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I feel so stupid




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Old 05-13-2006, 06:49 PM   #1
Mellie310
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I feel so stupid

I just finished most of the posts on this board and I am so embarrassed. The people here that were addicted to pain pills have mostly quit cold turkey. I'm tapering off and whining about it. I'm not having the w/d symptoms that many of you have had, all I'm having is leg pain, insomnia and anxiety. I should be so thankful, but all I've done is whine and complain here, and I'm so sorry.

To all of you who did this CT, I admire each and every one of you. I know I couldn't have done it. I did that with Tranxene, 15 mgs. 8x's a day for over 7 years, and it was BAD. So maybe I'm just imagining some of the w/d's. I don't know. But I'm not going to get on here and complain anymore, not after what I've just finished reading.

Good luck to all of you and I hope that you stay clean/sober. Your stories were very inspiring.

In His love,

Melanie

 
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Old 05-13-2006, 06:55 PM   #2
sad,mum
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Re: I feel so stupid

keep posting and you can whine and complain til your hearts content and we will listen and encourage darling,stay strong,sad mum

 
Old 05-13-2006, 07:14 PM   #3
kim4074
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Re: I feel so stupid

Thats right come and complain I did everyday about how horrible I felt and what I was going through. Dont be embarrased just be proud that your trying. Trust me if I didnt do it ct I would have never stopped. Then some people can tapper I wasnt one of them. So whatever way you choose if it works then do it. Dont feel bad we have all been there!!! We need someone to hold our hands and tell us been there done that and knowing from them it gets better. What your going through we all have been through. Have you tried a hot bath for your legs? TRUST me it works you'll be suprised I thought it was silly but I was desperate and gave it a shot and it did work. I took like 3 baths a day especially right before bed that helped me sooo much that was the only way they would stop so I could get "some" sleep. Keep posting we are here for you! Kim

 
Old 05-13-2006, 07:33 PM   #4
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Re: I feel so stupid

isn't tranxene a benzodiazapene? benzo withdrawal is the absolute worst withdrawal there is. i have cold turkeyed off of lortab-up to 10-10mg. per day. the withdrawals were quite painful, but nothing compared to the cold turkey i did off of benzos. every day was worse than the last. at five days out, i had a seizure. my withdrawals(during those five days) included massive hallucinations, depersonalization/derealisation, electric shocks up and down my spine, an inner trembling that drove me insane, not to mention massive headache, nausea,muscle cramps, every symptom in the book. usually you start to feeel better within a week of c/t off of pain pills. i had to reinstate on the benzos after the seizure. the dr. at the hospital said never to c/t off of benzos. it can lead to seizures(obviously), heart attacks, comas, death. the withdrawal symptoms can last for months or years if you c/t. you were very lucky you did not suffer that bad from the tranxene. i am now tapering. i still have withdrawals,and feel them at every cut. i will be tapering for about a year. i would not wish those 5-6 days of c/t turkey i did on the devil himself. pain pill w/d was a walk in the park for me compared to this. what i am going through now has been a life-changing event for me. . btw-tranxene has been removed from the market due to it's highly addictive properties-people have w/d's from tranxene after two weeks at low doses. scary stuff.

 
Old 05-14-2006, 06:31 AM   #5
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Re: I feel so stupid

If it helps you to come on this site and " whine " then by all means do it.........you have to do what ever it takes to stop...........I have been clean since December 12 2004................and this site helped me alot..........so keep on posting
GOOD LUCK
IT CAN BE DONE
JCS

 
Old 05-14-2006, 07:51 AM   #6
Over It 2day
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Re: I feel so stupid

What was your dosage when you tapered? How long did you taper for and then completely jumped off your meds?

Congrats on tapering. Its hard thing to do. You should be so proud of yourself.
Take care.

 
Old 05-14-2006, 09:41 AM   #7
Mellie310
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Re: I feel so stupid

Hi,

I'm still tapering. That is one of the reasons I feel so embarrassed. I was taking anywhere from 9 to 14 7.5/500 Hydrocodone a day. I WAS cutting them one whole pill every 3 days, but I couldn' take that, so my dr. started having me cut one every 7 days. Can't seem to take that either. He did say that once I got down to around 4, that things would start getting worse, and he was right. But I didn't have the w/d symptoms that many of you had, I just had horrible leg pains, insomnia, anxiety. I guess I'm scared to do it CT because I remember doing that with the Tranxene, and that was back in 1983. I had seizures too. The dr. who was prescribing them to me retired, then died, and so I had to have another dr. refill them, which he did. Then, suddenly, after a year, he decided that I didn't need anymore of them and just cut me off. I didn't know anything about benzos then or I wouldn't have done it. I didn't know anything would happen to me until the morning I had a seizure, and I managed somehow to call that dr. and he told me to get to the hospital ASAP, because he suspected a brain tumor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, so ignorant. I had seizures, insomnia, muscle twitching/cramping, lost 20 lbs in a month, it seemed to never end. I finally called the dr. that put me on them in the 1st place, (not the one who died of course), and he told me that if I didn't get back on them and taper off that I would possibly die from the w/d's. So I weaned off with 14 pills. But I didn't feel good for about 4 months after that. Then, at 6 months, it started back up, not as bad though, then again at 18 months. I was prepared for that as he told me it would happen.
But, I'm not doing that with these Hydros, I am tapering, and very slowly. So why am I having w/d's at all? The insomnia is driving me crazy. Before I started tapering, I'd fall asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. Now I'm beginning to think there's something else wrong with me.
Anyway, that's why I felt dumb I guess, because maybe I'm imagining having w/d's instead of really having them because of the slow taper.
I hope this makes sense.

All the best,

Melanie

 
Old 05-14-2006, 12:04 PM   #8
kim4074
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Re: I feel so stupid

Your body is going through w/d's thats it your still taking them but at a much lower dose than what it wants and is going to fight you for more. It gets easier you just have to be strong from what I hear hydro w/d it a walk in the park for the benzo's your body will start adjusting to it. think about what you were taking and what your taking now of course you body wants what its used to not a lower dose you just have to fight the urge and continue tapering now matter how hard it is. This is never easy but we have all gone through it and done it successfully. You need to get your mindset in the right place that you will beat this!!! Kim

 
Old 05-14-2006, 04:44 PM   #9
Mellie310
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Re: I feel so stupid

Hi again,

I thought if I tapered off slowly, I wouldn't have any w/d's at all. Then my dr. told me that once I got down to 4 pills a day, it'd start getting hard. So I have another question. I am NOT sleeping well, am having vivid dreams, and headaches on the top of my head. I don't go to bed at night at all till around 6 in the morning, then I'll sleep, (kinda) for about 2 hours, then get up, and am so tired that I go right back to bed. Don't sleep well then either. My legs still hurt and now, my whole body hurts, even my arms and hands. And I'm very nervous. Is this what he was talking about? My dr. that is. Because I'm on 4 a day now, and tomorrow, I start 3 1/2. I don't know about this, I don't like this feeling, and I don't like these headaches. I didn't think headaches were common if you tapered off. HELP.......................PLEASE. I just need to be reassured that this is nothing more than withdrawal.

Thanks,

Melanie

 
Old 05-14-2006, 05:48 PM   #10
kim4074
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Re: I feel so stupid

Its w/d the sleeping part is the worst if I got a good 2hrs i would be happy. I would go to bed at 11am and just get up at 1am. Trust me on the hot baths they work thats all that would work for me PLEASE try it trust me! Especially at bedtime they will help you so much. You body will hurt you have been masking any sort of pain that now your feeling everything its normal. my headached I think did get a little worse too but that I think is because when I was on the pills I didnt notice them as much when I got off them I noticed them more I wasnt masking the pain with pills. The sleep will be the last thing to return read all of our posts its the sleep thing that kills us. Days with no sleep sucks bad. But it does return normally. Try advil for your headaches. Are you keeping hydrated and taking vitamins? I think that helped alot too. YOU CAN DO THIS I know it because I could do it! Kim

 
Old 05-14-2006, 08:10 PM   #11
Mellie310
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Re: I feel so stupid

Thanks Kim,

I took 3 aspirin and the headache went away. I had only taken 1 hydro today, and that was late this morning, didn't take another one till 7 tonight. Was withdrawing pretty hard. I called an addiction/abuse hotline, and she said that even though I'm tapering, I will still have problems, just not as severe as if I'd gone cold turkey.

This sucks. I hate it. I'm not going to give up though, I'm too close to being finished with it. But I hope this teaches me a lesson, I'd much rather live in pain than be addicted and have to go through this again. I hope I NEVER forget that. My old sobriety date was April 7th, 1992, wonder what my new one will be? I'm kind of looking forward to that, although I'm very sad that I blew all that sobriety. But I finally stopped beating myself up over it, I'm only human. I just did it to numb myself from emotional pain. If you knew all that's happened to me over the course of the past 8 years, maybe you'd understand better why I did it. But even that's no excuse, cause look what it's cost me in the end.

Thanks for your help Kim, don't know what I'd do without ya'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melanie

 
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