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    Old 08-19-2007, 06:15 AM   #16
    joanharvest
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    I just quickly read all your previous posts on here. I see you also have depression problems which is understandable. I do too. I know it has to do with my worry over my son. It got to the point where I was crying everyday for months. I finally went to a Dr. and she put me on Zoloft which has helped and doesn't seem to have any side effects. Now I cry only occasionally. Your thing about dumb people. I have thought of that for years and have even talked to my sister about it. I am also now seeing a therapist which is helping. Do you mind my asking how old you are?

     
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    Old 08-19-2007, 10:20 AM   #17
    nabor4life
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    no, i do not mind. i am 28.
    how old would you have guessed me?

    what did your sister say about the dumb people?

    i do not cry very often. i do not even feel sad very often, more empty.

     
    Old 08-19-2007, 12:16 PM   #18
    rozetat2
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    Hi chris
    Im feeling so-so today-- still struggling to be clean from pills and worried if I will be ok once i stop. How are you doing today? What kind of music do you like? Hope its a good day for

     
    Old 08-19-2007, 12:49 PM   #19
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by rozetat2 View Post
    Hi chris
    Im feeling so-so today-- still struggling to be clean from pills and worried if I will be ok once i stop. How are you doing today? What kind of music do you like? Hope its a good day for
    it is an okay day for me today.
    i am sure you will be okay once you stop. may be not directly. it may take its time..

    Last edited by Administrator; 05-19-2010 at 12:28 PM.

     
    Old 08-19-2007, 01:42 PM   #20
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    I was just getting my kids ready for school tomorrow. I want to make some positive changes now that i will have a little free time. Working out consistently will be one of them. Do you work out/exercise at all? That is really important for your well being. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders getting college degrees and all. In my point of view, if you keep doing the right thing and be nice to other people, good things will happen...eventually. Dont get stuck into that bad thinking, it will bring you down and you will start to believe the bad things you tell yourself--thats what happend to me. Tell yourself positive things. A lot of people replied to you and seem to really care. We all know what its like to suffer and feel guilty. Do you believe God or whatever you believe in wants us to feel bad? I dont. This life goes by so fast we have to make jokes and laugh and love and live it! Lets not be dragged down! ok? hope everything is going good!

    Last edited by Administrator; 05-19-2010 at 12:29 PM.

     
    Old 08-19-2007, 02:19 PM   #21
    EatYourVeggies
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    I have never struggled with any sort of addiction. But my father did. A lot of different drugs, alcohol, among other things. I guess I just want to say that you are lucky. You beat your addiction, have stayed clean and are trying to put your life back together. I know I dont know you but I have a sense of proudness to hear that. Not everyone is like you in that respect, my father wasnt. His addiction got the best of him and is no longer with us.

    I hope you take others advice on here and get into some sort of AA or NA meetings. I've heard they work. Having a bond with other people that you dont share with everyone. A support system, I imagine it would make things easier.

    Congratulations on coming this far, and I wish you the best as you continue your journey. God bless you.

     
    Old 08-19-2007, 08:41 PM   #22
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    My son is 26 and I imagined you to be about his age. You remind me of him. Both my sister and I have always thought if we were dumb and didn't think so much maybe we wouldn't worry so much but then we always wondered do dumb people even know they are dumb.Maybe I'm dumb and too dumb to know it. Feeling empty sounds like depression. You sound like a very caring person so there is something inside of you. You just have to find it. Do you have any special interests? What do you enjoy doing the most?

     
    Old 08-21-2007, 11:05 AM   #23
    nabor4life
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    @ eatyourveggies: thanks for sharing. i am sorry for your father are you okay?

    @ joan: do i? what about me reminds you of him. it is funny you guessed my age right, most people on the internet guess neither my age nor my sex right.
    most think that i am a girl and most think that i am a lot younger tahn i am... but actually i feel like a lot older than my age.
    hobbies... argh... got none. may be sitting on my lazy *** and looking at the walls. i used to enjoy cooking and having parties we used to have feasts. i used to enjoy going to the disco and to the pub. used to write poems and to paint (and some people liked it).
    i want to be doing those things again one day.
    i thought the same. may be i am dumb but to dumb to know it. who knows?

    Last edited by Administrator; 05-19-2010 at 12:30 PM.

     
    Old 08-21-2007, 09:00 PM   #24
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    hey, my name is Michael, and i am an ADDICT also, same as you.. HEROIN and oxycontin's, you have been clean a long time, seriously, thats a miracle and a huge success, because any clean addict is truely a miracle!. i had 6 months clean, got my life back together, had money, got my job back, and went to college! i recently just relapsed and my life is falling apart all because of my evil heroin addiction, it is truely the DEVIL, my addiction always seems to get in the way some how, and just takes everything from me. i go to NA and have a sponser and all of that, i just want to tell you that NA is GREAT, have u ever gone to a NA meeting? how did u get clean? u will meet lots of great people in Na to hang out with and talk to, and go out to eat with after meetings or go out for coffie. im serious when im saying if u have never gone, u need to go.. and also, you are an addict, so why are u feeling like you are a bad person because u are thinking about heroin? of course ur gonna think about it, its what us ADDICTS DO! dont feel bad.. its perfectly normal... its all about in how we act out on that thought... we can pray, call someone, or do something to occupy ourself to get rid of that thought. just dont pick up! , because i made that bad choice, and picked back up and now im wishing that i never did that, i forgoten how bad and miserable that **** really is.. seriously, its pure hell, theres nothing worse than active addiction!.. but just sit down and pray to god, it will help! and or mayb go see your doctor and tell him how you are feeling.. because i to suffer from depression and anxiety and sleep problems because my mind just wont stop racing, just like u explained! im the exactly the same way, but medication does help with that in calming u down and your mind, and i take LEXAPRO.. and it helps, so i would reccomend talking with someone.. but whatever you do.. DONT PICK UP!! you have come to far to go back now, keep on going, things will get better, !!

    -Michael 21/Male

     
    Old 08-21-2007, 11:36 PM   #25
    nabor4life
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    [
    hi michael, my name is chris. did i get you right? you are not consuming. you just picked up and than quit again? that is very good. you can be proud of yourself.
    i thought about going to the na meetings.

    (you asked me how i stopped. read this only if you have much time. it may be boring for you: it is hard to explain this in english, because i do not learn this neglish words for that in school . when i decided to quit i first treid something we call herunterrauchen. that means i started smoking h and tried to reduce the dosis step by step. with that i was not to succesful.
    i went to hospital ( actually "went" is wrong. i made up the decision to go to hospital, but then changed my mind. thus my uncle, my cousin and a friend trapped me and forced me into their car and i was screaming and going bananas and trying to hurt myself all the way. at the hospital they asked me if i still really wanted to quit and for some reason i managed to say that yes, i wanted). that was a a locked hospital from which one cannot escape. is there something like this in your country.
    i was there for three month and they put me on trimipramin clonidin and wehenever i started trembling and hurting too much they gave me a injection

    i was not hurting to bad. you know, i expected to hurt and twitch and kick and sweat a lot, but a drug stopped that. however it did not stop my feeling sick to the stomach and i was puking all the time. one time i puked all over a nurses arm .
    and i could not sleep at all and also i was frightened to die in my sleep (there was no medical reason for that and they told me, but i was scared to hell) i was yammering and lamenting about this all the time. until they told me i should shut up, because everybody was feeling bad but only i was complaining all the time.
    i started being frightened. most time i felt frightend without a reason, but there were things that frightened me to death. i started being frightened of the closet. told myself "hey, that is just a closet". yeah.... but it was scaaaaaary. a very dangerous and scaaaaaary closet.
    i thought, oh when i get out of here i will be nuts.
    the first nine days were the worst, after that i started feeling better.
    i went to the meetings they had and realized that there were some cool people over there. i stayed there for threee moth and i was scared to hell of leaving this hospital, because i was afraid i would do some stupid things then.
    when i was released from this hospital i was going to a day hospital, understand what i am talking about? you only stay there for the day, but go home at night). i was going there for six month. first i liked it because i felt safe and warm. i liked the guys over there. with one i made friends, but he has moved back to his native land. to poland. yet i only visited him once. i wish i could do more often, but i am afraid i cannot (because of sleeplessness).
    i was still on trimipramin on 400 mg i think. first i liked it, but after a time i started feeling bored and i started hating the meetings they had over there. i wanted to be with my friends and family.
    when i finaly was realesed we had a party and i was happy , because i thought everything would be alright. went to the psychiatrist : yeah, soon i am going to be free of all drugs and alright.
    well, i think i have to make that short.
    later i quit trimipramin, felt just horrible. psychiatrist put me on doxepin, had to quit it and felt just horrible. put me on seroxat, did not work. still i cannot sleep and still i am craving for it and i am going nuts.
    how about you? how did you quit? i heard they are doing a lot of buprenophin in combination with naloxon in america (buprenophin is called subutex or tegesic). it first was introduced in 2000 here in germany, but it is very controversial over here)


    i wanted to ask you: lepraxo is an ssri, isn`t it? because i heard they make you sleepness and if i sleep even less i am sure i will get mad.
    i am happy you all are ataking thev time talking to me. i really appreciate. it makes me feel less odd and lost.

    chris

    i had to cut down the smilies. i had to many. i love the dizzie smily.

    Last edited by Administrator; 05-20-2010 at 10:41 AM.

     
    Old 08-22-2007, 04:16 AM   #26
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    You remind me of my son because everything you say I have heard him say. He was in a locked hospital twice. Once I forced him there. I called the police because he seemed suicidal. The second time he put himself there because he tried crack cocaine and after two weeks he realized he was out of control. This was last Christmas. My son's best anti depressant is fishing. He goes fishing all the time and always feels better. He also has me and I will listen and talk with him a lot. I am really the only person he talks to about his feelings. He won't talk to anyone else about feelings. I wish he would go to NA or AA but he won't. He detoxed from heroin at home with me by his side.
    That was the last time he took it. But I still fear for him that someday he will give in and do it again. Also my son is very sensitive and caring--you sound that way too. And he still feels the guilt. The bedroom that he stayed in while he detoxed from heroin is totally destroyed. He body slammed most of the walls. There are just holes in the walls everywhere. He couldn't even go in that room for a couple of years.He couldn't face it. I couldn't afford to fix it. My daughter is finally getting it fixed this week. All the walls have to be torn down and redone.

    Also there are natural substances that can help a little with depression. Fish oil is one and the amino acid tyrosine. Also Gaba another amino acid. There are herbs too like Rhodiola. These are for mild to moderate depression not severe depression.

    I have to go, talk soon, Joan


    I pray you find the right medication for your depression. You just have to keep trying.

    Last edited by Administrator; 05-19-2010 at 12:31 PM.

     
    Old 08-28-2007, 01:17 PM   #27
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    @ hopetofeelwell: i am sorry to hear your mother died. I think things like this happened to a lot of addicts. Several addicts i know have lost one parent or both (sometimes because of divorce, sometimes because of death). Are you better now?

    @ bshea: please do not try to detox yourself. please go to an hospital, let them help you. it is much much easier that way. please listen to me advice.
    sometimes one has to get away from ones old friends. i had to. unfortunately... but they were on the wrong road. they were on the road to self-destruction and i could not help them. i wish i could have helped them... but there was no way i could. so i had to get away from them. in order to protect myself . mick, please talk your doctor. may be he can give you something non addictive to help you sleep.

    so you plaese go and talk to your doctor... and them come back and tell us, what he said, alright?

    Last edited by Administrator; 05-20-2010 at 10:42 AM.

     
    Old 08-29-2007, 01:13 PM   #28
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    Re: feeling of guilt (may be a touchy topic, please read only if you feel strong)

    Hey, please do not lose hope, okay?
    Try to use your anger as a gift. this may sound odd... but you can use your anger to reach your goals. know what i mean? it is a good thing to be mad at your addiction.
    i am sure god will not give you more than you can carry. i am sure he never ever gives a person more than he can carry. and he does not create a person just to hurt all the time. God wants you to be happy and healthy. i am really sure.
    what did your parents say when you told them of your thoughts?
    i'll pray for you. Good luck! chris

    Last edited by nabor4life; 08-29-2007 at 01:14 PM.

     
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