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    Old 12-27-2007, 06:58 PM   #1
    DroopyEyes
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    The Norco Lurker

    Hi....

    I found you all a week ago, and have spent many nighttime hours reading and feeling less alone.

    My doctor...my amazing doctor...put me on Norco (10/325) and it is a wonder drug. My job ruined my lower back. I've since quit that job and have a desk job. My back has almost healed itself overnight.

    I've gone from 1 every 4 to 4 every...well, you know. I've not exceeded 4,000mg and have started taking NAC and Milk Thistle. I had complete panic attacks because my urine was "dark" (it wasn't...it was just very yellow, probably from the yellow pills, duh, and lack of drinking water.) I have some discomfort under my right rib cage and also in the inside of my right rib cage. I went to the VA (I'm a Veteran) who confirmed my liver enzymes were high, but my problem is gallstones. My liver is enlarged, though, and they all think it's bec of the stones. I know better I think. I'm waiting for the surgeon to schedule my gallbladder-ectomy.

    What started out as something to mask the physical pain of my job turned into my nighttime "cocktail", as in relax and ahhhh...My dad died earlier this year and Norco helped me stay "sane". Now I take it all day long, every day.

    I had cancer a couple of years ago so I know what true pain is and that's where I learned about pain relief.

    I don't doctor shop but I do pharmacy shop because I feel like they are judging me even though I have cancer on my file with them (they don't know I'm in remission but I drop the cancer talk every now and then because I feel I need to justify what I'm doing to a pharmacy tech who probably doesn't care why I take them.)

    BTW, I did read all the policies about this board but am terrified of messing something up and getting banned. So please give me a warning first bec I assure you the mistake won't be deliberate. I feel like you are all my friends and you've never heard a word I've said!

    My wife is so beyond amazing but I haven't wanted to talk about my addiction...there, I said it...I'm an addict...with her. I have 2 little boys who I adore and want better for them.

    when I run out the w/d's are beyond awful. I've read most of yours and what I notice about me I haven't read too much here --- I get beyond shivering cold and an intense runny nose. My mind races - CALL THE DOC, CALL THE DOC...who I can call at home anytime.

    I just started a new job a month ago with the local govt...a job where I will really help people who desperately need it but the "training" is very slow going and I'm getting bored and frustrated. I've been stoned there pretty much every day and no one knows.

    I think the taper will work best for me. I know I can be strong but I'm hoping to find the other piece of the solution -- you all -- because I've never felt more alone. I know my wife would understand if I wanted to go to NA because I'd tell her I'm going to Al-Anon - my brother is an alcoholic.

    I'll stop here. I look forward to reading this xxx weeks from now and hopefully seeing me off these little yellow pills.

    Thanks.

    ETA: As soon as I finished this post, I got an email reply from one of my former Shipmates. It was written by his mother, advising that he killed himself about 2 months ago. He didn't want anyone to know, etc. I'm devastated.

    Last edited by DroopyEyes; 12-27-2007 at 08:28 PM.

     
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    Old 12-28-2007, 01:58 AM   #2
    Yossarian22
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    Re: The Norco Lurker

    hey droop,

    i know that feeling of being judged by pharmacists - it aint nice. it sounds like you have a real positive attitude to getting off those pills, believe me - that is half the battle! As you know - a steady taper at a rate that wont cause you too much discomfort during the working week is probably the best thing you can do.
    As for feeling alone - the best thing i ever did was tell my wife, she's been very supportive since i started tapering off meth. though its totally your call. one thing i do know is that you will never be totally alon when you have these boards, there are people on here who know exactly how you are feeling/what you're going through etc. so pop back whenever you feel it necessary - there will always be someone here to give support/advice.

    hang in there bud - you sound like a hell of a strong guy, with a lot more to live for.

    take care

    yoss

    keep on keepin on

    ps:sorry to hear about your friend - i know exactly what that feels like. my heart goes out to you and his mother - terribly bad news and very tragic.
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    Old 12-28-2007, 02:10 AM   #3
    captnanny
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    Re: The Norco Lurker

    Hey I know exactly how you feel. I lost my friend to suicide way back when I was starting my addiction. I had a broken my rib but didn't put the two together until just recently.
    As for getting off the norco. You have to really want to. I wonder if there is anyway you can tell your wife kind of sugar coat it since it was prescribed for legitimate pain. Many people start the road to addiction because of legitimate pain. We find, or I found that it didn't just take the pain away, it helped my function like a human being. It was the antidepressant I was always looking for.
    But it is not a wonder drug. It eventually does hurt you, takes away your life as it once was prior to the reasons why we use.
    I would suggest a long taper. Everyone is different, I right now am tapering from norco switched from fentany. My history is one of constant relapse. This time it's the longest I've gone without cheating. The thing is and I was scared about this too, I go down only 1/2 every two weeks. That seems like such a low drop and such a long time but it does help me stay on track.
    Others have done it by going down 1 every week. Wait for more replies, there are also those who go cold turkey, if you don't want your wife to know and you can't miss work at all I would suggest no if you don't want to relapse.
    anyway hopefully others will be along shortly to give you more advice.
    Sorry again about your friend. That is so hard to deal with.
    Capt

     
    Old 12-28-2007, 02:56 AM   #4
    granny0
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    Re: The Norco Lurker

    Hey there,
    I'm so sorry for your problems and the loss of your father and friend. My pain pill addiction escalated this summer after loosing a friend to cancer. I ran out of pills
    because I could not get anymore and went cold turkey. I was never taking the high amounts you were, maybe 2-4 a day. You should tell your wife. She probably knows anyway, so it would be good to get it out in the open. Then start a taper. You need to get the number of pills down before you have your gall bladder out or you will need way too many to find pain relief from the surgery. And of course, there's always fessing up with the doctor about your addiction. I'm sure that will be tough to do, but that is the advise I hear the most often. I'm surprised he gives you so many scripts as it is.
    I hope you feel better soon and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    Best wishes,
    JB

     
    Old 12-28-2007, 07:49 AM   #5
    FullCircle08
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    Re: The Norco Lurker

    Droops -- FIRST OFF --WELCOME with open arms. We are here for you and can REALLY help you. I was just like you many times and for many years. You have taken the BIGGEST and most important step in recovery, "realizing" that you have a problem. We have a BUNCH of similarities. I too have a beautiful caring wife and 3 kids and had cancer and had a bad back. There are so many of us that get tangled in this Opiate web, we are not alone and YOU are not alone NOW either.

    FIRST --sorry, but you this will be a tough one. You have to tell your wife. She loves you and you love her and the kids enough to let them help you. She will be the KEY to a good TAPER. We will teach you the best way to do that later. I have successfully tapered (unfortunatly) way to many times. I am almost 2 months clean now and feel great from 10/325. Those little yellows!

    I will end here --ask us questions --we can help.

    MEd
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    Old 12-28-2007, 10:02 AM   #6
    Wireman25
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    Re: The Norco Lurker

    Droop
    welcome one thing i learned here and i think it was from Reach is not to lie or hide but to be honest with myself and my family. Its hard bit once i did i felt like i started my recovery. I feel for you , loosing your Dad and your friend. Be strong have faith and visit here often this site has helped me i have been clean for 4 months , sharing , caring and listening to everyone here gave me the hope and strength. God Bless take care

    All the Best

    Wireman

     
    Old 12-31-2007, 08:37 PM   #7
    DroopyEyes
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    Re: The Norco Lurker

    All --- thank you so much for your replies, welcomes and care. I wanted to let you know I have read your replies and have been really taking some time to think things through.

    In the meantime I have found a taper protocol that a rehab center uses that might work with me. I started it today and have reduced my daily intake by 2 Norcos. I feel really good just having a plan.

    I think my success depends on:
    a. Knowing myself. I am a planner type. I'm not rigid but I was a Navy Chief who likes a good SOP. This taper gives me specific time and dose and well, I follow orders well. It's not too rapid and, I think, will keep the w/d's down.

    b. Doing this during work weeks, not off days. From other posts, this sounds a little screwy but for me, keeping busy keeps me clean. When it was time to take a dose at work today, I balked and actually (gasp) said, "I don't feel like I need any now" because I finally have something to do at work, and even got a compliment from one of our providers.

    c. Exercise. Money is tight in our house but the Y actually has a sale and tomorrow I am going to join. I've read several times on here that exercise helps. I know that from my past, when I was a buff Sailor and led others in PT. It'll help my mind and body and help my brain re-wire its receptors. Someone posted about that, too. (understanding how opiates affect our brains and how the brain reacts to losing its "best friend".)

    d. My wife. I'm looking at my sacked-out beauty right now. It's 1123pm and she's not going to make it to midnight. I told her yesterday that my back has been feeling better since I quit my other job and that I have been taking the pills because I was afraid of feeling ANY pain...but now I would rather gut out any lingering back pain (none except if I stand on my feet for 30 minutes making kids' lunches, getting the backpacks ready and doing dishes, etc.

    Hi, I'm Mr Mom, btw. My wife is good at a lot of things but I'm man enough to admit the kitchen is MINE.

    Anyway, she was wonderful. I think she read between the lines and told me to tell her everything as I feel it (w/ds). I gave her the pill bottle. She quit smoking years ago (before we met) and she said it's kind of the same thing. (Having someone else hold the drugs). She'll dole out the pills according to the schedule I showed her.

    At supper, she wanted to say grace and I almost lost it when she said, "God bless Dad so he can feel good and strong all by himself." My older boy asked what that meant and I said that sometimes grownups take medicine to make themselves feel better and it's usually better to do it naturally - diet, exercise. He still didn't get it so I told him that the reason he has to eat carrots is because a Flinstones chewable to get Vitamin A gets the job done, but the carrots do it naturally and is kinder to his body.

    It's been so good not being in a droopy fog today. Wearing my contacts without them being sticky and dry, because I can barely keep them open. I know I'm nowhere off the Norcos, but just re-distributing the doses out over the day has given me some clarity.

    I know I need to address the emotional/psychologicals...I've got a ways to go.

    Please accept my thanks for where I am today. It's really hard for me to open up..well it was until the other day. I think my wife is kind of glad to see this side of me...where I can admit I'm not Superman.

    I wish my friends here a blessed New Year. I am here for you, too.

    For those of you lurking...esp those on Norco (10/325)...talk to me/us. If you're a Veteran...I can understand most of what you might be going through.

    Whew, this was long.

     
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