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    Old 03-02-2006, 02:12 AM   #1
    Txrebel7485
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    HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hi My Name Is Ryan And I Am Heaveley Addicted To Hydro. I Never Thought A Little White Pill Could So Simply Control My Life And Consume My Every Thought. I Was Shot At The Age Of 17 With A 12 Gauge Shotgun And Hit Over The Knee With A Crow Bar. Needless To Say I Have A Hole In My Thigh To My Bone And Over 100 Pelletts Still In My Leg Along With 5 Screws In My Knee... My Arm Was Broken At The Same Time And I Have 2 Plates And 12 Screws... I Lost Everything I Knew In The Blink Of An Eye I Was An All American Athlete That Could Have Gone To Any College I Wanted To... But It All Changed... I Used The Pills In The Beginning To Just Ease The Pain... But Then I Was Left With The Memories And The Nightmares... I Realized The More I Took The Less I Remembered And I Liked It... Im 6-5 300 Pds. So U Can Imagine The Amount Of Pills It Took To Even Effect Me... I Went From 500/500 To 7.5/600, And Now Norcos 10/325's... I Got My Last Prescription Filled 4 Days Ago I Got 150... I Am Now Completely Out... The Other Night Just To Get It All Off My Mind I Took 15 Ambien To Fall Asleep, But That Didn't Work Just Put Me In A 24 Hr. Daze... So Today I Went Down To My Grandmothers Because I Knew She Had Some And I Took 40 From Her... I Am Now Almost Out... I Dont Know If Its So Much As Im Weak And I Cant Kick The Habbit But That I Know When Im Off Them I Am Going To Have To Actually Feel Something And Remember Everything... But I Know I Have To Get Off Them Because I Know There Is More To Life Than Relying On A Little White Pill... But I Dont Know Where To Start Because If I Know I Can Get My Hand On Them I Will Do It... My Life Hasnt Gone To **** Yet, But I Slowly Feel Everything Slipping Away From Me... The Withdraws Arent What Really Bother Me, Ive Gone Through Them So Many Times I Guess I Am Use To It, I Have Found Out Though For Those Of U Trying To Kick The Habbit That Working Out Running And Lifting Weights Help Alot, It Takes Ur Mind Off Of Them And Tires U Out To The Point You Just Want To Sleep... But In My Case When I Would Do This I Wouldnt Dream Normal Dreams... I Dream Of Taking Those Damn White Pills... Just The Other Night I Was Asleep And Had A Nightmare I Ran Out Of Pills And I Woke Up Screaming... I Guess That Goes To Show U How Bad It Is... I Am Just Wondering If Anyone Has Any Ideas Or Has Had This Problem... I Am Also Interested To See If Anyone Knows Of Any Support Groups In The San Antonio Area... Thank You For Taking Your Time To Read This Ryan

     
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    Old 03-02-2006, 02:25 AM   #2
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    I haven't read through your post yet but I wanted to let you know I'm here and you are not alone.

    There are numerous threads on hydro addiction as it seems to be a huge problem. Let me read your post for a moment and I will respond.

     
    Old 03-02-2006, 02:29 AM   #3
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    Alright. Yes you have a huge problem, you obviously know that. You are also on the verge of killing yourself with the amount you are taking. Taking as much ambien as you did, it's a wonder you woke up at all.

    You need help and you need it now. There are NA meeting all over and there are also 24 hour hotlines you can call. Have you checked the phone book?

     
    Old 03-02-2006, 02:35 AM   #4
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

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    Old 03-02-2006, 02:40 AM   #5
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    I Just Wanted To Say Thank You For That I Am Going To Look Into It Tomorrow... Thank You For Caring... Ryan

     
    Old 03-02-2006, 02:42 AM   #6
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    You're welcome.

     
    Old 03-02-2006, 03:38 AM   #7
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    hi Ryan, I am very sorry about your victimization. I can understand your situation. For several years in my career I worked in a victim/witness program in a prosecutor's office. Ryan, you are struggling with 2 issues; addiction and post-tramatic stress disorder PTSD) as a result of being a victim of violent crime. Right now the addiction is the most serious. The PTSD is a key factor in your addiction. You MUST deal with the addiction before you inadvertently kill yourself with an overdose. In your situation you may need assistance beyond a support group of non-professionals and may even need temporary residential care. In my opinion, you need someone who knows how to treat PTSD risks.

    Please consider contacting a local mental health professional or your local mental health dept and ask for an emergency intervention PTSD assessment asap:

    The Center for Health Care Services
    3031 IH 10 West
    San Antonio, TX 78201
    Crisis Phone: 210-227-4357
    Main Phone: 210-731-1300

    If they do not give you timely assistance, then contact your doctor and ask for an urgent appt. If that doesn't work, as a last resort walk into any hospital emergency room and ask to speak with a doctor.

    Make sure you that you tell whomever you talk to that you are a victim of a violent crime with an urgent drug abuse situation.

    If you do not have insurance, your medical expenses will likely be covered (either entirely or in part if you have also have insurance) through the state and/or federal victim of violent crime provisions. Every state has victim/witness crime assistance program.

    For state crime V/W compensation Aasistance in Texas the program is administered by:
    The Governor's Criminal Justice Division (CJD) administers the program:
    (512) 463-1919
    (512)463-1929

    For Federal V/W Crime Victim Assistance in Texas the program is administered through the FBI:
    Contact Dorothy L. Montgomery @ 210.302.8601

    Last edited by jam338; 03-02-2006 at 03:40 AM.

     
    Old 03-02-2006, 07:50 PM   #8
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    thank you for the info i appreciate it... yes i have a severe case of ptsd... i woke up lastnight with the feeling of being hit all over my body with bats... i talk to my mother about my addiction/ problems... and she is now helping me she has been a nurse for 30 yrs and i have 8 other nurses in my immediatley family... today was a better day for me... instead of takin 25 pills like i normally do i have only takin 1/2 of one which i think is pretty good.... i have thrown away all my sleeping medication b/c of teh fear of me killing myself... PTSD is not a fun thing to deal with... but i know i have to fight it or it will consume me... and i am not one to just take things laying on my back... im going to fight this and I AM GOING TO BEAT THIS.

     
    Old 03-02-2006, 09:07 PM   #9
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    I'm glad you have such a wonderful group of people to support you.

     
    Old 03-03-2006, 04:35 PM   #10
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    sorry about your situation,,go to a hospital and let them detox u its the only way .i was taking 10 narcos a day for 2 years from a car accident,detox saved my life .i help your family supports your move,,be upfront dont lie and go to the hospital ,,simple as that ,,its rarley done alone

     
    Old 03-04-2006, 01:56 AM   #11
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    yea i hear you... but today i did better i did not take a single pill... in 3 days all i have taken is a 1/2 a pill which i think is pretty damn good... i wont let those things control me i am stronger and bigger than that and there are things far worse in this world than a little white pill... with the support of people i knwo i can do it... i know everyone can do it!!!!

     
    Old 03-04-2006, 08:01 AM   #12
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    Ryan,I was going to basically tell you what jam did,but she did it sooo much better than I ever could.You ARE indeed dealing with two big issues here.the PTSD needs to be worked thru with a good therepist along with at the very least,start going to NA meetings just to sort of get started.

    it is totally and completely understandable why you are feeling the way you are right now.it does sound like you went thru hell and back,and in part,are still living it everyday.This cycle needs to be broken and it does appear you are really trying to do that,and you should be proud of yourself,really.

    i too worked with our countys crisis and and also with victims of sexual assault and battered women.the thing is,once you have been victimized,espescially in the severely traumatic way you have been,you tend to percieve yourself continually as that 'victim' until you can start to really deal with the whole picture and start those baby steps toward getting thru the crappy stuff and start to feel human again and gain back all of that control you lost.that is kind of the big part of overcoming the PTSD and regaining yourself.getting back the control.

    When someone continues to feel that victimization,there is alot of baggage that comes along for the ride as you are finding out.it is also much easier to 'justify" what you are doing because you WERE a victim and do have every right to feel sorry for yourself.but there comes a point where that part has to stop or you will justify yourself,literally to death.

    You were using deadly amounts of tylenol during this period of time and should definitely seek out your docs help in determining your liver and kidney functions.

    you WILL get thru all of this eventually.just don't be too hard on yourself but at the same time,do not use the past events to try and justify to yourself the need to continue on this path.it will only result in some pretty disasterous results,for many reasons.I am glad you reached out for help.that took alot of courage for you to do,and you should be very proud of yourself for seeing that need and wanting to stop what you are doing to yourself.It does appear that you have a great support system in place and that helps sooo incredibly much in your situation,really.

    Try calling those places that jam mentioned and go from there.We are always here for you whenever you need to vent or for some advice or anything else you may need.the people here are very caring and have been or are going thru alot of some of what you are right now.

    i have to ask you though,just how much real actual pain are you normally in during any given day? have you thought about what you will possibly need for pain control after you are off the current narcotics you had been taking for it?This issue needs to be adressed as well as the others.you DO have non narcotic options availiable to you should this be an issue for you.

    just hang in there and don't push yourself too hard to try and get thru all of the seperate issues you are going to be dealing with.All of this will take time,so try and be pateint,and use baby steps to reach your goals.you are going to ahve good days and then also of course,the bad days.but having certain plans worked out ahead of time will help alot and also help you feel a bit more in control.The more control you can get over the big things that you are dealing with will really help you with your overall healing process.but the big control always has to start with bits at a time,you know what I mean?everyday that goes by,and things go well,is a bit more control for you,eventually ,all those bits will add up to the big part of getting your life back.Count every non using day or even a reduction as a victory and every goal you set for yourself,no matter how small it may feel,as reaching that eventual goal of just getting control over your life agin.

    i wish you all the best of luck here with this journey you are taking.you WILL get there,it may just take a bit of time to actually arrive there.never be afaraid to ask for help when you feel you need it.it takes courage to deal with and face what you have been and that in itself is huge.you are still here plugging away and trying and that is a very very big thing in itself.i don't know you,but i AM very proud of you for making it this far.that is a huge accomplishment considering what you have been thru.you ARE a survivour.marcia

     
    Old 03-06-2006, 11:23 PM   #13
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    thank you for that... i agree with what u have said... i have not been on here in a few days... but i am doing better now... i have not taken but 1 pain pill a day... much better than almost 50 a day... i am in continual pain... and i have talked with doctors... they told me my pain is forever and there isnt a whole lot they can really do... they told me i will need to be on some sort of pain medicatioon for the rest of my life but that i need to control the amounts i have... i have looked into several diff. options TENS unit but i dont want anymore surgerys... my mom is a nurse and she told me that they have to put that in ur leg... just something i dont want to deal with... like u said i AM a SURVIVOR and the pills will not hold me down... they will not defeat me... and they arent... but thank u seriously for caring... i am trying very hard... the hardest part is over in a sense... but i get my script refilled on the 17... i am giving all the pills to my mom so she can dish them out 2 me... and my g/f who is a nurse is keeping a close eye on me as well... so with the help of others i will make it through this... Ryan

     
    Old 03-07-2006, 05:27 AM   #14
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    Ryan,

    I would like to let you know about a fairly new treatment that is out that treats addiction by elimanating cravings and stopping withdrawals. It also helps with pain and has antidepressant properties. My story sounds alot like yours. I was addicted to hydro, using 200-240 mg a day. The drug is suboxone/subutex. Suboxone has naloxone in it and is used for people that abuse herion, as they can't abuse this drug by 'shooting' it. Subutex does not. I started a taper in Nov 05 and decided after a 5 year addiction I needed maint. therapy, and I am on 3-4mg a day. It has been a life saver for me. I can't post the address for this med, but do a google search and the manuf. site should come up. I hope this helps. Congrats on your progress.

    LisaC2

     
    Old 03-07-2006, 07:51 AM   #15
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    Re: HELP!!!!Desperatley addicted to Hydrocodone

    Just wanted to mention Ryan,the TENS is not implanted,that is the nerve stimulator that places leads into the spinal column,the TENS is just electrodes that are placed by you on the outside of the painful area.I use the TENS unit myself and it works wonderful on some of my actual really incredibly bad pain flares.it would be worth a try for you.see a PT for this they can also show you the best place to put the electrodes for optimum relief.You could also see an actual pain doc at a pain clinic that can offer you many different ways other than narcotics to try and control your pain.honestly,this was the best thing i ever did for my overwhelming pain.they can just offer you sooo much more than any primary doc ever could.hang in there,you are doing the right thing here.Keep us posted.Marcia
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