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i'm not myself

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Old 10-31-2007, 04:07 PM   #1
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: ny
Posts: 37
percproblem HB User
i'm not myself

Hi guys,
I really just don't feel like myself today. I have tapered down to 3 percs a day. But of course i just took my last teaspoonful of that hydro-cough syrup from last week when i was sick. I was taking a couple spoonfuls every evening after work. But i guess i don't have to worry about that anymore since it is all gone.

I am just scared now that i am gonna take more of the pills. And i haven't given them to my friend yet like you all suggested. I guess i just keep trying to see if i am strong enough to do it by myself.

I usually have tons of energy when i take the percs, but this whole week i can't even keep my eyes open. I feel like if i blink i will crash. (not good at work) I don't know why i have been feeling this. Maybe it's the cough syrup? But i only took it at night.

And lately i have had the most HORRIBLE taste in my mouth. It comes on every day for the last 3 days around 2pm. I have no clue why. It tastes like battery acid. (i imagine thats what battery acid would taste like)
So what is this from. AM i just being a hypochondriac?

And i feel real cranky. Very irratible. I keep snapping at everybody. I am not liking myself right now. These mood swings are crazy except i never have the good mood part of it. I just want to hole myself up in my apt and not come out. I don't feel like doing anything.

I feel totally overwhelmed. I know i am not feeling myself too, because i saved and saved for this oil painting class that is offered at the highschool by my house every wednesday night. And i missed last week because i was sick. Well i got home from work tonight and i didn't go again. ANd it is the one thing in the world that i love to do. But i just don't feel social enough to go anywhere. It is such a huge effort to talk to people.

And then i lost my stupid work ID. I can't find it anywhere and they charge you like $50 bucks for another. But this is the thing. I keep having like blackout periods where i keep forgetting stuff and where i put things and what i did.

Is all of this part of tapering down? Or am i just going crazy?
My dr. has me taking 100mg of zonogram. He said it is actually an anti-epileptic medicine but that when it comes to depression it helps stabilize your moods. He also has me on Effexor and he gave me clonodine, .1mg. I have taken it before but only 1X a day in the morning. This dr. said i could take it up to three times a day. But what is the best way to take it?

Then i am worried about no money and starting school in january because i will be giving up my weekends. So i would be working 5 days a week and then school fulltime on sat and sun. And they are gonna give me another loan for it. And i already owe tons from college way back.

ANd then, i need to tell my boyfriend of 2 and 1/2 years that i really need space but i just can't seem to find the time to tell him. I don't even want to talk to him. It's not that he is a bad guy. It is just that i want to be by myself right now. I don't feel like we are meant to be together.

OK, I think i git it ALL off my chest. Sorry if this was really long. I think i am being OCD too, and if i didnt tell you guys everything i was gonna have a panic attack.

Your friend
Not so "Perky" today

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Old 10-31-2007, 04:44 PM   #2
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: FL USA
Posts: 419
maggie0704 HB User
Re: i'm not myself

Hey Perky,
I'm so sorry that your feeling so overwhelmed by everything. Most definitely your mood is affected when tapering. Your going thru withdrawal, even though your still taking some. You've tapered down a lot in a small amount of time, so u can expect these feelings of irritability, fatigue, general-i-can't-stand-anyone blues.
I feel the same way sometimes, and want to escape and be alone. That's why i feel that a detox center is best for me. That way i don't have to be "up" for anyone, i can just focus on getting off this crap. When i'm home, i feel the need to feel "good" for work, and for my husband, and my doggy. And i get so impatient when i feel depressed, that i just want it to go away. I'd do anything to feel better.......and that's why i came to the conclusion that i can't do this on my own. I'm just not strong enough right now.
I've heard that the mental part of coming off sub. is very hard, and i'm not mentally well as it is....i have depression on and off so it's enhanced like 100% when i'm tapering.
TRY to be more patient with yourself, and if u need to be alone at home, then don't feel guilty about it, just relax and be GOOD to yourself. Take as much time as u like, bcuz this is a hard struggle, and u need not feel pressured or rushed. I can see why the Percs. aren't giving u a "high" anymore, cuz your barely taking any.
I JUST started Lorcets last week (it's been almost 2 wks. now) and i am already having the "ooooops, these only last for 1 hr" good feelings. Then i'm so dang tired from my little "high" and all i want to do is sleep too. That's why i take nappies. I can barely keep my eyes open by 2pm.
I hate being this way, i feel like i'm frickin' 31 yrs old and i act like i'm 90. It's just not right.......and i'm hoping that once i'm off all this stuff my metabolism and energy will be normal.
I'm so looking forward to going away tomorrow, although i'll miss my doggy most (don't tell my hubby! ). She's the light of my life......i swear, i kiss her atleast 100 times a day. She's my little peanut-brittle. She knows i'm packing to go away and i keep kissing her and telling her "daddy will take care of you". And i've threatened my husbands life that he better take good care of her or else!!!!!!
Just hang in there sweetie, it's a long, rough road....but u should be so PROUD of yourself for even getting where your at now.
The Zonegran, i used to take Topamax for my migraines, and it made me very tired. So the Zonegran could be adding to the fatigue issue. I remember i tried Zonegran at one point too (bcuz a drug rep at my work said it would help in losing weight......didn't work of course ) but i can't remember how it made me feel, but it's basically the same at Topamax.
As far as your boyfriend goes, i wouldn't make any quick decisions with what your going thru right now. You could come to regret it once your feeling better. Just tell him you need some time to get better, and u need space.
If it's meant to be, he'll be around when your ready and you'll be ready for him.
I'm off to finish to u all when i get back. Hang in there!

Old 10-31-2007, 05:04 PM   #3
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 406
mk7657 HB User
Re: i'm not myself

That bad taste in your mouth might be a respiratory infection. Are you on cough syrup because of a cold? Do you notice the taste more when you cough?

Opiates will do that too, especially street drugs. You are taking prescription meds, so no worry there.

I'm concerned about infection because the same thing happened to me. The doc put me on antibiotics, and it went away.

Good luck and stay strong,


Old 10-31-2007, 05:53 PM   #4
Junior Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: ny
Posts: 37
percproblem HB User
Re: i'm not myself

Yes, last week i was really sick with a sore throat and sinus infection and i took zithromax for 5 days. But i have been sick so much with these stupid sinus infections that some of the antibiotics don't work anymore. And yup, i do have a really nasty cough. And i know by smoking i am not making it better.
But your right, does that make sense. Because i still don't feel like i totally recovered.

Old 10-31-2007, 08:50 PM   #5
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: NY
Posts: 837
FullCircle08 HB User
Re: i'm not myself

perc- listen -- I have been through all of this before TOO MANY times. What you are experiencing is TOTALLY normal. Just remember that our bodies are trying to get rid of the toxins. That causes all kinds of symptoms. Bad and worse. Poops, gas, hot flashes, sleeplessness (I hate that the most- i always feel so alone when I wake up and everyone else is sleeping), sweats, RLS, etc. BUT and this is a BIG BUTT LOL--There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Keep repeating that to yourself when it gets bad. Stay hydrated, exercise. Try this. When you feel the worst, and you body aches. Go for a run. Even if you have never run before. Get a sweat going. You will be surprised. Once your body starts to learn to release its natural endorphines it will heal faster. YOu will sleep better also. I have relapsed 5 times from hyro and that has worked each time. Its the next phase that I have to work on (obviously). Good luck and KEEP POSTING.


Old 11-01-2007, 07:25 PM   #6
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: NJ USA
Posts: 13
4evaN6 HB User
Re: i'm not myself

I am on my 6th day without a pill (after a 10 yr 10/650mg pain med addiction...I was popping upwards of 10 of these a day last week and just quit cold turkey on Friday).

All that you have described I am feeling right now too...definitely withdrawl symptoms. The bad taste, I had that the first 3 days of withdrawl...I also have had a really bad cough for the last couple of days, but both have started to get a little better. I know it is all related to dropping the pills...I tried a decongestant and it did absolutely n-o-t-h-i-n-g. Hang in there...because (although it may be too soon and some really bad things are headed my way) I feel pretty good right now. I keep repeating the words in my head like a mantra "I can do this". Seriously, I can't go back...I hated what I became on the pills (after taking them as long as I did, there isn't any buzz anymore, just mood swings and cracking headaches).

Although others have said differently, I actually found that keeping busy at work and getting my mind off of how awful I feel physically helps me so much. The more preoccupied that I am, the more my mind is off of how just one pill could take away everything that I am feeling. The worst is (like someone else mentioned) when you are still, like at night and cannot sleep...left only to think about how much you'd like to just take the pain away (and how easy it would be). But, I have been working as hard as I can all that by 9pm I am so exhausted that I sleep through the night (and it's less hours that I need to count).

You sound like an unbelievably strong person...I think you will get past this and be in a much better place soon. Keep hangin in there (and I'll try to do the same!!!).


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