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    Old 08-20-2008, 09:59 PM   #1
    fiesty2
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    I need help - been on Hydros over 10 years...

    I hope someone responds. I am trying to come off Hydros and I have tryed many times when I ran out. I have been reading about home detox and I had a gastric bypass yrs ago and my stomach is small and the supplements amount they suggest may be more than I can handle. I know how the wd can be have been thru it many times when I ran out. I am up to anywhere from 10-15 Hydros a day. It started out for pain then I realized they gave me energy. I am 55yrs old <removed> and should know better. But i am a addict this is the first time I have said this. I can't tell my family or anyone I live in a very small town and everyone knows me and I have grandchildren, I am depressed about this and need help but have no insurance, I have been reading these threads for days and I know there someone out there that can give me advice and just care

    Last edited by mod-anon; 08-21-2008 at 03:01 AM. Reason: removed profession

     
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    Old 08-21-2008, 05:20 AM   #2
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    Fiesty,

    It CAN be done and you've already took the right step in admitting you have a problem. Good for you!!

    If you want to glance thru my posts, I, too, have had a 5 yr. addiction. Altho I only took 3/max per day, I'm tapering to quit. It hasn't been that bad as of yet but I'm still young in my tapering program. I'm doing it myself, without any medical help. The people here have been extremely helpful, supportive and caring. I try to keep busy and read posts daily.

    Keep reading, keep posting and know that you CAN do this! You're on the right road now. Good luck to you. We're all here holding your hand and sending prayers.

    Hugs and many blessings.

    A~


     
    Old 08-21-2008, 09:01 AM   #3
    fiesty2
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    Ashamed101, Thank-you for the response. I am very nervous this morning and I have 3 10mg hydros left. I tried to taper and thought I was doing OK. I have responsibilities Monday and I don't need to start wd now, after that I could. I have a 85yr old aunt that has no one but me and she has to go to Dr. Any suggestions for me on how to handle this? fiesty

     
    Old 08-21-2008, 12:27 PM   #4
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    Hey you sound like me No one knows. i became a first time Granma in june. I havent had any in 7 days and was so proud. The lady I get them from called yeserday with 5 and of course I took them. had 2 left this am took them and now I am so ****** at myself cause I was 7 days in. My Doc retired so i have been buying them from her but I cant afford anymore.. I Had to come to work In a very high stress engineering job. I too am addicted to the Energy more than anything else. i become Super Wife Mom and employee. I am going to try again.

     
    Old 08-21-2008, 12:52 PM   #5
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    Good for you fiesty for taking a good look and realizing whats going on.

    I think we all feel that way fiesty. I felt like i would never have the energy the pills gave me or the social skills and just kinda gives you a "no fear" type approach to things you would normally feel embarrassed or nervous about. Im almost 2 months clean and i have got all of my energy back if not more. Its a good difference between the two for me also, on pills i had super energy but didnt get as much done, now i do lots more and am more productive at work as well now that im clean. My wife is stunned at the way i act now. For me the w/d lasted a week pretty bad but i didnt get my 100% energy back for about a month, but i didnt get discouraged because i could tell a difference every few days after the hard w/d part. I guess what im saying is you will get back to feeling just as good about yourself as i hope you have before these, and for me i got to a point where you take them to feel "normal" and dont get a high from it. Now i feel more "normal" than i ever did high, i honestly never thought id feel as good as i do now.

    Like ashamed said flip through my posts as well and take a glance, i couldnt have quit without this site and made my decision 2 months ago was the best thing i did.
    Keep us updated im rooting for ya fiesty
    Mec

     
    Old 08-21-2008, 01:19 PM   #6
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    The energy is the best part, I agree!

    I take either the 7.5 or 10s...which ever I can get my hands on. I. too, have to buy them from others. I just feel like I can handle anything and everything!

    Right now I am out...and like a previous poster said, I have some yesterday that I was hoarding and now there are no more...I get so mad at myself.

    We can do anything if we have the correct mindset...stay strong!

    ~Melissa~

     
    Old 08-22-2008, 10:09 AM   #7
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    how are ya today fiesty?
    thinkin of ya
    Mec

     
    Old 08-22-2008, 10:32 PM   #8
    fiesty2
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    Mecan sorry I haven't been on here, but I have been so sick and nervous and trying to cope. My heart is pounding so hard and the nausea is awful. I want to taper if I can and I am trying hard I found 3 in my purse and broke them in half I have to admit and it made me so ashamed. I had back surgery a few years ago and that's what started it but the energy it gave me was the best. But I know now they are ruling my life and it scares me to death because I have took them so long. If I can make them last till Monday so I can take care of my aunt and then I can be home and I'm going ct and hope I can take it. With my stomach bypass surgery I am scared because everything hits me harder cause my stomach is so small. But me just saying I am an addict helped me alot and everyone on here responding was a God send. I still can't believe I did this to myself. Thank everyone for their responses and for caring I will try to keep you posted. I have never been this scared before in my life. Keep me in your prayers. LOL fiesty

     
    Old 08-22-2008, 10:50 PM   #9
    fiesty2
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    I have another question, a friend of mine has some valium would it be a good idea to take some for the shakes. I have never took them before and I read in some post that can help or would I be adding more fuel to the fire. As you can see I am desperate or I think I am. I have a wonderful husband and children but this is something I just don't want them to know or anyone else. I know I'm a coward but for them to look down on me is more than I can stand. My grandchildren think I am the rock of Gibralta and this is the main reason I am so ashamed of myself. thanks for listening to my rambling.

     
    Old 08-23-2008, 06:48 AM   #10
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    Good morning Fiesty,

    I can feel your pain. I'm also an addict to pain pills and nobody knows but the people on this board. My addiction started after a hysterectomy 3 yrs ago. I only had access to a fairly large amount of pain meds for a 2-3 month period about this time last yr. I never took large amounts a day and was horrified when I ran out last yr and went through WD. I didn't even realize it was withdrawal, I was too much in denial that I was an addict. Anyway, since then I've only gotten scripts for pain a few times - always bottles of 20. While I exhibited self control with them, I know how much they call your name. I got 20 Lortab last Saturday for a horrible headache that did not leave me until this last Wednesday. It's the longest & most horrible headache I've ever had and I used them just for the pain. I did have 2 left after the headache was gone and took them yesterday just because I wanted to (the addict in me).

    I think the valium will help with your shakes and calm you down enough to eat a little and get a little sleep. I am an extremely anxious person and take clonazapam regularly. It certainly is not my DOC, but it does help take the edge off anxiety. As long as you just take the valium to get through the WD's, you should be fine.

    I hope you feel better soon.

    Best wishes,

    JB

     
    Old 08-23-2008, 07:05 PM   #11
    fiesty2
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    GrannyO, Thank-you for your words. I feel pretty bad today but it could be worse I am breaking the 2 I had in fourths trying to last until Monday. I keep telling myself after that it's CT for me and I am scared. I have been on them so long and I know how wd can be I have done it when I have ran out. I know this has to stop and the shame is the worst for me and I think about after wd are over the mental part of it and the fight. I have used pills for every excuse I can think of and I hope I can handle the back pain without them and wonder if I just use that for an excuse. Anymore I don't even get the energy like I did and feel worse but afraid of getting sick from wd. I wish I could scream help to my family or someone but I can't, I live in a very small town and I am well known and I just can't take the comments and the put down from everyone. No one has the idea that I am addicted and they think I get them only for my back pain. I have never felt like such a liar and cheat in all my life. I am so thankful for everyone on this board because I think people like you and the rest will save my sanity and my life. Thanks everyone for the bottom of my heart and the depth of my soul for understanding. LOL fiesty

     
    Old 08-25-2008, 05:42 AM   #12
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    Fiesty,

    I hear the sadness and the shame in your words for having become addicted. I, too, was addicted to Hydros (5/500) for approx. 4 years. I began taking them for headaches and found that the energy and overall good feeling about life was a real plus. I took them as prescribed just for headaches for years. Then I started going to a dr. that prescribed large amts. at one time with refills. That's where it began to get out of hand. My progression in the amt. of pills per day was very slow. But after the first couple years it became worse as the body needs more and more. In the final year, I took approx. the same number per day as you (don't know the strength you have been on). I finally told my dr. I needed help, and he prescribed methodone. That really caused problems cause he didn't explain how I was supposed to take the methodone. He just said take 40mgs. per day throughout the day. Long story short, I ended up having to c/t detox off of 10mgs. methodone. Needless to say, that was horrible. Stay with me now.... All of that detoxing at home began on August 25, 2004. Today, August 25, 2008 I celebrate four years of freedom from those pills.

    Believe me, if wimpy me could get off of them cause I loved them (except for the stomach problems they gave me), then YOU can definitely do this. My husband, kids, and other family members didn't know of my addiction until about the last year. It killed me to tell them, but I had no choice. I needed their help. I have suffered from the shame, guilt and all that goes along with this thing called addiction. But, I have studied it and learned so much about it. I have learned that it is rampant and ANYONE with a brain can become addicted to these pills and VERY quickly, especially those that already suffer from depression like I do. The pills make everything seem so much better, but in the end they turn into your worst nightmare. In my case, I had no way to get the meds except through my doc cause I wasn't going to break the law and couldn't go to a dr. and make up pain just for pills. My problem began when I was prescribed so many and could get refills with just a phone call. But, once I told my dr. my problem, that was the end of the scripts. Also, try not to be so ashamed because it happened. You are trying to get passed it and move on, and you WILL succeed because you want to. I was SCARED to death to tell my family cause no one had ever had anything even remotely close to this happen to them. Just me. But, they loved and helped me through it more than anyone can imagine. It is not something I am proud of, but I am not afraid to talk to people about it. I want to help make people aware of the high potential for addiction to these meds so they won't go through what I went through. Consider talking to your family, at least one family member that you trust.

    Like I wrote earlier, today is four years free of Hydro for me. I will remember you in my prayers. You CAN succeed !!

    BTW, I think you also posted a question about taking Valium or something of that nature to help the anxiety and nervousness. Most people would probably advise you to steer clear of that type med cause of it's addiction potential. In my case, however, I had been taking Xanax on and off for years because of a SEVERE anxiety disorder (whole 'nother story). I did take the Xanax during the time of detox, but only a small amt. It was helpful. Prayers your way !! Hope this is of some help to you !! Hugs !!
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    Old 08-25-2008, 04:19 PM   #13
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    Don't worry about the people in your small town. Those who judge others, usually have their own skeletons in their closets. Stick to screaming for help here with all of your angels. It sound like you are really ready. Like you, so am I. You will feel so much stonger once you have done it. I can't wait to feel that too. I actually kicked alcohol's butt some many years back. I did it myself. Hang in there.

     
    Old 08-25-2008, 10:21 PM   #14
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    HyperTyper, Thank-you for your words of wisdom and for sharing. That is exactly how I feel and I made it thru today not ct but really tapered down. I have been on the pills so long I don't know how to live any other way right now but I will learn again. I have went ct many times because of running out not because it was my choice and this time it is. I wish I could share with my family and maybe when I get my nerve up I will. About the valium I have never taken them and I know one addiction is enough and not to start another. I feel guilty today because I had planned to go ct but I am going to give tapering a chance and it's not easy and you are really tempted to take more but I am trying hard. I don't have a Dr since I lost my insurance and I have been buying or making excuses to get them from people, I never thought I could be such a liar. Right now I am trying not to fool myself because of my bad back, I have used it for a crutch to long I am going to try to handle the pain. I need to quit rambling now I am so nervous and shaky everyone knows the score. And LaLa thanks for your kind thoughts and thank God for this board LOL everyone Fiesty

     
    Old 08-26-2008, 12:15 AM   #15
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    Re: I need help been on Hydros over 10yra

    I would have much preferred to go the tapering route, but I did not have anymore pills and only had one dr. prescribing. He, of course, by that time would give me no more. It would have been much easier to taper (much less shocking to your body) as long as my husband kept the med. locked up and only dispensed it to me at the right time while doing the taper. I do know for certain that it would have been incredibly hard not to take extra. "Just one more, please (blah, blah, blah)." The person in charge of dispensing the med while a person tapers really has quite a difficult job to do. They have to be strong enough not to give in to the addicts pleas for "just one more." All of this to say, if I had been given the choice, I would have much preferred the taper method rather than cold turkey. I'm so thankful you are ready within yourself to conquer this addiction. That's more than half the battle. Remember, you will learn to live life without the pills. I felt that same way, but after some time passes it becomes easier and easier. Just a note, one side effect of stopping the med that I experienced and had never heard anyone mention. I don't mean a withdrawal symptom but a side effect. It really affected my memory for several months, both short- and long-term. That was scary, but after talking to dr. was told that was not uncommon and with time would improve. And, in fact it did. I tell you this just as an FYI in case you notice anything like that. Once again, prayers go out to you from someone who totally and completely understands what you are going through right now. Just keep your thoughts as positive as possible cause this is something that you CAN conquer.
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