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    Old 05-27-2008, 12:51 PM   #46
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Eldogg, glad to see you. Was hopin' we didnt lose you.

    First, boy, that Reach sure is sumthin' isnt she...*smile*

    Buddy, I know how tough it is and how bad it can be. Believe me, I know. Many of us do. Not to be gross, but I remember coming in here last fall, complaining to Reach and everyone else that I was different and I was 42 years old and I was going thru wd's and I had the runs so bad I couldnt even make it to the bathroom. And then of course I went back to using until April. Eldogg, we know what you're going thru. I feel your despair and will help as much as possible. For me, advice and being there for me has gone a long way.

    I guess the best advice I can give you right now until you get into the detox, ( Which is when)??? is to cut back even the tiniest little bit each day, or every other day, or weekly... Whatever you think you can handle, realistically. Remeber I said slooooo works....baby steps....

    You just cant rush this. It obviously wont work for you. Go slow, my friend. Very slow.If you go very,very slow, you might be just a bit uncomfortable, but not full blown sick and able to handle it. Very,very slow....just a tiny, tiny bit less every few days....It would help you more than you know when you do end up trying to come off completely.

    Dont give up. Many of us have been where you are and have come out of it. Many no longer need those pills or whatever thier drug of choice is on a daily basis just to survive. Or even just to get out of bed.

    There is hope,Eldogg. There is much,much hope.

    baby steps.

    Keep posting.

    God Bless.

    jerry.

     
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    Old 05-28-2008, 06:11 AM   #47
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    hey Jer thanks for the peptalk.I hope to be in detox by the begining of the month.june,and really hope they can help,what am i saying i know they will help or it will help I should say.I know I can't do this cut thing myself and told the doc yesterday and he cut me off the meds he had me on 'cause i came clean and told him its not going to work,and he told me the best place for me then would be an inpatient treatment center.
    can anyone tell me the diff: between inpatient and outpatient is it the length of time spent in the program?
    and yes jerry reach really is sumtin,a god send if you ask me,she,you have helped me see what I need to do to get myself better,and the most important thing she has helped wit is showing me that i am worth it and that there is a better life after addiction.
    I am really excited to go to rehab I think and scared to death at the same time,what will life be like for me with no drugs,it gives me panic attacks so bad some times that I almost passout,and then the doubt creeps in again.I think its got to do with not knowing what is going to happen next,and maybe that I am a constant worrier,its so hard to keep myself on track at this time,AHHHHH I don't know like i said its frustrating.
    what scares me the most is that i forget what its like to be drug free,how to live without them,work,play and love.how can i start over again,its gonna be hard,but I have nothing else to loose,everything is already gone so I figure I minaswell go for it.I tryed to cut back but just couldnot deal with the pain all over my body its like i was in a bad car crash but with no scatches just terrible muscle pain,even if i cut back just the smallest amount,its ever constant.
    oh how i pray that this ends someday,...very soon i hope,its getin harder to deal with on a daily basis,its like there is a war inside me one side for the drugs and one side against them and its drivin me CRAZY,can't even sleep w/out the war raging and it sucks.
    thanks for just being there guys,to listen to me ramble on,might not seem like it to others but it has really helped me in making my decision to get clean and live a better life,so THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH again to reach and jerry,hats off to you .
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    Old 05-28-2008, 02:20 PM   #48
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    E, am here but just obnoxiously stupid busy at work...been here 12 hours today and just havent had much time...I'll check in and post later. You take it easy bro.

    *hugs*

    jerry.

     
    Old 05-28-2008, 03:58 PM   #49
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    hey jer and hey to you.
    You know I would love to be at work rite now but I screwed that up once again due to you know what,but am dying to go back and keep myself busy.rite now I do just odd jobs for family you know small stuff.Its so different thinking and talking about something else other than my daily fixes i am trying to change my thinking a little at a time.Even got a new family dog today and she is beautiful,and she is so funny when you scratch her back you can actually see the feel-good in her eyes and it took my mind off of the dope for the first time in a while and I smiled,1st time in a week I think.well just wanted to check in and say hi,but was surprised to see you rotte back thanks my friend it helps more than you know to know that there is someone thinking 'bout me,....oh wait you probebly do know what it means.
    HI reach!!
    and I hope you 12 hours at work was productive jerr:you will sleep good tonite,so good nite to you to bro and every one else,now I hope that i can rest tonite would be nice.
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    Old 05-29-2008, 11:43 AM   #50
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Hiya, Eldogg.

    Hope today is finding you ok...*smile*

    We have a dog,too...a black lab and chow mix... we have had him for 7-8 years. Got him out of a shelter and he has been the best family dog you could ever want.

    Just keep your eyes fixed on the rehab program. Sounds like just what you need. Keep thinking about when you are clean again, and the whole world will open back up to you again.

    Take care. Think good thoughts.

    jerry.

     
    Old 05-29-2008, 03:31 PM   #51
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    hey there jerr and to all others that may come across this.
    the new dog i got is a pure bread shepard and i got her online for free and close to where i live and i have always been a dog peson so i couldn't resist,and man is she smart.we also have a small dog poddle,snowzer,cross i think he's so energetic,they go real good togrther i was surprised.
    was a long day on the addiction front and i even kept myself busy today workin for my bro-in-law,and it was on my mind all day long,don't help that it feels like i have a secret to hide all the time and man i am so lookin forward to the day when its off my back,no more B.S,its hard to see the future with out them but it will be for the best I know.NO matter how many times I fall off this bike I will sill get back on and try again and again and again if that is what it TAKES period.
    so till next time yall big hugs from the penut gallery TTFN.I CAN DO THIS.
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    Old 05-30-2008, 07:53 AM   #52
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Hi El

    Just wanted to share something with you... my addiction was on my mind 24/7 as I began the process of withdrawing with my tapering. It was really the only thing I could think about most times regardless of what I was doing. I did not crave to get high, but I was often aware of the time until my next dose because it would give me temporary relief from the withdrawal symptoms. Man, I had so much anxiety, so much pent up energy from the anxiety that I had to keep busy. However, no matter how busy I was, I was always aware that I was in withdrawal. Addiction was the focus of my conscious thinking because I was centered on working my way out of it. There was, quite honestly, nothing more important to me at that time, nothing. Everything I read or learned or thought upon had to do with addiction...my addiction specifically.

    I am not sure when you write that it was a ling day because you were thinking of addiction in general or thinking about using. Either way, staying busy was a great way to cope. Thoughts come into our minds.... how we react to the thoughts is what counts in the end.

    I am glad that the new dog is making you happy. Smiles. That dog is starting a new life, just as you are. I hope you will remember to shower as much love and caring on yourself as you so willingly do to the Shepard. That new dog probably was scared about a new life in a new place, but you know it is going to be a good life for him.... you are scared about living life in a new way, but I now it is going to be a good life for you. Just like for your dog, it is going to be new, but better than ever in the end than can be imagined. That's a promise.

    Hugs
    reach

     
    Old 05-31-2008, 07:11 AM   #53
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    hey all,and reach it was a long dayin both was actually,'cause I felt bbad about being addicted and I also wanted to use every second of my awake time and i can't STOP,but today or tomarroe is the day for me 'cause i am going to detox am really scared and unsure i think its doubt again and not sure how to stop it ,but i will learn.and you are rite reach everything I have learned up to now has been about my addiction and now i'll have to start over again.and that is a very scary thought,I have centered my life around my addiction now its about to stop,culture shock or what?but hopfully it will be a better life after.
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    Old 05-31-2008, 07:55 AM   #54
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Hi El

    Oh, Buddy, you are so right about it being scary thinking about how we are going to have a life that does not include drugs. It does not fall into place just because we stop using. We need to learn anew what to do with the time we used to spend zoned out. It is that learning that causes cravings to diminish and in cravings' place come new and happier activities and happiness.

    There were lots of times after I stopped using that I would think to myself, "what the heck am I supposed to be doing now???" I would have to look into my own memory and also look around at other people to see the things they were doing. Oh, yeah! I could sweep the floor. I could go for a walk. I could call a friend and say hello.

    I had to practice a LOT for these common things to become my norm again, but practice is what it takes. To become normal again, we have to do normal things! Eventually, it falls into place again. The awkwardness of not using anymore becomes a commonplace thing for us and our lives once again find a balance.

    El, we all have a lot of fear initially about how we live a life that no longer includes drugs. I guess the best thing I can tell you is that it happens and it is so much better than the old life. We become happy, we become balanced and we just keep on learning. There is no reason to not think that the same will happen for you. It will be a better, much better, life and you are so going to be okay and enjoy waking up everyday.

    Love
    reach

     
    Old 06-01-2008, 06:47 AM   #55
    eldogg
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    I can't believe this my detox has a waiting list,how many people abuse this program and not want help,they can get in but someone like me who wants and really needs it can't get in,makes me want to SCREAM.its like everything is working against me for wanting to help myself,makes me feel like giving up.I don't know what to do.
    It feels like every day I use is another day closer to my grave,but can I get help?NO of course not.they say it may be a week or maybe longer,with the amount of drugs I am ingesting,....I hope I get in soon is all I can say.
    My doc can't help me in this position 'cause he said "I am to addicted",do you believe that,"to addicted to help",how does that work??some times life makes me wanna crawl under a rock and not come out.
    DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!
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    Old 06-01-2008, 02:55 PM   #56
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Go to your nearest hospital. Tell them you're severely depressed.
    Tell them that you wish you were dead sometimes. They'll ask if you feel like hurting yourself or if you ever felt like hurting yourself.
    SAY YES!
    You'll be taken out of the emergency room immediately and see a psyc h specialist.
    The psych will put you in a psych ward ( a glorified version of detox).
    There you'll get the help you need to begin your path of recovery.

    <removed>

    Ask yourself whats MOST importaint...
    Continously trying to get in detox and complaining that you can't or getting help the sure fire way.
    Hope you make the correct chioce for you and all that love and care for you.
    Good Luck.

    Last edited by mod-anon; 06-01-2008 at 09:27 PM. Reason: use appropriate language on these message boards

     
    Old 06-01-2008, 06:55 PM   #57
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Hi El

    Hang in there, Buddy. It is going to work out the way it is supposed to work out. I know it must be frustrating to have reached the point where you are so wanting to do the work and the logistics are not totally in tune.

    El, sometimes when the emotions run so high and hard it is difficult to see the forest for the trees. Our perception of events can be off-kilter. Buddy, I don't think the doctor was blowing you off as much as he was just straight talking with you. Your addiction is a big one and more than doctor's visits are needed. That's all. Your addiction is not too big to be helped, just more than a single doctor in an office can handle. A lot of support people need to be in place for you, that's all.

    Waiting lists are sad, but common. However, I think you should call them back and ask if you can at least start in an outpatient program until there is a spot for you. I understand that you can feel desperate when things are so overwhelming, but there is no reason to lose hope. Nope, no reason at all. We are just going to keep pursuing the options, Buddy. We will do it together. Call that detox center every day, call the hotlines in the front of the phonebook and ask them about other detox center units. If you feel overwhelmed too greatly by everything, then by all means get to an Emergency Room.

    El, sometimes we just have to endure for a bit. We are all here to endure with you. Keep posting. We care a lot about you. It is okay to moan and groan and get it out. It helps. Smiles. Like Phoenix writes... "When in doubt, post it out." I will be watching for a post from you. In the meantime, you are in my heart and thoughts and I am out here rooting for you.

    Love
    reach

     
    Old 06-01-2008, 07:35 PM   #58
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    eldogg--this is good advice from mjdalton--go to the er--do something!! have you considered suboxone?? in your case with the high doses of morphine, sub will totally stop your withdrawls and then you can slowly wean off it, but you need to get off your butt and go to a aa/na meeting!! none of that "i live in the country crap" aa and na is EVERYWHERE. i lived in a very small town in tenn.---way out in the country--and they had 4 meetings a week!! if you have a car--use it!! isolating and feeling sorry for yourself is NOT gonna help--been there, done that! not tryin to be mean, but DO SOMETHING!!

    Last edited by mod-anon; 06-01-2008 at 10:34 PM.

     
    Old 06-02-2008, 04:22 AM   #59
    jerry111165a
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    Good morning E.

    I havent been around much this weekend. Sorry to see you going thru what you are going thru.

    Where are you at right now with any kind of a date for detox?
    Do you have a definite date set up?

    I agree with Reach. You need to call every day. Twice a day. Whatever it takes to let them know just how serious you are. Do whatever it takes.
    If they are indeed blowing you off,or if you just cant wait, could you look for a different one that will take you in right away?

    If you are being blown off or just cant wait then please do try the ER.
    I think you need to try any and every route you can right now to get into a detox/rehab as quick as you can while your mind is in the right frame of mind.

    Please keep posting and let us know whats going on.When you think you're going to be able to get in to one. What you're thinking right now.

    We're all here rooting and praying for you. Hang in there.

    peace.
    jerry.

     
    Old 06-02-2008, 04:51 AM   #60
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    Re: need help here PLEASE

    If you're not lying dead-eyed in a coma then you're not too addicted to help, and your doctor shouldn't have told you that. They either didn't understand or were giving up too easily.
    I agree with the other person's post, you should check in to a hospital and explain everything you've been feeling and your situation.
    If for some reason you can't do that, and you're not already, I really suggest seeing a psychiatrist. They'll be able to listen to you and help you with the emotional side, and they can refer people in emergencies and might be able to get you an opening faster or with someone else.
    In the meantime at home, or wherever you are, I find it really helps to just lay down (not much else you can do) and put some music on. It helped me to fall asleep, no matter what time of day. It didn't matter if I was tired or strung out. I put curtains/sheets over the windows if was light out, and just make sure you don't keep any of the drugs in the room you lay down in, by the way. It doesn't sound like much, but it helped. I just ignored everything and curled up. I might talk to a friend on the phone too while I was in there.

    I really wish you the best, and that there was something I could do for you. I've almost blocked out my memories of being in your situation, I hate remembering what it was like.

    If there's anything you need let me know, and I mean that.
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