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    Old 03-18-2008, 12:26 PM   #1
    NotPerky
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    Oxycodone has ruined my life

    I am 59 and a former heroin addict who got clean in 1977. Started taking Percocet for severe degenerative disk disease in 2003. Had surgery, which didn't help. Started off taking one 5-mg Perc a day. Now I'm up to about 75 mg/day, taking 10 mg Oxy IR about every 3 hours.

    The thing is, it's not helping the pain. And I'm not getting the nice warm fuzzy either -- which at least helped me tolerate the pain. I do not want to keep upping the dose (nor do I think the dr will prescribe any more than he's already giving me). I really just would like to get off it entirely.

    What this has done to my life: My life revolves around the drug. I need it now to just function normally. I always have to have it with me, and think about the next dose. When the 3-hour mark approaches, I start sweating and feeling anxious. I am extremely irritable/depressed and my personality has changed. I take more than I'm supposed to on a daily basis, then end up counting the pills toward the end of the month. It doesn't even make me feel good anymore. I am miserable and want my old self back.

    I've tried to taper before, and always end up finding an excuse to go back up again. (Like, something's coming up and I can't do it without the drugs.) I can't (don't want to) tell anyone about my problem. I don't want to tell my doctor, because I'm afraid of what the pain will be like if he cuts me off.

    I thought maybe if I committed to a taper plan on this board, I would have to stick to it. I've tried to work out a very slow taper plan, but it still takes me out over three weeks. That is such a long time....I'm afraid of caving in the moments of weakness. But I'm afraid if I taper too quickly, the WD will be too bad...and I'll cave. Any thoughts?

    I might add, heroin withdrawal lasted only a few days. Methadone withdrawal was over a month and was HORRID. I am hoping oxycodone withdrawal is not like methadone.

    I hope with the support of others on this board who are going through this, I can get off this stuff and get my life back.

     
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    Old 03-18-2008, 01:03 PM   #2
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Hi

    Nice to meet you, although I am sorry it is under such hard circumstances for you.

    I understand your story all too well.

    In October, 2006, I began long slow tapers from first Oxycodone and then from Xanax. Both were prescribed for pain initially, tolerance built on both, and eventually both led me to self medicating with them and a complete breakdown. I finished the taper in June, 2007 and am doing pretty well now. I have pain, yes, but it is no greater than when I was on the opiates and I have found ways to deal with it without the narcotics.

    There is great hope and much help available to get off the Oxycodone. For me, it took massive discipline and massive support from live people (professionals, family and friends) and this board. But it has been accomplished and I do have my life back again.

    As we develop a plan to recover and find a restored life, we must plan for how we will detox and for the aftercare we need to stay detoxed and move forward in life again. I believe that it is absolutely essential to work with a professional to develop the plan. I know, I know, how hard it is to face the thought even of divulging our secret hazy haven of narcotics to anyone. However, I also know the tremendous sense of relief that comes about once we do tell a doctor and confirm in our heads and minds that we really are working on a solid solution.

    We can not afford to try and be solo acts when we recognize that a drug has begun to rule our lives. I know where it took me when I tried and it was way too close to death for comfort.

    Please, spend some time reading here and also researching the various options.... cold turkey, tapers, suboxone, in-patient, out-patient. Think about what feels most comfortable for you, most doable. And then it is time to dig deep and find the courage to share with a doctor. Friend, the story is so not new to doctors. They will work with you, they will help you. And you can get better... better than you can believe possible at this point. I know this is a truth because I have lived it.

    Please share some more with the board. Please know above all else how much hope there is. It is there for every single one of us.

    Best best wishes
    reach

    PS.. a good read is the second thread on this board... Sample Home Detox. It is a good read to start preparing.

     
    Old 03-18-2008, 01:09 PM   #3
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Hello NotPerky!! Welcome

    You came to the right place we are here to offer advice and support!! I know all to well what you are going through although my drug of choice was Lortab about 10 to 15 a day. Right now I'm close to a full three months clean and couldn't of done it without my friends here. It's hard work as you know!! Many people here have went to the doctor and they were put on Suboxone that have helped them with tapering. For me I just tapered for a few days and went from there. It was hell on earth but I hung on and posted here. It got better by day six and though I still have cravings it was the best decision I ever made. This can be done you just have to have a hell of alot of determination and strength. You only have one chace to live this life don't live in a fog it's amazing how much you miss.

    Winnie

     
    Old 03-18-2008, 05:51 PM   #4
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Thanks for the welcome, Winnie and Reach. I am torn about whether to taper more quickly or even cold-turkey. I am already miserable, physically but probably more psychologically, with the taper. I'm sure the WD symptoms aren't that bad, or maybe even non-existent, but because I know I'm tapering, I think I'm having them. I hate watching the clock and not being able to just take them whenever I feel like it. I do know that I feel good right after my 'dose', but a few hours later, I'm freezing and feel like crap. I wish it wasn't so cold out, makes the chills worse even with the heat on....then I start thinking, "maybe I should wait until spring to do this"....you know -- any excuse! But this really is a perfect time to do this -- my schedule is pretty clear now, and I'd love to be back to normal by the summer.

    I've been reading Meddguy's posts about his CT, and I start thinking maybe I should just do a quick taper and then bite the bullet, rather than dragging it out for weeks. I don't have anyone here to "hold" and administer the pills for me, so this will take tremendous discipline and willpower. I did it before (CT from smoking) but the nicotine WD is, uh, not quite as bad as opiates. I just want my happy self back, not the cranky bee-yotch I've turned into....

    Will keep you posted, thanks for listening.

     
    Old 03-18-2008, 08:36 PM   #5
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Hi NotPerky,

    I have been where you are. Please know, there is light at the end of that dark tunnel.

    I also tried to taper off my pain medication and sadly I failed. I had been clean for over 20 years, so, I understand.

    Listen, let's be honest, tapering from your DOC is tough, really tough and cold turkey is hell. But, neither is impossible.

    For you to be able to taper you will need a great deal of support, both here online and in person. IMO the first thing you need is one person who you can completely trust to hold your pills for you and to dispense them to you. Then you need a taper plan and after that, you need to accept the fact that the best laid plans, at times do not work. In other words, you cannot place time limits on any type of taper! It takes as long as it takes, period. The more pressure you place on yourself, the less chance you have for success.

    Then you need a full and encompassing recovery plan, peer support, therapy, how to handle idle time and you need to learn to enjoy life and get active again. If you can organize all of this, lay it out, then understand that there will be bumps in the road and you cannot freak out about them. Expect them, accept them and learn to calmly work through them!

    Think about this and if you need help, I'm here and I'm so is everyone else!

    God Bless!
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    Old 03-18-2008, 08:41 PM   #6
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Ummm oxycotin is not like methadone....nothing is like that withdrawl honey and I feel ya for being scared... It will be like heroin...don't make some crazy *** plan...just quit..squirm through a wk and be done baby. I am also a ex heroin junky and have withdrawn off of 200 mg of methadone cold turkey. That was no joke. But seriously ....cut down and and make a date to get rid of them...you might freak out and have a day of freak out at some point but stay strong and stick to the plan of it not being acceptable in your life...period point blank

     
    Old 03-19-2008, 04:19 AM   #7
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Hello NotPerky,
    Welcome to the board.

    I did a rapid taper off Oxy in two maybe three weeks from 120Mgs per day.
    I know how you feel about the pillz not working anymore. I started with Hydro and eventually graduated to Oxy. My dosage went up fast on the Oxy too. I had a false thinking that 120mgs of Oxy was the same as 120 mgs of Hydro. I was way off.

    I got thru the taper and now on 45 days clean so I am here to tell you it can be done. I had no help as far as someone holding my pillz for me but if you have someone that can do that it will be a big plus. I also only took my daily dose in the morning. I didn't take anything the rest of the day so my the end of the day I was hurting bad. I think that might have helped me because I knew the next day the pillz would only work for a little while and I would be feeling bad again. I just wanted to be done so I finally quite totally.

    All I know is I wanted out and I put my mind on that and that alone and I got out.
    I was very hard but looking back it was worth it.

    Like everyone says, do some reading and see how other have done it. Something will click with you and you will soon be on the road out.

    I say this little saying all the time.
    Remember this: There is a road into H*LL and there is also a road out.

    You have the tools inside yourself. Just make a plan and start driving down the road out.

    Keep posting and reading here. It helped me tons. I was posting many times a day while I was in W/D's. The support here was paramount in my recovery.

    You hang in there and let us kow how your doing Dear.

    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-19-2008, 02:15 PM   #8
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Hi all -- it's Day 2 of the taper. (Monday would've been Day 1, but I caved and took an "extra dose" Mon. night.)

    Right now I'm trying to stick to three 15-mg Oxy IR per day, divided into four doses. This is 45 mg compared to 60-75 mg I was taking, so maybe that's why I'm taking it pretty hard. Today, I woke up with chills, sweating and completely antsy. I couldn't get back to sleep. I took my dose an hour early because I was miserable. By the four-hour mark, I was having chills again, so I know this is not completely psychological.

    When I took my 3 PM dose and felt better, I quickly took a shower because that's the only time I can manage to do it. If not, my skin's crawling and the chills are too bad, plus I don't have the energy to get up. I'm sticking to this dosage for two more days, but I'm worried about tomorrow and Fri. because I have to go out (two shows) and I'm afraid I won't be able to do it if I'm feeling bad. I don't even have the energy to go to the store.

    Thanks for your responses and to answer a few questions: No, there is no one I can give the pills to. I live alone and far from most friends/family. The only person nearby that I might trust has a husband who takes pain pills....no way can I give them to her. Plus, I do not want this situation "getting around", and there is no one I can trust to not spill this little piece of juicy gossip.

    Jessy, as far as just quitting CT and getting it over with, I honestly don't think I can do it. I will be by myself and not able to get to the store if I need anything. At least with the current plan, I have some short periods of "feeling normal" where I can get things done.

    Anyway, this sucks. After kicking heroin and methadone, I never would have believed I'd get myself in this situation again.

     
    Old 03-19-2008, 02:49 PM   #9
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    You can do this bud --If you are alone it will be harder. You have already let the inner voice win a few times (ealier dosage, caving in last night). That is why we are Addicts. We are GREAT at convincing ourselves that INSANE behavior is OK. Trust me, I was at a much higher dosage than you and I was able to get up and move around and even Exercise EACH DAY last week. I didnt feel like doing it, not even close. But I dragged my butt off the coach, put my stuff on and went out. The air and the endorphines (good drug) feel great for a bit. Gives you a little time off from the YUCKS, kind like showers and baths. I really think that you need someone to help you do this. Please dont disappear. KEEP POSTING. We will help you if no one else will

    2 thumbs up

    D
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    Old 03-19-2008, 03:06 PM   #10
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Hi Meddguy -- no, it was Mon. night I caved. Yesterday I stuck to the plan. I am thinking that these days are rougher because I cut down 15-20 mg. My plan is not that drastic in the upcoming schedule. So I'm hoping the WD symptoms won't be as bad.

    I have to tell ya, I am a complete wimp when it comes to side effects and stuff like that. So while someone else may be minimally uncomfortable, I'll be a mess. As long as I can get myself up and out tomorrow, I think my mind will be distracted anyway.

    Thanks for offering to be my support through this -- honestly, if my Mom were nearby, she'd be it....but she's not and there really is no one else. So you guys are it! :-) I have to go back through the posts and see how many days it is for you. Your stories are very inspiring!

     
    Old 03-19-2008, 04:01 PM   #11
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Perk --I am on day 8 of CT from about 100 - 120mg hydro/oxy. What ever I could get my hands on. I have had a bunch of relapses and have learned SO much each time. A few things to get clean that are of the upmost importance are: 1) Have to have a plan. If you dont you will fail. 2) you will get better once your done, but will continue to have WD symptoms as the taper continues. You will level off at each phase but every phase will give withdrawals, just a bad as before. That is why I chose to go CT this time and get it over with. 3) You have to go to NA and at least learn a few things about being clean or if you have go back. You said you were alone through this, well NA will cure that when you get clean or are trying. Your sponser will be there for you and only a phone call away.

    be strong

    D
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    Old 03-20-2008, 11:51 AM   #12
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    This is Day 3 of my taper. I stuck to my dosage schedule yesterday.

    This morning, again I woke up with the sweats, chills and jumpiness. My first dose is not til noon and this was 7 AM. I ended up splitting an old 5 mg Valium, but that didn't do anything so I took the other half. Back in the day, Valium was extremely helpful during methadone withdrawal, and I didn't want to take my Oxy dose earlier than scheduled. I hate the way Valium makes me feel, though. Anyway, I was desperate. I know you guys will think I should've stuck it out but I was soooo miserable and going crazy.

    I don't understand why I'm so sick in the morning. I normally didn't take anything til noon anyway. Is it just that my body is only getting 45 mg and is missing its 60-75 mg?

    I only have one more 5 mg Valium. Maybe tomorrow I'll split my noon Oxy dose and take a little bit of it earlier so I'm not so crazy and desperate?

    Today is the day I'm supposed to be going out with my friends to a show. My head is killing me (headache) but I'm still going to try to make it.

     
    Old 03-20-2008, 08:22 PM   #13
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    I am so proud of you. I just can't taper. I always thought it was the smartest and most rational way to go but to continue to go through the W/D's on a daily basis is too much. Good luck, you might think about going CT and then if it's just too much use your dose. I don't know, it is so individual. Everyone has to find their own path. Stick to your goals and you will be fine. Many blessings.
    RR

     
    Old 03-21-2008, 04:08 AM   #14
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Hello Perky,
    Like RR said, The taper does drag the process out. Some people can't do the cold turkey. I did a very rapid taper from 120mgs of oxy to zero in two to three weeks which felt like cold turkey. I thought is might be little easier on me mentally and harder physically which I figured I could handle. I don't really know but it wouldn't hurt to try something new like RR said. If it is too hard to go CT then drop back to your taper and stick to it.

    You are doing fine, you are on the road out

    Keep thinking positive and keep busy.

    Have a great weekend,

    As Always,
    Peace.
    Baja

     
    Old 03-21-2008, 10:10 AM   #15
    NotPerky
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    Re: Oxycodone has ruined my life

    Today is Day 4 of my taper. I stuck to my 45 mg yesterday. I went out last night, danced and had a great time. I took my 11 PM dose while I was out. It was so nice not to be constantly thinking about whether I needed a little more to help with the aches and pains caused by the dancing....sneaking in the bathroom stall with my purse....hoping no one came in and heard the pills clicking around in the container....hoping I didn't drop any on the floor....swallowing the pills dry....coming home and maybe taking a little more because of the aches and pains....

    Yesterday I had awakened early in terrible WD and had to take a Valium. I didn't want to do that again. So today I split my noon dose, took approx 3 mg this morning so I could ease the WD a bit. That seemed to work well, and I took the rest of it at noon on schedule.

    Today, according to my schedule, is the final day of the 45 mg (3 15-mg per day split into 4 doses). Tomorrow, I go from 3 pills total to 2.75. Baja or Medd, or anyone, does that sound OK or too soon? Obviously, I'm anxious to keep up the progress. I'm just so excited at the prospect of getting my life back! BTW, I did share my situation with my Mom....well, in a way that tried to minimize the worry for her. She doesn't live near me, but is always supportive. She didn't say it, but I know she'll be happy to see my off this stuff since she thinks my personality has changed....for the worse....and she's right.

    Thanks as always for your love, prayers and support. I look forward to hearing everyone's reports each day. Baja, I hope you continue to post here even though you're completely off the stuff over a month now. You and so many others are so inspirational! :-)

     
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