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I Don't Want To

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Old 01-03-2008, 09:56 PM   #1
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: USA
Posts: 844
granny0 HB User
I Don't Want To

I've been off opiates for 4 months. Suffering from depression for 3 of them. I keep switching anti-depressants, dr just changed again today. I have to say I have been in this funk for sometime. I'm a summer person and hate it when it's cold outside. I've been listening to this song by Moby called "When it's cold outside.......and it pretty well describes me.

I don't want to swim the ocean. I don't want to fight the tide. I don't want to swim forever, when it's cold, I'd like to die.

I hate to sound so down. I worry about posting this - don't want to scare the newbis! I can't seem to get out of this dark hole of depression, no matter how hard I try. I hate feeling this way, and get mad at myself for it!
I hope this is a more situational depression than chronic and have to wonder now how much of this is from the drugs.

Oh yeah, Hubby quit smoking Tuesday with me in tow. That's not going too well either. Are all of us smokers? I'm wearing a nicotine patch and have cheated with a few smokes. He has not had one since Monday. I'm so proud of him and need to stop them myself for his sake. I don't want to but am trying.


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Old 01-03-2008, 10:15 PM   #2
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 406
mk7657 HB User
Re: I Don't Want To

Hi JB. It is good to hear from you again. No worries about newbies--I scared them all away--ha-ha.

Have you suffered with depression all of your life and the opiates helped? I'm just curious because I had depression only after the opiate withdrawal. I started antidepressants to help. Since I was a relatively happy person BEFORE the opiates, I dropped the antidepressants. It was like having a veil lifted from my mood! Within days, I felt better than ever.

It is important to note, however, that depression doesn't run in our family.

I hope that you find answers soon and get Joy into your life, again.

BTW, it is probably not a good time to quit the smokes if you're still depressed, but it is your choice (and a good one, at that). Quitting smoking was the greatest accomplishment of my life. 25 years later, I am still celebrating dropping the nicotine sticks, coffin nails, whatever.

God bless,


Last edited by mk7657; 01-03-2008 at 10:18 PM.

Old 01-03-2008, 10:37 PM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 291
ReadyToBeDone HB User
Re: I Don't Want To

Hey JB, I'm sorry to hear about you being down, but congrats on the 4 months! Big accomplishment that you should be proud of.

Well, if you were depressed before the opiate use, then I think antidepressants are the way to go, if not you have options. I went through severe depression the first 3 just takes a while for our brain chemicals to adjust back to normal levels. It can even take up to a year, hon, so don't give up gets better, just give it a little more time and you'll either find the a/d that works or time will take over.

I'm just throwing this out there, so if it doesn't apply, let it fly. Any chance you could actually be bipolar? A lot of bipolars are addicts, and most antidepressants alone don't work or make things worse. Just another possibility.

Also, excercise, diet and hormones can mess with us women a LOT. Keep a journal of how you feel each day, and see if you can find any triggers or patterns. I'm sure not smoking is making your moods worse (snaps to you, I haven't become brave enough to cross that bridge). Just hang in there, you can do this!!


Old 01-04-2008, 07:01 AM   #4
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granny0 HB User
Re: I Don't Want To

Hey MK & RTBD - thanks for your replys. I've never suffered from depression like this prior to the drugs and withdrawal. I've always had anxiety and self medicated because of it. I used to take Paxil which worked some for the anxiety but did not stop the depression from leaking in - probably the chemicals from the opiates. Hopefully the new one will work, won't know for a few weeks I guess. I have a big worry about my husband. He has heart disease and has nearly died every 6 yrs. He's had 2 bypasses and an angioplasty. 2008 is 6 yrs and I have this terrible feeling of dread that it's coming. It's always come on suddenly and dramatically. He sees a cardiologist who knows his situation. Anyway, he really, really needs to quit smoking and I know he won't stick with it if I continue to smoke. I keep thinking 2008 is too late. Argh.

Old 01-04-2008, 09:42 AM   #5
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Florida
Posts: 381
g8trgrl15 HB User
Re: I Don't Want To

JB! It's good to hear from you, even if it's not on a positive note. I think about you from time to time and say a little prayer that you're still hanging in there and doing okay. Man, this depression really has had you the whole time, hasn't it? I have some bad days, and some good days. It just depends. I have noticed that when I mix some other meds with my sub that it can really freak me out. I tried adipex for energy, it's a diet pill. But they definately didn't mix! Made me feel like my life was falling apart. You just have to know that time's the real healer.. and with time we will all start to come out of the opiate fog and breathe the wonderful air again. But I'm just like you. I get kinda down during winter anyway, so this isn't helping!! I'm here for ya, and will keep you in my prayers.. I know that without God I wouldn't be able to do this.. but everyone has their own inspiration..

With Love,

Old 01-04-2008, 01:10 PM   #6
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: NE PA USA
Posts: 307
tat2duser HB User
Re: I Don't Want To

JB Darlin.... I SO hate to hear you so down. Man, it kills me. You were such a strong inspiration to me around the holidays - so much so that you will never know the effect you had on me - and I wish I could just shake my magic wand and make you all better. If you have read any of the posts I have written lately (I know, theyre few an far between), you also know that I'm pretty screwed up in the noggin lately too.... And dammit I just can't shake it either. I wish there was some kinda magic thing for depression. Mine I think is mainly due to the crap my Ex pulled on me around the holidays - and partly from going from meds to Sub and from Sub to on and so forth. That cant be good fro my brain either, ya know?

But anyway my dear friend, PLEASE, if you're feeling down, or feeling And post often. You know as well as I do that it surely helps. I have a bunch of time this weekend, so I'll be around checkin on ya. =)

Hoping something can bring a smile to your face!!


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