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    Old 10-14-2006, 09:50 AM   #1
    zosolizard
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    Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    I was given Xanax in the ER 1.5 years ago. I went because I was having heart palpitations & chest pains.

    I remember that first Xanax - it knocked me out & I slept SO GOOD. Wow... those were the days, i guess

    Now I take enough each day to keep me "straight". 2 pills per day, broken into pieces so I can keep feeding it to myself. Most days I need a beer or two to help keep me mellowed out & from taking more Xanax.

    I still have heart palpitations that scare me every day, and now an addiction to go with it. (I've had lots of tests, my heart is supposedly fine).

    Anyway - I realize that I feel even worse now due to the addiction, and I want to get off. I tried to taper down for a few days on my own, without talking to anyone about it, and I couldn't do it.

    I'm ready to try again - I think. I'm scared... There never really seems to be a "good time" to go through it.

    I'm going to read through the posts on this board & try to get some courage from you guys.

    Just wanted to share my story, and hopefully find some support from people who have gone through, or are going through the same thing as me.

    Cheers to all.

     
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    Old 10-14-2006, 10:07 AM   #2
    Neverforget
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    Hi Zoso - you've come to a great place. There are a lot of people here who have experienced situations similar to yours. You've taken the first step by coming here and determining you want to quit. It sounds like you need a plan. I'm not familiar with xanax or what the withdrawals are like with that drug. Others here can perhaps help you with that. What I can tell you is that you can get past this. Your addiction is telling you that you can't - but that's just not true. Your body is more than ready to go back to running just fine on it's own. It's going to take a little time and a great deal of resolve on your part. You're right, there never seems to be a good time to quit - once again, that's the addiction talking. Right now is the best time to quit. I had just received a 60 day prescription when I decided to quit. I had them, and I overcame them. It will be hard, but you can definitely do it. You will be scared. That's normal. You will be tempted. Again, normal. Take it one day at a time. Get your life back. When the drugs try to tempt you, flip em off and go on with getting your life back. Just think about it - a life where you don't have to worry about a stupid little pill!! DO IT NOW.

     
    Old 10-14-2006, 10:31 AM   #3
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    Thank you so much, I got goosebumps & tears in my eyes when I read your post.

    You are so right. Now is the right time.

    I keep putting it off "until my thyroid condition is fixed" or "until I get through this particular weekend"... etc. etc. etc. And knowing full well that a big reason I feel SO SICK is because of the addiction.

    One night I drank a lot - about 5 months ago - and for the first time, didn't take a xanax that night. Cuz I was bloody drunk. By 4am I was totally freaking out. I thought I was dying. Shaking, heart pounding, chills, pacing around the room - it was insane. I took a Xanax & felt better within an hour. Then I knew.....

    I've got a bottle of 150 pills right now. And refills. I know I need to taper down so I guess i do need some of them. Man, this is going to require so much strength.

    OK - I could babble on forever at this point. I've never talked to anyone about any of this before - except for a good friend, but I don't see her/talk to her enough to hang onto her for a lot of support. So this board will be my new best friend!

    Thanks again for writing.

     
    Old 10-14-2006, 10:51 AM   #4
    Neverforget
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    Like I said, you've taken the first step. If you feel you need to taper, then do it that way. However, make a plan and stick to it. Figure out how many you plan to take over a period of time and don't allow yourself more. Separate that amount of pills and fully accept that this is it. Remember - this is going to be hard. Prepare for it mentally, but also mentally resolve yourself that you are going to beat this. This is YOUR life, not some pills. Think about that - we gave our life away to a stupid pill!! OK, lesson learned, but now it's time to take it back. Just keep imagine your life without having to take one of those pills. I'm SO much happier right now Zoso, and I want you to feel like this too. It's better, I swear. And you are going to be here with me soon, I can tell! And then others will read your posts for help and inspiration and it will give you more strength and make you feel even better.

    You will feel sick, you will feel weak, you will feel depressed, but then you'll slowly feel the burden lift and then - you'll be free. DO IT NOW!!

     
    Old 10-14-2006, 10:57 AM   #5
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    First of all, I hope you know that trying to go cold turkey could cause seizures and major problems. Since you're new to this board I will tell you about a friend who was taking xanax and drinking alot........he OD'd....he is 21 yrs old and can't walk without a walker. He can't work, he can't hardly talk, and is lucky to be alive...if you call that kind of life lucky. He was in a coma for 2 weeks. Brain damage was caused by no oxygen to his brain for 30 minutes the night his "friend" dropped him off at home and just lay him in the front yard so they wouldn't get caught.........now he lives this way everyday. Yes, he was addicted to xanax and took other stuff too. Alchohol mixed with it is what did him in. So, please go to your doctor and tell him what's going on, and see if he can taper you. My son did the same thing, and got through it all. bu, now he's back doing it again, been in jail, lost his job, and now we don't want anything to do with him until he gets help. He is very hateful, disrespectful and harming to other people. He is not this way normally, but this is what the xanax does as he is getting close to needing another pill and doesn't have it. he's in denial, but we know. So, take it from a parent who has seen her son's personality and life change so drastically, please get help!!! Today!!!!
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    Old 10-14-2006, 11:27 AM   #6
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by flintrock
    First of all, I hope you know that trying to go cold turkey could cause seizures and major problems. Since you're new to this board I will tell you about a friend who was taking xanax and drinking alot........he OD'd....he is 21 yrs old and can't walk without a walker. He can't work, he can't hardly talk, and is lucky to be alive...if you call that kind of life lucky. He was in a coma for 2 weeks. Brain damage was caused by no oxygen to his brain for 30 minutes the night his "friend" dropped him off at home and just lay him in the front yard so they wouldn't get caught.........now he lives this way everyday. Yes, he was addicted to xanax and took other stuff too. Alchohol mixed with it is what did him in. So, please go to your doctor and tell him what's going on, and see if he can taper you. My son did the same thing, and got through it all. bu, now he's back doing it again, been in jail, lost his job, and now we don't want anything to do with him until he gets help. He is very hateful, disrespectful and harming to other people. He is not this way normally, but this is what the xanax does as he is getting close to needing another pill and doesn't have it. he's in denial, but we know. So, take it from a parent who has seen her son's personality and life change so drastically, please get help!!! Today!!!!

    I do know the dangers of alcohol and xanax. That night that I got drunk & went through the wd's - well, I had wd's because I didn't take xanax. Didn't want to mix a bunch of shots & drinks with xanax. I even made myself suffer through some major wd for hours before I finally took a xanax.

    Once I realized I was addicted - which was that night, I stopped binge drinking completely.

    My doctor is fully aware of the fact that I drink a beer or two most days. I am also seeing a therapist who knows what's going on.

    I also know that going CT can cause seizures, and plan to taper down over a month or so.

    I'm really here so I can find people to relate to.. people who have gone through it, or are going through it, just provide so much that a therapist or m.d. cannot provide, ya know ?

    I've done a lot of homework & have the facts, but it's still scary.

    Hearing a story about that boy helps to confirm the fact that booze & drugs just don't mix. He is living proof - though as you said, how much living is he really doing? Such a sad tragedy

    Perhaps my post sounded like I was habitually boozing it up & mixing it with Xanax (?) That's not the case at all. But thanks so much for being concerned, for sharing your stories, and I really hope things get better for your son!

     
    Old 10-14-2006, 11:32 AM   #7
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Neverforget
    Like I said, you've taken the first step. If you feel you need to taper, then do it that way. However, make a plan and stick to it. Figure out how many you plan to take over a period of time and don't allow yourself more. Separate that amount of pills and fully accept that this is it. Remember - this is going to be hard. Prepare for it mentally, but also mentally resolve yourself that you are going to beat this. This is YOUR life, not some pills. Think about that - we gave our life away to a stupid pill!! OK, lesson learned, but now it's time to take it back. Just keep imagine your life without having to take one of those pills. I'm SO much happier right now Zoso, and I want you to feel like this too. It's better, I swear. And you are going to be here with me soon, I can tell! And then others will read your posts for help and inspiration and it will give you more strength and make you feel even better.

    You will feel sick, you will feel weak, you will feel depressed, but then you'll slowly feel the burden lift and then - you'll be free. DO IT NOW!!
    I'm going to follow some kind of schedule & taper down, since going CT from Xanax & other benzo's is a bad idea.

    I would love to get completely off in one month - so we'll see!! I'll run it past my doctor to make sure that's safe.

    I really look forward to a day when I'm not needing these little, innocuous looking - yet evil - pills!!!

    Thanks again for your support! You rock.

     
    Old 10-14-2006, 04:22 PM   #8
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    There you go: flintrock had some useful advice for you. You will find support and knowledge on these boards. If you're planning on tapering, do yourself a favor - get up right after reading this and map out your plan. Write down that you plan to talk to your Dr. tomorrow (or Mon. if you really can't on a Sunday). Write down exactly what you want to tell him and what you are aspiring to (being clean in 4 wks. or whatever you and your doc deem sensible and safe.) That one simple thing will make it start to become reality for you. There is real power in that Zoso! And then plant your goal firmly in your mind - imagine a Thanksgiving with NO PILLS. NONE. Completely clean and clear of the fog and addiction. You can do it and we are all backing you!! Really imagine it - a Thanksgiving with no pills. That is where you will be in a month! Wow. Then, imagine what your Christmas will be like ...

     
    Old 10-14-2006, 07:04 PM   #9
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    Zosolizard,

    I think this may help you -

    3 years ago I became accidentally physically addicted to 3 mg of Xanax a day that a psychiatrist was prescribing to me to help me through a physcial illness. Once the illness was under control, I was left with a Xanax addiction. I never upped my dose, but like you, I would chop up my pills and had to take them at certain times, otherwise I would get withdrawl symptoms, which were bloody frightening.

    My psych didn't believe I could become physically addicted to only 3 mg a day, so against his will, I checked myself into a facility called Silver Hill in New Canaan, CT. I went there expecting to have a horrible detox, but they were using a well-known anti-seizure drug called Depakote to ease benzo withdrawl.

    I don't recall what the dosage of Depakote was that they gave me, but I had to take the Deapakote for a total of 6 weeks. The day I went in, they started the Depakote and they took me off the Xanax completely. On the Depakote, I had almost no withdrawl symptoms at all, and my stay was almost pleasant. Only they kicked me out after 2 days because I didn't display any addictive behavior and they thought I should finish my detox at home.

    Here's what happened:
    The first week I felt a little bit nauseious- but no worse then when having a cold. I threw up just once - and that may have been from food posioning (creamy pasta salad that had been sitting out)

    Weeks 2 and 3 were a little bit better and I was back to my normal schedule

    It took 6 weeks to really feel like myself again, fully.

    So if you don't want to go through the difficulty and physical horror of a taper, I'd recommend talking to a knowledgable detox center about Depakote. You don't actually have to check yourself in. YOu can do it on your own under the supervision of a shrink.

     
    Old 10-14-2006, 08:12 PM   #10
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    My son did the taper. it was not horrible. He had tried for 2 days to go cold turkey, so he wouldn't have to tell us about his problem. he was throwing up, had the runs, shakes, anxiety terrible, couldn't sleep or eat. As soon as I found out the problem, we went to the doctor and the doc put him on a slow taper. Doctor gave him fenergan pills for upset stomach, which also helped him sleep. Worked wonders. We started the taper and within a week, he was feeling so much better. of course, i had the pills for the taper and I dispensed them. he could not be trusted. So find someone to help you and have them be in control of the pills...not you. Also, eat small meals...jello, cereal, oatmeal, toast, rice....and before you know it, you will feel so much better. Son still had anxiety attacks...and when he would start to get one, we would pray very hard together.........they would pass. He also slept with me when husband was out of town, every other night. He stayed by my side for 2 weeks, where I went he went. he did not want to be alone. I think the cold turkey withdrawals he went through without me, scared him to death. he actually thought he was gonna die.....we got through it. And he did so well for 4-5 months. Then he got back with the girlfriend, and there it went....it's been downhill since....I am not in contact with him now, it's been almost a month. Because the girlfriend is not welcome at my home or anywhere around us. She is totally bad news. but that's his choice. We can only wait and hope for the best. He's 21 and is an adult and makes his own choices, as do we all.....life is hard...but drugs make it hell........please do this for yourself......you will be so glad you did. I know you can do it.......prayers are with you!!!!!!!
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    Old 10-14-2006, 08:37 PM   #11
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    I've been clean from drugs and alcohol for almost 7 months now. Xanax and other benzos were my "Drug Of Choice". I quit CT, and didnt have any clear withdraw symptoms...but that wasn't smart. I had no idea what could have happened when I did that, so I'm glad that you know the safe ways to quit.
    I'm not sure what advice I could give you, there's been alot of great info given..but if you need some support from a fellow xanax addict, I'm here.
    Good luck

     
    Old 10-15-2006, 12:47 PM   #12
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    Re: Hi, I'm new to this board, addicted to Xanax

    Try looking up Dr Heather Ashton and she has tapers for benzo w/d and the amount your taking it has really helped alot of people. She is the top researcher on this stuff in my opinion but should help you with a taper plan so you will feel better with little w/d. Kim

     
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