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    Old 05-20-2008, 03:02 AM   #16
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Eldogg, hang in there. This is not going to be fun,but keep your eye on the prize...
    What time is the doctor appt?
    I am going to be in and out today but I will keep checking in to see if you post. Keep us up to date every step of the way. I'll say a prayer for you.

    God bless.
    jerry.

     
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    Old 05-20-2008, 07:10 AM   #17
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    My doc app is not until 3:45 today,and does it ever seem like a long way off.Oh I know all about the benzos I almost OD on those and alcohol when I was just starting out on narcotics very scary experience indeed.I have read the "home detox" and already have some of those products around the house,which really comes in handy.Now if I had a muscle relaxant handy like valium,do you think it would be reasonable for me to take it just to sleep,'cause i get real bad at night its like i can't stay still,bad jitters or whatever it is,they are only 5mgs and they really do work,but also not prescribed.good or bad idea?I don't really fear addiction with those because they make you to much in a stupor all time you can't function.I hope the doc can cut me to tylenol 3's instead of me taking the morp anymore,until I go to detox anyway.It's 11:00 here now and I really don't want to take anything and stay clean until the doc but I fear it may not happen,it was an early morning.Its funny though this site is the first place that i headed when I got up and not for a pill to cram up my nose,its been a long time since I wanted something this bad,thanks again for the encouragement!!

     
    Old 05-20-2008, 12:11 PM   #18
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Eldogg, just peeking in on you, hope you're making out ok.
    Please keep us posted on what the doctor has to say and what his recommendations are. I cant give you advice on the valium, as I have never really used them myself. Maybe someone else here can help you with that one.
    I also come here sometimes when I get up, or peek in at 2 am, or whenever I feel the urge. I find it helps me tremendously to read here. You mentioned the snortin' pills thing, gOd alone knows how many Oxycontins and whatever else I put could find to put up my nose.
    Thursday I will have 6 weeks clean from my drug of choice, which was any opiates I could find, however I screwed up and did a couple lines of coke for some ungodly reason (duh,I'm an addict) 3 1/2 weeks ago, so I will not actually have my 30 days clean until Sunday. This, however is a miracle for me, as i was in the same boat as you for years and years and this is the longest that I have been clean in many years. I have no urge to use now and I feel so great, in body and in mind. I have money in my pocket and I feel very good about myself.

    You can do this, I know you can. If I can, well, then you can.

    let me know how you made out today.

    "what a long strange trip its been."

    jerry.

     
    Old 05-20-2008, 06:37 PM   #19
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    AHHH what a relief you where all rite about the doc!,I feel great but like crap to. went to the doc and he was understanding and told me that he would help as much as I would let him,not that I expected criticism,I really don't know what I was thinking,thank you for pushing me the rite way.
    He put me on three percs four tylenol 3s and two 15s of morph for three or four days not sure,then they get cut to half until detox time then its up to them to decide meds for the sickness.best thing is I have to go to the clinic here in town to get the drugs rite from him every day.I am really excited,... what do I mean thats lying I am scared as heck,and not sure of my future,or where this is going to end if it will work?or not,it really is an emotional and mental rollercoaster.on weekends its up to a family member to distribute my dope...,I mean meds,think it will be my mom.I think real soon you guys and gals will be my security blanket for a while,and my doc thinks it is a very good idea for me to be around like minded individuals who have gone through this disease and won,and now I know that I can't be an antisocial person thinking no one understands or wants to help me,I knew how wrong I was as soon as I posted on this site and meet this wonderful group of people.This is far from over,tomorrow is going to be very rough, but I have help now.
    P.S by the grace of God are ye saved through faith.
    by the way jerry I took your advice and asked god for help I never did that before so I hope he does not hold it against me.
    eldogg:very scared and unsure rite now,wondering what tomorrow will bring?.

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 07:06 AM   #20
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Eldogg,good morning. I hope that this morning finds you in a good frame of mind. It seems that you are putting the right steps in place for a successful recovery. So great for you! I am so happy to see this start to work out for you. As far as the advice given by all on the doctor thing, its just that most here have gone thru what you are going thru right now and experience means so much when we are dealing with the awful beast that is addiction.

    I am also so very glad that you asked God for help. I never preach to anyone about religion, but praying seems to be a fundamental part of so very manys recovery. Keep it up. Get a relationship going with your own God in your own way. It always seems to help me very,very much.
    By the way, I doublt if He will hold that against you...*smile*

    I need to do some work but I will continue to check in on you. Please keep us all posted every step of the way. You can never post too much. I know for me it feels good to just get some stuff out of my head and into words.

    Peace and God Bless.

    jerry.

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 07:33 AM   #21
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    this morning has been so rough,even though it seems to other people that I may be dosed rite up on pills,what I am taking does not match what I'm used to and still having strong withdrawl,want to sleep but can't,want to eat but can't,this is so hard,almost brings me to tears.I hope the day brings more strength 'cause if it does not I don't know what will happen.
    this morning the doc gave me enough for the whole week,but not in my hands and maybe a good thing.
    You are very rite when you say it helps to put it words,it is like a weight has been lifted when I do rite here and I hope it continues to help.
    I will continue to find strength in the words that you all say even when there is none it seems.does that make sence?

    eldogg

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 07:43 AM   #22
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Eldogg, I took a break to go smoke and realized that I burped my isues on YOUR thread. Please forgive me while I try to move it.

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 07:49 AM   #23
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    hey ther tater,I dont have kids but can kinda understand where you are coming from.the same is for me abused almost all my life since i was 14 15 now its hard to change your way of thinking but if it is help and encouragement you seek then you came to the rite place.there are a very many good peps on this site that are going to be willing to help you and i will be one of them.they have helped me sooo much in a short period of time that it can't be put to words how greatful i am.be strong and never give up hope of a real life,I really can't give advise 'cause I am still an addict,and fear I will be for some time to come,but like you with help from this site and its good...,no great folks here I feel I will recover.
    P.S its a long hard road out of addiction but if we stick together it is possible.we will help you if you want.this site has become my security blanky in a way,really is my support network now,and to tell you it really really helps to know there are people like me,that have beaten this beast.so I'll tell you what a good buddy here told me
    'keep posting we are here for you"
    eldogg

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 07:50 AM   #24
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    its ok we are all here to help eachother
    eldogg
    p.s you should join this thread as it is my support network it could be for you too if you want,these people are so great that help is not far away at any time of day!.
    see ya soon i hope.I to have taken trazodone or trazolone as i like to call it and had to stop 'cause the sideffects where horrible and it really didn't help with the depression for me any way every person is diff: but its good you have gottin the help you deserve.how come you can't go to your doc,he/she will understand,read some more of this thread and you will see the advice that was given to me maybe it will help you to.
    the best thing is you can do it for your kids,'cause they need their mommy.it will get easier so I've been told.

    Last edited by eldogg; 05-21-2008 at 08:04 AM.

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 08:12 AM   #25
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Hi El

    Buddy, withdrawal is rough and has caused many of us to fall to our knees and beg for relief... me included. While our knowing how you feel can not relieve your pain, please at least know that others understand fully what you are enduring.

    Like Rome, our addictions are not built in a day and there is a lot of rubble to clean up in our bodies and in our minds. But, like Rome, we can be rebuilt and restored. That is what withdrawal is... the beginning of the restoration of body and mind. And the greatest perk is that as they rebuild, we find our souls restored also.

    As the symptoms hit, realize that what you are enduring is the restoration of you. What a great thing to restore!

    Get a mantra going for yourself that is repeated with every wave of withdrawal. Mine, given to me by my physician was, "I am getting stronger ad better everyday." It helped me to survive the anxiety, the physical symptoms and gave me courage to carry on. What will your mantra be? Maybe "I am restoring." ? What do you think?

    Wishing you well
    reach

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 08:50 AM   #26
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    hey reach and jared,first of all my goals are to get off the dope and live a normal active life,I want this for me and especially my girlfriend [maybe soon to be ex] who has been through a lot due to MY addiction,and you are rite guilt is a hard thing to deal with.Its been a long time since I had love or passion for anything I think its like my life I forgot long ago how it feels to be sober,like passions I have forgoten what they are all about and that hurts the most I think.by the way jared any bit of encouragement or helpful words are wecome and thanks for that.
    Reach you are rite when you say that you guys understanding doesn't releive the pain but it makes it a bit more bareable to know that somone does understand,and is there for me at this rough time.I think my montra will be "I am worth it and I am strong enough to beat this,bring it on"That sounds good to me and will repeat this when I am weak,"very good advice reach,it has made me feel better already,may seem wierd to a non-addict but it makes sence to me and that is all that matters rite.Reach you really do have a way with words,and as the days go by I believe more and more that I am worth restoring and I have you and jerry to thank for it,and myself for taking that first major step on the road to recovery,but I think it wouldn't have happened if I didn't have the support of the wonderful peps of this site.I think this site is the only thing keeping me from running and shoving 2-3 morph: 100's up my nose,and I must again thank you all for the support I have received here.Its 1:00pm now and its getting real hard to say no and don't know how long I can hold out.God help me!!
    angry and nervous but don't know why.
    "I am worth it and I am strong enough to beat this bring it on"so hard to believe rite now.
    sicerely
    eldogg

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 09:07 AM   #27
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Eldogg, cant hang right no,off to another jobsite, but wanted to check in.

    Try and hang in there,man,I know you can do this. Be tough. God, I know how much it sucks but keep looking at the big picture,Ok?

    I'll be back later. God bless.

    jerry.

     
    Old 05-21-2008, 11:04 AM   #28
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    thanks jerry,realy just for being there,i mean well I've never been good at expressing how I feel but I must really say that I never had a person I haven't meet try to help as much as you do,and have already, and that I am very thankful for my friend more than words can say for sure.

    just need to check in myself an say hi,and that "I am worth it and strong enougth to beat this,bring it on".really doesn't make it any easier but it helps my head some.
    I've had recent visits from neices & nephews and it reminds me what I am doing this for,they don't deserve to be exposed to something like that at such a young age especially from their uncle.this has given me some positive things to work for!!
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    Old 05-21-2008, 02:02 PM   #29
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    this is really bad but I coul not help myself I just had to take one and I don't know why if it is the sickness or just habbit,but i did and now I feel like crap.oh man I don't know what to do.now that I've taken one I feel like a completly different person,its like things go slower some how,I don't know.so smooth and nice I can't believe I did this to myself.
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    Old 05-21-2008, 03:39 PM   #30
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    I'll bet its both, and please dont beat yourself up over it. This is NOT an instant thing, it has taken me a long time to get where I am,as it has many folks b4 me.
    As for being there for you, so many have done the same for me,believe that. I am sure that you will do the same for others once you are clean, and I have absolutlely no doubt that you will.
    Just remember for now how far you have come mentally, as this is not an easy thing. You have come very,very far in a short amount of time. I gave in many times before i said the heck with it and just quit cold turkey.
    DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS.
    It will be ok,trust me. We've all been there,done that.
    You are among friends here, go with the flow, take this as a lesson and move on. Being sick is NO fun. I know and know how bad it can get and what we will do to not be sick.
    Hang in there, my friend. You'll be ok.
    Please just keep thinking of the big picture and know that we will all be here for you.

    Again,its ok. just keep moving on and dont let this get you down. This is a many step process.

    I'll be back later.

    *many hugs*

    jerry.


    btw...pray.

     
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