad news, we are here for you. I am not trying to say that they are not treating your wds right it just makes no sense to give you an even stronger narcotic why not give you comfort meds and metadone or suboxin. Sorry to stress but that fetanyl sh** just scares me and I would hate to see you go through something worse..

:) Kelley

jkhopeful 03-02-2006 04:43 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Hi Tonnie

You have a lot of people rooting for you here. I remember you from awhile back as well. I've been on and off this board since last August and now it seems that most of my friends on this board are "b_ _ _ed" for some unknown reason! I don't get that!

I agree you need to quit your job and concentrate on YOU! Its the only way. I withdrew from hydrocodone last September and the withdrawals were tough and I suspect oxy will be worse, but if you want it bad enough, you can suffer through it. You've got the right attitude - you have to decide on a little torture for awhile or this continuing hell you're putting yourself through and the answer seems pretty clear.

I guess when I saw your posts in the past, I didn't realize you had small children. You need to do it for them as well as yourself. The "other side" is so much better - its tough to get there, but you can do it. I know you can. You'll find the way. I didn't think I would, but here I am almost six months later, and I'm doing petty well. I'll never go back to that "doorway to hell" again.

A friend in recovery,


tina76 03-06-2006 07:01 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Tonnie -

I found out from a personal friend that there is a sub doctor in Fort Oglethorpe which is very close to Chattanooga. I've heard they are really great there. You should check into it! Hopefully they would be able to get you in and on your way! This friend of mine just started sub and is really feeling good on it. She did say that you need to be really serious about it though. Which it sounds like you definitely are! Look into it, and let me know what you find out! Also, let us know how you are doing!

Tina :)

choctaw_n_ok 03-06-2006 08:17 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Wow Tonnie ! ..I just read your post and ..WOW !!.....I usually am on the pain management board as I take methadone with hydrocodone for break thru because I dont have insurance any longer for the morphine sulfate , and I just read this board because Ive seen a couple of people I knowget themselves in troble by not taking their meds as prescribed and end up in trouble as some on this board and go thru what yall do...BUT ANYWAYS thats irrelevant.....I just want to say that Im pullin for you and my prayers are there for you !!!!! .....I can only imagine how you feel about hurting your kids and as you put, especially your son. I think its great that you can type it for all to see and admit Id be bawlin my eyes out if I had to type that !!...keep us informed and I wish you the very best of luck !!!...your post really touched me !

deana ......and sorry if I sound like Im just rambling ! ...

togomo 03-06-2006 01:17 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Tina, thank you for writing about the doctor in Fort Oglethorpe. That's a little town in Georgia and I'm in Tennessee, but it's only like 20 minutes away! I'm going to try to find him right now.
I found two (2) methadone clinics near my home and I had resolved to go to one tomorrow morning after taking my son to school (wow, there's a picture of success, cook a healthy breakfast for the family, take the kids to school, then off to - no, not the PTA, but the meth clinic; what a winner!) (Oh how painful, in reality, this is.) I know the sub took care of my withdrawal symptoms last time, and I remember thinking, "Man, I could DO this!" Thing is, I had no desire to; my husband had insisted I went. This time it's me that wants it; god I'm so determined! Methadone or Suboxone, but I'm going to do this.
I'll try to find that sub doctor right now (I did look in Ft. Oglethorpe before with no luck; perhaps this time.... is there any way you could give me his name if I can't find him? Is that sort of thing allowed here... I'm thinking it is...) Thank you SO much for that.... oh god please let this work.
Thank you guys so very much for your kind words and thoughtful replies. I can't tell you what a comfort that is for me; I read your posts again and again, loving the pats-on-the-back and well wishes; it really motivates me. I don't have anyone here with whom I can discuss this; the one close friend I have takes oxys and keeps telling me I can just "cut down" and "do great like [she is} I am." She like, when my husband said he would divorce me if I didn't get off the dope (he had every right to feel that way) she wanted me to divorce him first and fight for the house and kids (my kids are: twin daughers 16, daughter 15, and son 8) and basically try to get him to support me and my habit. But others at work (that's where I met her) tell me she's just a user and wants me to do that so she can move into my house. And they might be right; she lives week-to-week in a small trailer and is always getting something turned off (like lights, water, etc.) The last thing I want to do is live like her! remember on Christmas morning, she got off work at 6:00am and came to my house to tell me to go get her ONE pill (it was like 22 degrees) I told her Andrew hadn't even gotten up yet and that I didn't need any; hadn't planned to make a drug run on Christmas! But I wound up going because she was like, so desperate I was afraid she was going to wake up my husband and the kids... and this on Christmas! Anyway, she says I can taper or get another part-time job, but I've tapering and I can't do it; I need professional help, I know I do. Do you think she's truly a friend who wants to help, or do you think what I've a sinking feeling is so, that she's just in this for what she can get? Like, she once had drawn out a diagram of my home and which of her grandkids would get which rooms (they stay with her a lot; they, too, live in a tiny trailer right next door to her; her daughters and 7 grandbabies under age 7!) Anyway, she had marked on the rooms their names and even on the bathrooms who would use which ones... it was downright scary. I thought she was kidding, of course, but nope... My husband isn't a bad guy at all, but he's tired of my using and taking time and money away from the family to support this habit. He worked hard for our home, which is huge that's true but we really scrape to make those payments, and he's so proud of it. I cannot imagine going to a lawyer and asking for the house, the kids, and half of all he has after he's given 200% over the last years (since Steven died in 2001) to make up for my shortcomings. I cannot imagine waking up one morning with my house full of her grandkids to realize I'd lost everything (and that's if I GOT the house; of course there's a good chance I wouldn't, but she dismisses that.) Man, I'd want to just scream! She was showing me that house plan and she had a question mark on my little boy's bedroom and I asked what that was for and she said she wanted to see if he had bunkbeds; her daughter's boyfriend's son (he's ten) would be staying in there... I'm telling you it was all I could do to keep my lunch down. I think I'm seeing what others at work have been telling me all along, although I'm just seeing it clearly today. She was so good to talk to, though, I did think she was my friend. Have any of you noticed, also, that those who were such good "friends" - I mean, those who you thought were friends, kind of change when you want to stop? I can't believe how adamant she is about me not stopping the oxy! I just - I have to think it's because of something as shallow as her wanting me to go and get them for her every day, and that hurts so badly. Maybe she just can't stand to see me going through withdrawl, I just don't know. I'd sure like your take on this, those who've been here.
Well, I'm going to get busy, first looking for that suboxone doctor in Fort Oglethorpe, and if I can't find him I'll talk to the folks at the methadone clinics and see if they'll let me come around eight in the morning. The clinics are near Ft. Oglethorpe, as well, both around a half hour away; ten minutes more than I drive to get my oxys, so I can't say they're "too far"! I'm really excited about this change (well that is if one can be both excited and terrified... lol yes that IS possible; I felt this on my wedding day!) lol Hey, think of the similarities therein... Both (getting married and choosing to quit my doc) are A) a lifelong commitment, B) something that's been given a great deal of thought, and at least in my case, C)both are things I've tried before and am trying to do RIGHT this time! I'm thinking, "How will I feel this time tomorrow?" And I - I just don't know. I'm off (after tonight; I work third shift tonight) then I'm off until Thursday night, so I won't have to worry about work or seeing my "friend" (I can avoid her calls; it's working together I can't avoid!) Oh, she had told me that she'd known many folks who tried the methadone thing and not a one of them succeeded. I asked her what the main reason for their failure was and she said they had no energy when on it and couldn't work, couldn't perform normal duties, etc. But she also knows that energy levels are something I'm always trying to increase, and that that would be a good way of keeping me from going. Then she talked about how much harder it'd be to get off the meth, but my point is it's LEGAL, I'll be under a doctor's care, and I can insist on being tapered once it's successfully gotten me away from oxycontin. And I'd be saving $300. a week, just in cash (tips)! I won't have to plan things around pills, and I can contribute to the family for the first time ever! (I only got a job when I needed more money to supply my oxys... 16 years of soccer-momming; I was good at it and would love to get back in their lives!) My mood won't always depend on how many milligrams I've got in my jacket pocket, and I won't snap at the kids when I'm in a panic over - surprise - drugs. I'll be like I was before my brother died... and best of all oxycontin won't have taken the life of my parents only living child as it did their only son. All these benefits and all I have to do it get off my butt and do it... man I'm kinda getting hyped just here talking about it!
I would SO appreciate any input I can get... it's a scary path but I've got my mind made up (I think... lol wow but change is so scary for me... is it like that for you guys? Do you know what I mean by being frightened of it?) I don't mean to sound as though I'm laughing or anything... it's just the nerves, the fear of first walking into that place and telling them my sordid story. And even more than that, it's the knowing that after tomorrow I will never snort that stuff again... it doesn't seem possible! I can't imagine not making that trip every morning, and sucking the coating off a pill on the way home so I can crush it as soon as I get home for a snort... not being able to sleep unless I know I've got something to snort when I awaken, counting my tips in twenty-fives (each $25. is one oxy 40mg), sneaking the quarters out of my change-bucket that I'm saving to take Andrew to the beach this summer to buy - surprise - more oxy, I just can't imagine not living like that anymore and a part of me wonders if, since I'll always think of Steven's suicide as my fault, if perhaps I'm trying to sabatage my own efforts at getting clean because I feel I shouldn't, don't deserve, to be happy? Because I'm listing all this and I'm wondering why I've gone on like this for so long. I just - I don't know. I know I do it now because I simply can't quit and hold down my job with withdraw symptoms. But why I did it for so long to start with? Perhaps the pain of Steven's taking his life was part of it, that's when the hydro's turned to oxy's (and that's some change, there... no looking back after ya make that change, I believe.) Perhaps I should be talking to a professional about why I've made the choices I have for so long. lol Well you can tell I'm kind of psyched about this. If only I could keep this - you know, this train of thought, this positiveness <-may not be a word about me? I need it, need to stay on this thought track, long enough to get my plan together and begin. Getting clean is definitely one of those things I've procrastinated about in my life and I'd like to make no more excuses....
Let me see if I can get hold of that doctor before his office closes.... please let me hear what you're thinking; you've no idea what your posts mean to me or how many times I pour over them. It's especially important now that my new "friend" may not be so friendly after all.... thank you for your constant friendship; it means everything.
Very Truly,
Your Friend

tina76 03-06-2006 01:26 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Tonnie - You are very welcome. No, I don't know his name but I can try to find out if you can't find him. I'll try to get in contact with my friend. Just happened to talk to her over the weekend and found out where she was going. Coincidence! :)

Either way, you are on the right track. I would still go to teh methadone clinic and see what they have to say. Even if you DO find the sub doctor. That way you can decide which path you feel is best for YOU. Ya know? Get as much info on both places as you can. The one thing I know about methadone is that it is known to be cheap. I am not sure on the sub prices. You would know more on that than I would. But I know(since I'm on it) that methadone is extremely inexpensive. I pay less for my entire months worth (if I did not have insurnace) then you do for ONE oxy. So...that is just an example of the low cost. I know there is more entailed with the clinics (counseling etc...) so I'm sure that is worked into the charge somewhere. But as I said, I have zero idea of what a sub clinic costs. But I would definitely check into both places. See where you feel most comfortable, etc.... that sort of thing. Because I feel that will be important in your recovery. I know it would be for me.

Let me know what you find out!!! :)


tina76 03-06-2006 02:34 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Hey Tonnie -

I got in touch with my friend. The docotr's name you are looking for is Dr. Adams. And he is for sure in that town. I hope that will help in your search! Don't know if you have found anything yet. I hope you have!!! Let me know!

I am really rooting for you here!
Tina :)

jkhopeful 03-06-2006 04:44 PM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Hi Tonnie

Your posts are so full of pain - it makes me cry to read them. You WILL get through this and get to the other side. I know how you feel. I used to look around and think - "Why can't I be like her or him" or anyone who I thought looked like they might be straight! I was so ashamed all the time. I have a pretty high profile corporate job and I would have been mortified if all my co-workers would have known about my drug problem. I'm still digging myself out of my credit card debt that I caused for myself over drugs. My husband is pretty disgusted about that too, but he's standing by me for the most part. He doesn't always give me the emotional support that I'd like, but he's there, and we're working on it.

I know now its hard to imagine what a "straight life" is like - I didn't snort - but the constant counting of pills,making sure I had enough, waking up in withdrawals every day - I don't miss that. I ripped off so many medicine cabinets over the years, I can't even begin to count them! And that was before I even admitted I had a problem!

I'm not sure what route is best for you - sub, meth, cold turkey or inpatient treatment - you have to decide for yourself. But don't be afraid to tell your story to whomever you decide to go to for help. They're trained to deal with addiction - they hear it every day. If you can't tell someone you go to for professional guidance, who can you trust? I cried through my entire first appointment with an addictionologist and she was so nice to me. I regularly see a therapist now who is a former drug addict herself and is an addiction specialist. She understands me pretty well. There is help out there. You just need to be determined to do it. The first step is knowing you can!

We're all rooting for you. Do it for your kids, your husband, for the memory of your brother, but most of all , do it for YOU. You are worth it!

A friend in recovery,


tina76 03-07-2006 07:50 AM

Re: Fentanyl Patch for Withdrawal?
Tonnie -

Just wanted to see if you made any progress last night or this moring. Let me know!

Tina :)

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