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Pls read - Thank you to the veterans on this board!

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Old 04-12-2006, 12:50 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 67
iluvmydog66 HB User
Pls read - Thank you to the veterans on this board!

Hi there ~

I just wanted to stop in here and thank a few of the veterans such as:

Ellnyc, Lisaaahubb, Cmlm and many others who are out there and have possibly been banned and rejoined or never came back.

I had a previous name and I was banned too - because I did not want to hear the truth a year and a half ago when I came here to ask advice about someone who I suspected was an alcoholic and the longer I stayed involved, the more my future happiness and life was at risk. The person was my exhusband. I left him after 7 months of marriage. I posted here about 3 weeks after we returned from our honeymoon. I could write pages and pages of how I tried to help him throughout those first 7 months of marriage. Pages and pages of the emotional and mental abuse I endured. Pages and pages of how much hurt he causes me and my family.

He was in and out of rehab just like everyone said he would be, and he never began TRUE recovery - because HE did not really want it.
Just like everyone said would happen.

I hoped and prayed he would be the exception, but he was not. I read every book I could get my hands on - about alcoholism, addiction, liver disease. I saw therapists for him and with him. But he continued to drink, I continued ot catch him week after week and week. He lied to me, to his doctors, to our friends and family. Endless lies and betrayal. Addiction is a very powerful and serious disease.

I filed for divorce this past October, after he began stalking me at work, and was found highly intoxicated in his car - outside my employer. He was arrested for DWI, open containters, and harassment. I obtained a restraining order against him, and will continue to extend it as long as he lives in my area.

He went back into rehab for 24 days - but never returned to work. And his employer found an unloaded handgun in his desk - they figure he hid it there, because the restraining order required that he turn in all weapons. They could not prove it was his but he was subsequently fired.

I am not officially divorced. Some days are easier for me then others. I do to suffer with depression and intense anxiety. The whole situation is heartbreaking however I am grateful to be alive and no longer in that relationship. I do not go to Alanon - I tried it, but it was not for me. I have a very supportive network of friends and family and my employer has been outstanding throughout all of this. I also see a very good doctor to discuss managing my depression/anxiety.

I am rebuilding my life, one day at a time. But he did a lot of damage, and my marriage only technically lasted 7 months.

So I share this story with you, hoping that I make a difference to someone out there - who was in just as much denial as I was about addiction and this disease. Denial is a dangerous thing but no one can tell you to get out until you are ready. But after reading my story - maybe you will get out sooner then later.

Take care!

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Old 04-12-2006, 01:00 PM   #2
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 67
iluvmydog66 HB User
Re: Pls read - Thank you to the veterans on this board!

This should have said I am NOW officially divorced!

Old 04-14-2006, 04:58 PM   #3
Junior Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: milwaukee
Posts: 33
Re: Pls read - Thank you to the veterans on this board!

Hello Iluvmydog66,

Thank God that you were able to save yourself and that you are on the road to recovery. I hope that your ex-husband will eventually hit bottom and seek some help with his drinking addiction. I know we reek havoc in others lives on the road to destorying our own but, all of God's children are worth saving. I will pray for him.

I am sorry about your marriage and your divorce. It is a terrible loss but you had to do something to save yourself.

Addiction effects not only the person whom is struggling with the addiction but also anyone that is involved in that persons life.

You are a very brave person to come back to this site and tell your story. This means that you are thinking of others and that means that you are healing.

You a so very fortunate to have such a strong support system. If so many people care about you and are there for you, it could only mean that you have cared for others and that you are a good person.

I want to thank you to taking the time to think of us whom are struggling with addiction and I wanted to let you know that you have helped me soooo,..much.

I have been clean for about one month and sometimes I forget how hard my struggle is for my loved ones. Your letter has made me remember how my decisions will effect everyone that supports me and also reminds me to really love and appreciate all who stand with me.

Today was hard, very hard but your words helped me to focus and stay the course with my decision not to use,,..another day!

Thank you for caring,..thank you for reaching back to help!

I send strength and love you.

Take care,

It ain't nothing to it but, to do it.

Old 04-14-2006, 07:39 PM   #4
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 307
Ellnyc HB User
Re: Pls read - Thank you to the veterans on this board!

Hi Iluvmydog66,

I am so glad you posted and shared your journey of denial, codependance and your own life saving recovery. Living with an active addict or alcoholic is a life of insanity and pain. Although I am an addict and alcoholic in recovery, I have also been on the other side. Living and loving men who I thought I could change, if only they loved me enough, if only I could love them "well". I certainly learned through my own disease, that recovery has nothing to do with what other people want for you, it is something you must intensly want for yourself. I'm sorry you had to learn the hard way, but thankfully you "got it" pretty quickly and ended your marriage after only 7 months. Good for you girl! I wish you safety and sanity in the days ahead.

Thanks for remembering my name! It's fun to be considered an ole timer!

Take care,

Old 04-15-2006, 07:33 AM   #5
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 67
iluvmydog66 HB User
Re: Pls read - Thank you to the veterans on this board!

Thanks very much for the responses!

I wish you all the best in your ongoing road to recovery. One day at a time - that is the most important thing I have learned.

Warm Regards.

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