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erpeer 04-01-2008 08:34 AM

My dad is a crackhead
You guys helped me out about 3 years ago when I didn't know where to turn. I appreciate the advice you all gave me. He has since been in rehab but it didn't work and is back to using still. I am tired of dealing with all the lies and want to get off this emotional hell of a ride. Here is an entry in my blog I thought I would share. I'm sure many of you have been in the same place as I am right now. As I type this my dad is out on the streets again...

[B]Once a liar, always a liar?
When you know someone that lies, do they lie to everyone or just certain people? Of course for certain people, like drug users, it's a method of survival. They lie to everyone. "No, this money isn't for drugs, it's for food, gas, (insert some other ******** excuse here), I swear. I haven't used in X number of weeks." When someone you love is a drug addict it is a living hell dealing with that person. First they sneak around and use while no one knows. You notice subtle changes, such as loss of weight, change in personality, lack of interest in things that used to matter. But you dismiss them because that person would never get involved in such a thing. Then once they are found out, "it's really not a big deal. I can quit anytime. I'm not addicted like other people get." Then they loose everything, hit rock bottom, as in living on the street, sleeping in a car, or worse yet, going to jail; then they decide that maybe they do have a problem. Maybe. Just maybe rehab will help. They go and try it. Sometimes multiple times. A few succeed, but most relapse many times. A lot of addicts get stuck at this stage because at this point they have pretty much alienated everyone in their lives and no one wants anything to do with them anymore. During that time, they go through the "I swear I'm not using anymore. I'm trying to get my life back on track. I just need X amount of dollars for...(here we go again.) How do you ever believe or trust that person again? You can't. That relationship is forever changed. Forever. The question is how long do you put yourself and your family through the torment of this relationship? Yes, family is family but at what cost to your own mental health and sanity. Yes, you still truly love and care for this person, that's what makes it so hard. You will never have the same person you used to know and love back. That person you used to know is gone. They may still look like that person on the outside, but on the inside, they are a devious, manipulative, using, deceitful, dishonest, cunning, lie right to your face, addict. Forever fighting their addiction that more than likely will be the death of them in some gutter...Hope that high is worth it. Hope it's worth destroying the family you leave behind. The ones who wait for that phone call in the middle of the night. THE phone call. Thanks for the emotional hell. Love you too.[/B]

Yossarian22 04-01-2008 10:09 AM

Re: My dad is a crackhead
i feel your pain erpeer - i was 'that' person. its a difficult thing to live with and watch on a daily basis, because things like love, sense, reason & logic dont work on addicts. the only word i can offer which may help is 'hope' - i dont know how long it will take for your father to come to his senses - but if you have hope - it at least gives you something to hold on to. As you're probably aware - an addict has to want to give up (REALLY give up - not just say it to loved ones to keep them sweet). My father is an alcoholic and has been my whole life - he hasnt really got long left to live. He was a big tough man - now he is withered and old before his years - sometimes 'coming to his senses' never happens.

I will keep my fingers crossed for your father - i hope he sorts himself out soon enough to realise that he has a daughter that loves/cares & worries about him.

take care - and look after yourself

keep us posted


keep on keepin on

TomsWife 04-01-2008 10:16 AM

Re: My dad is a crackhead

Wow. I felt every emotion that you must be feeling only on different level. I am an alcoholic and I know that I have put my family through horrible things. From the sound of your post it makes me wonder if your a member of Alanon. If not, you should be, you would be a great asset to the members.
Thanks for your post.

Your Friend,

Marilyn :wave:

oldnews 04-01-2008 11:13 AM

Re: My dad is a crackhead
erpeer, its horrible i know it feel like if they loved you they woudnt lie to you..and they would want to sure everybody is telling you that you need to help yourself and move on without him...easier said that done huh? if hes still denying and making it sound smaller than it is..hes not ready..because you cant fix what you done acknowledge..thats what dr phil says..

oldnews 04-01-2008 11:14 AM

Re: My dad is a crackhead
i meant you cant fix what you dont acknowledge...

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