need help here PLEASE

jerry111165a

G'morning,eldogg.

Hope today finds you ok. Keep us posted.

jerry.

eldogg

hey,this mornin's not to bad so far but it only early.yesterday sucked but that is then and this is now.I try hard not to think of it,kinda helps.

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eldogg:

jerry111165a

You're doing really great man, keep it up.

remember, this takes some time. baby steps.

jerry.

eldogg

thanks jerr i made it almost 26 hours before i took one but couldn't hold out any more,but you are rite I must not beat myself up ay least I am not taking 4-500mgs a day now,small baby steps i'll remember that.
HELLO and good afternoon to everyone.
"I am worth it and strong enough to beat this bring it on"

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eldogg:

jerry111165a

I really think you need to make up and write down a tapering plan. If you can, have someone else hold the pills and stick to the plan.
sporadic using whenever you feel sick wont work. Make a plan and stick to it.
Make a plan that is realistic. write it down and follow it. Slowly make it less and less at intervals that you feel are comfortable. Remember what you are coming off of. Strong stuff. What does the doctor say about tapering off of the morphine? Did he give you any suggestions?

keep us posted.

jerry.

jerry111165a

Eldogg,just checking in.
Post when you get a chance.
Hope yer days going ok, or, at least as good as it can be.

peace.

jerry.

eldogg

I really know that I can't do this alone now I think I need rehab or detox unfortunatelly i won't get there till next month,even with what you and the doc have done for me I still can't seem to do it and it really makes me feel like cursing out loud real loud but it won't help.Its the way I know to use, and I can't break that cycle alone,I hope that this site will be here to help me untill then and after i get out.man it hurts to say that but at least I admit it now and want to change.I have failed so many times that I can't count and I think that is the prob that i would not admit it to myself and others seriously,but this time i hope is diff,jerry and reach have pushed me the rite way and so have some other factors in my life so here goes nutin,altho i will still be here for 11-12 days [and counting].
and all the while i am there i will be saying i am worth it i am sttrong enough to beat this bring it on.

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eldogg:

reachout

Hi El

Man, I am so proud of you. I think you have come to a point that you know what will work for you, not hoping what will work for you. We can not find our strengths until we accept our weakness.

You wrote, "I can not break this cycle alone."

El, those may turn out to be the strongest words you ever write. To acknowledge that there has not been success in the plans you have tried is great strength in committment to continue fighting until you discover the plan that works for you. None of us, not one single one of us can do this alone. For some it may be that we work it with various safety nets and watchdogs in place at home, for some it may be with various safety nets and watchdogs in place in a different setting. Who cares? The setting is of no consequence except that it works to help us get where we are determined to get.

Again, I am just so very proud of you. And of course we will be here until you go and will be waiting when you get back! You, El, are worth it you are strong enough to beat it... so bring it on!

Love
reach

jerry111165a

What Reach said... *smile*

IF you can... try the real slo taper thing...even if it is just a tiny,tiny bit less each day...at the very least it will help you when you do go to rehab/detox.
Remember that quitting opiates takes time. When we have been using for years, we cannot quit in just one day, but everyday that we use just a tiny bit less can be a major victory.

Keep up the right attitude. Be strong and never forget your goals....

jerry.

eldogg

"WE MUST LEARN TO CRAWL BOFORE WE WALK"
pretty much it in a nutshell,but its so hard to learn to crawl.
thats what I've been trying to do,is cut so much a day but not taking my morphine is like trying to tell a dog not to chew his fleas,'aint gonna happen unless you beat the poor dog.And I really don't feel like takin a beating.
Now I am doin this for me 'cause my girlfriend left me and I can't say as I am sorry,....I thought the people that love you are suposed to stand by you and help you in hard times,I guess she didn't love me that much.
But on the other hand I can't blame her either....,look at my life its a train wreck.the past year its gone down the crapper,lost my job my truck everything,only thing i have is my health now,I think...,OH wait better not speak to soon.Its so difficult to keep my eye on the prize when nothing wants to work out,and it seems like everything in this world wants me to be on the dope,..I have even been told to "stop feeling sorry for myself" imagine that,but what do you expect from people that don't understand....,AHHH it gets so frustrating some times that I don't know what to do.
Oh by the way thanks Reach and once again you have a very good way with words,and I don't care what gets in my way I am committed to finding the rite plan for me to kick this beast and rid myself of this monkey on my back,which is addiction!But I think this enough of boring you guys for one day,thanks agian Jerry & Reach you don't know how much your words have helped me on my way to a better life,hope I will succeed this time.

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eldogg:

jerry111165a

Eldogg, hows it going?

Just peekin' in.

Keep us posted and have a good night.

jerry.

reachout

Hi El

Just thinking about you and hope you are hanging on okay. I was reading your last post here and thinking how we do come to realize our life has become a trainwreck. Good desciption. Funny how along the way, we were missing so many signs and then Bong!... the realization hits that we have really derailed.

I know I am in an easier position to write this, but I guess we are really blessed to realized that our trains have derailed before we hit that point of no return. The realization gives us the opportunity to right ourselves, to get back on track and get moving forward in good ways again. Sometimes it is hard to feel blessed when we are in withdrawal, but truthfully, withdrawal itself is a blessing. It is the opportunity to get better, to find restored lives.

The time in rehab.. use it wisely, El. try to remain open with your mind and heart that it is a time for you. Time not only to get off the drugs, but time to begin to learn to care about yourself, to love yourself again. For now, life is going to be all about you and getting yourself in a place you desire to be. Once we can be okay with ourselves, we can be okay with others also. We need to make ourselves whole again first and that is what this journey is all about. Re-assembling ourselves.

Have a peaceful night, El. Amny are out here thinking about you and hoping only good for you.

Hugs
reach

aussiejono

Cut back slowly if you can, say 10% a day... 90mg-80mg-70mg etc

Use OTC drugs to take the dge off of symptoms

(for aches, pains, headache, take Advil, 2 tabs plus Percogesic, 2 tabs, every 4 hours..... for gut cramps etc, take Imodium, 2-4 tabs as needed, to help sleep, take Unisom at bedtime)

eldogg

mornin all. I really did try to cut back like that,ie I used to take 500mgs daily then cut to 400-450mgs but every time I get to 100-200mgs its like I can't get any farther 'cause I get really really sick and i mean bad,its like the worst flu in the world multiplied by 100,I've seen me on days where I can't get my fix stay in bed all day in terrible agony,I think the lowest I have gotten is 150mgs a day not long ago,but fell rite back in to the same old predictable cycle,cause of the sickness.now I am taking what the doc gave me plus my usual daily fixes,sometimes I'll skip a fix cause I am on the nod to much to get more into me,but if I could I would.
Once again reach YOU have lifted my head with you words,I love to read your posts and look forward to,In my last post I was a little upset and not rerally knowing what was going to come of me in the future,but now I think i know that I will be ok,but there is still a lot of doubt that creeps in every day,and nite,and I am not sure how to deal w/ it,but like jerry said before it helps to read and post here,I think its just knowing there are people out there like me and that do want to help.when I first came here I thought there was no one hooked on the drug i was and at the large doses I was taking and that no one cared I know how wrong my thinking was now!
Reach you wrote about withdrawl being a blessing its hard for me to see it that way rite now but I do agree with you that it is on the road to a healthy life one drug free,and that I do look forward to.I've lost almost every thing I love,but you help me to see all is not lost forever and those things are attainable again,but not in the shape I am in rite now.I think I've known all along that I was derailed but wouldn't accept it 'cause I was a functioning addict,then after 4-5 years of use I hit rock bottom and then reality slapped me in the face real hard,and it started on this site,w/ your help.
Reach,this may sound odd but,you don't know how much i am looking forward to going to detox/rehab,just to prove to that other person in me that wants to stay on the dope that I can do this and live life without the narcotic aid/security net to fall on,if that makes sense?.And i am going to use that time very wisely to ensure that i do get better,and that i do beat this monster.
truthfully it is hard to care for and love myself now,...and i really know that the drugs only make me lie to myself about that issue,and that is one of the reasons I use i think so that i do feel good about myself and want to go out and do stuff but without them i think whats the sense,and it must be one of the hardest things to change that pattern of self loathing, without them i feel like dirt and that 'aint normal.
but this is enough of blah blah blahing for now and thanks again to you reach,jerry I think about you guys very often,and the words you have told me and the things you have helped me with,words can't describe how thankful and appreciative I am for it all,and wish I had friends like you,your family and friends are very lucky to have people like you in their lives.
TTFN,till next time folkss

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eldogg: