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    Old 03-03-2008, 05:14 AM   #1
    greeneyes1
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    withdrawal and anxiety

    I am fighting the battle to stop Vicodin and, even though the physical part hurts like hell, the anxiety that comes along with it is the hardest thing to deal with. Sometimes I feel like I could just jump out of my skin. It is what has caused me to relapse so many times. I keep saying that this time is the last time, but, as addicts, we always know how to kill the pain. Can someone offer any advice or suggestions as to how to deal with this horrible anxiety? I can't take off work, so I am trying to avoid situations where I may say or do something that would cause problems...It's very hard because I don't feel like myself...My co-workers wonder what is wrong...I'm not sure how long this will last...Each day seems like an eternity. I really want to do this, but when this anxiety sets in, it seems to take over every aspect of my mental and physical state. Can someone offer any advice? Thank you.

     
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    Old 03-03-2008, 05:51 AM   #2
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    hi greeneyes, i hope you are feeling better! are you taking Vicodin for pain that you still have? or just abusing and trying to stop? and are you stopping totally at once ? or have you tried to taper the amount slowly?? which could help lessen withdrawl symptoms...sorry for all the questions ..just trying to help..either way hang in there...you can get through it and will be better off after!! k

     
    Old 03-03-2008, 06:22 AM   #3
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Hello greeneyes1,

    I did a rapid taper off hydro and Oxy.
    I too suffered a great deal with the anxiety and depression. Lots of crying!!
    I went to my Doc and got his help. Maybe you have a Doc that would be supportive?

    My Med Doc perscribed a couple of anti-anxiety meds for me but in very small quantities and no refills. I had to be in his office weekly so he could monitor my progress and at that time he would decide on what meds I needed.

    He gave me Librium (10 mgs 3 times per day) and also gave me .25mgs tabs of xanax (only enough for a week at a time and directions to take no more than 3 per day only if needed)

    Both of these meds are Benzos and are highly addictive also. He didn't want me tradin one problem for another. I rarely take the xanax sometimes I will take one at night when I feel wound up and get those racing thoughts that I know will hurt my sleeping. I do take the Librium as directed and also I eat 3 times a day. I don't eat big meals but good healthy small meals.

    My last visit to my Psychologist he reccomended my going on a med called Lamictal? Not sure of the spelling so I started that on Thursday or Firday. It is supose to mello me out. I suffer from Hypermainia (The Doc says) I operate way to fast and don't sleep much. I put unrealistic work demands upon myself and then have trouble when I can't maintain. Then sometimes I crash for a couple of days. Then back right up to top speed again. I guess it is a mild form of Bi-Polar he says?

    I think the first two meds have helped me as I am on day 27 today clean and I have no real bad anxiety or depression. Sure life is full of anxiety and depressing things but I feel like I am dealing with things on my own without hiding behind the pillz.

    If you have a Doc that will help that would be a great place to start. Just make sure you don't trade one habbit for another. My Doc was real careful about that and still watches me real close.

    Excessive Anxiety and depression is a normal part of recovery and it will pass. Your body wants more of the dope and it trying to trick you into thinking you do but you don't need it. It is a tuff battle to go one on one with yourself. It gets sooo much better sooner than you think. Just "keep on keepin on" like Yoss Says.

    Hope I helped.

    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 05:42 AM   #4
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Thanks for the responses. I started out taking Vicodin for pain, but eventually I was taking it whether I was hurting or not because I liked the way it made me feel. At one point in time I was taking as many as 16 7.5mg pills a day. I'm tapering off and am at 2 a day right now. I feel the wd's at this low dose and dread the end of this week because I will be out. I've been through wd's before, and honestly, I feel almost suicidal at times. The depression and anxiety are what keep me from breaking free of this drug. I hate it and love it at the same time. I've lied and even stolen just to get it. I can barely look in the mirror anymore. The fact that I'm more determined this time has made me feel a little better about myself, but I'm still not there yet. I had it in the back of my mind that Ultram would help me get off Vicodin, but after reading the things I've read about it, I now realize that this is not an option. I'm afraid of what life will be without the Vicodin and afriad of what life will become if I stay on it. I feel like I've forgotten how to live without it. I know everyone says that being clean and sober gets better and easier in time, so I'm just praying that I can tough it out. I just want to feel normal again. I've gotten a few things together that I've read about on the detox post, and Friday will be my first day with no pills. I'm off this weekend, so I'm hoping by Monday, I'll be able to get myself to work. If I'm sick, which I'm sure I will be, I'll just say I have a bug. Thanks again, my friends, for responding to all my posts. No one but you guys knows what I have done and what I am attempting to do. I appreciate your knowledge and support more than you could know.

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 06:02 AM   #5
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Hey greeneyes1,

    I myself took time off work. I was hurtin'
    Days 3-4 were the worst for me but everyone is different. I also was on Hydro (vicoden) then ended up on Oxy. Upwards of 120mgs per day.

    I did a real rapid taper and today I am pround to say I have been clean 28 days.

    You know the W/D's are no fun but if you know what your up against it should be easier for you.

    I no longer pop out of bed and run for the pillz just to get thru the day. I am thinking clear now and my anxiety and depression are very low, Managable with what God gave me in myself.

    I mentioned the anti-anxiety meds the Doc have given me and I can't tell you if it helped because I never went thru W/D's before. I do still eat three times a day and healthy plus I am taking my suppliments with every meal.

    I know you might think 28 days is sooo far away right now but it really isn't once you get there. I feel excellent and I'm Clean and sober too... Makes me proud of myself and we all need that right now on this journey.

    I may have said this to you before but here it is again, a dear friend of mine told me this while I was balling my eyes out telling him I felt like I was stuck in hell.

    "There is a road into hell and there is also a road out."

    You have found the road out so don't stop for a break and no "U" turns either. Just buckle up, dig deep and hold on. Many here on this board have done it and so can you.

    I was still using when I started posting on this board so if you haven't already maybe read some of my posts. You will see what I went thru on MY road out.

    You will be in my prayers, Like Yoss says "Just keep on keepin' on. It is a good one.

    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-04-2008, 11:00 AM   #6
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Hello Green Eyes

    Here's a pair of big brown eyeballs staring back at you with full understanding. Chuckles.

    Greeneyes, the anxiety is really indescribable to those who have not experienced it, huh? At first, it would lead to to be fully and totally out of control.... I would get in and out of the bathtub, in and out of bed, up and down from the computer. It sucked any ability to think right out of my head and became the pure emotion of anxiety in control of my body.

    Truthfully, I didn't even understand the base of it in the beginning. As I came to understand it was all part of the process as the brain begins its amazing healing process, I became more and more practical about it. I learned all I could about breathing techniques through online research; I began to find that if I put that tormenting anxious energy into a focused task, no matter how small (like folding laundry or shredding mail), it abated. I started applying the knowledge when the anxirty threatened me and slowly, I learned to endure it and get through it. A lot of times I had to tell myself out loud, "Breathe." "Stretch." ""Walk." I even left myself notes as reminders of what to do around the house so if I panicked and forgot what to do, there were the reminders.

    Eventually, doing what I needed to to endure the anxiety became habit. It did not stop the anxiety, but it allowed me to get through each and every episode. And as I practiced each time, I became more and more confident that the episode would die down and I would have a time of relief again.

    It takes time, but truly, the episodes do start to get shorter and farther in between. The times of anxiety intensify and then abate. It is not constant anxiety and the proff of that is that there are tiomes you are communicating well in written form! That can not happen at the peak of intensified anxiety. It does abate, Honey, and a time will come when it is totally gone. For now, just concentrate on it by episode. Learn what works for you, work on incorporating what works until it becomes second nature.

    You can do this. In baby steps, day by day. You can do this.

    Hugs
    reach

     
    Old 03-05-2008, 05:45 AM   #7
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Good morning my new friends. Thanks once again for the responses. You guys are so smart and so encouraging. Today is my second to last day with only 2 pills left and I'm tapering in this way just to get through my workday. I'm dreading that last dose, but in a strange way, looking forward to it too. Even though I do feel withdrawal symptoms at this lower dose, I'm beginning to notice some good changes already. I notice small things that I guess I'd forgotten to pay attention to in such a long time...how clear and bright the mornings are, the smell of rain, the beaty of music...There is so much beauty in the world that I'd gotten blind to because I was so numbed by the drugs. I am trying to focus on things like this and know that there is so much more to come. My friends at work have even commented on how I look better now, not so tired anymore. Yes, I'm sure they noticed that things just weren't right with me. By the end of each day, I had dark circles under my eyes and was literally dragging along. They don't have a clue why (so I keep telling myself), but it was obvious that over this past year, something was wrong. Before my addiction, I used to be meticulous about my appearance, but it got to where I just didn't care anymore. I also lost a lot of weight because sometimes I just forgot to eat. Can you imagine? There were days when I don't even remember driving home from work. Pretty dangerous and very stupid. When I think about it, I'm really disgusted with myself. I was what I said I'd never become.
    I appreciate the advice about working through the anxiety, and have tried the breathing and stretching, and it does work. The anxiety is so bad at times that I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack. My hands actually shake and my heart feels like it will just pound right out of my chest...but the breathing exercise seems to help calm me. I'm sure the next few days will be very hard, but this is something I don't ever want to have to quit again. I want my life back so badly that I am determined to do whatever it takes..and with your help, I know I can do this. Thank you so much for being here. Love you all!

     
    Old 03-05-2008, 06:14 AM   #8
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Good Morning Greeneyes

    Magnesium and Calcium.

    I forgot to tell you that these two supplements can help with the anxiety. They helped me a great deal. They can be purchased seperately or as a combination. I took a 250 mg tab of magnesium, once in the midmorning, once again in the midevening. I took a calcium supplement an hour before bedtime. ( A glass of warm milk would probably help also for the calcium, but I hate warm milk). From all I read about it, magnesium plays a big part in our nervous system. It's one of the elements that the system uses for growth and repair.

    Honey and Vinegar .

    This was something else that I took on a daily basis. Spoonful of each in the morning and in the evening. I can not remember all the details, but together they balance off something in us and are helpful. ( Obviously not the memory! Chuckles!)

    Sample Home Detox

    It is the second thread on this board and has many, many helpful suggestions. Read it before your last dose and get the things that will help you with this. Important read.

    Greeneyes, as I read your last post, I saw so much of myself and my own behaviours in the year before I finally broke totally. All the things you descibed were the things happening to me and I just kept on hiding from them and popping those pills. Honey, you have been heading right to where I was and I am so glad that you are tackling the problem now, and not from the point of total collapse. All points of fighting addiction are going to start from a tough place and be tough fighting. However, to start from a point of total collapse, when the body and mind and soul are burnt out is not too conducive. Fight now while there are still some reserves in you. Fight while there are still reserves of strength in you. Get those boxing gloves on and tie the strings tightly.

    However bad it feels at times as we go through withdrawals from painkillers (Opiates), we do not die from it. It can feel like we cannot endure it, but we can. Many before you have; you can get through it and count yourself as one who has also. This is an absolute truth.

    Sparring beside you
    reach

     
    Old 03-06-2008, 05:26 AM   #9
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Hi Reach. Thanks for the valuable tips! I'm open to any and all suggestions. I do have a question for you. How do you deal with the bad things life throws at you while you are trying to get clean? The problems in my life were part of my reason/excuse to use, and now I'm sure they will overwhelm me like crazy. My marriage is far from perfect, and as of yesterday, I'm dealing with an issue at work. Perfect timing, huh? I was very upset yesterday, and ofcourse my first reaction was to find a way to kill the pain. I had to stop myself in my tracks and try to rationalize that just because someone else hurt me, I couldn't continue to hurt myself. I'm fighting more than one battle now, and I do know that by taking a pill (or two) to kill the pain of reality is only throwing in the towel before the fight. It seems like when I was using, I lost that ability to stand up for myself and always took the easy way out. Right now I feel so fragile, almost broken, and I'm actually afraid of what this day will bring. Did you feel like this? I really need to know how to deal with the people and situations around me. My way of dealing yesterday, when things got ugly, was just to get away from it. Leave. But it is still weighing heavily on my mind, and will be there this morning when I get to work. I wonder if I'm even kind of paranoid. If I were high, this wouldn't even be bothering me. I would just like to know how you deal with bad situations that I'm sure everyone has in their lives. I would like to thank you again for answering all of my posts so quickly. You, and everyone here, have become my teachers and I admire each and every one of you. I hope that someday I can be just like you guys!

     
    Old 03-06-2008, 08:52 AM   #10
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Hey greeneyes,

    Mine are big silver blue looking at you

    I too have too many issues going on. (Marriage on the rocks, Money problems, trying to start a new job and starting college at 43 yrs old) The perfect storm for a relapse if you will.
    I have made it to day 30 today and I'm not stepping back!

    Here is what has been working for me:

    When I get a negative attitude or situation forced upon me by someone else I think of my brain as a computer. Our brains are really the ultimate computer.

    Well you know what happens to your computer when it gets a virus or spyware or even those stupid pop ups. Your computer starts to run slower and slower and might eventually crash. Same as our brain.

    So I treat these unfavorable conditions as if they were someone trying to install a virus on my computer. I make a consious decision to treat the situation or person that way and I turn on my internal anti-virus software. I move the potential problem to the trash bin and put it out of my mind. It takes constant work and conditioning for me to think this way but it has been working so far.

    I have made a decision to get my brain back to normal and refuse to let anyone or anything slow me down or worse yet make me crash and relapse yet again.

    Viruses can completely destroy a computer and the same can happen to our brains if we allow it. Hey, This anti-virus software is free too. You just have to use what you were born with to fight back and not hide.

    I hope I helped. You just hang in there and your will be fine. Worrying won't fix anything Dear.

    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-06-2008, 06:06 PM   #11
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Hi GreenEyes,
    I am sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I will tell you I have just quite taking Norco (Vicadin, a stronger dose). Try tapering off of them instead of doing it cold turkey. It makes the anxiety and restless leg much easier to deal with. I cut down a half a pill every 4 days. I agree with Reach Calcium and Magnesium really helps! Ionic Fizz is one brand that works well because it is in a powder form and absorbs easily into the system. I drink it a couple times a day. (You can buy it online or a health food store). I will tell you it DOES GET EASIER....MUCH BETTER EVERYDAY. Hang in there!!!!
    You are in my thoughts and prayers!
    Laurie434

     
    Old 03-07-2008, 05:25 AM   #12
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Hi Laurie and Baja...Thanks for the responses. I have been tapering, but today is my first day with nothing. I planned for the worst to be this weekend, so I just have to get through this day at work and hope for the best. I do have some things to feel good about. Yesterday was payday, and usually, by the next day, I've put aside my bill money and spent the rest on those blasted pills. Today I have extra money and will put it in a savings account so that I can't have easy access. I guess I don't trust myself enough to take any chances. You have a wise way of dealing with the everyday crap, Baja, and even though I know it will take practice before I perfect your technique, I'm going to give it a try. Also, thanks Laurie, for your advice on how to help with anxiety. For me, that is the worst part. The weekend is supposed to be very cold and nasty, so I have an excuse not to have to get out and be around anyone. I dread facing people when I feel like this. Thanks again, friends, for being here. You are such a tremendous help. Well...here I go...officially into day 1 of being free.

     
    Old 03-07-2008, 06:07 AM   #13
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Hey Greeneyes,
    That is where I started, On day 1 clean. I called it my ZERO DAY!!!

    The next day I flushied the remaining pillz so I wouldn't be tempted. That is a good idea to put your money away. The temptation thing again.

    I don't take the calls from my so called buddies that would get me my stuff anymore. They have finally quit calling me.

    One thing that helped me was TV shows (When I couldn't move). I liked the shows like Cops and Most amazing crashes or sports crashes. Somehow it made me feel better seeing someone else in worse shape than me. Kinda selfish but I needed to be selfish to remain clean. What ever works as long as it wasn't another pill.

    I also did stupid stuff just to keep busy, mindless stuff like cleaning out the truck, cleaning the garage, going thru those pesky boxes laying around my office begging for attention. When I couldn't move I just rested. Even if you can't sleep just rest if you feel like it. When you feel like getting up then take some baby steps and rest again.

    I drink lots of water and eat 3 times a day. I also take lots of suppliments with each meal.
    You have some healin' to do now and you will be fine. If I can do it so can you. I'm, on day 31 today clean and it seems like just yesterday I was on Day Zero like you.

    Rest assured you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    Chime in if you have questions about anything. I try to check this board often and I'm happy to share my experiences with you.

    Keep on Keepin' on (Like Yoss says)

    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-07-2008, 06:54 AM   #14
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    greeneyes, i just have a minute right now but will post more later...i have lots of things to tell you and say to you but most of all right now, i wanted to say that i think you have amazing strength and courage!! you are going into this journey with open eyes and it seems you have amazing friends to help you along the way!! i hope to be one of them...i am right behind you on this path...i am right now tapering norco at 2 a day...this forum and your posts have been very helpful and encouraging to me ...i am scared but i will travel this path with you all if you are willing to stick to together and help me also...to baja AMAZING you are helping alot of people...greeneyes...have a great day 0...just think tomorrow will be DAY 1 CLEAN AND SOBER....hooray what a life journey you are beginning....i only hope when it is my turn i am as strong...please keep posting..this weekend you will need us...i know you don't know me but i'll also be home and willing to listen if you need me...!! YOU CAN DO IT

     
    Old 03-07-2008, 01:23 PM   #15
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    Re: withdrawal and anxiety

    Thanks for the Props kelly1986,

    I am only giving back what was given to me. It is what makes us (ME) Human

    You will be just fine. Just remember, No Worries. It is easier said than done from where you are at right now but just keep thinking that and you will be fine.

    Both you and Greeneyes are in my prayers and thoughts.
    You both have found the road out!! No stops and no U turns. Just keep the pedal to the metal

    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

     
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